"The hardest thing I'll ever do is walk away still loving you." —  Unknown
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Chapter 82
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Maggie

I had been in the shower for the past hour and a half. My skin was tender, and the steam in the restricted space was squeezing at my lungs, but I still hadn't gotten out.

It had been a day since the mayor gave me my ultimatum. To be exact, twenty-three hours and thirty-seven minutes. He said that I had until the next evening, which was now.

Once I had gotten home yesterday, I mumbled some excuse to Luke that I wasn't feeling good, and hid in our bathroom to avoid spilling like a faucet to him. I tried to take the time to come up with a solution, but the moment I was alone, I had broken right in half, because I couldn't find one.

I hadn't come out until my eyes had gone dry, and until I thought myself capable to act on the mayor's demand. Except, when I left the bathroom, the words had melted right back down my throat. I couldn't do it.

I had spent the better part of today avoiding Luke, too. I knew if he looked at me even for a second, he would try to get to the bottom of everything, just as he had done in the past. I couldn't let him do it this time, though. For his own sake.

I held him extra tight last night while he slept. I kissed his head, and his lips until my own were swollen. I knew he couldn't hear me, but I told him I loved him, and exactly why I loved him until my throat grew hoarse from the tears.

Because, after tonight, I would never be able to do so, again.

Just as another sob began to scratch at my throat, I heard a knock against the bathroom door that was meant to be gentle, but with Luke's hand size, it was impossible.

Quickly, I wiped my tears to my best ability, and just as I turned the spray of water off, the door was being opened.

"Norris."

I kept my eyes down as I stepped out. "Mhm?"

"I ordered us food." I heard him step closer to me. "It's in the kitchen."

My response was quiet, "Thank you." When I grabbed my towel, I tied it around me to stretch out the minutes. "I'll be there in a minute."

Luke nodded, but he didn't move. His gaze dug into the back of my head with a heavy thought behind it. I just didn't know what.

My eyes raised in the mirror to find his already fixated on me. Pain wrecked me from the inside out, since I knew how different his would be by the end of the night.

The silence continued to build, but I pretended that my attention was on my lotion. While I ran it over my skin, I heard Luke breathe out a sigh before he came closer.

One hand went to my chin, tilting it up until he could see everything. The other went to my stomach to hold me to him, rubbing in small, warming circles.

His gaze searched mine with concern. "You okay, baby?"

Despite how hard I tried to stop it, I felt my eyes start to burn the longer I stared into his. I looked away as quick as I could, because of it. If I showed myself, he would uncover the rest, and I couldn't risk it. I couldn't risk his happiness or his mother's life.

From the moment I got home last night, there were only a couple of words spoken between us, but even those felt heavy. Heavy, but not even barely enough to account for what I really wished for.

More.

I wanted more of this, and us, and him. I wanted to add to the list of reasons of why I loved him, despite the chunky paragraphs pasted in and around my heart, already. I would continue to do that, whether we were together or not.

Even without my permission or my presence, my love for Luke would never come to an end. Not emotionally.

I could tell him about it, about every threat and word his father made, but it wouldn't change a thing. His father had already been a step ahead, and warned me that if I made a mention of it to Luke, or if I went back on what we agreed on, his mother would be killed in a matter of minutes. He could be bluffing, but I wasn't willing to play guessing games when it came to his mother's life.

I couldn't, wouldn't, do that to Luke. He had sacrificed and risked enough for me, despite not knowing that he would receive anything in return. And in that, he nearly lost so much already.

Regardless of his dad's threat, that fact still remained. Even if his father hadn't been successful in killing Luke's mom at first, my dad's goons could be waiting for a moment to strike, too. It was all mixing in for a disaster that would end in Luke's pain.

Luke was staring down at me, now. His dark brows had a deep crease in between, right above concern marked eyes. His thumb had started to stroke at my chin, leaving the skin tingly.

"I'm fine," I reassured past a sensitive throat. "I'll be there in a minute."

His hands fell to his side, but even then, I could see how badly he wanted to reach out to touch me. I scooted even further down the sink to avoid it. I didn't deserve it, not after what I was going to do to him.

The door shut behind him with a click, but I could barely hear it.

My fingers tightened around the corners of the sink. I glanced into my own watery eyes at the same time that another tear slipped down my cheek.

I was out of time. The mayor was probably waiting for the confirmation that I'd done it about now. With the way he explained it, he made it seem like a regular action when that was the most untrue thing there was. Hurting Luke was going to be the most heart-wrenching thing I'd ever been asked to do.

While I got dressed, I continued to haul in breaths of courage to sustain me for the meantime. It wasn't very helpful.

Luke was waiting for me, arms crossed and sitting at the edge of the bed. He was nearly chewing holes into the side of his cheek, something he did when he was too deep in his head. When I stepped into the room, his head raised.

I bit back the swipe in my heart at the sight, and how rare it would soon be. "Why aren't you at the table?"

"We don't start eating without the other, you know that."

Something was coercing through the air. It was landing me on the line of an icy chill, and a scorching hot heat. I wasn't sure if he felt it like I did, but I could read him just as well as he could me, so I was positive that he did.

It cracked the longer his stare lingered on me. I heard him stand, his eyes never leaving my face, again.

"Maggie, baby, hey," he said, softly. "Have you been crying?"

"You can go," I said, quietly, turning. "I'm fine. Just—"

"Fuck that." Shaking his head, he turned me around to face him. "Come here."

It took everything in me to tear myself away. Attempting to do so emotionally was only laughable, so I had to do it physically.

"Maggie."

I went to the mirror, and tied my hair back, while making sure to avoid his eyes in the reflection. "I told you I'm fine." Not at all. Not now, and not ever again. "I'll be there soon, okay?"

Instead of listening, he stayed and waited until I was finished.

When we made it to the kitchen, I kept my space, as well as my words since I knew I'd be speaking the worst ones in a moment or two.

My fork dug into the pasta in front of me, but I found no appeal in it. The more I ate, the more the bile burned the back of my throat. My plate was just as full as it was from the moment I sat down.

I could feel Luke's burning stare on me, still. I raised my own, and I was proven right. When I caught it, I lowered my eyes back to my plate.

"Maggie."

I couldn't help it; my eyes squeezed shut once I heard my name. Above all other voices I'd heard say it, his was the only one that made me excited to hear what was coming after it. His made it special. No one else's.

"Maggie," Luke repeated. "We need to talk."

I couldn't look at him.

I could feel him making the realization, as well. To give myself a better chance, I sat in front of him. Not beside. Not close enough to be able to feel him touching me, but even sitting apart, that same string led me right back into him.

"About what?" I got out.

Heat blasted through me when his knee grazed mine from under the table. I knew it was on purpose. I knew why he did it. I knew I couldn't laugh, or give any of the things I usually did.

I knew that in a matter of minutes, he would never want to touch me, again. He would never want to remember me, or us, or anything that I was about to destroy for him.

"My brother..." he said, slowly. "Vance, he came by, just a little bit before you got home last night." He cleared his throat. "And, he showed me something."

I rolled back the swell of pain in my throat. "Like what?"

A moment of silence passed as he reached for the phone in his pocket. A couple of taps later, he was sliding it to my side of the island.

"You," he said, his words slow and voice cautious. "You and my dad."

Fuck.

My body froze in its spot, and reluctantly, my eyes lowered to the screen in front of me. On it was a picture of the mayor and I, and the contents of it were obvious, but the true intent behind it was not.

It was taken to make it look like I had accepted the check. In fact, I recognized the exact moment the photographer or Vance, or whoever the fuck took it. It was seconds before I tore it up, and put it in my champagne to throw at the mayor.

Luke didn't know that, though.

The picture could be taken in a million ways, but I knew how fucked it would look to the person the check was supposed to be used against. I wasn't sure if it would make this easier or harder for me, but I couldn't imagine letting him think it to be true.

My eyes jerked up to Luke.

"Luke," I breathed out, but it came out weak. "I swear to you. I didn't take that check, or even think of taking it. The picture, it's—"

"Hey." A soft expression was waiting for me. "Norris, baby, hold on."

His hand came over the island to grab mine, and he squeezed, his eyes holding mine in a deep, reassuring hug. "Maggie, I already know that you didn't take it. I never thought you did. The only reason that I didn't say anything last night was because I didn't want you to think I was accusing you of it or anything, and I didn't want it to come out like I was, but..." Kissing my palm, he sighed. "I don't know how Vance did it, but I'm not believing a picture over everything I know about you, Maggie. I know you, and I know everything about you. You'd never accept it."

The tightness in my chest lifted, but not much. Barely, at most.

We knew each other. We had known each other even when we claimed to hate one another. He knew that I wouldn't accept the check, nor would I even entertain something like that. Especially from his father.

I needed to prove him wrong.

I had spent the entire night and day thinking about how to do this, but there wasn't enough time or preparation in the world. Now, though, I knew how to do it, despite my every fucking wish to do the opposite.

Luke squeezed my hand, and the tingles that sprung through the skin made me want to burst into tears. Luke was the first person I had learned to be honest with and honest to, and not being able to right now, was so fucking infuriating. It was one of the most agonizing things in the world.

"I just wanted to check on you after my dad did whatever the fuck he did, though," he added, softly, thumb tracing hearts into my skin. "I don't know what he said to you or what he tried to do, but I'm gonna handle it. I won't ever let him get that close to you, again, I swear that shit." The anger in his eyes slowly shifted to an apologetic glow as he looked to me. "And, I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry that you had to listen to and be around his bullshit, Maggie. I don't know why he offered you the check, but—"

I didn't want to say it. I knew that if I did, I could never take the words back, again. I knew it, and I knew that I would still have to say them.

I snatched my hands from his earning his shock. My body went as cold as my blood the moment our link ended. Then, I said the thing that would chill the both of our hearts over.

"I took the check," fell from my lips, quietly.

Luke paused, and it seemed to abrupt everything else, as well.

The silence was the loudest I'd ever experienced. I didn't move, nor did I make any effort to correct my claim.

"What?" he breathed out, shocked. "You...what?"

I tried my hardest to hold my voice still, "I took the check."

"No, you..." His voice dipped, his head shaking at me. "No, you didn't. You wouldn't."

I squeezed my hands into fists until the nails were digging into the skin. I didn't even feel the pinch of pain to follow. The only one that I could feel was the one that was I was going to have to give to him, right now.

"I would," I said, tightening my voice up as good as possible. I couldn't let anything leak through. "And, I did. The picture your brother showed you—"

"It was bullshit," he interrupted, words sharp. "Just like what you're saying right now, is bullshit, Maggie. I don't know what happened, and I don't know what the fuck my dad said to you, but—"

"He didn't say anything that I didn't already have planned out for myself. I—"

"Show me."

My eyes snapped up to his. "What?"

His gaze, dark and heavy, was already on mine. His head was tilted, eyes observing me over so closely, it threatened to ravel me apart. One hand was propped on the table, tightened into a fist while a thumb traced over the scars along his knuckles.

"Show me the check," he demanded, firmly. Despite the hurt in his eyes, the disbelief went above all else. "If this isn't something my dad is somehow making you do, if it's something that's real, then show me the check, Maggie. Right now, and right here. Because, I'm not believing shit else, right now."

I blinked back at him as if I'd been asked the hardest thing in the world. Probably because it literally was.

It was impossible since I had ripped the check to pieces seconds after the mayor gave it to me. Fuck. Fuck.

I shook my head at myself. Despite how damaging the check route was, I knew which one I'd have to take, since that one was impossible to prove.

I would have to do the very thing I had been doing for years, now. The thing that, with Luke, I had learned to do the very opposite for the first time.

Lie.

I hated it. I hated myself for preparing to do it, and I hated the fucking mayor and the fucking universe even more for making me do it.

Luke didn't break his stare. "Maggie." The confusion grew along his expression, but he pushed it back enough to get his message out, "I know for a fact you wouldn't take that shit or anything else from my dad. Never. I don't know why or what you're trying to do, but just..."

Sighing, he stood up from his chair, and came over to me. He grabbed my hands, then lifted me from my seat.

"Tell me what's going on, angel, okay?" he said, softly, chasing after my eyes with his own. "Just tell me, instead of trying to feed me bullshit—"

My eyes fell to our hands. I never wanted to let them go. "It wasn't bullshit."

"Maggie—"

I'm sorry.

"It wasn't, Luke," I interrupted, voice firming up. The words burned my throat on the way out, "It wasn't, because the real thing that was bullshit was this." My next words made my lips sting, "And, us."

That moment was the exact one where I thought my heart gave out.

Emotionally, my walls crashed and were crushed under the weight of my words. Physically, my stomach began to churn and I thought any minute now, I would hurl up the very heart that Luke Vaudest had possession of.

And, Luke.

His hands had tightened around mine to the point of where I thought our skins would blend together. His expression fell before all else, full of disbelief and a endless stream of pain at what I said.

And, I had to keep going. I had to. If I didn't, then he wouldn't give up, and it would cost him so much more than he knew.

I didn't look at him, again. I couldn't.

Instead, I glared down at the tiles in concentration. This was the hardest test I had ever been given. It was more of a torture than anything else.

"It was all bullshit, and..." I mimicked the words the mayor had given me after our deal was made. I had never hated speaking as much as I did, right now. "Your father just gave me an easy way out."

"You don't mean that," he argued, shaking his head. "You don't...you can't mean that."

Don't hate me. "I mean it. Everything...this," My voice cracked, but I quickly found it, again. I glazed over my expression as much as possible. "It wasn't real. I wasn't real, and neither..." God, don't hate me, Luke. "Neither were my feelings for you. They never were."

My heart was cracking and tearing right in half the longer I forced myself through this. By the end, I knew it wouldn't be intact, and I was fine with that. I never wanted it back again if Luke didn't have it first.

"My dad's dead, now," I recited his father's words, attempting to stop myself from breaking. "He's gone. I don't need you or your help, anymore. That's what all of this was about. You gave me things, and I used you for those exact things." The mayor's quoted speech nearly came out robotic over my tongue, "Now, that I don't need them, though, I don't need you, either."

"My dad, he's making you..." Luke's voice broke as he shook his head at me. "No, I don't believe you. Not after everything we've been through with and by each other." His expression fell into a pit of disbelief. "I don't believe you, Maggie. You can't fake that, or us. You can't."

"As soon as we're finished..." My chest trembled along a sigh that burned my lungs. "I'm leaving this, and I'm leaving you."

I'm so sorry.

Luke's hands fell from mine completely. A frown sat over his lips as he stared back at me. My words had left an impression behind, and from what I could see, it all originated back to pain.

There was so much on his face. In his body. In the space we were sharing. It seemed to take him over.

"What? No, you said...you said you wouldn't," he whispered, his expression spilling with hurt, panic, and confusion. All three were flashing over his features the longer he reflected over my words. "You swore you wouldn't, that you loved me, and..." His voice had gone so wobbly, he had to pause. "You can't tell me that all of that was fake. Any of that. You can't, Maggie."

"I just did," I forced out. "I only stuck around for so long because I felt bad for you, okay? I only pretended to care about you, so that you would let me stay here." Just saying those lies nearly lit me on fire. I would give anything in this world to burn my vocal cords rather than repeat this, "And...I only pretended to...I only said I love you, because I..."

I couldn't finish. I'd been telling lies all of my fucking life, but this? I couldn't do it. I just couldn't. Not to him.

"You can't even say it," Luke hissed as he took a step back, his head shaking at me. "You can't even fucking say it, because you know that it's not the truth—"

"I don't love you, Luke," I muttered past a sniffle. The marble below mixed into a blob post my vision. "I warned you not to fall for me, to stay away, and to never trust me. You didn't listen, so I did what I do best: lie. I lied about everything, but..." My voice trembled over a sigh. This part was the one the mayor had crafted specifically, and I knew I would have to say it in order to make him stop. "The biggest lie was me making you believe that I loved you."

His body as a whole seemed to fall with his heart. I could see it, despite not even looking at him, because it was happening to me, too.

I squeezed my eyes shut as it all came crashing.
Even with the lie being said, though, there was still one, incorruptible string left. It couldn't be cut, no matter how sharp the blade of our reality was. It was the one our souls had tied long ago. One that could never, and would never, ever be taken from either of us. No matter how far we ran. No matter what we did or who else we ended up with. It was ours, whether we wanted it or not.

I wanted it more than anything else in the world, but the universe had marked me with the truth long, long ago: I could never get what I wanted.

It made this one personal, though. Luke was everything I wanted, yet it was impossible to keep with the threat his father gave. It wasn't fair. Nothing about this was.

His gaze was drilling into me so hard, I found it impossible I hadn't fallen from the impact. So quickly, it felt euphoric, I risked a glance at my Luke.

And, my heart broke.

His eyes were flooded with tears, now. His body had started to tremble, and with it, came the brokenness of his expression, which seemed to be cracking right in half with the rest of him. I knew it wasn't even possible, but I was so sure I could hear the rip of his heart breaking in my ears just fine. It sounded just like mine.

The sight of him breaking only nudged at the last self control I had. Hurting him, when he was the last person on this fucking planet who deserved it, was destroying me.

And, above all else, it was the fact that the person who had hurt him all of his life, was the person who was taking me away from him. He didn't know the exact context like I did, but I was sure that he knew his father was behind this. It only added to the hatred I carried for Ryan Vaudest.

I couldn't stay any longer. I couldn't be around my other half who was breaking, while being the very reason behind that breaking, too.

"Maggie." His chest punched out over my name. The glistening in his eyes only built as they moved over my face. They were searching mine for any resemblance of familiarity. "I don't believe you—"

I stood up on legs that didn't feel like my own. "I'm leaving—"

Luke caged me in with his body, right against the counter until the wood dug into my backside, but with the warmth of his hands against my cheeks, I couldn't concentrate on anything else.

I didn't try to move, because I didn't want to. Not at all.

Swiftly, his lips were crashing into mine. Even with the situation, my own returned his same passion. The kiss was hard in the gentlest way possible. It was pleading with me to not continue on with this.

I hated myself for leaning into it, but it was the last one I would ever receive from him. The first half of a sob was threatening to come up any minute, now, but I held it back in order to do this one last thing.

I took the chance to memorize everything. The softness of his lips, how perfectly they swelled and puffed mine. The way they moved with mine in a perfect rhythm that was never really that, because there was no beat when we kissed, yet there was somehow always a beautiful plan to follow, too. The sweet, alluring taste of them that always brought me back for more, but it was a ceaseless, addicting game, because I never got enough. The rounds of endless sparks that threatened to ignite me from the inside out the more I had of them. The possessiveness, the love, and the warmth they always pulled from, and sent right back into mine.

The longer he touched me, the more my skin threatened to melt off. My heart wasn't doing much better.

Luke tore back first, his eyes wild. We were so close, the rise and fall of his chest punched against mine so hard, I thought it to be my own.

The tears swimming in my eyes were pushed over the edge. One slipped down my cheek, but it didn't get too far because Luke caught it with his thumb.

"You can lie and you can bullshit everyone else, but you can't to me, Maggie. You know you can't. I'm not them, and I never have, and never will be them," he argued in the thickest of voices. His eyes searched my face for the many things that no one else had ever found. Only him. "We're not doing this, Maggie. We're not. I know something else is going on. I know you better than I know my own goddamned self—"

"You know lies," I whispered back. You were the one to teach me honesty, and how freeing it could be when I gave it. "You only know what I wanted you to know, and that was because I used you—"

"No."

I kept my trembling gaze on the tiles as I moved to the other side of the island; I wouldn't look at him or touch him, again. I refused. If I did, then everything would be off.

The words barely came out, "I got what I wanted, and now I'm—"

His voice raised over a, "Bullshit, Maggie."

I sniffled, bringing my arm's over my chest to help the cool, gaping hole in my chest. It didn't do a thing. "I used you for your money. Your connections..." It was getting too hard to talk, now. Our kiss had reminded me of everything I was abandoning. Just a couple seconds of it had weakened me.

I squeezed my eyes shut to push through the rest of this. I heard his footsteps closing in until his body molded against my own from how close he'd gotten.

"Look me in the goddamned eye, and say that shit, again, Maggie," he seethed, but there was no hatred in it. Instead, all I hinted was frustration tangled with pain. "Open your eyes, look into mine, and tell me that you don't love me. Tell me that you never loved me, and that you never felt a fucking thing for me. Tell me that all of this, all of us was fake. Tell me, and I'll move out of the way, and watch you walk out of that fucking door, right now."

Another tear slipped down my cheek. I saw it fall to the ground, where I still hadn't looked away from.

My words barely even hit a whisper, "I-I don't love you."

Luke slammed his fist into the kitchen cabinet so hard, it seemed impossible that it didn't crack. I barely heard the impact through the rattle of the tumultuous emotions in my ears. Not an ounce of pain caused by anything physical was showing through the emotional part of him, though.

"Fucking look at me, Maggie!" he yelled over a trembling tongue. The tears in his eyes only emphasized the painful storm riding along the blues I called home. "Look in my fucking eyes, and tell me that you never loved me. That you don't love me like I do you. That we didn't mean shit to you." His nostrils flared back at me, snipping at the last nudge of control he had. "Do it. Say it with your fucking eyes on mine, Maggie."

He knew. I knew he did. He had been able to read through decade old lies, even when we despised one another.

And, despite me saying every single thing that should run him off, he wanted the confirmation that I truly never loved him. He wanted to know if I could look him in the eye and state the biggest lie in the world right to his face.

I couldn't.

I would rather take a blade dressed in the world's deadliest poison down the throat than look him in the eye, and say that I never loved him. There weren't enough lies in the world to make that one possible to feel, let alone voice. I couldn't.

"Move out of the way." A sob was threatening to tear out of my throat any second now, but past it, I managed to get out a, "Please, Luke." Please don't hate me more than I hate myself, right now. Please don't try to convince me to stay. Please don't let me ruin your life even more than I already have.

His gaze slammed into mine in a way that only his could. His body didn't move an inch away from mine. If anything, he seemed to get even closer.

Slowly, he leaned in so close, I could feel his breath kissing my lips even when he wasn't. Our eyes never unlinked this time, even when his own narrowed back at me, depicting me right apart. Either hand went to the island, trapping me right into him so that I couldn't avoid it, or him.

"Look me in the eye," he hissed out, his voice thickening until it was all I could hear past the deafening thump in my eardrums. "And, say it, again, Maggie."

Past my tears, I thought the blur would help me in looking into his eyes, but it didn't. If anything, it worsened it. They were there for a reason.

And, that very reason was the one that prevented my lips from forming the unimaginable. I couldn't do it.

My head fell. The ache in my eyes only built until the next tear broke past it.

Luke made the realization, too. I saw his chest fall back into place with relief, but not for long. The hurt still remained in his expression, in raw, big batches. The confusion and frustration rode right along the sidelines, too.

"What..." he whispered, his words wavering under the other. "Please, angel. Tell me what's wrong. I can fix it—"

You were every right thing for me. "Move," I whispered past my tears. "I need you to move, okay?" Pain grasped at my own chest, taking its sweet, tender time in torturing me. "Get out of the way, Luke."

"Why are you..." His head shook, and he struggled for a single breath. Our tearful eyes collided, and I tried to look away, but once the connection was made, it was impossible to break. "Just tell me what I did, Maggie. Tell me why you're trying to leave. Tell me so that I can fix it." He lifted a hand, cradling my cheek as he searched me over. His voice was barely holding up, so in a tearful sigh, he said, "I'll fix it, okay? I promise I will."

I couldn't be selfish. Luke didn't deserve it, nor did he deserve to feel the way he was feeling, right now, either. I hated both options just as much, but only one ended up with his mother's life being saved. I knew which one was right to pick, despite how badly it fucking hurt.

It all hurt.

My teeth tore into my quivering lip until I tasted metallic. "Let me go."

Another sob was already forming behind my tongue, so I couldn't speak. Instead, I shook my head, and pushed at his chest, again. My limb had gone so weak, though, a fly could have made more of an impactful move on him.

The first tear cracked over Luke's barrier. Just the sight of it slipping down the cheeks I loved to kiss until they turned red tore me up.

"I can't let you go, Maggie. I can't. I won't." The next tear that fell from him brought out my own in waves until my cheeks were slick. "I'll fix it. Tell me what's going on, and I promise I'll fix all of it. I promise." He pressed a kiss to my forehead, and when he leaned back, that same anguish remained. "Just stay, okay? Please stay."

I dared myself to find that same hatred I had carried for Luke over the years. I dared myself to recall the me that had loathed every move he made, everything he said, and everything he was. I dared myself to be her, right now in order to ease this.

It wasn't possible.

Even when I knew it was for the best, I still couldn't do it. Not when I'd learned and gathered everything there was to love about Luke. No matter what the past held between us, the present was undeniable: he had become half of my soul, and there was no replacing that. There was no going back after that.

To give myself a better chance at this, I, instead recalled the cathedrals I could build out of the love I had for him. And, how that love involves caring. And, how caring sometimes involves putting others and their life before your own, even when they don't ask you to. Even when they don't know you do.

Just as I did him, Luke came first to me. Always.

I willed myself to raise my eyes to his. I didn't even take a breath, because I knew it, and all else would be gone the moment I walked out of my home. From my home. Luke.

"No." With all of my strength, I forced my expression to harden over, and said in a voice that didn't even feel like my own, "I'm leaving. For good."

Luke held my eyes, even after the words had gotten out. I didn't think he was capable of removing them, or of anything else. His lips parted, but nothing came out. Not a word, because by hearing all of my own, I knew I had taken it all.

Just seeing the buildup of heartbreak in his beautiful face made my own match it, despite my façade. The sadness clouded his features over, leaving behind a picture of every single thing that I hated being the cause of.

My emotions were spiraling in ways I hadn't experienced in years. Sadness. Emptiness. Anger. So much fucking anger at Luke's father, at myself, at the entire fucking universe.

The person that had made me feel, see, even believe in said universe was the one that they were ripping me away from. There was nothing right in that.

I knew that, in order to finish this, I would have to drown Luke and I out. I didn't have much left in me to continue on, not with the sight of my sweet boy crumbling in front of me. Because of me.

My trembling hand pushed at his chest a final time. Luke, dazed, and no longer able to operate past my last statement, stumbled back as if he were a ghost. His gaze had fallen to the ground below us, right where his and my own tears were falling and mixing right in with the others.

My feet barely crossed the tiles. I didn't stop until there was a gap between us.

I turned to stop myself from seeing him. My life. My person. My heart.

I willed in a breath that tasted like poison. Breathed it out. Or, maybe I didn't. I didn't care enough to find out.

My tears weren't stopping, that much was clear. They were fat and ugly, and ones I never wanted to shed. I knew that Luke's were just as present, too, but neither of us were allowed to confront it.

"I'll have someone stop by later on to pick up my things," I said, quietly. I wasn't sure if he caught it. I couldn't bare myself to turn around to find out, either. "I know that I still owe a debt. We can make arrangements to finish your building, and then..." I squeezed my eyes shut, willing and begging in a way I never had before, for a different life. One that ended up with me having the man that made me want to have it. "And, then, we can be done. With everything."

My eyes squeezed shut at the sharp intake of breath that came from him. I knew what would follow, but I couldn't stick around for it. The mayor had given me a time limit to be gone, and he had texted me a number of times today to remind me of it. I had waited until the last minute, but I knew.

Time was up.

I nearly stumbled over my footing as I walked to the door. I wasn't even sure if I remembered to bring my bag inside last night, or if I had left it in the car. I didn't care enough to find out, either. I didn't care about anything.

My crumbling excuse of a mind was only allowing in certain points and details. The main one was the only option that didn't stop my heart from pumping, altogether.

It didn't matter where I went. What I did or who I became. Because, in all of those scenarios and in every version of myself, my heart would always, always mark this single oath to Luke Vaudest:

I'll always love you.

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Please know that I did NOT do this just to do it; I need it for something. Hurting either Luke or Maggie kills me too, trust me. 😭 I promise you everything I do and say connects to something else.