"Nobody has ever measured, even poets, how much a heart can hold." –Zelda Fitzgerald

Sorry for the lateness! I fell asleep while editing. 😂
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Chapter 90
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Luke

A loud ring beside my head blared, snapping me from slumber, consumed by a sound I'd come to hate.

I shoved out an irritated huff, and even that didn't fix my heavy lungs. It didn't stop whoever the fuck was calling me at the crack ass of dawn, either.

I snatched the phone from its charger, without checking the caller ID, jabbing the screen until it finally shut the fuck up.

I threw my arm over my eyes. "Why the fuck are you calling, and why the fuck should I care?" I didn't bother to sugarcoat; they could kiss my ass if they didn't like my tone on my phone.

Kade's voice came through, "I'm calling, because you're three and a half hours late picking up your little brother."

My eyes snapped open. Shit. I glanced at the clock. 11:38. Double shit.

"My bad." I stood. "Tell him I'll be there in—"

"Luke," Kade interrupted, understanding in his tone. Everyone had it with me lately. "It's cool. Kimberly and I kept him busy with comics and shit like that. He's asleep, now." A chuckle. "I think he forgot about you, too."

I sighed, popping my back. "I'll be there in ten." I glanced at my still-sleeping mother, thankful she hadn't woken. She would've chewed me out for forgetting Ledger.

My mother wasn't surprised about Ledger; she was thrilled. She treated him like her own son, and Ledger warmed up to her quickly.

I hadn't realized how much I'd been missing until now. He was nine, smart for his age. A bit too smart, because a child shouldn't be mentioning to my mom how many beers I drank that morning, but his attitude was funny, and so was he, as well as kind.

I wasn't sure if I was doing things right, honestly. I had little to compare to, aside from Kade and Levi, but they were like 60% brother, and 40% risk of me getting arrested for aggravated assault, so I couldn't compare it to a child.

The only thing I had was that Ledger kept coming back. He seemed to be having a blast when we were together.

Kade suggested he and Kimberly take Ledger to the amusement park today, since Ledger had never been. It was for Ledger, but it was for Kade, too. There was something different about him when he was around Ledger, a light that only appeared when he talked about his little brother, so I thought it'd be cool to share him. I knew it wasn't the same, but it meant something.

Kade was amazing with children, far better than I would have expected, so I let him have it. I wasn't even sure how I fell asleep, considering how I had barely done so over the past few weeks.

As I rushed to the elevator, some doctors glanced at me with uncertainty at my hardened expression, but I didn't a shit.

Once in the elevator, I jabbed the ground-level button hard, my eyes sweeping over the number three on the way down. The third floor.

And just like that, my heart sank.

A hand that had gripped me since birth tightened its torturous hold on my throat, refusing to let go.

I hadn't even realized my hand was trembling until the rest of me caught up to it. I felt my lungs mold until the very thought of oxygen was foreign.

The beads on my wrist seemed even heavier than ever, now. Maggie's was tied with it. The colors—hers light and mine dark—didn't make sense, and it was just like me.

I didn't make sense without her. Nothing in this world did.

I gulped so hard, I thought something popped in my throat. I tore my burning eyes away from my wrist, and tried to breathe.

A burn started from the back of my neck, then burst in either direction until I was nearly ablaze. Fuck.

As soon as the elevator doors opened, I hauled ass through the lobby. I bumped into waiting guests, but paid them no mind. I couldn't breathe in there.

I couldn't breathe without my baby. I couldn't do anything without her, nor every single part of her that took my breath away in the first place.

My steps to my car were more stumbles, but they got me there.

As I drove to Kade and Kimberly's, my mind remained a lost cause, much like the past three weeks.

And they had been...something. Something that left me feeling like nothing more than a fragile shell. It was a fragile shell, ready to crack and give in to the temptation to shatter. I didn't care if it did.

Hopefully, it would take me with it.

The ride to Kade's was quick. If Norris were here, she'd be all over my ass for speeding, but I could barely even register the air in my lungs anymore, just like my foot laying on the gas.

Just thinking her name in my head nearly had me swerving, but my phone lit up in the corner of my eye, grabbing my attention. Kimberly's contact appeared on the screen.

At their gates, I entered the entry code and glanced at what she'd sent me. It was a picture of Ledger sleeping. That did something, I could admit. We needed each other, and I wouldn't leave him. If Maggie were here, she'd want me to try for him, so I would.

I left the car running; I'd be quick.

Once I pressed the doorbell, footsteps on the other side were quick to respond.

Kimberly opened the door with a wobbly smile. "Hi."

I flicked my head at her. "What's up?"

She stepped back to let me inside. "You know you could've used your key. I told you Kade and I don't care."

I shrugged. "Didn't want to intrude."

She rolled her eyes, but beneath them, bags were heavy, and red streaks marred her face. I wasn't sure if she had just finished crying or if she had been doing so all day.

I understood because I was the same, sort of. I had run out of tears a long time ago.

To ease the unspoken tension, I kept my expression stoic. I didn't want her and Kade to turn this into a therapy session and force me to sleep here again, as they'd done countless times already.

On the rare occasions I left the hospital, Kade and Levi never left my side, despite being on my last fucking nerve. And if one of them did leave, the other would force me to stay and sleep at their house so that I was under twenty-four hour surveillance. I couldn't do shit without having one or the other looking over my shoulder.

Everyone was afraid I was going to go on a mental break or some shit, but they had no idea. I didn't have a mind to lose, anymore.

A body without a heart. A soul without its half, and a heart without its reason to beat. That was all a Luke without his Maggie was.

I cleared my throat. The quicker I got out, the better. "Where is he?"

Her smile wavered as she motioned to the hallway. "Wybie's room."

I started heading that way but heard her say, "Luke."

I paused, my glare fixed on the wooden floors.

"It's gonna be okay," she reassured, her voice trembling but stronger than mine could have been. "Promise."

The claim that I didn't have any tears left was proven wrong at this moment. An avalanche was beginning to build in my eyes the longer I stood here.

I didn't say anything because I didn't want to hurt her. I considered her and Raven as my little sisters now, and I didn't want to fuck that or anything else up. Silence was how I would ensure that.

I pressed my lips together and continued down the hallway.

As soon as I stepped inside, Kade, who was waiting on the sofa, looked up.

"My bad," I said as he stood up. "I fell asleep."

"Don't apologize; I get it." He turned to the bed, where Ledger was sleeping. Kimberly's kitten was on top of his head, playing with his hair. "Little guy begged Kimberly and me to get him all the sweets and stuff at the park, then ended up crashing as soon as we got home."

I faked a chuckle. "Makes sense."

"Levi and Raven ended up coming to the park too, and somehow, he finessed a new gaming system out of Levi."

Another chuckle that burned my throat. "Really?"

"Yeah." His gaze switched back to me, with unasked questions behind it.

I ignored it. "Thanks for taking care of him for the day. I appreciate it."

"It was nothing." He waved me off. "You know that you don't ever have to ask Levi and I for shit, especially at a time like this, right?"

I nodded to end the conversation and went to the bed. Him and Levi had taken it up upon themselves to basically be my parents and overseers over the past few weeks. I didn't want it, but they were relentless, so whatever.

It didn't take long to get Ledger to the car while Kade carried all the things he and Kimberly bought him. Now that I had seen all of it, I knew that Levi and Raven weren't the only ones Ledger finessed.

Once I had Ledger settled into the backseat, I started to lean back, but then heard his small, drowsy sigh.

Our eyes met, and Ledger jumped, earning my confusion.

"Jesus," he breathed out, sweeping a small hand over his face. "You have to give me a warning before you do that."

"Do what?"

"Show me your face."

My mouth twitched. The little prick was definitely my brother.

The startled look in his eyes faded into a confused one as he glanced between Kade and me before smiling at Kade. "I had so much fun with you and Kimberly today. Thank you for taking me."

"Us too, and it wasn't a problem." Kade squeezed his shoulder, smiling at him. "I'll see you sometime this weekend. Make sure you're good for Luke, okay?"

Ledger grinned. "Never." Once he earned Kades's laugh, he gave his own before shutting his eyes, again.

I shut his door and started heading for my own. Before I got there, Kade stopped me with my name, and, "Hey."

Here the fuck we go. "What?"

"How are you doing?"

I didn't turn back around because if I did, I would probably try to swing. It wasn't even his fault. It was me.

"Fine." That was the biggest lie of the year. "I'm gonna get him home before I forget that shit, too, though."

"Don't beat yourself up," he said, sincerity in his tone. "You're new to all of this, Luke. You can't expect yourself to be perfect at it."

"Kade, who the fuck forgets their little brother for three hours?"

"The brother who didn't even know he existed until a month ago."

My glare faded slowly, my response short, "I guess."

"You're doing fine, Luke," he reassured. It was the most genuine I'd ever heard him be. "You know I'm honest. You know I'd tell you how much of a fuck-up you were if you really were one, but I can't because you're not and you never have been." He took a deep breath, getting his words together. "And, I won't let you think that you're alone because you're not. And as long as Levi and I are here, you sure as hell won't ever be. I don't give a fuck if you don't like it. You don't have to ask for shit to get it from us. Forget that shit, and I'll shoot you, again."

The weight on my chest slowly lifted, despite the ending part. "Thanks."

I heard his sigh before he said the words that made my legs buckle, "I know you might think otherwise, but Maggie's proud of you." The words were low so that only I would hear. "If she's anything like me and Levi, then she's proud as shit of you."

Fuck.

Air left my lungs at just hearing her name out loud. I couldn't take it.

My gaze wavered as I shook my head to fend off the encroaching darkness. Kade caught my shift, but it didn't change the honesty in his expression.

I cleared my throat and rushed to the driver's side. I couldn't stay here.

Despite my tinted windows, I could feel him reading right into my bullshit as clear as day. If Levi were here, he'd be doing the same. I ignored it, driving away quickly.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Pain set in my stomach, my heart, everywhere. I couldn't stop my trembling lip or the turmoil in my body. Just the mention of her...shit.

Agitation pinched my eyes as I drove down the dark road. Ledger, quiet in the back, focused on his tablet, offering me some distraction.

I waited until I felt ready to glance in the mirror, only to find him already watching me, nearly making me jump out of my skin.

I looked away first. "I'm sorry for being late."

"I was sleeping, so you technically weren't late," he replied. "There shouldn't ever be apologies for sleep, anyway."

I expected him to be a bit mad, but I was glad he wasn't. "You hungry?"

"Kind of," he mumbled, absorbed in his tablet. Oddly, he was watching a soap opera, but I didn't comment. "Are you?"

"I am." I wasn't, but I would pretend to be.

We rode in silence, neither awkward nor comfortable, but better than nothing.

At a 24-hour burger joint Kade, Levi, and I used to visit after our matches, I parked and waited for Ledger to join me.

It was kind of like seeing a shadow of myself, in a way. I hadn't thought he'd be much like me, but he was a little bit, I think. Physically though, the only resemblance I caught between us were our eyes.

Inside, I sent him to wash his hands while I ordered. By the time the food was ready, he had picked a booth and was waiting patiently.

That was also strange as shit to me. He was well-tempered for a nine year old. His mannerisms, and shit like that was better than most adults I knew.

Then again, no one was raised the same. It was all about the environment. I couldn't recall much at nine years old, but I did remember knowing much more than I should have.

After wiping the table from germs, I handed him his food.

Ledge lifted the burger, turning it oddly before grabbing a knife and fork. His concentration deepened as he cut into it.

I raised an eyebrow. "You've never eaten a burger before?"

He furrowed his brows, cutting it like a pancake. "No. I've seen it in movies and had ground beef, or course, but seeing and holding it in real life...it's crazy."

Amused, I tapped his foot with mine under the table, earning his attention.

"Pick it up," I told him, nodding. "And take a bite however you want. You don't have to cut it; it's a waste of time."

"What if I drop it?"

I chuckled. "Then I'll get you another one."

"Promise?" He held out his fist. I nodded, bumping our fists on the table. "Promise."

I knew a new experience had been added to my book. I'd never seen someone be so considerate with a burger before.

When he took a bite, his eyes lit up like firecrackers.

"Holy shit," he breathed, eyes wide. "This is amazing." Catching what he said, he glanced at me apologetically. "Sorry, Levi said I get one curse a visit."

I restrained my laughter. "Word of advice: always listen to Kimberly and Raven, barely listen to Kade, and never listen to Levi, okay?"

He nodded, his infatuation with the burger returning. I started eating my food, and the comfortable silence enveloped us, as it did every time we hung out.

I had tried to be around him often, but it was a bit complicated. Since he had been with his mother for so long, I didn't just want to tear her away from him, despite her addiction.

A while back, I met her and settled on a decision that she check herself into a rehab before the next three months. I would pay for the treatment and else, and Ledge's expenses during the time she was away, of course, but that was the best I could do on my part. If she didn't live up to hers, then I go for full custody. She had agreed, and her admission date was early September, so hopefully it would all work out.

I had been around Ledge every day, though. I would pick him up, take him to breakfast then school, and Vice versa. I made sure his house was stocked with food, clothes, and necessities, bought him a phone with mine and all of the group's numbers to call if he needed something, and gave him a copy of my card so that he could buy whatever just in case I wasn't around. I had warned him to keep it hidden from his mom which, from the charges I had been watching on my bank statement, he had.

As I said though, it was all conflicting as shit. He was living on the bad side of town, and was basically taking care of himself, but he was so casual about it, too, which only furthered my disaccord. I didn't know if I should just go for custody right now, instead of waiting on his mother to get clean, then figure something out from there, or what. I didn't know.

Maggie would know. She would have helped me figure it out in a way that would have been far less complicated. Not having her advice or influence was fucking with me.

Thoughts of her made my heart pound, causing a burning sensation in my chest. I tried to rub it away, but the pain seemed to taunt me, growing stronger.

I held onto the hope that Kade was right, that she was proud of me, even how she was, right now. That was the only handle I had to hang off of.

I missed her. All of her. So fucking much.

To divert my thoughts from overwhelming me, I glanced at Ledger again, who was thoroughly enjoying his burger, now sporting mustard stains on his cheeks.

"Ledge," I chuckled, gesturing to his cheek and handing him a napkin. "Here."

He wiped his face and nodded in gratitude. "Sorry, I got distracted."

"Food gets you that way."

A small smile tugged at his lips, revealing the gap in the front. I found it adorable, but not how he got it.

I hadn't found out until later that the missing tooth was from a fight. Apparently, this kid at school had been messing with him for months, and had pushed him off of the swingsets so hard, he landed on the gravel and knocked his tooth out.

Kade told me not to do it, but fuck that.

As soon as Ledger told me, I told him to knock his ass out the next time he fucks with him. I even taught him how to throw a punch.

The next morning, I was being called from his school to pick Ledger up for his suspension. Then, when Ledge came out of the doors, a big grin and bruised knuckles in tow, I took him for pizza and to a gaming store and told him to pick whatever he wanted right afterwards. Kade and Kimberly had scolded me about it, but I didn't give a damn.

Maggie would have body slammed me through the wall if she were here. I could see her, now. Holding back a laugh to scold me, but breaking it the moment she was alone.

My heart skipped a beat at the memory. Fuck, just thinking about her smile could stop my heart altogether. No matter how hard it was without her, I would never deny her beauty, both inside and out. There was nothing in this world like it.

Despite my racing heart, I glanced at Ledger again, who was now enjoying his fries.

I pushed my tray away; I wasn't even eating. "I've got a question."

"I might have an answer."

Chuckling, I considered my words before asking outright, "Did you know I was your brother when you broke into my building?"

It had been on my mind for a while now. I didn't find it a coincidence that out of all of the buildings in this town, he chose mine and just so happened to be my brother. There was no type of fate or coincidence that good.

My question caught him off guard; I could tell. His gaze shifted from mine to his food as he bit his cheek.

He placed his burger down. "Will you leave me if I tell the truth?" he asked quietly.

"Never."

His eyes met mine, and I saw the fear that had once plagued me. "I sort of knew."

"Sort of?"

He nodded, his tousled hair flopping. "My mom was on a heroin trip a few months back. During one of her episodes, we were watching the news, and she mentioned your dad being my dad. But I didn't know if he would like me. I saw the video of him being mean to you at that party, so I was too scared to meet him." Reluctance filled his expression as he continued, "I saw Vance in pictures, but he seemed mean, too. You did too, but in the pictures I saw before Maggie, you looked sad. Lonely. Like me."

Hearing the honesty and vulnerability of that statement, a layer of ice melted around my soul.

"When I saw pictures of you and Maggie at dinner and around town, though, you didn't look lonely anymore. You looked happy. Really happy. I wanted to be like that, so I started looking for you. It took me a while because I had to save for the bus fare to get to your building, but when I got there, I got scared."

"Why?" I asked.

"I didn't know if you'd like me."

I reeled back my shock to voice, "Well, I do."

His insecure eyes met mine. "Really?"

I nodded. "Do you like me?"

Jesus. I might just fall out if he says no.

"You're my brother, so I sort of have to," he replied, picking up a fry. "But I like you, though. Maggie was right."

My insides crumbled, and my voice wavered. "What do you mean?"

"That day you took us for ice cream. While you were ordering, me and her were talking about you. I asked her about you two, and she told me that you were her boyfriend, her best friend, and the bestest person in the whole world, too," he said as he ate a fry. "I believe her now."

My face fell, and my emotions followed suit. Maggie had said that about me. Hearing it from someone else was overwhelming, and Ledger's agreement only deepened the impact.

I struggled to hold back the ache in my throat. Today was testing me.

Ledger had his burger halfway to his mouth before regret flashed across his face. "Oh. I'm sorry. Kade and Levi told me not to bring her up around you, but—"

"Nah." I waved him off with a trembling hand. "It's cool."

Honestly, I was giving myself an hour minimum before I broke down all over again. I couldn't do it.

His head bobbed, and he went back to eating. I welcomed the silence wholeheartedly, but with the weight in my gut, I couldn't eat any longer.

I couldn't do anything.

I needed my strong girl more than ever, right now. I needed to feel her lips, to see those eyes that saw me more than any other ever had, to hear her voice and to feel her presence surge mine back into life, again.

I needed her.

Ledger was the first to break the silence, calling my name. My vision was hazy, but I managed to look up.

"I know our dad and brother are real jerks, but..." He grinned, toothless, and shrugged. "I'm real glad that out of everyone, you were my brother. I know you're older, and I know you think you have a re..." His eyes searched for the word before giving up, "I know you think that you have to show me love and care and everything but you deserve it just as much. So, I promise I'll give it to you like you do for me." His smile returned. "And, I heard you and Kade. You aren't messing up. If you were, then I wouldn't be around you, but I never want to stop knowing you now that I've started, if that's okay with you. And I hope I'm doing a good job as your brother, too. I know we're forced to be brothers by blood, but I'm glad you're starting to become one of my best friends in between, too." Honesty settled in his expression. "We're brothers now, so I'll always be with you and you'll always be with me. At least I really hope."

My gaze softened. I'd never heard him say something like this, but hearing it made something light uncover itself from the dark blanket my father had laid down on me all those years ago.

Over the past few months, it had started to slip off of me, but sitting here now, with my little brother, I knew that that barrier was gone for good. I wouldn't ever let it come back, either.

Ledger went back to eating his burger as if nothing had changed, but I needed to share my honest response.

"Kid."

He looked at me.

I offered my fist. "I'm glad you're my brother, too." His lips lifted into a grin as he returned my fist bump. "And, you're right. We're stuck together for life now."

"I'm real glad we are." His eyes lowered in thought. "Since we're stuck together, though..." He raised his empty burger wrapper. "Can we come back here tomorrow? Please?"

This time, a laugh escaped me. "Hell yeah."

"I'm telling Kade you cursed."

Despite my humor, I scowled. "He told you to come back to him when I do, didn't he?" That was ironic as shit; Kade definitely wasn't one to be patrolling others with that mouth of his.

"Mhm, and Levi told me to ask you for five dollars every time you do it, but..." His grin grew. "If you let me stay over at your house with you next weekend, I promise I won't tell."

I chuckled. The kid loved exchanges. "Deal."

We returned to our meal, but the atmosphere had shifted significantly. I wasn't sure if it was the conversation or the fact that it had left behind the most honest thought in my head and heart alike:

The best people always break into my building.

***

My eyes burned into the concrete as I walked towards the floral shop. I wasn't sure if it was my mind or the actual steps that made the journey seem so long.

That heavy feeling in me hadn't subsided since I woke up, always starting in the morning because I knew what the day wouldn't hold.

Nerves had already made me nearly tear the skin inside my cheek. It never got better.

Instead of hesitating, I pushed myself to get it over with.

"Hi!" the cheerful florist's smile brightened when she saw me enter. "Do you have an order, or would you like to browse our selection?"

I reached for my wallet. "The order for the belladonna lilies."

Once the two dozen were in my hand, I handed over a hundred without a word and turned to leave before my legs gave out. I didn't care enough about the change to risk passing out inside of there.

Careful with the flowers, I returned to my car. I placed the bouquet in my lap under a shaky palm and then sped towards the cemetery.

I promised myself that I'd do it every week for Maggie. She'd want me to, and amidst all the chaos, I hadn't missed one, nor would I ever.

The ride remained quiet, but my thoughts were loud enough. I knew where the next trip would be.

As soon as I was to the cemetery, I kept my attention on the goal. Getting the flowers there, and getting back to the car in one piece.

When a day passed without hearing my baby's voice, I was in pieces from then on out. The ones after that were the ones where I wished my ears gone if they didn't have the harmony of her laugh and voice in them.

Once the flowers were placed on her grave, I nearly tripped over my feet getting the fuck out of there. I didn't like being here for obvious reasons; the only reason I went in the first place was for her.

I tried to refrain from speeding on my way to the hospital, but this part was the hardest. The days spent without, but with Maggie, too.

Never seeing her thick, black hair or feeling it slip through my fingers like water. Never glimpses or kisses from those pretty lips of hers until a puzzle was created, one only we could solve. Never getting knocked on my fucking knees the moment she lays those eyes on me.

Never loving. Never living. Never having my Maggie.

I couldn't fucking imagine it as my reality. Not even for a day.

It was a good thing that I didn't have to.

I exited on the third floor of the hospital, but the walk to her room felt trippy, as if I were on a drug that only took effect around her. It remained consistent, no matter how many times I had traveled this path.

I glazed my expression over as I opened the door to her room. Then, I laid eyes on the strongest girl in the world.

Maggie was in the hospital bed, her black hair now grown down to her chest, just as she had wanted. It remained as beautiful as ever. I had brushed and braided it every single day for her until my hand started to cramp.

Various IVs and cords were connected to her, extending in different directions from her still body. An endotracheal tube remained down her throat, as it had for weeks. The doctors had mentioned that they would start reducing some of the medications when her vitals showed progress, helping her transition back into consciousness.

Now, here she was. Taking away my breath so fucking effortlessly. She was making my knees weak without even trying, and my heart wasn't an exception. The motherfucker knew who owned it, and seeing her sent it into spasms.

Her face, despite its stillness, radiated a peaceful and relaxed aura, like I had only seen when she was with me.

It took a couple of days for the bruises from her dad's hits to heal, and now they were gone. I hadn't even known it until the doctor told me: her ribs were broken, too. Several cuts on her skin had glass shards still embedded when she arrived at the hospital, along with extensive bruising from the force her dad used when he threw her to the ground.

The day of the attack was a memory my mind had shut off amidst all the chaos, only resurfacing when I finally delved back into it myself.

It took Kade and Levi, an officer, and two other paramedics holding me down to the ground in order for me to let the responders take Maggie from my arms. Even with that, I head-butted Kade, shoved Levi off, punched the officer, then broke free until Levi caught me and held me back until he and Kade could pin me down, again.

When they realized that I wasn't going to stop, they both gave the paramedics a go-ahead to sedate me. I had woken up in the hospital confused as shit, but the moment I caught up to reality, I was up and trying to fight every single person in the room until Kade had me pinned down and told me the thing that made my heart fucking stop.

The doctors had managed to revive Maggie.

It was a barely, very barely, but they managed to get her heartbeat back. In the span of two hours though, her heart stopped two more times due to the blood loss she suffered.

I'd never been as fucked as I was until I saw the surgeons rushing in the direction of her room that night. The fear, the anxiety. It was something I hadn't truly known until that moment.

As I said, though, Norris was my strong girl for a reason.

After long, fucking tortuous hours, the surgeons finally came with news. They saved her.

Then, one of the doctors delivered news to Jax and I that shattered my mind. Maggie had slipped into a coma due to the blood loss. Following the blood transfusion, her body had gone into hypovolemic shock, a condition where severe blood loss makes the heart unable to pump enough blood to the rest of the body.

Apparently, she had blood loss not only from the gunshot, but from the cuts of glass too, which only affected her worse. I wasn't even sure where the hell they were from, but I could guess that it had something to do with how she got out of the bedroom that day.

Either way, it was a chance. It was something, anything, that could possibly bring my baby back to me. I didn't care about shit else.

Despite Kade and Levi's efforts to shield me from it, I couldn't escape the news and the blogs that offered fake condolences to Maggie and me while profiting from her situation. Every person in the country knew the Vaudest name for either my dad's politics or his companies, so they knew Maggie now, too.

To give her the best treatment possible, I had searched and paid some of the best surgeons around in order to give her the best shot, and had her put in the hospital I had my mom switched to. It was a private facility, but even that didn't stop the cameras.

The first couple of days were relentless. Countless photographers and journalists had surrounded the hospital, and some even tried to get to Maggie's room.

They hadn't got the message to leave us the fuck alone until I beat the shit out of one of the paparazzi with his own camera. The next time was when one of the journalists had thrown a heartless question about Maggie in my face the morning after her heart stopped.

The next thing I remembered was turning the fuck back around, then stomping his face in until Kade pulled me off. It worked, apparently, because the blogs got the hint to stay the fuck back from Maggie and I, afterwards.

The days after that were a blur. I had given my statement to the officers about Maggie's dad and the others, but that part was already handled. In the law's eyes, it was self defense since all of the men were convicted felons who were either on parole or had just been released. The case was wrapped up quickly, because of that.

Only two out of the eight survived, but they weren't alive for much longer when I called an old acquaintance from the cages to finish them off. I genuinely didn't give a shit about it, nor what I did, because they deserved even worse. They came into Maggie and I's home thinking they could hurt what was mine, but got bullets loaded in them, instead. Anyone else who thought they could even breathe on Maggie wrong could get it, too. That was it.

It had been nearly three weeks now, though. A total of four hundred and fifty-six, fucking hours, sixteen minutes, and thirty seven seconds and counting ever since I'd seen my favorite smile. My favorite everything.

The more time added to that though, was the more doubtful the doctors grew. So did everyone else.

As heavy as my fear was, too, I wasn't letting it, or her, go. Everyone else had started to give up hope, but they weren't me.

I wasn't giving up on her. Ever.

I settled into my usual seat right beside her. Her flowers were already in place on the other side, a ritual I maintained for every visit. I also made sure to get a dozen for her grandmother's grave, something Maggie had done when she was here.

As I scooted closer, even though she remained unresponsive, the atmosphere seemed to shift around me, as if she were awake. Every inch closer sent a shiver down my skin in response to her presence.

Seeing her so quiet and unresponsive churned my stomach.

I spent every single day here, splitting my time between her, mom, and Ledge. When my mom slept at night, I returned to Maggie's room to talk to her. I knew she couldn't hear me, but seeing her and talking to her was one of the few hopes I clung to. The only other thing were the videos of us I had on my phone. I watched them to get to sleep on the very rare occasions that I did sleep, now.

My finger gently stroked her wrist, where her updated bracelet read, 'love you.'

"Hey, baby," I whispered, my hand gently stroking her cheek. It was a habit to feel the skin lift in response, but there was none this time. "You look beautiful today."

It was laughable; she grew even more perfect every time I looked at her.

A heavy sigh escaped me as I held her hand, being careful of the cords. I'd give anything to see her smart-ass flip me off with it.

The longer I stared at our hands, the blurrier the image became. Pain surged through my body relentlessly, overpowering everything else.

I intertwined our fingers. "Three weeks. Three whole weeks, Norris. You know you're driving me fucking crazy, don't you?" My chuckle was strained as I kissed her finger gently, then repeated the action on her wrist, the skin tingling. "Do you have any idea how hard it's been not seeing my baby's smile?"

My heart shattered in a way I didn't think possible, considering its current damage, when I received no response.

I lifted myself slightly on wobbly legs to reach her lips. The tube prevented the full experience, but anything was better than nothing.

My lips met the corner of hers, in our oath that she would always be mine and I would forever be hers. That would never break.

Even with just the side of her lips against mine, it felt like heaven. I knew I'd be sent off right now if she could return the kiss.

"I hope you know..." Smiling against her lips, my free hand caressed her hair. "Being so quiet won't get you out of the shit you're in when you wake up. You better be ready for the hardest fucking scolding of your life, Norris." I chuckled at my next thought, "And no. Hell no. You're not getting out of it this time with that shit you do with my hair. No way, Norris."

When I didn't see a smile on her face, my heart cracked in half. Tears welled up in my eyes, but I knew they wouldn't stay there for long.

All I wanted was for her to wake up, to come back to me and be mine again, to fight her stubborn heart out to remove the IVs, and to see her so I could fall in love with her all over again.

"If you wake up, though..." I sniffled softly, my heart fucking aching. "I promise I'll take it easy on you, yeah?"

I resumed my seat, lost in my surroundings, much like the moment I found out she was flatlining on the operating table.

I wasn't a man who begged or asked for shit someone didn't want to give me first. Hell, past everything, past my dad and mom, and past my entire life, I had never even shed a real tear in my life, not once, before Maggie.

I didn't like to put myself in a weak position, nor show the vulnerability my father had beaten out of me ages ago, but fuck...

I begged in a way I never had that night. I begged, and when that didn't work, I wept, and when I didn't hear a change, I had begged for an exchange of my life for hers. Anything.

"I'll even tell you this, since you're so stubborn." The first tear burned as it slipped over my jaw, but I didn't bother to wipe it away. "When I see you next, if you're awake, I'll have some cool ass surprises waiting for you." I kissed her cheek, and when I tried to lift my head, it proved impossible. "I just need you to wake up for me, angel. Please." God, please. "Then, it can be me and you. Forever, Norris."

I kept my face buried in her neck, my eyes closed. Even now, my every ache began to heal and rejoice just by being near her. Goosebumps prickled my skin long ago, and my heart pounded relentlessly.

The time I usually spent brushing and braiding her hair was coming up, but I wasn't sure if it was happening today. I was too weak.

"I need you, Maggie," I whispered, my voice forced to a croak. Spots danced in my vision as I squeezed my eyes even tighter, the dam breaking and my tears flowing freely. "I need you, and you know that. You know that shit. I need you here, so I can have my other half back, so I can wake up to my soulmate every morning, so I can put the best, most beautiful diamond there is on her ring finger when I ask her to marry me one day, and give her all of me and any fucking thing she asks for, and so that I can have you as mine forever." My inhale turned into a sob that never fully made it through. "I need you more than I need the air in my body, Maggie. I can't be a Luke without my Norris, and you're not going to let me be."

I shook my head as I sniffled, agony coursing through me. "I won't let you. My heart won't let you. You can't leave it. You've got it, and there's no giving it back, not with how crazy you've made the motherfucker for you." A shaky laugh escaped my lips as I draped an arm over her chest. "It misses you just as much as I do."

I nestled against her, love pouring out of me, drowning out the pain that still lingered. It was so heavy, and I needed to let it spill into her as soon as possible.

As my lips grazed her shoulder, I heard a light knock against the door. I didn't raise my head. I knew it was either one of the girls or Jax.

"Luke," Jax called, his voice unsurprised. "You're supposed to be home, getting some sleep."

I shook my head. Sleep meant nothing now. I didn't want to wake up to a world without my own in it.

"Jesus..." He chuckled, but it lacked depth. I understood it. "Mags is gonna kill me for letting you go without sleep for so long."

I kissed Maggie's shoulder again, then her neck, ending on her face. I needed a moment to keep from breaking, and Jax could provide that.

"I'll give you guys your privacy," I mumbled, avoiding his eyes. It wasn't difficult. When Maggie was in the room, I wasn't concerned about shit else.

A softened smile crept onto my lips as I looked at her. "I'll be back later, baby, okay?" Leaning down, I kissed her in a temporary goodbye that made my soul soar. "I love you, Norris."

I used the hallucination of her returning it with that sweet, alluring voice of hers to rise from the bed. Like the energy in the room, tension crackled through the air like a whip, and I understood why.

Jax was just as fucked up as me. He was usually a chill, positive guy, but after Maggie was shot, I'd seen the exact opposite.

When Maggie started to flatline, Tony had to catch Jax because his legs gave out on him. The doctors had to sedate him to calm him down, and even when he woke up, they were going to either sedate him again or restrain him until Tony managed to calm him down. I still remembered his cries, his screams, and his pleas for his sister, even though mine, Kimberley's, and Raven's.

Jax bore holes into my back as I left Maggie's room, but I didn't have the energy to confront it. Numbness was my only companion right now; it happened every time I saw Maggie in that condition.

I didn't even know where I was walking, because the footsteps didn't feel like mine.

My mind was so fucked. So fucking fucked, and one of the things adding to the strain was the night in the mountains when Maggie told me what she wanted at her funeral.

I shook my head, physically stopping myself from crumbling to the floor in pain. I couldn't think of...

I couldn't.

The moment I see Maggie Norris in a casket is the very moment I scoot her pretty ass over, get in, and shut the casket on the both of us. I didn't give a shit about anything else. I could barely even last a month without her, but asking me to survive a whole lifetime without the girl who made mine perfect? Insanity. There wasn't a thing that could save me if she was gone.

Somehow, I made it to the cafeteria and took a seat as far away from the other people as possible. I wasn't well enough to socialize with strangers, right now.

It had taken a week for me to stop trying to swing on the first person that tapped at my already flared temper. It took two to stop me from cursing them, their mother, and their entire family line out.

I glanced around the cafeteria, my frustration mounting. Being in the hospital at all was fucking with me.

Just as I stood up to leave, my phone buzzed in my pocket. I was tempted not to answer it, as it was probably one of the guys checking I hadn't went off the deep end, yet. I was trying to keep my temper under control, since I knew it wasn't aimed at them, but fucking shit was it hard.

I jerked the phone out and glanced at it. It was Jax.

I sighed and left the cafeteria, finding myself in a quieter hallway.

I accepted the call and gripped the phone so tightly I nearly burned my fingers. "What?"

"Come back," he breathed out so quickly that it seemed to trip over his words. "Come back, right now, Luke."

Pain hit me in the chest. "What for?" I didn't take him as a cruel guy, but asking me to come back right now was fucking torture.

"She's awake."