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"Love is shown more in deeds than in words." Saint Ignatius

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Chapter 93
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Kade's gaze bore into mine as he stepped closer to me. I moved away, nearly attempting to mold my back into the build of the door.

Immediately, his expression grew cautious. He took that same step back. The small space between us was just as tense as it was before.

He was here. Like a genie was just waiting for the very moment I confessed my desires...he was right here.

I changed my mind; fate worked alone.

"What..." my throat was as dry as the Sahara dessert all of a sudden. I blinked so many times, my eyes began to ache.

I shut them, daring myself to push this image away. That's what it was, an image, a hallucination. This couldn't be real, because if it were...

Kade reached out for me once he saw my figure grow disquieted, before he retreated, again. Even after two months, it was a habit to console one another.

"Kade," I whispered, my fingers squeezing across the metal key until it hurt. "Why are you here? You can't be here."

He was flushed from my reaction. His red cheeks fell right into a frown as he examined me over. When he met my eyes again, his own flourished into both desperation and admiration, all at once.

"You said to wait until senior year is over," he said the words slowly, his chest dragging. "And, it's over."

"I didn't say that," I whispered against the truth.

But, I had. I never meant for him to take it literally though. Kade Ryder didn't chase, nor did he pursue anything or anyone that didn't pursue him first. Yet, here he was, proving that exact theory wrong.

His chest was rising and falling so quickly, it demanded bits of my attention, while the other belonged to his voice. "Three months, sweetheart. It's been three months, and I respected your wishes," he said, stepping closer. This time, I didn't move. "But, I'm done waiting. I know you're hesitant, but I stand by what I said. I'm going to earn you back."

My heart was surely setting a new record, at least a million beats per minute. If it got away, I might give out.

I turned, my sweaty fingers barely maintaining a grip around the key. "You have to go."

"That's kind of impossible, sweetheart," he murmured from behind me.

I turned again, my face falling. "What do you mean?"

I followed his gaze to the door next to us, the one I saw being filled earlier.

His full lips swung into a smile so bright, it was nearly habit to return it. "I'm your neighbor." He motioned toward the same door.

Just like that, I thought the carpet slipped from under me. I grasped at my wristlet as if it were a lifeline as I gaped at him. "What?" I shook my head as the dither threatened to submerge me. "No, you're lying...you have to leave."

Kade grimaced at my reaction, before he wiped it from his expression. "I can show you how serious I am about this. About us." He paused before adding, "And, you don't think I'm going to let you out of my sight when that fucker is still out there, do you?"

It was true; Daniel hadn't been caught, yet. But, I knew that alone possibly couldn't be his true intentions.

My face heated the longer he looked at me. It'd been two months since we directly spoke to one another, and it felt as if there was so much to say, but not enough time at all. It'd been around three ever since we were so open, so close.

I blew out a shaky breath, my chest trembling under it. "So...let me get this straight," I recalled for my own clarity. "You left Washington, and moved all of the way here."

"That's right."

I blinked at his response, and how easily he gave it. "Half way across the country? Hours away from everything, and from everyone you know? Just to...earn me back?"

"I would have gladly followed you to the ends of earth had you gone."

I stumbled back into the frame of the door as his words took a swing at me. In an attempt to shrug them off, I instead focused on the brewing anger. How dare he?

"You're an asshole," I hissed under my breath. "An ignorant, self-centered asshole. How dare you come back to the mess you made? I haven't even forgiven you, and you think it's okay to..." I trailed off to allow myself a minute to breathe. I tried to reroute every plan, every distraction I made to avoid him, but it was all so jumbled.

He looked taken aback, but he faltered back into step quickly. His expression softened over as he dug his hands into his pockets. "I know you haven't forgiven me because I haven't earned it.Yet. But, I'm going to get it. I'm going to try to get you back if it's the last thing I do, sweetheart." A small grin danced across his face, the one that usually sent me into a round of laughter. But this time, my frown remained.

I glowered at him, stepping closer until we were only paces apart. "You're not." I jabbed my finger into his chest, narrowing my eyes. "It's not going to happen anytime soon, so you should save yourself the trouble. Call the owner, and get your money back, Kade."

Kade shrugged his shoulders, watching over me with the same set of determination. "There's absolutely no trouble in showing you how much you mean to me," he responded. "The only trouble is having to go without my perfect girl, having to see you without me at your side, seeing you so goddamned beautiful and myself not being the one to say it to you."

He shook his head. "And, I won't have it. I won't give up until you directly tell me to leave. I respect you more than anything, and I'll listen, but I need you to tell me it yourself. Do you want me to leave?" His eyes held buckets of fear and worry for my response, despite the feigned confidence in his tone.

I sucked in a breath as I stared back at him. Both of our chests heaved in anticipation as we dared the other to speak.

The exhaustion was beginning to dawn on me. Finally, I broke the silence, "Fine," I murmured under my breath. "Go ahead and try your stupid plan. I'll let you tire your own self out." I saw his eyes trip with relief before I forced the key into the hole.

"I'll see you tomorrow, sweetheart," his voice struck with me with the same heaps of shock as before.

I cursed his very existence as I slammed the door in his face. "The hell you will."

I didn't even bother locking it. The key clattered to the floor, and I followed right along with it.

What the fuck, what the fuck, what the—

I needed to think, but it was doing me no good. Right now, my mind and heart were right back at the starting line. Trying so dangerously hard to silence the other, but failing so miserably.

Kade was here, and he wasn't leaving anytime soon. I wasn't even sure how he found me. I didn't think Raven would tell him, so it had to be Levi. That traitorous prick.

I placed my hand against my frantic thumping chest in order to console myself. It was nearly laughable how useless the action was. Instead, I shut my eyes, letting my head fall back against the door.

The love of my life was only a few feet away. I ran away to escape him, to escape the feelings only he could bring, but here he was. And, those feelings undoubtedly accompanied his presence. Everything had been going perfect for a couple of hours, then it all went down the rabbit hole.

The worst part of it all was the very thing we both knew. I wasn't even sure if I wanted him to leave. Every time I conjured that part of my heart, the fear smashed it. But, when the fear wasn't there, the love and ache was. That was the part that wanted me to forgive him, to just trust and restart.

I wouldn't know what could happen if I didn't go for it. But, since I was too scared to do that, I settled on suffering in silence.

I would let him try, that was for sure. I wanted to see what he'd come up with, how he'd try to redeem himself. I didn't want to milk him dry, no, I'd let him do that hisself.

Whatever he planned on doing, he would grow tired and soon return to his old life. His old lifestyle was waiting back home, one that he could pick back up without much trouble.

Kade Ryder didn't chase after women, or anything, in general. All of it would be for nothing, and I would make him see that.

***

I let the water stream over my body for the umpteenth time. My legs ached from standing so long, but I continued on, anyway. The sooner I got out, the sooner I would have to confront the reality.

I hadn't left my apartment in two days now, as pitiful as it was. Today, I was going to force myself to leave, and enjoy my day.

I wanted to stop by the bookstore, as well as find some different furniture. It was supposed to happen yesterday, but after my life was halted in the form of a beautiful, 6'4", resting bitch-faced man, I didn't leave.

After my hair was dried enough to let me dress, I paused in front my door. He was mere feet away, probably resting as if he hadn't completely disrupted both of our lives. I still couldn't process that he was actually here.

He left his mother, his friends and family, his life to follow me here. He did it without a second thought, and that left me in rocky shambles.

Though, I could admit the appeal at the thought. He was serious, but I wasn't sure if I wanted it consistently, or not at all. It was all giving me a headache the longer I thought on it so for the next couple of hours, I would focus on new books and the color of my new sheets.

Locking the door behind me, I stepped out of the apartment. Just as I went to cross the hall, I paused at the colorful blob in the corner of my eye. Hesitantly, I turned to face the door, again.

Two post it notes were attached, perfectly aligned to one another. One read, 'your beautiful smile.' The other read, 'the way your hand fits in mine.'

With a scowl, I ripped the paper from my door. My eyes jerked to his door in accusation; there was no one else who could have left them here.

I let the anger coarse my next actions as I banged on his door. I heard shuffling from the other side before he opened it.

His usual blank expression softened as he saw me. His hair was wet from a shower. He remained shirtless with a pair of black sweatpants hanging just enough to tease the familiar build of his v-line.

A lazy grin pulled at his lips as he balanced one arm on the door. I edged against my own desires at the outline of his muscles.

I forced my eyes away from that, and instead focused on him. "What is this?" With a glare, I dropped the paper to his feet.

"That," he responded, pointing to the fallen notes next to his feet. "Is a reminder."

"A reminder of what?"

"Of every single thing I miss about you," he said so casually. "Of everything I hope that I'll have again. That I will have, again."

With a scoff, I rolled my eyes before turning. "In your dreams."

I heard his chuckle. "Right next to your pretty ass? Hell yeah, sweetheart," he confirmed.

Tightening my fists, I forced myself around to leave him alone with his damn notes. Even without looking, I noted the intensity of his stare digging into my backside before I heard him, "Where you headed?"

"None of your business," I replied, carrying on down the hall. Once I heard his door shut, I paused to turn around. I knew he'd give up.

While I descended the stairs, I searched up the address to the bookstore. I didn't want to waste the money on a ride, so I was stuck walking. Now that I was in the June heat, a part of me wished I'd taken my dad up on the car.

The beginnings of my walk ceased against the pavement as I heard the footsteps behind me. Turning around, I groaned once I saw him.

His lips lifted into a half-smirk as he approached me. Once he reached my stance, he dangled his keys. "Come on."

I shook my head, immediately, scowling back at him. "I'm not getting in the car with you."

Kade stared back at me. Up went his eyebrows before he nodded with a shrug. "Fine." Without another word, he fell into step beside me. I paused, and he halted, as well.

I narrowed my eyes at him in accusation. "What are you doing?"

"I'm walking," he answered, assessing me over before he sighed. His eyes darted between me, and our surroundings then finally landed on me. "I'm not letting you walk alone in the dark, Kimberly."

His name came out as a sigh. I motioned toward the sky, which was edging right upon darkness. "It's not even dark right now." It definitely would be when I got back, but I didn't bring that part up.

His eyes danced with humor as he crossed his arms. I mimicked the action, glaring back into his eyes.

Finally, he gave way to a sigh. "You're getting in the car," he countered, cocking his head with the statement. "Or, I'm walking with you. Either way, you're not going alone in the dark, sweetheart."

I felt my chest heave with frustration. I wanted him to give up, it would make it all so much easier to hate him. Specifically for my heart.

"Fine," I hissed, gripping my wristlet tighter. "But, you're just going to linger behind me." I jerked around to proceed on, but I caught the satisfied gleam in his eyes before I did so.

I'd wipe it right off, though. Since he was so dedicated, I would diminish it. I had a couple tasks for him.

Even though I told him to linger, I caught myself glancing over my shoulder more than I'd like to admit. He was right there, already watching me every single time. Every time we caught eyes, my face would flush red before I turned back around.

The walk was quiet, and even though I expected tension, I didn't sense any. I hated it because I knew that it was meant to be there, and he was not.

Just as we reached the bookstore, I felt him brush past me. The simple physical interaction made my insides flutter.

He grasped the door handle, pulling it open and and waiting for me to enter before following himself. Even now, he never forgot to open doors for me.

The bookstore was small, but I knew I'd fallen for the comfy space, nonetheless. Immediately, I headed toward the romance section. If I couldn't have it, I wanted to live through those who did.

It was slightly off-putting with Kade lingering behind me, but I continued on as if his presence didn't alter my readings.

Past my shoulder, I caught him picking up one of the books. I knew which one it was by the cover; it was an erotica.

His brows rose to the top of his forehead as he flipped to a random page. His skin flushed red a moment later before he murmured a, "Oh, shit."

As soon as he caught my eye, he placed the book back down, clearing his throat past his blush. Fighting back a laugh, I turned again, continuing to another genre isle.

To test his patience, I spread the time out in everything I did. In every isle, I picked up a couple books, and pretended to skim through it to stretch the time.

After I began to annoy my own self, I jerked around to catch his reaction. Kade remained just as entertained and interested as he was when we came in, a half-smirk crossing his lips.

His dedication did something to me, but it was only a small tingle. I couldn't let that deflect from everything.

With a huff, I rolled my eyes, and tucked another book in my pile. "Let's go," I murmured to him.

I waited for his annoyance to set off, but it never came. Even when I pretended to be interested in some of the books on the way to the checkout, he remained just as diligent. I couldn't understand it. Him.

The cashier scanned the last book from my section, then glanced up at me with a smile. "Will this be all?"

I nodded, returning the smile. "It will be, thank you." I saw her eyes shift to Kade, so my own followed.

Before I could ready myself, he was pulling out a black card. Without a care in the damn world, he handed it to the woman.

"Wait," jumped out of my throat. I jerked my glare to him. "You're not paying."

Kade's lips twitched at me before he nodded at the cashier. "Go ahead." My brows knitted in frustration as the girl did just that.

To urge against him, I placed more books on the counter that I hadn't even glanced at. With how many I grabbed, the price was going into the hundreds. My smirk grew, and his own followed as he remained content.

"Want anything else, sweetheart?" he asked, raising a brow at me. I was too dumbfounded to speak. After several paces, he turned toward the girl, again, nodding toward the stack of books I just added. "Yeah, that'll be it."

After the cashier handed me the bag, I stepped away to let the remaining customers through before turning to Kade. The corners of his mouth perked up as his eyes fell to my lips. Something stirred inside of me, but I refused to address it.

"Why did you do that?" I asked, tightening my grip around the bag.

"You wanted them," he shrugged it off and slid the card back into his pocket. "Go ahead, try and test me like that again. I'm not going anywhere, sweetheart."

It took everything in me to stop from launching the bag of books at his head. With the weight, it would definitely knock him out, but I refrained.

Instead, the idea slithered into my head until I had to act on it.

Fine, I thought. If he wanted to pay, he would.

I forced a sweet smile. "Kade," I started. "I want you to go and get a copy of every single book I just bought, and read them."

"Done," he said, immediately. He accepted it so easily, I stammered back.

I blinked at him. "You have to give me a list of every good and every bad thing you found in the books," I added. "You have to annotate your readings, as well."

My eyes grew to the size of saucers as he nodded, pulling out the black card, again. His eyes began to trace over the receipt for the titles.

Panic smothered me at his determination. "And, a summary of each chapter, and each character. Every single week."

"Easy," he responded, attention still on the receipt. My chest caved in as I saw the humor spill in his eyes. He knew what I was doing. "Anything else, sweetheart?"

I shut my eyes against the grain of defeat. "No."

Without an ounce of hesitation, his fingers danced across my waist as he passed me to disappear back into the isles. Well, fuck.

The rest of the night remained of the same nature. After the bookstore, I went to the nearest place to find my appliances, decorations, and some small furniture pieces.

Kade didn't hesitate in paying for it all, casually pulling out that black card every time. I saw him pick up the things he caught me eyeing with interest as well, adding it to the total. He even carried all of my bags home without so much as a sweat.

By the time we made it back to the apartments, it was pitch black outside. I wasn't sure how long we remained gone, but my feet ached. A part of me wished I had taken Kade up on his offer of a ride

For some reason, I let him into my apartment. I claimed it was because of the abundance of bags. Even while I unlocked the door, I could feel his eyes lingering every cresses of the inside before finally falling to me.

Kade set the bags where I instructed, then back up at me. I crossed my arms as he stepped closer to my figure.

"You can't keep up with the post it notes," I said. "What if someone sees them?"

Kade raised a brow at me. "So? It doesn't matter who sees as long as you do first." I let my eyes waver across him as he grew closer with each word. His voice softened as he added, "If you ask me to, I'll go anywhere, sweetheart. I'll drop to my knees for your forgiveness. I'd do—no, I will do anything to prove to you that I'm serious, that I'm so fucking sorry."

His hands fell to my arms, slightly squeezing before dropping them all together. My chest sucked in from that feeling alone, but once his lips grazed the center of my forehead, I felt the action grasp at every inch of me with appetency.

His warm flesh pressed against my cheeks, gently guiding my face up. I watched his eyes swim with both need and conflict as they fell to my lips.

As he began to lean closer, I felt my own lips part under the familiarity. He paused just as the ache became unbearable. His finger trailed across my lips, a small sigh following before he tore himself away from me.

His head shook. "As bad as I want it, I'm going to respect you, and wait until you do, too," he murmured with a strangled sigh, gently squeezing me. "Everything's gonna be on your timing, not mine. It's all about you, sweetheart."

My lungs struggled to cooperate as I watched him pick up his bag of books. When he turned to me, his eyes sparkled with acclamation as he passed a small smile my way. "Goodnight, beautiful."

His steps were agonizingly slow, nearly impossible to hear. Finally, the door made a soft click after him as he left.

A heavy breath barely passed through my throat as I stared at the empty space. I squeezed my shaky hands together, tumbling back until I felt the back of my knees hit the couch. If he hadn't pulled away...

I wasn't even afraid of him; I was afraid of the things he did, of what he could do. Of the things he said, the way he looked at me. It brought back everything I'd been suppressing by the bunches, and I didn't know what to do with it.

All I knew, was that I couldn't let it happen, again.