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"I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close." - Pablo Neruda
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Chapter 71
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My eyes fluttered open at the sensation of a feather stroking my face. The feeling continued on. Delicate, but ticklish.

As my sight adjusted, the feeling ceased. By the time I came to, I realized what it was.

Warm eyes stared down at me, a small smile feathering his lips. "Happy birthday, sweetheart."

I hummed, rubbing at my eyes as I raised my upper body. The ache in between my legs was the first feeling to hit, but it wasn't too bad. Finally, I settled back into the bed, turning to my side to get a better view of him.

I sighed as his hand went to the back of my head. "How did you know?" I never told Kade of my birthday; the only people that knew were my friends and family.

Kade smiled softly, leaning forward to place a kiss on the very tip of my nose. "Did you really think I wouldn't know my favorite person's birthday?"

"Favorite person, hun?" I joked, wrapping my hand around his wrist as it massaged my neck. "I must still be asleep."

His chuckle was deep. "Levi told me a while back through Raven."

I groaned at that, and the brightness poking through the window. "I'm going to kill her."

"Why didn't you want me to know?"

"It's a day."

"A day that gave me a chance with you."

"Well..." I felt my lips upturn. "I've never thought of it like that."

Kade tilted his head, his glare causing me to laugh. "You will from now on. Don't underestimate your existence, sweetheart, it's too loved." I sighed into his chest, not even bothering to fight my smile. "So are you. So fucking much." He kissed the top of my head.

I felt my chest cave from the inside as he flipped us over so that I was on my back. We were both still naked and tired. The night never seemed to end, thankfully.

His eyes roamed over my body with desire before meeting mine, again. "Are you okay?" He cradled my cheek. "How are you feeling? Are you hurting?" Before I could answer, he followed up with, "Do you need anything?" He raised himself, immediately, set off with his own nerves. "Shit, was I too rough? I'll go and get you—"

I loved to see this side of him. He was so adorable.

"Actually..." To tease him, I lifted a hand to my cool forehead, feigning sickness. "I don't think I have long."

At his scowl, I laughed, entangling my legs with his. "I'm fine, though. I only need you."

His scowl remained as his chest relaxed. "For being a smartass, I'm not telling you my surprise."

I ceased my laughter, my expression sobering over. In the midst of it all, I forgot all about it. Now that it was brought up again though, I wanted to know. It had to be important for him to keep it this whole time.

My attention jerked back to Kade. "Tell me," I insisted.

With a smirk, he shook his head.

"It'll count as my birthday present," I attempted but it failed.

"You might want to reconsider if you're smart." His smirk jumped to my face as I wrapped my legs around him. Under the blanket, I could feel how soon my words reached him. "How about now?"

"You're insane if you think I only have one present for you." Kade grimaced as he shook his head with a curse. His head dipped to my chest before he blew out a shaky breath. "You're an unfair woman."

I continued my venture, entangling his hair in between my fingers, and shifting my hips. "Tell me."

His silence continued for a moment before he hissed, "Fine."

With a grin, I dropped my legs back to the mattress. His hands went underneath the blanket, dragging them back to his waist as he leaned over me. I was practically buzzing with anticipation as I waited.

I tilted my head once his lips shifted. "I've been working on this for awhile now," he started. "That's what Luke was texting me about, a confirmation." I nearly screamed as he paused.

"A confirmation?"

He drew out a sigh. "A confirmation that I'm out," he said, words slow as he examined my expression. "I'm out."

Out?

It was too early in the morning for my mind to process context clues. I continued to think, but when it hit, my chest caved in on me.

My legs fell on their own as I caught his eyes. "You're out of the cages," I breathed out.

His bunched eyebrows perked at my tone. "I am, baby."

"But, you're-you..." I couldn't even finish it.

Kade was out of the cages. The life he'd been in for years. The very thing that fueled him.

I blinked as he eyed me for a reaction. "Why?" That was the best I could do.

Finally, my airways managed to get out, "I mean...you've been there so long. Nearly a decade. As much as I hate it, I know that it helped you with a lot, that fighting and racing saved you."

Kade relaxed his body, a small smile stretching his lips. His cool hands caressed either cheek before settling there. "I have you, that's why."

With a shaky intake of breath, I whispered, "Kade."

His brows furrowed as he shook his head. "No, no. Kimberly, I don't want it. I don't need it. I don't need that life, if it even was one. My life began when I started loving you." His lips brushed over mine before he pulled away. "I knew when it threatened your life that I had to let it go. I can't lose you to it. It's selfish of me to ask you to worry for yours or my life because of it."

"Yes, it did help me," he continued. "It helped me take my anger out in the wrong way. It helped me continue to hide. It helped me continue to be angry at someone I should have never been angry at. You. That life, those people, that's not who or what I love. They didn't save me. You did."

My heart was running a marathon by the time he finished. I felt my eyes sting before I pulled him to the crook of my neck, my arms tight around him.

I felt him press a kiss to the skin. "Thank you," I mumbled, my voice cracking. "Thank you."

His hand stroked at the beginning of my back as he hugged me to him. "I told you that you would hate it." I rolled my burning eyes as he chuckled.

I smiled as he kissed a tear away on my cheek. "What about Chivo?"

At this, his smile fell. Mine followed with it.

My shoulders fell with my tone. "You still have to fight him," I said it more as a statement than a question.

His look answered it all.

I sighed at the disappointment. "When?"

"A week after we get back," he answered, his fingers circling the scars on my wrist. "There's only six, two of them being Angelo and Chivo."

He said only as if it weren't anything at all. I wasn't sure to be happy, or afraid about it.

"Levi said four out of the six were bitches," I attempted to lighten the mood. "And that you have a ten minute break after every round."

His expression lightened as he laughed. "He's right about all of that." He released a sigh as he kissed my wrist.

"And, that's it?" I asked to reassure myself. "You're out."

I didn't like the way he frowned at the question. I paused, peering back to examine him closely.

His eyes jumped up to me. "I have to do one more race, and win all six rounds before I'm entirely free," he explained. "It was the only terms we could come up with."

I nodded slowly as I processed his words. I thought the answer would nearly give me a heart attack, but a race wouldn't be too bad, I think.

As badly as I wished the fight wouldn't happen, it would continue on no matter what. All I could do was hope that Levi was truthful when he told me of his and Luke's plan. Whatever it was, as long as it helped Kade come out alive, I was fine with it.

His eyes read mine. He cast a grin my way, craning his head to my neck. I could feel him retracing over a hickey with his lips. "Then me and you are going to get the hell out of here after graduation."

I smiled at that as I tossed his strands in my hand. "I love that idea."

He paused from my neck. "It's not an idea."

My eyes jerked down to him. He was serious. I never thought that far ahead, but my answer was already yes.

"What about college?" I questioned.

He leaned away from me, humor tugging at his expression. "I'll follow you wherever the hell you want me to. To another planet if you want. We can get an apartment near your school, or I can get you one by yourself if you don't feel comfortable sharing with me yet. I can manage my spermgivers businesses until I decide to go to school. You can bring your little furshit with you, we can go and buy a damn candy shop if you want. I just want you."

My laughter continued on, even with a growing smile. "You're serious about this, aren't you?"

He nodded. "Fuck yeah I am. The businesses my father left, as well as the money from the cages means that we can go anywhere. We can stay anywhere. We can do anything. As long as I'm with you, I'm content. I know that you're not sure which college you want to go to yet, but you don't have to worry about anything."

I chuckled, shaking my head at him. I already knew what he was implying. "You're not paying for my college, Kade. You've done enough."

Kade shrugged, dropping a kiss to my shoulder. "It's nothing at all. I haven't touched the funds, and you deserve them more. Like I said, my money is your money, too. I don't want you to have to stress about things that could be solved so easily."

We could talk about that part later, but as of right now, I was on cloud nine. I felt content in the future, in our future.

Finally, I rolled my eyes. My hands fell to his arms, then his back, further pressing him down to me. "You're a stubborn man."

His deep laugh turned my tummy over. His arms tightened around me, flipping us over so that I was on top.

I stared down at him, my smile growing. His own matched mine perfectly. His hands ran over every scar, every bump, every stretch with admiration before he pulled me down to him.

"All yours," he mumbled against my lips. "All yours."

***

"Grandma," Kade hissed. "If you sing happy birthday one more time, I swear—" His words were ceased as she continued to sing, only louder.

I enjoyed the entire ordeal. Kade and I ran through the snow as soon as we were dressed. We went to several different spots in the state, but some were closed due to the weather.

I didn't care though, every bit of it was perfect. He'd given me countless gifts throughout the day, but there was still one more. When he would give it to me, I wasn't sure. I was already content with everything else, though.

As soon as we stepped foot into the house, Grandma Jacky had a cake that nearly towered over her head. This was the fourth time she had sang 'Happy Birthday' to me, much to Kade's annoyance.

it was hilarious to me. I told him it was his fault for telling her. I didn't care how annoying the song got, I appreciated that she took me into consideration. She could sing all she wanted.

Grandma Jacky chuckled as she handed me a bag. "I'm sorry if it's not the best gift, this imbecile told me too late." Her glare matched Kades. "Delivery is trash in December."

I smiled, peering down at the paper that topped off the gift. "I'm sure I'll love whatever you got me."

"Don't be so sure, sweetheart," Kade chuckled, his arm slithering around my waist to pull me in. "It might be a bomb."

I rolled my eyes at his statement, reaching a hand into the bag. When I pulled it out, a tiny, cool box was in my hand.

"I can't believe I actually put this shit on," Kade grumbled as he tugged at the Christmas pajamas. His head fell on top of my shoulder, casting me a soft glare. "Why did I let you talk me into it?"

I giggled with a shrug. "Because they were cute." My own were of the same design, so we were matching.

Grandma Jacky stood true to her word about the matching pajamas. Kade swore up and down he wouldn't put them on, but once I asked him, he did despite complaining the entire time. Grandma Jacky even bought her own pair with reindeer print as the design. I thought it was the cutest thing in the world.

"I like the influence she has on you already," Grandma Jacky chuckled as she took a sip of 'water' as she claimed it.

After placing the box down, I pulled at the top. When I saw what was inside, my heart clenched in my chest with appreciation.

Inside was a bracelet, rose gold and as beautiful as ever. Even though the shiny bracelet was what stood out, something else did too. The price tag. It was nearly a thousand dollars.

My chest caved in with a tight breath. "What..." I glanced up at his grandmother, who was grinning. "Thank you so much."

She took another sip from her glass before clapping. Kade groaned from behind me, cursing. Her movements were quick as she reached down, then placed another bag in front of me.

"You really didn't have to, this is so much already," I said. I was just fine with this one gift.

Grandma Jacky rolled her eyes, pushing the bag toward me. "Shush up, and open it. I hope the color's fine."

I did just that. Inside the second bag was a different assortment of gifts, but the one that stood out the most was a red wallet. When I saw the name brand label on top, I knew immediately that this was just as expensive as the rest.

I stood up from my side of the table then came to Grandma Jacky who already had her arms open.

I smiled as I hugged her. "Your gifts were all so sweet, thank you so much."

Her hand patted at my back before we both pulled back. "You're welcome, sweet girl." She craned her neck to Kade, a sly grin crossing her lips. "Try to beat that, bitch."

I laughed, turning back to Kade, who was scowling. I loved both of their gifts, but I wouldn't voice which one I liked more.

He pretended to gag at the cake - though he'd eaten three pieces so far - before standing. "I'm going to get a shower. Grandma—" He pointed at her with a look of warming. "Don't say anything." He tugged me closer, leaving a kiss to my forehead, then my lips. His hands squeezed at my waist before finally releasing me.

She raised her hands in surrender, a look of feigned innocence passing. "I am simply an honest woman, I can't help if you don't like that." With one last glare, he turned to go toward the stairs.

Her grin widened. "And, nice pajamas, Santa boy!" she yelled after him with a cackle and a slap to the knee. He disappeared to the second floor with a string of curses behind him.

After I placed my gifts on the sofa to take back later, I came back to the kitchen. She was picking up the plates when she took notice of me.

She offered a smile as she threw a plate into the trash. "Feeling older yet?"

"Unfortunately not." I shook my head with a smile, shifting my feet closer to the table. "Can I help?"

"I think I see a gray hair," she teased with a chuckle. "But yes you can help, I should go up there and knock that boy's head off his shoulders for leaving his plate."

I laughed, picking up a fork. "I'll support it."

The next couple of minutes were spent in a comfortable silence as we cleaned. I was too indulged in wiping leftover icing off of the counter when I heard her speak.

"He's a good man, though."

My body turned toward her with a smile. "He is. I'm learning new things every day."

Her lips upturned as she nodded. She pulled one of the stools back and sat, motioning for me to join her. I threw the paper towel in the trash before doing so.

Black strands teased at her cheeks as she shook her head. "Did he tell you about everything? About his dad? About his baby brother?"

I nodded my head. "He has." I wasn't too sure where this was leading to, but it was obviously on her mind.

Her manicured fingers clenched her glass as she nodded. "Good, good. Such a sad life that boy has led. I did my best, but you know, life's got a way of just doing all the wrong things to all the right people."

It was odd to see her this way, so truthful to the pain their family endured. I was so used to seeing different, but I welcomed the vulnerability, nonetheless.

"You know," she sighed. "My so—" She shook her head. "William, he was a good boy. Once upon a time, I think. But, it was too late for him. His mother had wrecked every piece of good in him by the time I got there. I hate myself for it. For not fighting harder to adopt him. For what he did. I know that he did it, but I can't help that feeling."

Before I could think of it, my hand topped hers. "You did what you could, for both him and Kade."

She smiled at my hand, her finger trailing the rim of her glass. "Thank you. I just wished that I would have noticed everything sooner. Perhaps I could have prevented it all from going down the way it did." My heart ached for her as her voice cracked. "My grandson, burned alive in his own brother's bed. And Kade, being so alone after that. It makes me happy that he has you now. So, so happy. I haven't seen that light in his eye since his brother."

She paused to share a ghost of a smile before it turned into a frown. "I tried to help those boys. And their poor mother. William was my son, but I didn't claim or support his actions. Never will. I tried to help Susie, god knows I did. But that poor girl was so stuck, I'm not even sure she knew how to leave." With another sigh, she added, "People say a lot of things about victims of abuse, like why didn't they say anything, why didn't they leave. But, it's so easy to say what you would and would not do when you're looking in from on the outside. But, when you're on the inside? You're face to face with life and death. Especially with children. That's why I'll never blame that poor woman."

"I don't entirely agree with the way Susie handled Kade, but then again, only she does. I've seen how he treats his mother, and I've tried to correct it. But then again, I can see why he does. She has never once spoken to that boy about that day, about those days. I think that could be why there's such a hole in their relationship. Susie has tried to pretend everything is in the past, when we all know it's not. If your son can't even trust you, then it's not."

I nodded along, listening entirely. My lips finally parted for a response, "A part of me wishes the two would just talk. And listen. Susie sees things one way, but Kade sees them in another since she never told him those same things. Do you think..." I trailed off as I considered it.

Kade and his mother were two detached people. Ones that never healed their relationship with one another. By hearing her story, I could understand a lot more, and I wondered if he could too. If it were possible, I wondered if he could forgive her, or at least try to. Not for her, but for himself.

Grandma Jacky nodded, placing a hand over mine as she did. "I do. Truthfully, I do. But that damn boy is as stubborn as a mull. I'm not sure how it could happen, but I just know it could. I just want my grandson to finally let go of some of that hurt. As painful as it was, both of them were trying to survive in the best ways they knew how."

It was true. Kade had lost a brother, but Susie had lost a son. Two, really. It was a lot to process and in that grief, I don't think that she ever truly considered how her actions were perceived to Kade.

I paused as I looked at Grandma Jacky. "I just want to let you know that you're always entitled to your feelings. As much of a monster that William was, he is your son. You don't have to condone his actions to still hold onto that fact. As for Kade, you have no idea. Every time he speaks about you, he talks as if you were his mother." I offered a smile. "In your eyes, you did what you could, but to him, I think that you did everything you could. He has so many good memories here with you. You're one of the reasons he's here today, I think."

Her eyes were bright with tears as she nodded. I saw her throat move against the tension as she let out a sigh. "I needed to hear that, Kimberly. Thank you."

Several moments passed as she got herself together. I waited patiently before she took in a big patch of air.

"Now," she said, downing her 'water'. "Don't let that boy know I was down here crying, I have a reputation to keep."

I laughed, nodding with reassurance. "He'll never know."

After Jacky and I finished talking, Kade and I went back to our cabin. We made hot chocolate and s'mores together, then gathered by the fire. We'd been sitting here for hours now, just discussing the possibilities.

"Six?" I suggested, craning my neck to look up at him.

He shook his head, again.

A groan followed from my side. We'd been discussing for a couple of minutes about whether or not we would adopt a cat. He nearly threw up when I suggested a kitten, so I kept increasing ages.

"Ten years old?" I offered.

He blinked down at me as I smiled. Shaking his head, he fought back a smile of his own. "You're not getting a cat, sweetheart."

"Why not?"

"They're high maintenance, plus you have a fur devil already."

I rolled my eyes, turning to look to the fire. "You're high maintenance." I settled into the warmth of his chest, sighing with content as his hands stroked at my thighs. "And, Pyper is an angel." Raven had sent me several pictures of her, since she was the one who was taking care of her while I was gone.

I felt his chest shake with a sigh. "Fine, we can adopt a damn ten year old black cat named Wybie." His fingers gently cupped my chin to get a look at me. His scowl was on display. "Better?"

My head bobbed as I laughed at him. "Much." He captured my lips only for a split second before pulling back, again.

I felt him shift from behind me. "Ready for your last present?"

At this, I nodded eagerly. For some reason, this present was the most important to him.

"Shut your eyes for me, baby," he mumbled into my ear. "No peeking, either."

I sighed, shutting them. "Don't tell me you're about to kill me."

"That's crazy," he chuckled. I heard a box opening and shutting. "I wouldn't tell you."

His fingertips dangled around the back of my neck until I felt cold metal hit my chest. "Now show me those pretty eyes."

I opened them, immediately going for the piece around my neck. It was a heart-shaped, rose gold necklace.

"Hold it to your eye," he demonstrated, pulling the necklace up to my eyesight.

My heart plummeted to my stomach as I saw it. A picture of us was inside. But, that wasn't the thing that charmed me. It was the moment.

My lips stretched into a grin. "When we snuck into the hotel." I laughed, raising it to my eye, again. The picture was the exact moment we were on the roof. "How did you even get this?" I turned to face him entirely.

Kade shrugged, dropping his hands on my legs. He pulled me to him until we were smack together. "I have my ways, sweetheart. That moment was where it all started."

I bit the inside of my cheek to hide my smile. The significance meant a lot to me. He was right, it was worth the wait.

"Well, technically," I considered as I leaned forward to thank him. "It all started with a diary."