"In case you ever foolishly forget: I am never not thinking of you." — Virginia Woolf
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Chapter 83
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Luke

Fifteen days.

Fifteen long days had passed ever since Maggie Norris walked out of my life. Since she tore my heart from my chest with a hand of thorns, and never gave it back.

Above all else, I was forced to learn this shit right away: heartbreak fucking sucked. I had never considered myself a soft son of a bitch until I experienced it firsthand.

In a way, it was the same as love, while being the very opposite, too.

Emotions were heavy, but in a bad, fucking soul shredding way. Everything you considered good was bad. Everything that made you happy made you sad or pissed as fuck. Everything that made sense suddenly didn't make any fucking sense, anymore.

Breathing didn't make sense, not when the first person who took your breath away had gone right with it, too. The heart pumping in your chest didn't feel like your own, because it no longer was. It was entirely different this time around, because it had been held by hands crafted exactly for yours, and Vice versa. Trying to see into your soul after having it intertwined with someone else's for so long was just laughable, too.

And, for fucks sake, nothing seemed to operate right afterwards, either.

Eating? Nope. Sick to your stomach? Always. Drunk? Hell yeah. Never actually getting drunk, so you continue to drink, despite knowing the same tortuous result? Unfortunately.

Anything romantic makes you want to throw up. And, if not that, then it made you want to throw a punch at whoever was involved, because why were other people allowed it when you weren't? It was all so fucked.

I hated it. I hated feeling it. I hated the fact that I put myself in the position to feel it, because once upon a time, I had sworn to myself that I never would, and that I'd never even put myself at risk at knowing this feeling. But all that shit went down the drain.

And above all else, I hated the fact that I couldn't understand why it happened, either.

I couldn't understand shit, other than this huge, gaping hole in my chest that was only widening by the second, and that was only because the person holding the blade had left with my heart and all else with her. It was a bloody scene the second Maggie Norris left it the way she did.

In that same space was pain. One so excruciating, it had gone numb, yet it was still the most sensitive spot in my body, right now. It was empty, and so was I.

Yet...by doing this one thing, Maggie had left something behind in that space that I couldn't ignore.

She couldn't look me in the eye and say that she didn't love me.

It was small. Something so small that others would probably take it for nothing. A stranger would easily consider it nothing at all, maybe even an action of shame on her side or something like that.

I wasn't a stranger to Maggie, though, and she for damn sure wasn't one to me.

I knew her. Small things and big alike.

Maggie Norris. The girl who loves cars, sarcasm, and her friends and family. The girl who hates too much arrogance, people 85% of the time, and awkward conversations.

Now. My Maggie Norris.

My girl who tries to covers her scars on instinct when I see her stomach, but lets me move her hands so that I can pay them extra love with my kisses. She puts her hair up when she's nervous or doesn't feel comfortable around someone or about something, which is why she wears it down most around me. She used to hate to be vulnerable, because she thought it'd make her weak, despite being the strongest girl in the world in my eyes. That was why we were most comfortable with each other, because we knew the other better than anyone in the world.

She never knows where or what she wants to eat, but loves when I ask her, anyway, despite her attitude. She used to hate flowers, but she loves getting them from me, and only me. She gets this adorable scowl that makes the corner of her top lip curl when I piss her off enough. And she scrunches up her nose in the cutest, most sexiest way whenever she's trying to stay mad at me for teasing her, but always ends up laughing anyway.

Sarcasm is her first language before all else. When she's anxious, she likes to either work on one of our cars, or read about them. She likes to sleep on my chest the most, and if not that, then under me with my arms around her. When she's asleep, she always gives the cutest smiles and snuggles right into my chest when I trace hearts into her skin. She's my girl who has the most corniest puns and riddles possible, ones I'll always be quiet and listen to just because she looks beautiful saying them.

My girl who always wears this sweet gloss that tastes like vanilla ice cream since she knows I'll kiss it off, despite her scolding about it. My girl whose cheeks go as red as a tomato the moment I kiss them after giving her honest compliment after another. My girl.

Again.

Maggie Norris. The girl who has had to lie for years in order to survive her father, and the things he left behind for her, both mentally and physically. The girl who swore herself terrible and undeserving for doing exactly that. The girl whose very lies I was able to read through without even trying, even when I didn't want to.

One more, then I'll shut up. Maybe.

My Maggie Norris. My girl who, when she had tried to lie to me in the past, could never hold eye contact with me, and even if she managed to, her voice dips over the lie the moment it reaches the ear. I had seen her lie to other people, and they were the ones she could look at and voice the lie over an honest tongue with, but not me. Never me. Even when we were enemies.

Maggie couldn't look me in the eye and say that she didn't love me.

Because it was a lie.

Why Maggie felt the need to tell it, though, I had no fucking clue.

It didn't take much to figure out. Past the heartbreak, the tears, and all fuck else she inflicted that day, my mind wouldn't let me forget that one thing, even through the pain.

I had spent the first couple of days in a shell of myself. My mind didn't allow in much else other than our last words to each other, and how fucked they felt. How pissed, fucking livid I was at Maggie, and at my dad from taking something else from me. The sadness, the anger, then the emptiness went in cycles, and even through all of that shit, that one fact was the one that wouldn't stop fucking with me most.

I couldn't let it go. That simple something wouldn't stop pestering at me, no matter how badly I tried to push it away.

So, I was going to figure it out.

I might be a little crazy. Delusional. Hopeful. All of the shit that I was willing to be if it got me to the bottom of this.

In order to have Maggie leave the way she did, and to have me accept it, and what she accused of herself, and of us would mean that I never had respect for her and everything we had. That I never trusted or understood her, and everything that she is.

Bull. Shit.

So, here I was, now.

Three in the morning, high off adrenaline, and a little of the weed Levi snuck me behind Kade's back to calm my nerves, on my fourth beer, and basically going CSI, private investigator shit with the two fuckers who didn't make me feel as crazy as I probably was.

"Okay..." Levi muttered to himself, grabbing a sheet from the pile I had brought over to Kade's apartment. "So. We're all seeing the same shit, right?"

Kade's dark brows closed in on the other in concentration. "Mhm." His gaze raised to mine as he slid the documents over to me. "Check it over, though, just in case we missed anything."

I nodded as a thanks, and grabbed them from the table. My legs were uncomfortable as shit from how long I'd been sitting, but I didn't plan on moving.

I studied the documents over, carefully. I had done it time and time, again, but this time was the one that would count for it all.

Everything on them added up in the way that I needed it to against my dad. I had been planning this shit for years, but there had been no exact time expectancy of when I was planning to go public with it. I had thought it to be a couple of more years, at most.

Now, though? Any type of fair shit was gone. My hope for him to change, and to actually be a father, my father was gone.

When he hurt my mother, I started the plan, but the moment he brought Maggie into it was the moment I sped up the process, and gathered everything I needed.

The thought of being free of him was something I never thought I'd experience until now. Relief lifted the pressure from my lungs just enough to give me a breath, but it didn't last for long at the next mission.

Getting behind whatever the fuck happened between Maggie and my dad.

"There's that, then," I sighed out, placing the documents to the side. "Let's get to the next part." They both nodded, then reached for the first evidence I gave them.

I stared down at my own for a moment, then raised my eyes to Kade and Levi, who were more concentrated than I'd ever seen them before. I chewed on my cheek in thought, before repeating the question that I had been asking them ever since they started helping me with this.

"You two." I flicked my head at them. "Do you think I'm crazy?"

Levi looked up first. Kade, next.

"Kind of," Kade replied with a shrug. "I get it, though. You're not willing to lose your girl over shit that could have been prevented. I did the same for Kimberly, and I don't have a single regret about it other than getting in that position in the first place. Except your dad put you in it. Not yourself."

I nodded, feeling my grip on insanity lessen just enough to keep my mind from turning.

Levi nodded at me, next. "Personally, I think you're batshit, but not this time, no." That earned my chuckle, and Levi's joined before he shrugged. "I'm mostly helping because I'm sick of your dad's narcissistic shit and because I'm sick of seeing you lounge around town, all depressed and bitchy."

I bit back a curse as I glanced between the two. "Is that a pathway to another corny ass, breakup joke?"

Kade, specifically, had given me a total of seven jokes that made me want to break his neck, but I didn't, simply because I knew I deserved the shit talk. I had been far more worst and obnoxious to him when he and Kimberly broke up nearly two years ago.

I wasn't proud of it now, because personally, I would have killed him if he did this shit to me, but I had called up another girl to his house for him to fuck in order to get his mind off of the breakup with Kimberly. It ended up getting the air knocked out of my chest from how hard he punched me when he showed up at my doorstep that night.

It had pissed me off since I thought I had done a good thing and been a good friend by sending her there. I hadn't understood why he wasn't able to just fuck another girl, drink another beer, or do quite literally anything else to get over just one single girl.

Now, though, I understood it. More than anything, I did. And, I also understood that karma was a bitch. That fucker had been coming extra strong for me ever since Norris came into my life.

Kade smirked, throwing an arm over the sofa as he looked to me. "Nah, not this time. We're just being honest." I could just see the snarky son of a bitch rolling back another joke, but he had finally taken sympathy on me, I guess. "Who would have thought that attitude of yours could run even deeper than it already does, Vaudest?"

I rolled my eyes, but made no attempt to correct it since it was true. I had barely left my house, but when I did, then whoever and whatever was in my way was the barer of my bullshit for the day.

Kade and Levi were the ones to come over to check my pulse, as well as with food and beer. Levi took care of Fang and his needs for me, and Kade...well he was Kade.

By that, I meant he had thrown a beer bottle at my head when I refused to eat the pizza they brought over. When that didn't even work, Levi locked all three of us in a room together until my nerves hit their limit, and I finally ate the food.

For the first couple of days, I tried my hardest to stay away from them, though. Not because I didn't like them, which is always, but not this time, specifically.

It was because every fucking thing reminded me of Maggie. It wasn't any help that one of her best friends were dating one of my best friends. It was all just a fucked entanglement that I couldn't avoid.

I already had my ambition running strong, and once I told Kade and Levi, they offered their help, immediately. I expected them to make me work for it, but it was the opposite.

Instead, they stayed with me for hours one night, retrieving and organizing the documents against my father, as well as helping me understand the timeline between Maggie and I's breakup.

I didn't want to bother them with it since it was a fuck-ton of shit to cover, but Kade had made, not asked, but made me let them help. When I mentioned that I wasn't sure of it minutes before I was supposed to get to his house, he had called to curse me out.

They claimed that I was an ass without Maggie & Kimberly and Raven claimed that Maggie was an ass without me. It made sense.

Just the thought of her had my chest cracking in half without any warning beforehand, though. Darkness was all I knew without her, now. She was my light before all else.

I missed her. I missed her so fucking badly. I missed all of her, the me I was with her, and everything in between. Us.

The only thing that helped clear my head from how badly I missed her was the thought of getting us back. I didn't care who I'd have to fuck over, who I'd have to bitch-slap, or what I had to do.

I didn't give a shit what happened between us that night. She wasn't leaving me, and I wasn't leaving her. We didn't give up on each other. In my head, we were still together, and even without it being reality right now, my heart wouldn't stop until it was.

Norris and Luke. That's who the fuck we are, and that's exactly what the fuck we're keeping.

As I said, I might be a little crazy, but I'd always been that. When it involved love, though, I'd be anything, rather than just someone who sits back and lets this shit pass, and risks losing us for good over something that could have been solved.

Maggie was mine. All and only mine. And everything I was, am, and would only continue to be was all hers. I wasn't letting that, or us go. Not with an absolute confirmation of all else first.

Sinking back into the sofa, I blew out a sigh that caught Levi's attention. "We miss something?"

"Not you," I responded. "Me."

Kade, who was eating off the plate of chicken nuggets Kimberly had laid out for all of us, nodded back at me. "Tell us."

"The restaurant my dad took Maggie to. I know that parts probably not all that important, but I don't know..." I shrugged. "It could be a help, but I honestly have no idea where to start."

What I had planned for my dad was something that had all of the right components, but I knew the cocky son of a bitch. Even when caught, he wouldn't tell me what he had said to Maggie to spook her so bad. Whatever it was, though, it had to be something that he knew would scare Maggie into leaving. Something that she was too terrified to tell me.

"Have you thought of the security cameras, maybe?" A soft voice offered from the hallway, which was separated from us by a wall. Kimberly stepped out, the kitten that Kade had made enemies with in her arms. "The restaurant may still have the footage."

Kade looked up at Kimberly, amused. "Have you been eavesdropping the whole time, sweetheart?" By her hoodie pocket, he tugged her over to sit her in his lap.

Placing the kitten down, she smiled at Kade. "Maybe." She leaned back into his chest, turning to me with a look of hesitation. "Are you okay with me being here while you three..." She motioned toward the documents spread over the table.

I knew that she wasn't just talking about Maggie, but mostly about the shit that was going to bring Ryan Vaudest down.

"Nah, it's cool." I trusted everyone in this room. "Stay."

Nodding, she repeated, "What do you think about the security footage thing, though?"

I sighed, running a hand over my jaw that needed a shave. "It's been two weeks. The restaurant probably doesn't have the footage, anymore."

"Bullshit," she scoffed, earning Kade's surprised expression. "Businesses keep around a month worth of footage before it overwrites. Your father's filthy rich. He definitely took Maggie to an expensive restaurant. Did she ever tell you which one?"

I still remembered the one I had pinpointed her to minutes before Vance came by, so I nodded. I recognized it to be one of the restaurants my dad had taken me and my step mother and half brother to just so the world could see how 'family-orientated' he was.

"They definitely keep their footage for a long while, then." At the click of realization in my face, she nodded to confirm it, stroking Kade's leg. "Have you asked them for it, yet?"

I shook my head, already digging for my phone. How the fuck hadn't I thought of this? "No, but you can bet shit I'm about to, now."

Kimberly pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose, her eyes stuck on the sofa in deep thought. "If they tell you that they don't have it, threaten them," she added.

Kade stretched his neck to get a look of disbelief to her. "Threaten them?" Kimberly shrugged it off with a kiss to his cheek. "It's in the name of love. It's worth it."

I hadn't even thought to ask the restaurant for the footage. I had been so concentrated on everything else.

"You can go and ask whoever served Maggie and your dad that day, too, maybe?" Kimberly added. "They might have heard a bit of the conversation."

Thank fuck for her.

"Wait," Levi cut in. "That's a long list of employees to go through. How will you filter them out?"

I looked to Kimberly for another answer. The girl was on a fucking roll tonight, it seemed. She had no idea how helpful it was, right now.

Nibbling on her lip in thought, a moment of silence paused before she leaned up from Kade.

"Kade." She offered her hand to him. "Give me your phone, please."

Immediately, he did.

"Kade's mom is friends or partners with nearly every business in town," she mumbled, typing something in. That was true. My father had tried a number of times to make business deals with Kade's mother, Susie, since everyone knew the Ryder name, as well as their companies around the country, but when I lived with her and Kade, she had figured out why I was there, and immediately rejected his offers and partnership. "She can call them, and ask for a employee's list, their schedules, and things like that."

"That shit sounds illegal." Levi leaned up from his chair, glancing between all three of us with high brows. "Is that illegal?"

"You three definitely aren't the ones to be asking that." Kimberly snorted, placing Kade's phone on her leg after she had the message sent. "This is probably your first time even saying 'illegal' out loud."

We all chuckled at that. She wasn't wrong.

While we waited for Susie's response, Kade and Levi continued to check over my dad's documents, as well as the shit I had to support the timeline I was going off of with Maggie. Kimberly had said something about a phone call they shared that evening, where everything seemed to be fine, so I made sure to add that point in.

Since Kimberly was handling the employee situation, I worked on calling the restaurant. It didn't take long to get what I wanted.

As she said, they keep the footage for a month or so, both in and outside. As soon as I mentioned my last name to the general manager, he told me that I could come take a look at the cameras in the morning, which I changed to tonight.

I needed it, now. I didn't want to waste any extra, unnecessary time. Getting closer to the truth, and getting my father out of the picture as soon as possible would bring my heart back sooner. Anything else didn't mean shit to me.

By the time I finished my call, Kimberly was getting off of the phone with Kade's mother, too. We clashed eyes. 

"Did it work?" she asked, and when I nodded, she released a sigh of relief and handed Kade's phone over to me. "When you go and see the footage, watch closely for a waiter or waitress, and compare it to the pictures of the employees. You should be good from there."

On the phone was a list of names with the employee's identity pictures alongside them. It was a long line, but I only focused on the waitresses, specifically. Knowing my dad, he probably suggested a girl to serve him for his own sick fantasies.

My fists tightened. Just the thought of him doing and saying anything even remotely similar to that, and doing whatever the fuck he did to Maggie made my mind lock under the anger all over again.

Except, for the first time in my life, he didn't have the key. It was me. It was going to unlock all of his bullshit for the world to see.

After I sent the list to myself, I raised my eyes to Kimberly with a nod of appreciation. "Thanks for all of this. We wouldn't have figured it out without you."

I appreciated it most since I knew Maggie was her friend before anything, yet she had still helped. It aided to my suspicion of my dad having something to do with this, since it meant that if Maggie's best friend saw it too, then I couldn't be that crazy.

"Don't thank me. I love Maggie, but I always want what's best for her, and I saw the most of that from the both of you when you two were together. I just want that and you two back together, already. You're both mean as heck, but without each other? Jesus." She rolled her humor clouded eyes. "Two sad, violent assholes who don't have each other to balance the other one out is all it's been for all four of us around you two. I'm ready for it to be over, already."

"Agreed," Kade and Levi remarked, earning my eye roll.

"And..." There was nothing, but genuineness inside her expression this time. "I'm just gonna be honest. Maggie still loves and cares about you." My expression melted and spilled before she continued, "I don't know what happened between you two, and I don't care to, either, because it's not my relationship, but just remember that, because it's true. Raven and I see it, and so does Jax. I know that you love her, too. If you didn't, then you wouldn't be doing all of this. You two complete each other in every way there is. That doesn't go anywhere."

I tried to come up with a response, but my deafening heartbeat was all I could make sense of. I couldn't talk, right now. The room had begun to spun a bit, but luckily, Kimberly's phone ringing gave a good enough distraction.

Once she pulled it out, she flashed a quick look over the screen before glancing to all of us with a sheepish smile. "It's Maggie."

My heart stopped at that. It took every ounce of control in me to stop from snatching the phone from her hands so that I could have my own look at her. My strong girl.

All I wanted was to say that to her face. Not being able to right now, though, genuinely broke me in a way I had never considered possible. I didn't think my heart could last any longer without hearing the beat of hers.

Kimberly stood up from Kade's lap. "I'm gonna take this." They nearly swapped tongues, before remembering oxygen was going to be needed in order to keep their relationship going.

Honestly, I was just being a bitch at the fact that they were able to do it when I wasn't with my own girl. There went that 'wanting to throw up and throw a punch at them' point I made, earlier. Love-struck sons of bitches could choke for all I care.

No disrespect to Kimberly and Kade, of course, but fuck them.

Kade's eyes followed Kimberly, even after she had left to their bedroom, a love-struck grin on that only seemed to grow by the second. It fell when he saw me stand up, causing him to stand, too.

I started to head for the door, but he stepped in front of it. I tried to sidestep him, but he cut me off, again.

Agitation flared my insides as I glared at him. "The fuck are you doing?"

Kade narrowed his eyes at me, stretching out a hand.

I didn't have time for this. "What?"

"Your keys, you drunk fuck," Levi, who was sprawled out on the couch with Kimberly's kitten swiping at his hair, answered. "Give them to us."

I scowled. "I'm not giving you my—"

"Listen, Luke," he sighed. "You can be a hardheaded, stubborn dick or you can be simple about it, but either way, we're getting them. You pick which way you wanna do this."

I snorted. "You're not getting shit." I stepped forward again, but Kade beat me to it, his glare heavy and serious. "You already know I'm not letting you step a fucking foot out this house when you're drunk, Luke. I'm not risking shit when it comes to either you or Levi." He flicked his head at the sofa behind me. "You either sit your ass down or we tie you up."

Most friends only meant that as a joke. I knew, since it had happened before, mine didn't.

I scowled. "I'm not even that drunk."

"You're high, aren't you?"

I huffed, holding his glare before I rolled my eyes. "Shut the fuck up." I was too tired to argue. I sat back down, then lifted myself to grab my keys from my pocket.

Levi threw a ketchup packet at my chest, humor striking his features. "And, you're drunk, aren't you?"

Another curse while I tossed the keys to Kade.

"Exactly." He caught the keys and shoved them into his pocket. "So, you're staying your ass here and off the road for the night." At my glare, he matched it with the same sternness. "You can pout all you want; I'll still sleep the same. Our security cameras have motion sensor, so if you try to leave, I'll know. The second you step outside is the second you get roped up and tied down."

I glowered at him, my jaw clenched. "Fuck you."

"Fuck you, too." He shrugged, turning in the direction of him and Kimberly's bedroom. "Yours and Levi's foods and shit like that are already in the kitchen, so have at it and sober up before I consider giving you your keys back. You both know where the guest bedrooms are."

As he walked away, I continued to scowl. I wanted to drop kick him just to make him feel as aggravated as me, but there was no use in arguing with either him or Levi. We never let the other drive under the influence.

The only thing that helped calm me down was the fact that in a span of a day or two, I would have my other half back. It might end in disaster. It might be a waste, and it might not mean a thing in the end, but when it came to Maggie, my world, I was either going in with my all or nothing. There was no in between or half shit with someone you loved. At least not with me.

As skeptical as I had been about doing all of this, it did lessen by hearing what Kimberly said. I hoped it was true. I hoped Maggie still saw the best of the worst things I gave everyone else. I hoped she still loved me, because I did her. Forever.

And, I was going to find out what the fuck happened to tell her otherwise.