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"Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated." — Alphonse De Lamartine

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Chapter 86
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I barely missed the strand of pasta thrown in my direction.

With a glare, I yanked the plate from Jax as he went to grab another to throw at Maggie. "You've missed her three times, Jax. Give it up, already."

Maggie made a face at her brother, earning a series of giggles from Raven. I didn't even understand why the twins started to argue, but it had ended up in a drunken food fight.

I nearly clapped with joy as a servant came to my aid. I thanked him as I handed the plates over, and attempted to clean the mess to my best ability in order to make it a bit easier on him.

Finally, we could get out of here.

The three of them were past tipsy. I stopped counting their drink count after a while, but it was an enjoyable sight at least.

Jax was right, the manager was definitely a 'friend.' A part of me wanted to join in on the fun, but I refused the urge in order to get all of us home. I managed to focus just enough to sustain myself through the dinner.

I wasn't entirely sure how we made it to the car. Somehow, Jax got the girls to hold onto his shoulders and file to the car in a harmonized song. I could feel the hanging glances of onlookers from their cars as I led my drunk friends toward their seats. There weren't that many since it was late though, so I continued past their stares.

Just as I went to look away, my eyes jumped to the sleek, silver Maserati car. It caught me off so bad, I had to backtrack.

I shook my head as I clicked Raven's seatbelt in. I needed to stop it. There was no way.

I couldn't help the curiosity, though. After suffering a head collision from Jax, I jerked around to where I saw it. There was no car there this time, though.

I was losing my mind.

I blamed it on that, or the fact that I was connecting everything with Kade Ryder. Whatever I thought I saw didn't make any sense, and I shouldn't try to make it.

After double checking over the twins, I caught a glimpse of Raven slumped against her headrest, the drool slipping down her cheek. Luckily, she remembered to give me her keys before the drinks came.

"Hey," I heard from behind me after I got in. I craned my neck, shoving the keys in until the car started from under us.

Jax leaned forward, though the seatbelt wouldn't let him go too far. "You know I love you, right?"

With a small chuckle, I responded with, "I do. Thank you, Jax."

I heard him listing off every reason as to why that love existed, though it was hard to decipher through his drunken tongue. I responded with laughter as I started down the dark road.

I listened to him and Maggie recite some song for at least half an hour, before the car fell silent. Once I heard their snores through the hum of the radio, I knew they were out.

Through the mirror, I witnessed Jax resting on his sister's shoulder, and her own on top of his. If I weren't driving, I would probably snap a picture of the two to tease them about tomorrow morning. Who knew alcohol would be the thing to stop their arguing?

My chest began to weigh the longer I thought over the three. I would miss them dearly, but I'd fit time in between school for visits. I hoped they knew I wasn't running from them, nor was I leaving them behind. They were the ones to help me get to this position, and I would never forget their unconditional love and support.

I would tell them once I heard back from whatever college I decided to apply to. Even though I wanted to run as far as I could, I had to be smart about my budget. I knew I had Kade's check, but I stuck by what I said on that.

The acceptance would secure the deal entirely, and I could go from there. As soon as winter break ended, I would start on my applications. The sooner I heard back from the schools, the sooner I could start looking for apartments, then a new job, and so on. But, I'd do it on my own. I'd be on my own.

A fraction of me wanted to burn the idea, entirely, just because of that. I was afraid to leave the people I had grown to know so well, including my family. I'd become comfortable and content here.

The longer I grasped at that old feeling, the more my doubts grew. But, I couldn't let the fear stop me; it had done so far too many times before.

If everything went the way I needed it too, then I had to to take the chance. If it didn't, then I would do my best to adjust.

But, I couldn't be afraid any longer. I couldn't waste away in this angst, in this tainted town. I was going to get out before it was too late.

By the time we made it to Raven's house, it was nearing midnight. I had no idea how long we were at the restaurant, but the roads were quiet so it had to be a long while.

I managed to wake the three of them without too much issue. The exhaustion was definitely overpowering the buzz. All three nearly crashed into one another, then into me before we finally made it inside.

I turned to the twins as they rubbed at their eyes. "Think you can make it upstairs?" By their slumped figures, I highly doubted it, but it didn't hurt to ask.

Instead of responding, Maggie and Jax flopped down onto either sofa. With a chuckle, I helped a barely conscious Raven along the stairs. On the way up, she nearly tripped me, but we made it to her room, eventually.

I used her makeup wipes to swipe at the leftover streaks along her face. Once I had her shoes off, I pulled the blanket over her sleeping form until she appeared comfortable. I retrieved some blankets for the twins, too, and after placing them, I double-checked that the doors were locked before finally heading upstairs.

I nearly moaned with relief as I fell back onto the spacious bed. It was the one I usually slept in when I stayed over. "Finally."

I couldn't sleep right now, though. I had to start the first stage of my plan: actually finding the colleges.

Once I had my phone out, I quickly powered it on. With my knees tugged to my chest, I tugged the blanket over my shoulders, then began.

I stayed in that position until my back began to ache. By the time I was content, I had a few listed in my notes app. The setup was muddled, but it would have to do since I wasn't waking Raven up just for a pen and paper.

I glanced over the list, again. I tried to be realistic with the fees, which meant I dwindled down the options to the best tuition costs. Even though I had Kade's check, I still planning on not using it until it was absolutely one of the last choices.

It was nearing one o'clock now, but the exhaustion hadn't quite claimed me yet. For the first time in weeks, I wanted to stay awake.

So, I rolled to my side for comfort, then began the search of apartments near the college campuses. I didn't quite care about much, as long as it was suitable and livable.

Just as the page loaded, I heard it. A doorbell.

My body grew rigid at it before I shook my head at myself. It was proven that my imagination had been really strong tonight. No one would be here this late.

I returned back to my phone, squinting my eyes at the bright screen as I scrolled through the lists. Once my finger clicked at an option, I heard it, again. This time, the ringing followed up with a hard knock. Then, another a moment later.

I placed my phone down to the side of the bed, raising myself. I wanted to guess that it was probably children playing some sort of prank, but the hit was strong. No kid could muster that sort of strength behind their knock.

As I descended down the stairs, my steps slowed at the beating of the door. The sound alone seemed quite irritated.

My blood chilled once I heard the muffled voice behind the door. It belonged to a man, but I couldn't decipher it too clearly. Shit.

My skin paled when I remembered that Daniel could still be out there, somewhere. What would stop him from coming here now, especially with knowing that Kade wasn't around?

I hadn't heard anything of his whereabouts, but I couldn't be too careful. Not this time. He'd been watching me for months, without any of us having an ounce of clue. He could have been watching from the shadows this entire time.

I was shocked at the twins, and their obliviousness. They were still sleeping, blankets twisted around their bodies, and snores bouncing off the walls. I was on my own here.

I turned to return to the guest room for my phone. If anything, I could have that on hand. Just in case. But, if Daniel managed to knock it from my hands—

I shook my head at myself. I was being way too cautious about possibly nothing at all. The best guess I had was Levi, but Raven hadn't mentioned a visit from him. Plus, he'd been at the cages more often than not the past week, I guessed to aid in Kade's training.

I managed to keep my feet quiet as I headed back down the staircase. The more the knocking carried on, the more the door shook on its hinges.

Willing myself to carry on, I craned my neck enough to get a glimpse through the blinds. Two men stood outside, but their backs were turned to me. From here, I caught sight of their large stature, as well as their hushed whispers, that were barely even that at all.

"Fuck it," one of them hissed. The voice made me pause. "I'm going to kick the fucking door down."

It took a minute to entirely register, but once he turned to follow up on his promise, I caught on.

Relief calmed me at the sight of Luke and Levi, but that feeling didn't last too long. What were they doing here?

The only answer I had was the last one I wanted. It had to have something to do with Kade.

Immediately, my heart fell to my feet at the thought. My fingers hurriedly tended to the latch.

Luke nearly knocked me out with the raised hand intended for the door, but I stepped back just in time. Levi was right behind him. Both boys matched my startled expression to the same extent.

Neither of them said anything, instead walking right in. I shut the door behind them, barely even remembering to lock it back up as they continued along behind me.

"Took you long enough," Luke mumbled, his eyes roaming over the space.

I observed over them both, warily. "I thought you were..." I shook my head, my arms falling over my chest. "It doesn't matter. What do you want?"

Luke was swift with his movements. He pulled out a carton of cigarettes, as well as a lighter before Levi snatched it from his hand with a scowl. "Raven doesn't like smoking in her house."

Luke responded with a glare, but put them away, anyway. "Soft ass."

I watched his eyes fall to the twins, but they lingered a moment later on one in participator. His lips twitched before he noticed me watching.

His dark eyes blinked at me, but I noticed the way his frown fell the longer he watched Maggie. "She wasted?"

I nodded to edge the truth from him—he hadn't answered my question yet. "All of them are. Though, I'm sure you both know that already." I raised an eyebrow at either boy.

I was right: it was Luke's car at the restaurant. I didn't trust my eyes at that moment, but they were correct in that one observation. Him and Levi were watching us.

Luke chuckled, his gaze falling back to her. "I knew the little brat couldn't handle her alcohol." He used the fallen blanket to swipe at her nose, to which she responded with a lazy swat.

His expression danced with humor until he tossed the blanket over her, again. His actions were nearly effortless, but I noted the way he positioned the blanket until it covered her entirely.

My suspicions deepened the longer I observed over it. I stepped closer to make sure that I was seeing the image right.

The way he was looking at her, it was how Kade looked at me. Used to.

Even though my insides cried out at the thought, I didn't fight the small knowing smile from crossing my lips. Luke tore his gaze from her to glare at me, clearing his throat before stepping away from her, entirely.

Levi matched my smirk, moving his eyes to mine. His face fell as he stepped closer. I didn't expect the interaction but before I could even consider it, he was hugging me.

My arms hung around him lazily as I felt him squeeze. Slowly, I pulled back from the grasp with a confused expression. "What was that for?"

Levi sighed, running a hand through his dark locks. "My stupid fucker of a friend."

I glanced between him and Luke, carefully. I appreciated it, but there was no way they came here just to tell me that. "Is there anything else, or were you both just being stalkers for the hell of it?"

Luke's glare fell to his shoes, moving until he stood alongside his friend. Levi spared a glance in his direction before finally meeting my eyes.

Green eyes roamed my face. "Look," Levi huffed out, muttering something inaudible under his breath. "We need you."

I doubled backed at his claim. "What?"

"We need your help," he admitted in a tired tone. "Well...Kade does."

I froze in my spot, immediately, at multiple points. This was the first time I heard his name out loud in weeks.

I didn't know if this was some type of joke they were running, but I wanted nothing to do with it, nor did I want anything to do with him. Or, his damn need for my help.

"No," I said.

Levi tugged a hand down his face. "Kimberly, please—"

I shook my head, taking a few steps back from their bullshit. "No, Levi. He doesn't deserve anything from me ever again, especially my help. I have no idea what you two thought to accomplish here, but it's not happening. He didn't..." I paused to allow the strain in my voice to settle. "He didn't care when he left. He didn't care when he broke me, and left me with nothing. So, why should I care about him?" By the end of the argument, I was barely in tact.

Levi paused to consider my words, his brow furrowed as his mouth grew grim. "Kimberly—"

I didn't want anything to do with it, or any of them. "The answer is, and always will be no, Levi," I snapped over him. "I'm not sure what Kade told you to do here, but—"

"He didn't tell us to do anything."

I paused to glance at Luke. He was already staring at me, and for the first time since I met him, I saw adjuration.

"Then, why are you here?"

"Because," Luke propped himself against the back of the couch, nodding at me. "We care about the son of a bitch, and if we didn't come..." he paused, shaking his head. "Could you just listen to what we have to say first?" He paused, considering himself before he cleared his throat awkwardly. "Please."

I nibbled on the inside of my cheek, observing either boy over. I wanted to say no, to push them out of the house, and go back upstairs as if nothing happened.

But, I didn't. The curiosity was poking at me too relentlessly to ignore.

I nodded as I came to my final decision. "You get five minutes, that's it. After that, I don't want to hear from either of you, ever again."

I motioned for them to continue this in the kitchen. I didn't want to wake the twins. I heard their footsteps scurrying after me before I finally turned.

I took a seat on one of the stools, then rested my elbows along the cold counter. Levi and Luke leaned against whatever surface they could, both men watching over me for permission.

I drew in a breath for encouragement. I'd need that, and more.

Finally, I nodded. "Tell me."

Luke propped his arms against the stove, muscles straining under his shirt. "Ryder's been fucked up ever since that shit between you two went down. And, I'm not talking about just emotionally."

My fingers tightened into fists as his words. As many times that I wished Kade felt a fraction of what I did, I finally knew. But, I didn't expect to feel so much remorse at the information. I couldn't understand it, but the feeling remained there, nonetheless.

Kade hurt me. He was the one to leave, to lie and give up. He was the one who caused this predicament, not me. He was the one who claimed it all to be a game, a challenge. So, why did my heart begin to tremor at the thought of his suffering?

That was the thing about loving someone. It didn't just stop. If the love was real, if the connection was real, it stuck with you even when you didn't want it to. When people told you to let them go—as if it could happen with a snap of the finger—you couldn't. The heart never worked that way.

"He's been missing his training, and even if he is there, he's not really. More often than not, he's drunk or high off his ass. I've hit the bastard more times than I can count because he's been so sloppy. He just...doesn't care anymore," Luke explained. If I strained my ears just enough, I was sure I heard hints of panic. "He doesn't give two fucks about winning, now."

"And, that means," Levi picked up, tatted fingers squeezing at his temples. "That he's going to get killed if he doesn't get his shit together. The fucker has to fight six men, Kimberly. Six. They'll happily beat him to death if they see the shit we've seen from him these past couple of weeks."

My throat tightened as the potential images of flooded my mind. I couldn't bare the thought of Kade's dead body inside of that place, or in general. Just waiting to be picked up, and discarded. I couldn't.

"Kade didn't send us," Luke clarified. "He doesn't even know we're here, actually. He would probably kill us for it, but I don't give a fuck right now." He stepped closer to me. "We're here as his brothers, Kimberly. We're his family, and we need your help."

Desperation made his eyes darker, I noticed. His lips moved into a tight line, his fingers tightening around the edges of the counter.

Finally, I managed a response. "What do you guys want me to do about it?" I mumbled past the heartbeat in my throat. "He told me that he didn't care about me, that he didn't love me—"

Luke jerked away as if I had slapped him. His expression shifted into one of confusion, eyes jumping to the tiles. "What—"

"The fuck?" Levi finished for him, voice heightened with shock.

I stared at him questionably, then moved my gaze to Levi, who was just as bewildered. "He told me—"

"No, we heard what you said." Luke plopped himself onto a stool, his brows scrunching. "There's no fucking way."

"Of course he loves you," Levi mumbled, his eyes roaming the tattoos along his wrist as he shook his head so hard, his brown strands moved with him. "Have you seen the son of a bitch? He looks at you like..."

"Like he never wants to look away," Luke muttered, before meeting my gaze. "What all did he say?"

I told them the contents of that day, but I barely made it to end before their shared glances pushed me over the edge.

"What?" I asked unsteadily, stealing looks between the two. "Quit trying to hide whatever it is. Just tell me."

"He told us not to say," Levi sighed out, his face in his hands.

Luke scoffed, pulling out a chair then sitting on it backwards. His arms hung lazily over the sides. A hand ran through his hair with extra force, frustrated face shifting into agitation.

"Fuck all that bro-code shit right now," he huffed out. "His life is on the line right now, and I'm not letting the idiot get hisself killed."

Again, another shared glance between the two.

I turned to Levi. "Is he talking about your plan?"

Luke's glare at his friend gave me the answer. I guessed he wasn't supposed to let anyone in on it. Finally, Levi's gaze dipped to my own.

His arms pulled over his chest as he flicked his head at me. "Did you know I've never actually seen Ryder cry until you were in the hospital? The fucker left the cages in the middle of practice once just because you texted him that you were fucking hungry. When he'd left his car at his place, he walked in the rain to you from Luke's house just because you had a nightmare."

In the corner of my eye, I saw Luke nod in agreement. "The bastard threw up after you two fought once. I've never even seen him blush until you barely even kissed his cheek," he added, shaking his head in disgust. "And some other sweet shit I'll never understand. But I've seen it from him this past year." Sincerity hung in his expression so heavily, it was hard to avoid. "Kimberly, trust me. Kade loves you. More than anyone or anything—including us—I think. The fucker comes running with his tail in between his legs every time you even blink at him. He only said that bullshit to make you leave. He was scared of someone hurting you because of him again, so he left before it could happen. He was doing it for you."

Levi's head fell as he shook it, barely muffling a stressed groan. A hand snaked down the length of his face. "I'm gonna slap the everlasting shit out of that dumbass."

"Kimberly," Luke grasped my attention, again. "I don't care what the hell happens after, but the fight is tomorrow night. He'll get killed if he goes into it like this." I could feel his eyes piercing into my very soul as my own fell. "We didn't come sooner because we thought he'd quit being so goddamn stupid, and you'd both just fall back together, but...listen." He shifted in his chair until he was closer. "We need you to come tomorrow."

I paused, the air leaving my lungs at the request. "But, Kade said—"

"Fuck what Kade's stupid ass said," Luke inserted in with a scoff. "We'll be right by your side, and you know we won't let shit happen to you. You don't even have to talk to the fucker or do anything. We just need to make sure he sees you so that he can get his shit together."

My heart thumped in my throat the longer the information seeped in. My mind was entirely jumbled up at this point.

Kade tried to push me away. He tried to make me want to leave. To make me not want him. He knew that I wouldn't leave for such a reason as the one he provided. He said all of it, did all of it...to protect me.

My mind shifted bits and pieces of information apart, but that same feeling still hovered, no matter which way it went: heartbreak.

Even if Kade had done it to protect me, the end result was the same. I was left to pick at the pieces of what he had broken. Even if he did love me, even if he did mean every word, every kiss, every promise...he still left. He didn't try and make our relationship work; he gave it, me up.

My heart still beat for him, it always would. If it came down to it, I would still give my life for Kade. There wasn't a doubt to that, or my love.

But I didn't want to be with anyone who wouldn't fight for me.

I didn't realize the boys were waiting for my answer until I caught their eyes. They were watching me so intensely, the tension in the room couldn't even be cut with a knife right now.

My eyes fell to avoid it. "I..." I forced out a sigh, to at least try and release some of the tension in my chest. "I just need some time to think on it, okay?"

Lukes' eyes nearly popped out of his head; Levi's expression grew tight with frustration. Both men cursed under their breaths after hearing me.

"We don't have time," Luke snapped, his darkened eyes glaring into mine before they finally shifted to Levi. "I told you it wouldn't work. We should have just went with the kidnapping plan, damn it. It would have went so smoothly but you never listen—"

I raised my brow at that, and Levi glared back at his friend, then moved closer to me. "Kimberly, the match is tomorrow. We need an answer."

I exhaled. "You'll have one before it starts."

I jumped as Luke's hand slammed onto the counter. It stayed there as he raised himself.

"This isn't some fucking game, Kimberly," he hissed at me. "It's our best friend's life." Levi stood up to match him as Luke marched to my side of the counter.

My bones froze as I stared up at him. Luke paused until he was in front of me. I almost fell out as his big hands went to my shoulders. They weren't intended to hurt me, they were just...there.

"Kimberly," he said my name with such defeat and plea, that I had trouble placing it with the man I knew. His voice softened into a near whisper as his head fell. "If there is a tiny piece of you that still loves him, please listen to it. Please. I know his fear wasn't an excuse to say what he said, and personally, I would knock the fucker out myself if I were you but..." his pleading expression deepened as he raised his eyes to mine.

"I'm not asking you to forgive him right now. Im not asking you to fuck over your own feelings, and automatically get back with him," he bargained. "I'm begging you as his best friend, and as his brother to help him. You're the only one who can help him. So, please, please do."

His eyes glistened with fear and desperation before it disappeared with a shake of the head. With one last huff, he turned and walked away, the door slamming shut behind him.

Levi stared in the direction his friend left in before finally turning back around to face me. His eyes reeked of hopelessness, lips molded into a frown.

"I need your answer before tomorrow at seven. Please just..." he paused, his expression falling as he came closer. His arms came around me, and it was then that I felt his tremor. "Please." His everything went into that single term as he held me to him. This time, I allowed myself to fall into his hug.