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"Childhood should be carefree, playing in the sun; not living a nightmare in the darkness of the soul." — Dave Pelzer

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Chapter 46
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Raven's mother placed the two iced teas down. "If there's anything else I can get you two, I'm only a call away, girls."

I smiled at her as a thank you, watching as she exited to the upstairs to get some work done. This was the first time I'd seen her in a while.

I picked up the cold car glass, and took a sip before my friend's expression caught my eye. She looked as if she had seen a ghost.

I placed the glass down. "Babe?" I acknowledged. "Is everything okay?"

I frowned when she remained silent. My concern rose as I placed my hands on hers. "Raven."

As if my touch had been a hot iron, she swept her hand from under mine, her eyes wide. I jumped, too.

"I'm sorry," she squeezed. "I'm just..." her frustration ended the sentence for her.

"Raven," I called, scooting closer to her. "It's okay. You know that you can talk to me about anything."

Raven looked up at me, red hair framing her face. She shut her eyes once, before finally opening them with a sigh.

"I saw my dad," she said in the smallest of voices.

My lips pressed together. I figured it was either that, or Levi, but now I knew. "I'm sorry, Raven." My hand went to hers. "Did he speak to you?"

She shook her head, and I watched as she swallowed a lump of tears. "Levi took me out. My dad...he saw me. We met eyes, and everything. He looked me dead in my face, and went back to his other daughter. He was too busy with her, ordering her my favorite dessert and treating her to my favorite restaurant." I could tell there was more, but at the crack in her voice, I immediately soothed her from the distress.

"Come here," I moved closer, and pulled her in for a hug. "I'm so sorry, sweet girl." I laid my chin on her head, wrapping my arms around her.

She sunk right in, her cries increasing until it eventually stopped. I held on, coaxing her. It hurt so badly to watch her break, but there was nothing that I could do besides be here.

Minutes later, I heard her sniffle. "That's not the only thing," she added, her words muffled against my shoulder. "This week has been so crazy."

I looked down to her. "What else?"

"Levi...he showed me something," she whispered. "Something fucking crazy."

My eyebrow raised, and I held her at arms length to look in her eyes. "Like what exactly?"

Raven sighed, swiping at her eyes. "I can't tell you, and even if I do, you probably won't believe me."

"You're my best friend. If you believe in walking dolphins, then I guess I do too," I joked. "Try me."

Her eyes fell, another sniffle following before she raised her gaze. "You can't tell anyone. Not even Maggie or Jax, okay?"

I nodded.

She drew in a long breath. "The other night...he took me to this underground place. It was freaky, okay? All of these huge guys were either fighting, drunk, or hooked on drugs," she said, her eyes still wide as the memory grew fresh. "And, I saw so many pairs of tits, I think I gained another freaking pair." Her hands went to her chest.

Oh. "Raven," I chuckled.

Her hands fell. "That's not even the worst part, Kimberly," she expressed. "I saw these expensive looking cars on the outside of the building. Turns out, they race them!"

"Raven, I already—"

"Then, Levi told me how they got them in the first place. You wouldn't believe it!" she exclaimed, eyes wide. She turned, grasping either shoulder. "They steal them."

I looked at her, my eyes growing in size. "What?" Out of everything I thought I knew she'd say...that wasn't it.

I knew about the underground cage, and the racing. But, I never bothered on asking how they came into possession of the cars.

Suddenly, Luke's taunt hit me harder than I wanted it to. 'I wouldn't be so surprised when you see a couple cars missing around here soon.'

I never tried to dwell on his words, since I'd only thought of them as a taunt. Now though, I wished I would have. 

Was Kade involved in it? A part of me felt stupid for even asking, because he was a part of that life. Everything inside of that place was illegal, but car theft would definitely leave him in a jail cell before any of the others.

I glanced to Raven, who looked to be just as distraught. "But, how?" I breathed out.

By her expression, I figured I wouldn't want to hear it. I knew I needed to though. I would never get answers without asking questions.

Raven attempted a small smile, though I knew it wasn't wholehearted. "You're not going to like it..." she confirmed my worries.

"I know," I sighed.

Raven swept loose traces of hair past her ear, seeping back into the chair. "Well, Luke's the one who has to...injure the person if they try to stop them from taking the car, and Kade is the one who actually does the theft. Levi is the person who does the transfer. You know, gets the car to the underground bunker thing. It's like a team effort, bullshit, trio thing."

I swallowed the thick lump in my throat. "This is crazy."

"Everyone around town calls them the three musketeers because they're all so fucking tight in their little brotherhood," she rolled her eyes at it. "When they're all just idiots. Freaking idiots."

I couldn't argue, nor agree. Right now, I was just dumbfounded.

Raven nodded, agreeing with whatever expression I wore. "I mean...they're all filthy rich. What reason would they need to go and do this?"

I nibbled on my lip to try and give me time to conjure a response, but I couldn't find any.

I decided to dig. "Did Levi tell you anything else about it?"

She shook her head, brown curls and all going with her. "Not that I remember. I freaked out, and we left before I could see anything else."

I sighed in disappointment before shrugging. "You'll get used to it." At her shocked expression, I told her, "Kade took me there a couple times."

She nodded, slowly accepting the information. Finally, she stood up from the couch. "I don't think we'll ever get used to our boys." She turned to face me, a small smile crossing her face. "But in the meantime, I have a best friend and a tub of ice cream to bond with."

I chuckled, craning my neck as she made her way to the kitchen. "Not today, Raven."

I heard the fridge door shut, before she walked back to me. In her hand, was said ice cream.

Her head titled, lips in a pout. "Trying to bail on me so soon, huh? I never pegged you for that type of friend, babe."

I flicked my head at the temping ice cream with a laugh. "Don't worry, I'll be back for that later."

"If there's any left," she mumbled past a scoop. "I'm warning you, there's no guarantee."

She sat down once again, pulling her legs under you. "You know what, thought? I'll happily be ditched for that fine piece of ass boyfriend of yours."

My head rolled back against the sofa with a laugh. "Raven."

"What? Don't tell me that you're not messing around, yet?" she chuckled, digging into the tub with her spoon.

My expression confirmed her suspicions. My cheeks shaded in color as her eyes grew wide, as did her surprise.

"You're kidding?" she exaggerated, placing the ice cream down.

I wanted to speak up, but I couldn't quite get the words out. I knew that I had nothing to be ashamed of, but I couldn't tell my conscience that.

Her eyes squinted at me. "So, you haven't done anything with him?" she asked.

I shook my head.

"Not even a blowjob?" she questioned with shock. "What about a handjob?"

I shook my head, again, willing the conversation to end. "Nope."

Her shock shifted into humor as she picked the carton back up. "Well...that's shocking considering the golden trio's reputation."

As badly as I wanted the conversation to end, I found myself leaning in. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"What?" her eyes jerked up to mine before falling again with a shrug. "Oh, nothing. It's just...you can't leave a man like that waiting, you know? They're never as okay with it as they let on. Trust me, Justin was the same way at first."

At this, I felt my agitation flare into fresh anger. She was my best friend, yes, but that didn't give her a right to say that. I loved her, so I never judged her or her many, many stories. I never knocked her down for it, because it wasn't any of my business. It was her life, and her body, so I had nothing to say in what she did with it. And, she didn't in mine, either.

My fingers tightened around the sofa. "Look, Raven, I don't want to go into that with you, okay? What Kade and I do is our business, and what I do with my body is my choice." Her lips parted but I stopped her, "So, you can stop trying to make me feel guilty for not acting as reckless as you do. I'm sorry that I don't open my legs for every guy who gives me a dozen roses."

After I was finished, I stood. I caught hold of her shocked expression before I was grabbing my jacket, and walking out. I didn't wait for anything else.

I'd left my words on a thin string, and if she chose to cut them from her acknowledgment, then so be it. But, I'd be crazy to sit there and listen to her bullshit.

It wasn't intentional to make her day any worse by saying what I said, but my anger was already fired up from my mother's letter. Everything after seemed to add to that flame.

I hadn't even read it, but just seeing my mom's name encouraged the fury inside of me. My dad had told me that it was the latest one, and now that I knew of their existence, he thought it right to give it to me. I'd found it hypocritical but accepted nonetheless.

I walked to my fathers car. He wasn't as strict since today was Sunday, the last day of my suspension, which was everything but a relief to me.

Tomorrow, I would have to return to school and face the same people I tried to forget over suspension. Except now, everything was probably shifted and news had probably gotten out about Kade and I's situation, a much bigger ordeal than the fight.

As I drove to his home, I felt my anger slowly drift until the curiosity replaced it. I knew that I would have to ask about the car theft, but how? I didn't know.

By the time I saw his house in the distance, my mind had formed an endless pits of different things to say in order to lead to the situation. So far, none of them left me with a happy ending.

I frowned in confusion as I pulled into his long driveway. Another car sat in front of mine, the exterior unrecognizable.

I shut my door, and left my belongings inside. From what I knew, we weren't going to be inside of his home for long, so I decided to leave the extra weight behind.

It was more than obvious that my car didn't fit in with the glamorous neighborhood. I hoped no one thought me to be a burglar, or something,

I walked to his front door, still eyeing the strange car. It could be Louise's, though I didn't recall him having a sports car.

I tried to block out every other sound as I heard the voices on the order side of the door. I stood for a minute on the outside of his house, my hands clammy in my jacket pockets.

Suddenly, someone answered the door. I felt relief once I saw Levi standing there, though my stomach clenched tight once I saw Luke close behind him.

Luke scoffed, shifting his eyes to Levi. "What is she doing here?"

Levi glared at his friend, before he directed his gaze to me. I felt myself grow rugged as I remembered our last meeting with his car.

By the smile on his face, I guessed he had already gotten past that part. Though, I knew to not let my guards down so easily.

"What's up?" he acknowledged me.

"I'm looking for Kade," I responded. "Where is he?"

His pink lips parted to speak, before Luke interrupted, "He's not here." His eyes went to Levi. "What do you think, Levi? Probably balls deep down some other's chick's throat by now, right?"

It took every being inside of me to not slap the shit out of him.

I rolled my shoulders back. "Then, why are you here?"

Luke crossed his arms over his chest. "We're his friends. Who are you?"

"I'm his..." I trailed off as I considered labeling myself, then decided against it as I realized that it wasn't completely accurate. I couldn't figure out what was.

He smirked down at me. "Ah, I got you there, didn't I? Well...let me give you a heads up." His stormy blue eyes clouded with arrogance. "You're nothing but his plaything, sweetheart. He's had plenty. Never think too much of it."

I wanted to say something back, but I couldn't muster up the energy. I begged my mouth to open, to mirror his rudeness. But, the spiteful words remained hidden underneath my tongue.

"Whatever," I muttered, before I tried to step past him.

I knew that he was lying about Kade not being here. His car was right outside, and he knew of the time we were to spend together today.

I was blocked by Luke. "Not so fast, princess," he stopped me.

I ignored him, and tried, again. He used his large shoulder to gently push into mine, but it still knocked me back a couple of steps.

I huffed, stumbling back. I'd be lying if I said the impact wouldn't leave a bruise or two.

Levi stepped in, grabbing at his shoulder. "Quit being an ass, Luke," he demanded.

Lukes' eyes remained on mine. "You can't come in," his smirk only raged my senses.

I wanted to hit him, to pull at his strings the way he did me. That feeling was only increasing by the minute.

I glared at him. "Could you quit being an asshole and just move?" My eyes jerked up to him angrily.

It was like magic. Kade appeared in seconds, his brown eyes speculating over the situation. I didn't know how much he had seen, but by the angry expression he now wore, I knew he'd seen enough.

He snapped his eyes back up to Luke, who wore an innocent expression. Luckily, Kade didn't buy it.

"What the fuck are you doing?" he asked slowly before moving his eyes to mine. "He didn't let you in?"

Luke and I clashed gazes, our heated debate continuing in a string of a glare. I knew what would happen if I said no, and as relieving as it would be to see Luke get his ass beat, I'd seen how Kade got when he fought. I didn't want to force him into that place again, nor did I want it to ruin the day.

"No, I just got here," I gritted out. My eyes sent warning to Luke: 'this is your last time, dipshit.' He took it, squinting his eyes at me.

Kade read over me for a second before shifting glares to both of his friends. Levi raised his hands in surrender. Kade took slow, steady steps to Luke.

"I'm gonna ask you this shit one more time." His eyes narrowed at him, putting his hands behind his back as he glared at Luke. "Why weren't you letting my girl in my house, Luke?"

Before he could respond, Kade had him by his shirt, yanking him off the platform so that he had no choice but to stumble. Before he could hit the ground, Kade grasped him by the back of his neck, a move I could tell all three boys normally did on one another.

Levi groaned under his breath, mumbling a string of curses. By his reaction, I guessed he'd seen this a number of times.

Luke hissed under the grasp, attempting to free himself. "I didn't do anything, you dumb fuck—"

Kade's fingers went white against the back of his neck. "Say you're sorry."

"Fuck you, bitch."

He pressed down, a calm expression on his face.

Luke hissed, cursing under his breath. "Fine, fine. I'm sorry, Kimberly. There, goddamn!"

Kade flicked his head at me. "Was that good or do you think he could do better, sweetheart?"

All eyes were on me. Levi was leaning against the door, his arms crossed with a smirk. Kade was waiting, and Luke was rolling his eyes and silently cursing me in every shape and form.

I nodded once. "It was fine."

Kade watched me for a moment before shoving out a sigh. He released Luke, pushing him away from him with a glare. Luke raised himself, rubbing at his neck with a returned anger filled look.

Kade motioned to me, his eyes still on Luke. "She just saved you from a well-deserved ass beating, Vaudest."

"And, me from having to break it up and getting smacked because of it," Levi acknowledged me with a nod. "Thank you, Kimberly. I couldn't have another black eye fucking up this pretty face of mine."

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Kade questioned Luke, his eyes weighing his friend down in heavy rage.

"What's wrong with me? What the hell is wrong with you?" Luke returned, stepping closer. "You missed a meeting. You never do that shit."

Kade clenched his jaw, jerking his eyes over the both of them. "Get the fuck out of my house," he spat at him, his words directed to Levi as well.

Luke shook his head, his scowl in tact. "You need to be at the next meeting, or else—"

Kade cocked his head as he stepped closer to Luke. Despite them both being the same exact height, he seemed to tower over Luke, who still bravely stood his ground.

"Or else, what?" Kade said slowly, lips tilted into a shit-eating grin. "What? You wanna hit me? Quit talking and take the shot then, bitch."

I grew fearful of the next events as Kade clenched his fists, the muscles in his arms straining against the sleeveless shirt. My eyes jerked between all three boys.

When Luke said nothing, Kade chuckled, eyeing his friend up and down. "Exactly what I thought. Now, get the fuck out of my house."

Luke wanted to argue. I could see it when his skin turned red in tone, his pink lips falling down into a frown. Instead of adding gas to the fire, he turned away, clenching his fists in and out.

When he drifted by my side, I felt my senses grow alert. Kade saw this too, and quickly addressed it. 

"And, another thing," He said, stepping until he came face to face with Luke. "If I ever see, hear or even think that you disrespected Kimberly again, I'll come so close to killing you with my bare hands, you'll see hell."

"When you come here again," he added, his lips tilting a smile. "You only talk to her, about her, and around her with respect. Anything else, and I'll be there before you can even finish the thought. You get me?"

Luke said nothing, his jaw muscle rolling as he glared back into Kade's eyes. They were close in size and the same height, but with his rage, I figured Kade would still take the metal home if the two ever bumped heads.

Kade turned to Levi. "The same thing goes for you, too."

Levi's eyes widened. "Nope, hell no. Don't involve me." He raised his hands in surrender. "I'm not in this shit."

Kade disregarded it, looking between the two. "I'll be at the next meeting." He flicked his head at them. "Now, leave before I change my mind about slapping the shit out of both of you."

They both walked to the car I had wondered about before. Levi told me goodbye, his smile sympathetic. Luke continued to roll his jaw, his steps burning holes into the ground.

Kade shut the door behind me. I was surprised when he wrapped his long arms around me, my face falling into his chest.

"You alright?" I heard him ask.

I pulled away, and smiled at him. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"I'm sorry," he mumbled. "Luke just pretends to be a rude ass, but he was here and in an extra pissy ass mood because his d..." His voice fell before he cleared his throat, shaking his head. "Him and Wallace have keys and shit, and have a tendency of just walking in when they want. I didn't even know they were here, yet."

I nodded. "It's alright." I decided to change the subject to avoid going any deeper. I had a feeling that if I told him what really happened, he'd chase Luke's car down himself. "Are you ready to go?"

He nodded. "Let me go grab something really quick."

He handed me his keys, and my eyebrow raised in question. He chuckled. "We're not driving your car. It goes like three miles per hour."

I rolled my eyes, dangling the keys in my hand. "You know...not everyone can have a lamborghini, Kade."

The humor that sparked in his eyes made my heart do tricks.

His eyes hung with it. "It's a Dodge Charger, you smart ass," he chuckled, his arms crossed against his chest.

I shrugged. "I've been taking up lessons with you," I shot back, to my own surprise.

Sometimes, I needed to remind myself that it was alright to joke. To stand up for myself. It was hard to transition into confidence after seventeen years of only silence, and suppressed responses and reactions.

Kade studied me over, his smirk never dying. "I'll be right back."

I nodded in understanding, and walked out of his house. Once I got into his car and cranked it up, I made sure to turn the heat up before I did anything else. The chill was really getting to me, and I knew that it'd only get worse.

I laid my head against the window, watching the small trees wave to me as the cool wind blew at their leaves. Sometimes, I envied their state of independence. Their free will to not worry about anything, or for anything.

Sometimes, I wanted more than I let on. I wanted complete happiness, the will to go to my mom's home without feeling unsafe. I wished for the free will to call my mother about my problems, instead of having to wait on her to fix her own. I wanted so much that I couldn't have.

I swallowed the thick lump in my throat as I heard a door open. I hurried to blink away the fresh wave of tears as Kade made his way to the car.

I was ashamed to be crying over that woman. Out of everyone, she didn't deserve my tears. Years, and years of torment and abuse still circled me in a motion that could only break me. I was seventeen, only a month from eighteen. Yet, I still felt like the same girl trapped in a molding bedroom, my body bruised to the point of being unrecognizable.

I sniffled away the last bit of my pain I could take, and mustered a smile at Kade as he got inside. It was difficult to gather myself in such a short time, but in all the years of my life, I learned the act like a pro.

I continued to stare over our surroundings as he pulled out of his driveway. As soon as he had us on the road, I heard him, "You wanna stop the bullshit act, and tell me what's wrong?"

I sighed, biting into my lip as I stared out the window. "That obvious, huh?"

His tongue darted into his cheek. "What's wrong?" he ignored my question, and went straight for the target.

"Kade..."

"Kimberly," he returned. .

"I don't want to ruin our day, alright?" I sighed out.

I wanted to tell him, to spill the contents of it all on the table. Yet, it was hard. It was so hard. The words were on the tip of my tongue, and I was certain that they'd stay there.

My dad, nor Ryland knew of my true feelings. They had no idea of the things that coursed through my head as the days went on. They loved the version that I'd shown them, so I kept it up.

I watched as he frowned, his eyebrows furrowing. "Why would our day be ruined, if we were still together?"

I smiled at that, but his face remained neutral. I wasn't even sure if he realized that his words meant something far more than I could admit.

Finally, I pulled in a sigh. "My mom...she sent me a letter, one that I actually saw for myself."

He bobbed his head. "What did she want?"

I shrugged, leaning closer to the heat. "I didn't read it. I didn't even open it, actually."

Kade took his eyes from the road for a minute to look at me, then returned them to the same spot. In the short time, I tried to find the judgement I expected, but found nothing.

"I wouldn't want to talk to her, either," he said. "She doesn't deserve to talk to you, let alone anything else. Fuck her." I nodded in agreement.

"I haven't talked to my dad in years, not even when he wrote to me," he acknowledged. "I understand why you don't."

My mind flashed back to the letter I'd found in his drawer. It was addressed from his father, but it hadn't been opened. I couldn't help but wonder if there were any letters that he might have opened out of curiosity.

"Have you ever opened any of them?" I questioned him. "Like at all?"

Kade snorted, shaking his head. "Hell no."

I nodded my head. "I get it." I traced the lining of my jacket before looking to him again. "Kade?"

"Mhm?" he responded, drumming his fingers against the steering wheel.

I bit my lip as I thought over my next words. I knew that it was a long shot, but I would miss the ball if I didn't run soon.

I kept my voice steady. "Would you ever...go and see your father?"

I looked at him once his silence answered the question independently. I figured it was a hard subject, but my curiosity ruled over knowledge.

"If he was on his deathbed," he responded, his jaw tight with anger. "I'd only go to finish the dance on the fucker's corpse, though."

I blinked, astounded at his response. "You really hate him," I stated, placing my hand down on top of his.

Kade's gaze flickered to mine, his brown eyes full with anger. He snatched his hand away from mine. "Yeah, you think?"

I frowned at him. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked—"

"No," he snapped. "You shouldn't have."

I looked at him, my mind foggy with confusion. I decided it best to not add fuel to the fire, but to instead let it burn out before I lit another match.

After the moment of silence, I heard the exhale leave his lips. It was quiet, but in the thick tension, along with the silent atmosphere, an ant could be heard between it all.

His voice built over each word. "I'm sorry for my outburst," he apologized, his grip tightening around the steering wheel. "I shouldn't have gotten angry about a question, and I apologize."

I acknowledged his apology with a head nod. "I shouldn't have brought it up."

He shook his head. "This isn't on you. You don't have to apologize," he sighed, his bottom lip trapped in his teeth. "Not for my fuckups."

I couldn't stop myself as I reached for his hand. "You learned something, didn't you?" The warmth settled in my skin as we made contact.

He nodded, his hand squeezing mine with a soft pressure. The small gesture warmed my heart to the very touch.

I looked forward. "Are you going to tell me where we're going?" I asked. We'd been driving for a while, now.

"You should know this road by now," he hinted as he made another turn.

I glanced around once again, then realized that we were going to the spot in the woods. Just seeing it made my smile. The quiet, and peaceful setting could do me some good.

My gaze jerked over to Kade, who was biting at the inside of his cheek. His fingers had stilled along the wheel.

My eyebrow raised as I realized that something was off with him right now. "Are you okay?"

He shoved his hand through his hair, the simple movement attracting my eyes. "Yeah, I'm fine."

My thumb traced circles on his hand. "You wanna stop the bullshit act, and tell me what's wrong?" I held a small smile as I mimicked him from earlier.

He didn't spare a glance at me. "I cant hide it from you, anymore," he said in the smallest of voices, which was strange for him.

I frowned in confusion, my hand pausing. "Hide what?"

He pulled in a sigh. "I'm not normal, Kimberly," he said, his voice thick with an unknown emotion. "I don't feel normal."

I tilted my head. "What do you mean?"

My frustration grew as his silence cut me off again. With the very few words he spoke, I couldn't use them to piece together what he meant.

By the time we came to a stop in the woods, the sun was beginning to set. Even from the car, anyone could note the beauty.

The crisp sun was set to be overshadowed by darkness any minute now. The clouds were illuminated by the beautiful tone, the color a perfect mix of a orange and yellow shade. The blue overpowered it all, the shy color peaking out from behind the fading shades.

The trail's length seemed to get smaller every time we came here. The steps grew shorter, and my satisfaction because of it grew larger.

The walk was silent. The only thing that could be heard was the thump of my heartbeat, and the sounds of the nature around us. It seemed that we were back to square one.

I couldn't help the slight jump of my body once I finally heard Kade speak.

"If I tell you something, you have to promise me something," he stated, moving the tree branch from my way.

I nodded, raising my foot to step over a small puddle. "Anything."

Kade crossed his arms over his chest, his steps falling behind. "You have to promise me that you won't run away when I say what I'm about to say."

I nodded my head. I didn't know whether it was good or bad, but from the tone of his voice, I figured that this would be hard to hear. But, I promised him.

I wouldn't run from him, nor would I try to.