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"I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars." — Og Mandino
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Chapter 45
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My body jump-started up as Shay yelled another order out to only god knows who. Ugh.

I didn't know how long I stayed up last night, completely oblivious to the consequences that would follow. It was all cut short when Celeste had called to shout at me this morning for being late.

I squinted my eyes at the clock. "Only an hour," I huffed.

And, what a long hour it was. It was filled with constant complaints from the customers who were just trying to get a free meal, my aunt's scolding tone, and the constant question of why I wanted a job here in the first place.

I felt my face drain as I saw Celeste grab her belongings. She looked to be in a hurry, but I stopped her anyway.

"Where are you going, and can you take me with you?" I asked, my expression tired.

Her small feet marched her over to me before she patted my cheek. "I have to meet your uncle. And, no, mija, you are not allowed to attend our anniversary night."

I couldn't help but scowl at her words, even though I was more than happy for their beautiful marriage. It was quite successful, and so was their entire lifestyle.

She smirked at my expression. "Oh, don't be so jealous, baby.  Just wait until you, and your little boyfriend have a honeymoon, or two. You'll never want to stop with the lovely nights."

"Until your ovens hot with one of these," Shay called out from either side of the cash register, pointing at her round tummy.

I felt my cheeks flood with color, before I turned to my aunt. "You know what? Forget I even asked. You can leave now."

Celeste's laugh only egged my internal humiliation. I tried my hardest to shake her words off, though as always, I overthought them.

I knew that I would have to come to terms with what Kade meant to me. A friend, an acquaintance, a boyfriend. All of those labels were either judgmental, wrongful, or completely accurate. Yet, I had no idea as to which category either word belonged to.

Normal friends didn't kiss, though. They didn't hold hands. They didn't say or do the things he'd said and done yesterday.

I was beginning to see that he cared about me, just as well as I did him. And, that brought on far more emotions than I could juggle alone. I could only hope that he was willing to balance them with me.

Every time he made a nice gesture, my heart would warm to the sight, but the reluctant little pest inside of my head would disagree with his actions, and instead turn them into an entirely different party. But, then, the voice inside of my head, in which was finally synched with my heart, would push the thoughts away, and recreate the good ones.

As bad as it was, I sometimes worried if this was an act to him. If he was still stuck on his brothers death, and how I dictated the abuse of his family, just to save my own ass from my mother. It wasn't easy to let go of the past, and we both knew this as a fact. Especially something as wretched as that.

But, perhaps, we could build the future off of the present situation we were in. Maybe.

I could hope.

I could only guess that his insecurities were as bad as mine were, and that we were both in this sinking boat, one being the other's lifeguard, just as it was in a reverse notation.

We'd both fallen for the wrong person that made them feel all the right things. What a troubling dissension.

But, if this was an act to him...

He was one hell of an actor.

Ever since last night, I was stuck on his words. On the compliments, on the cushion feeling of his lips against mine. When we kissed, or even touched, I felt smothered by the round of emotions he brought on. But, the crazy thing that stirred up my butterflies?

I was smothered by my thoughts, yes.

But, last night was the first I had finally breathed.

It was exhilarating.

Even though my insecurities continued to fill me in on what could, or what probably would happen if I continued our meetings, or our situation-ship, I knew something that wouldn't change.

If a man were to confront him and I with two bullets, I would gladly take both.

"You need a ride home, baby?"

I was yanked away from my thoughts as Shay bumped into my shoulder. I had to blink twice, and rekindle her words in order to create a quick response.

"Sorry, I just..." I trailed off as I saw the knowing look on her face. "I was distracted."

"Mhm, I bet you were," Shay taunted as she began to count over her tips. It didn't take her long before she got through the thick wad, shoving it back down into her pouch.

I rolled my eyes at her, leaning over the counter to pop my back. "You know, you and Celeste should be sisters. I'm not sure which one is more nosy."

"Nosy is her speciality. Mine is just...actively seeking information," she retorted, her large grin shadowing me. "I can't help my interest in seeing my pretty girl so happy lately."

As if I weren't already red, Shay continued her speech, despite the remaining customers being around.

She crossed her arms. "You know that he came here, right?" she added with a smirk. "Poor boy was so red in the face, I thought he was going to pass out."

My lips stretched at the reminder. "He told me."

"Mhm. You should have seen him listening to Celeste about you," she said in awe. "He tipped each of us a hundred, and wouldn't take it back for shit. I had fun spending that on a new purse, so thank him for me, and hey!—" she stopped abruptly, snapping her fingers in my face.

I snapped out of whatever trance I'd been in. "What?"

Shay pointed a finger at me, her eyes squinting. "I saw that look, missy. No funny business between you two, you hear me?"

My eyes grew wide at her assumption. "I wasn't..." I shook my head. "Trust me, you'll never have to worry about that."

That was more than true. I had done a lot of things in which I told myself I never would since I'd step foot into this town. But, that wouldn't happen. That night in the forest confirmed that he wasn't interested either, and I was more than fine with that.

Shay eyed me carefully. "Mhm, I've watched 16 and Pregnant, baby," she teased, earning a laugh from me. "Don't start America's next teen sensation 17 and Pregnant."

I rolled my eyes, though my laughter never ceased. "Okay, okay, I get it. Let's end this conversation, and go home."

She nodded, pulling her rag from her shoulder. "Ugh, don't remind me of going home just yet. Griff's been sick with the stomach flu, and he's a reminder of why I don't want a boy. Do you have a ponytail?"

Shay had mentioned all she wanted was a healthy baby overall, but more of a girl. I remembered that she mentioned wanting a little girl since she could try so many different styles on her hair.

I nodded, retrieving the rubber band from my wrist. I chuckled at her complaints. "If he's anything like Ryland or dad when they're sick, then you're a survivor."

She left for a moment to grab her things. When she came back, her faux locs were in a bun; she claimed that it was easier in that style with the morning sickness.

She then rolled her eyes, jingling her keys in front of my face. "Baby, you have no idea."

Once we locked up the diner, I asked Shay for a favor that might have been more stupid than daring, but I did it nonetheless. I smiled once she caved in, even after a couple of knowing looks, then did what I asked.

"You're lucky I love you," she grumbled under her breath, putting her phone away. "Griff has always said Celeste and I have always been the ones to spoil you, and now I believe it."

I grinned over at her. "You're an angel."

Her phone buzzed, and she picked it up again. "Jackson said that he understood, and that he was happy that you were putting in extra hours," she told me after we shut her car doors.

I nodded my head, pinching the sides of my fingers. I couldn't ignore the spark of guilt inside of my stomach at my lies, though I knew it would be much worse if dad, or Ryland found out the truth about where I was really going.

I broke past the silence. "So, do you have any baby names in mind already?"

Shay pulled off into the traffic, mumbling a curse as another car pulled out in front of her. "I was thinking Emerson, Aunusti, Eahala Unique, or Belle-Marie."

Chuckling, I nodded. "You've really thought about it, huh?"

"Heck yeah."

I smiled. "Well, I love Eahala and Aunusti the most. What about if it's a boy?"

At this, her brown eyes grew large in size. "Lucifer."

At her horror, we both broke into fits of laughter.

Her eyes remained on the road as she spoke. "Actually, Griff wanted to name the baby after a Percy Jackson character. Can you believe that?"

I giggled. "Grover for a boy, Thalia for a girl."

I laughed even harder as Shay cringed her heart out.

"I will stop this car right now if you don't change the subject," she laughed. "I am not naming my child after a damned goat, or a stressed out sea boy, or a tree with terrible daddy issues." I chuckled at that, but carried along.

We continued to talk, until I saw Kade's home in the distance. Shay rolled her window down, peering at me through the space after I got out.

"Bye, honey," she called out, waving. "Love you bunches."

I smiled, waving back. "Love you back."

Just as her car began to pull away, I turned to face the house, then took my first step.

Just as I raised my hand to knock on the door, I cringed at how crazy this must have looked. It was only one date.

A great one, at that.

I cursed under my breath. "Fuck it."

I knocked once, and waited. After a couple minutes passed, I contemplated on trying again. Then, I heard the pounding of footsteps, though I couldn't decipher them from Kades, or his mothers.

I willed myself to breathe as the door opened. But, I was greeted by a smiling Louise.

His eyes cruised over my figure before the familiarity hit. "Oh, hello again, Kimberly," he greeted me.

Though, by the ruddy look on his face, and the thin layer of sweat across his skin, he and Susie definitely hadn't expected my company. Or anyones.

I wanted to laugh at how flushed the poor man appeared. It didn't take a lot of brains to figure out the things him and Susie were up to before I arrived.

I smiled in return. "Hey."

I had to withhold my smile in order to disguise my discomfort. He avoided my eyes as we both searched for something to bypass the silence.

I was the first to make a move. "Is Kade around?" I asked him.

Louise nodded his head rapidly, his dreads skimming his shoulders. "Oh, oh. Yes, he's in his room, doing a homework assignment, I'm guessing."

Yeah, right.

I offered a smile once-more as a thank you. "May I come in?"

His hand scratched at his neck as he scooted out of the way. "Yes, of course. My apologies for keeping you so long, honey."

"Don't worry about it," I waved him off before adding, "Tell Susie I said hello, please."

I chuckled as I heard the strain in his voice at my words, "I will."

I walked up the stairs, and was finally relieved when I reached Kade's room. I didn't think I'd ever get used to those stairs.

I froze once again as I lifted my hand. I squeezed my eyes shut in order to elude my insecurities.

That's what they were. They were thoughts that I could control, alone. Fuck them.

I knocked on his door, and awaited a response. I bit down on my lip, and frowned when I didn't hear any footsteps behind it.

I knocked, again. This time was a little harder, so I could only hope that got his attention.

My mind retracted at my next thought. His car was here, which meant that he was too. What if he wasn't alone?

A wasted breath pushed out of my lips at the thought of it. Did I even have the right to be mad if it were true?

I shook my head. Of course I did. He didn't have the right to play with my heart one second then go and bury himself in another girl the next.

I pushed the thoughts down before I believed them to be reality. I was new to all of this, to being around someone who wanted me just as much as I did him. I couldn't overthink anything until I had the answer right in front of me.

I raised my hand, again, but for no reason, apparently. It took everything inside of me to not scream, and bolt for the exit as the door was pulled open with a devilish force. 

Kade was in front of me a second later. "Leave me the fuck alone, you dumb—" he began in a growl-like tone, before his eyes found mine.

I was a deer caught in headlights at his outburst.

His eyes softened, as did his entire expression. "Shit, my bad."

I nodded to indicate that it was okay. I had to shake myself awake to realize that it was a mistake. Jesus. I would have hated to be the wrong person behind this door.

His fingers raised to massage his temples before sweeping over his eyes. "I'm sorry, I thought you were one of them. They've been fucking like rabbits all fucking day." The annoyance in his tone heightened before he let it fall.

At my silent statue, he opened his eyes, then stepped close to me. "Did I scare you?" His hands trailed up the length of my arms until they ended up on my cheeks, lightly caressing the skin.

He wasn't wearing a shirt, so the bare skin of his arms were more than tempting to admire. I couldn't help my eyes from reverting back to the appealing muscle his body had.

He tilted my head up, the conflict ringing in his eyes as they searched my face. "I'm sorry that I scared you, sweetheart."

I shook my head, willing my smile to die a bit. "No, you just surprised me. I thought you were with..." I shook my head. "It doesn't matter."

His eyes fell to my side as he considered what I said, until he got it. He went back to me, immediately. "You thought that I was with another girl?"

Jesus. Was that how I sounded in my head?

"It was stupid," I shrugged it off.

Kade shook his head, his expression growing serious. "Don't call yourself stupid, sweetheart. You're not at all. You saw me with someone else once, of course your mind might revert back to it, so don't feel embarrassed about it." His eyes ran over my face. "Listen to me though."

I did.

One hand fell to my wrist, raising it to his lips. "That was before everything. If I could go back and stop you from seeing that, I would. But, I want you to know that there isn't any fucking universe, any other world, or any other girl...that could compare to you. That could laugh or smile like you do. That cares like you do. That could be you. And, if there is, then fuck her. I don't want anyone else other than you, Kimberly." His lips grazed the skin before he opened my palm, leaving the same trace of kisses.

That was it. My heart had ripped right out, been zapped by his words, then left to fend for itself after being shoved back into my chest.

Kade leaned forward, his lips pressing light kisses to my eyelids. "You get me?"

I nodded blissfully. "I get you."

"Good," he tilted his head up, a smile building across his lips. "Because I thought I'd have to show you myself." He grasped my hands, pulling me back into his bedroom.

My head tilted. "How?"

His lips came down on mine before I could press, and I went right for it. I heard him shut the door with one hand while the other held my waist, never breaking the kiss.

He led me back with his hand until I felt his mattress hit the back of my knees. Just as I was about to sit, something caught my eye in the corner of my eye.

What the—

I tore away from the kiss with reluctance, but my curiosity got the best of me. It was a black journal.

I frowned at the notebook, and lifted it in my hands. Kade noticed it, and quickly went to grab the book. I refused, holding the book closer to me.

I squinted my eyes at him, stretching my arm away. "I want to see it," I told him, despite the fact that he could have easily snatched it if he wanted to.

His neck, and on up was shaded with a red tint. He looked about ready to burst into flames any moment now, but it'd have to wait until I finished looking at what he was trying so hard to hide.

My turn.

I searched it carefully. Black ink covered the page so much, I had trouble unraveling it at first. Though, when I took the time to truly observe it, I realized that it was a drawing.

A beautiful drawing.

My eyes studied over it carefully. One half of the page was untouched, and completely blank. A girl stood on the white spot of the page, the ink far away from her. I looked closer at the girl, frowning as I noticed the glasses on her face.

Ones that looked exactly mine.

It reminded me of the saying 'there's always a light at the end of the tunnel.'

I looked at Kade, to see his eyes far from mine. My soul was close to leaving my skin in one sudden movement as the emotions poured over me.

His lips parted, before closing again. "You...you weren't supposed to see that," he forced out.

I let my shoulders fall, my smile rising as his face only continued to darken in shame. Though, I couldn't find anything for him to be ashamed of.

"I'm glad I did," I admitted.

Just as I said the words, he attempted to regather his beings.

He crossed his arms over the brick wall he called a chest. His eyes fell to the ground, his expression hardening. "So, what now? You're going to call me crazy, and leave?"

"Why would I call you crazy if I didn't think you were crazy?" I questioned him, my eyebrow raising.

Silence.

At his own losing, Kade dropped his head. "I'm sorry. I just..." I frowned as he turned away from me, his expression painful.

"It's alright," I reassured, standing from the bed.

He shoved a hand down his frustrated face. "I've never known how to get my shit out without it being rude, or hurting someone." His expression was full of disappointment. "And I...I don't want to be rude to you. I never wanna hurt you, again. Not purposefully, not ever."

My voice cracked under his name, "Kade."

He didn't look up. "I'm trying to learn, sweetheart. I swear I am, but I'm doing a terrible job, and for that, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I can't offer more to you." His frown shifted into a scowl. "I just...I can't get the words out," he mumbled. "My old man beat that sweet shit out of me a long time ago."

I felt my heart pull at its restraints at his words. My eyes ran over the marks along his back, and it was hard to shield my tears for him. He rarely talked about his father, yes, but it wasn't hard to realize the pure hatred he had for him. He'd taught Kade to think that he was doomed.

It was shaky to me to realize that he hadn't realized what he'd said less than ten minutes ago, and yesterday, about me. To him, he hadn't said enough, but to me, it was beautiful. More than that, actually.

"You just did, and you did more than enough. You don't have to get all of the words out, yet," I told him, my eyes still on his backside. "Alright?"

He jerked around, his brown eyes on mine. "It's not alright."

I shook my head. "Kade—"

"No...no, okay?" his voice cracked under him before he motioned to me. "You deserve to hear that you're a perfect angel. You deserve more than a couple of mumbled words about how I really feel about you."

I frowned, and opened my mouth to speak before he beat me to the punch.

He shoved out a breath. "You need to know that you're a fucking blessing to this world, Kimberly. And, even if you give me the best type of headaches, I would still give my life for you. Without a second thought to it, every single time."

"You're beautiful," he rushed out in a breathless rant. "You're so beautiful in every way there is. You're strong. You're amazing, you're a, my, sweetheart, you're so fucking intelligent and resilient, and just...perfect. You're so fucking perfect. Everything you do, everything you will do is perfect because it comes from you..." he paused, glaring down at his feet as he considered his words over.

"And," his voice shook under him as he paced the space. "I know that I don't deserve you. I don't deserve a fraction of you, and you shouldn't have even given me a second thought, because I'm more trouble than I'm worth. And, I know that I might be bad at this shit, and I know that you'd be right to leave, but..." he finally stopped pacing.

His chest rose and fell so quickly, I couldn't keep up. "But, I can't help myself. Not with you. I can't stop myself from wanting to give you the world times a million. From getting that beautiful smile of yours a million fucking times over. From learning you. From knowing you. From being around you."

He paused before sucking in a breath. "And, I'm going to work every single day until I do deserve you, until I'm worth the trouble, and until you get this type of sweet shit every day. If you let me. If you allow it of me, then I promise I won't let you down, sweetheart, I promise."

I kept my mouth shut, though my heart roared in my chest at his words. Even if he didn't know it, he had given me the best words I'd heard in my seventeen years of life.

"Oh my gosh," I whispered, the tears flowing down my cheeks. "Kade."

What he'd just said...I couldn't even recall one part of it without having to cover the others, and the overwhelming wave of emotion that followed with it.

"You're the light at the end of my dark ass tunnel," he stated, his eyes raising to mine.

I understood his feelings. It had been dark for a long time, until he came along. It was like a switch inside of me flipped every time we spoke, or were around each other.

I'd never had it before. Instead of pushing the darkness away, it was like he was there, coaxing me on from behind that I could do it myself. And, the parts that I missed, he'd handle hisself.

I was happy, finally happy. It was a emotion I hadn't welcomed at first. My mother had taken it away long ago, and I never thought it could be retrieved, if it were ever even there at all.

I was moving before I knew it. My arms were wrapped around him, my eyes shut as the warmth of his body took over. His masculine scent only sucked me in even more.

"You said that you couldn't get your words out," I mumbled against him. "But, you just did, in the best way possible."

***

I jumped as Kade's fist landed into the punching bag again. I shouldn't have been surprised, since we had been here for at least an hour. He hadn't rested once.

The only sound in the silent room were his fist landing into the bag, and the shuffling of his feet as he bounced around it. I couldn't lie; the sight was kind of attractive.

Just after we left his house, we'd gotten us something to eat, then drove us to the cages. We'd been here since then.

On the way here, Kade didn't want me to be bored since we would be here for a while. So, he typed in a bookstore, took me to it, and now I had an endless list of new books in the back of his car, and one in my hand.

My eyes raised from the writing. It was so quiet, which continued to raise my suspicions.

I placed the book down at my side. "Kade," I called his name out.

Another punch.

"Kade," I repeated.

I sighed as I realized that it was no use. The next punch he made caused the bag to swing back so far, I cringed as I awaited for it to return the same strength to him. Instead, he caught it in his wrapped hands, steadying it.

I took the opportunity to try calling to him again, "Kade!"

His eyes flickered over to me, a concerned look on his face. I stood from my spot, and walked up the stairs, though I had to stop at the colored ring ropes that kept us apart.

I didn't expect his next move. Though, when he went through with it, my cheeks matched a tomato's tone.

His hands gripped my waist, lifting me over the barrier, and placing me in front of him. The amused look in his eyes caused me to roll mine, though I didn't realize that his hands were still around me. I wasn't sure if I wanted them gone, either.

"Something wrong?" he asked me, his hands squeezing my waist.

I cursed in my head as he removed them. "No. I just wanted to know why this place was suddenly so..." I glanced around the eerily silent place. "Empty."

His eyes ran over my face, before he turned to walk back to his bag. "You don't want to know."

"I asked for a reason," I retorted.

I expected an apology to follow after my tone but I pushed it back down. That Kimberly couldn't stay any longer. I guessed it was the influence of my friends, or what Kade had said but either way, I knew that I would never receive what I wanted without asking, or taking it.

His lips pulled a smirk at my retort. "Everyone knows that I need my training, and you don't want to get in my way when I'm training." He glanced at me over his shoulder, and I almost shrunk away at the warning, before I stepped on my own foot. "You're the one and only exception."

I smiled, glancing over the platform. "This place is going to be packed on your fighting night."

Kade threw another punch into the bag, the hit harder than the others. Something seemed to be irking him.

"Are you okay?" I asked after he landed another hit.

"Mhm," he responded curtly.

I glanced over his stiff figure. "You don't seem—"

My lips shut on their own as he jerked around in my direction, running his wrapped hands down his sweats. "You have to promise me something, Kimberly."

"Depends on what it is," I teased.

By the tense expression he wore, I knew that he was serious. "You won't come here, or anywhere near this place on the night of the fight. You get me?"

I blinked at him. I'd be lying if I said that I hadn't planned on seeing the fight. I just had to know if he would walk out of this safe, and alive. I couldn't imagine waiting hours to get the news.

"Kade—" I began.

His jaw ticked at my pre-argument. "No, Kimberly. This isn't up for discussion, and I'm not gonna let it be. Promise me."

I knew that my hands were tied here. The last time I showed my face in his fight, it almost cost him the win, and his life. I wasn't sure if this was the reason he didn't want me at the match, but I knew that it was something serious. I was the reason his ribs were in damaging condition, and that he was in the situation in the first place. Perhaps it would be better, for everyone, if I watch from the sidelines.

"Alright," I relented with a sigh.

Then, there was silence. I sat in the corner of the stage, my mind continuing to drift. But, not too far away from home. I knew that I would have to leave soon in order to get back around the time that my 'shift' ended. I still had a little time left though.

I was ripped away from my thoughts as another hit was thrown. It reminded me of a gunshot, the sound piercing my ears.

"Kade?" I spoke up. "How do you do that?"

Kade turned around, his eyebrow raised. "Do what, love?"

"How do you, you know..." I struggled to find the correct wording. "Hit like that?"

He chuckled, his head flicking at me. "I don't know what you mean."

I sighed at his words. I stood from my spot, and walked to the bag.

"You almost knock the bag down every time," I stated.

The amused spark in his eye strengthened my frown.

"I still don't know what you mean," he said, crossing his arms over the build of his chest. I had to hold my gaze to stop from admiring it. "Show me real quick."

I rolled my eyes, and raised my hand. "You do this, but only...harder." I hit the punching bag, though it barely moved under my weak punch.

Kade studied me over, his brown eyes squinting under examination. "Straighten your back up for me."

I frowned at him. "Why?"

He ignored it. "And, never ever punch like a damned gorilla," he sighed, kicking my legs apart so that my feet parted.

"Well, excuse me if I'm not properly trained in this," I rolled my eyes.

Kade chuckled. "Well, you knocked Amber on her ass with these," he lifted my hands, and enclosed my fingers to form a fist. "And, fuck me was I proud of you. Even if she is a pussy about everything, you still packed a good punch."

I chuckled at the reminder, shrugging. "I remembered seeing you swing, and just copied it, honestly."

"Ah," he chuckled in my ear, his hands training on my waist. "That's my girl."

My lips parted under that. Heat crept up my neck until I ignored it, staring at the bag.

"Keep your elbow out when you're about to punch, it always help deliver a harder impact," he instructed.

I did as he said, though I was sure I looked abnormal in my stance.

"Good girl," he coaxed in my ear. "Now hit the bag."

I swung widened eyes over my shoulder to him. "What? I can't. I'll break my hand, and I don't think that this will—"

Kade crossed his arms over his chest. "You asked me how I did it, didn't you?"

Damned my curiosity.

I hit the bag, and was surprised to notice the small swing of the bag. Not much, but more than what it was before.

I frowned as I heard the sound of laughter behind me. I turned around to see Kade chuckling, though it stopped once he caught my glare.

"I'm sorry," he straightened his face. "You're just too fucking adorable, sweetheart." His footsteps didn't stop until he was right behind me.

"Don't step back when you're about to hit the bag, keep your legs steady," he informed me. "If you don't send a weak punch, then you'll show your fear. You never let them see that you're afraid. Keep your arms close to your face for protection. If this were a real person, you'd be on your ass."

"Stay close. Think about it. Your punch lands way harder if you're closer to the person. Shorter the distance, harder the impact," he told me.

I nodded my head slowly, taking as much in as I could. "Got it."

Kade continued to watch over me, his eyes drilling into my back. "Never be ashamed to use your legs, either. You have no idea how much they can help if you're in deep shit. Or, your elbow, teeth, even your head. Beating ass is still beating ass, no matter how you got there."

Flashbacks of his fight with Angelo clouded my vision. I remembered how Kade used his elbow to his advantage, and soon got the upper hand.

"I know you've seen in the movies where someone headbutts the other. That can help, if you know how to do it without hurting yourself. I always go for the nose since well...I just don't care. But, if you ever need it, use the hardest part of your skull and go for their nose or jaw. Any soft part so that you don't hurt yourself."

I nodded, but my mind was beginning to drift. His fingers were curling around my elbows, stroking the skin so casually. I had to force myself to remain intact.

"If you're about to die, always punch the fucker in the throat," he advised, chuckling. "Or, in their temple. Gets them every time, or at least gives you enough time to pick yourself up."

"If you're about to uppercut, you have to be quick and close. Make sure you're in a good stance, and that you're still guarding your face, too. Shift your weight to your front foot, and drop your arm good enough to have some power behind it. Rotate your hips with the punch, and launch that motherfucker."

I nodded my head as I absorbed the information carefully. I hoped that I would never have to use it, but I never really knew of the future. It was best to be prepared, though.

I jumped as I felt his hands land on my waist, again. They held me in place.

"Are you paying attention, sweetheart?" he whispered into my ear.

I nodded a little too quickly. "Yes."

"Uh huh," he chuckled, the sound drowning me. "What'd I just say?"

I tried to recover the information, but under his gaze, I couldn't focus too much. "Something about protecting my face and launching that motherfucker."

Kade chuckled, his hand sweeping over my stomach. "Good girl."

I pulled my eyes back to the bag. "You look so angry when you're doing this...how?"

He paused before responding, "I pretend that the bag is my shithead of a father. Nearly knock it down every time."

I'd give it to him, it was a great trick.

"You ready?" he whispered in my ear, his contact still warm to the touch.

I nodded my head, and prepared myself. I tried to remember the things he told me, and could only hope that I would prove my own strength to myself.

My bare skin connected with the bag, and it barely made a dent. I frowned, my frustration growing as my glasses tumbled down my nose at the quick jerk.

I jerked around. "Well, I tried—"

Kade turned me back around, his hands returning to my body. "Don't get frustrated at yourself. Get pissed at the bag for fucking you over."

I glared at it, readying myself once-more. "I can do this," I shoved out in one huff of breath.

"Hell yeah you can," he said in my ear, his words loud and vibrant. "Imagine all of the people who fucked you over, sweetheart. Knock every single of those fuckers out."

His finger stroked at my jaw. "You can even imagine me if you want," he teased.

I couldn't help the small small that grew on my lips at his words. I wished that I could paint his face on the bag, and release my frustrations. But, it wasn't him that I was mad at it.

I shut my eyes, again. I forced them to squeeze together as I recalled the last image I had of her.

And, I was angry.

The anger boiled inside of my bones at the very thought of her. The fake blue eyes, the dirty blonde hair, the perfectly manicured nails and toes. Her entire fucking fake life that everyone believed.

Rage slithered into my system like a snake. It was rough, but I welcomed the feeling of betrayal. The feeling of anger.

The feeling of hurt.

"Go, sweetheart," he whispered into my ear.

Before I knew it, I'd swung. I did everything he said, my shut fist landing into the bag with every piece of strength and suppressed rage I had inside of me.

I opened my eyes as the bag swung into an entirely different direction, the impact of the hit seen. Oh my gosh.

I turned to Kade, my expression surprised. His smirk was displayed to me, the pride in his eyes obvious. My lips lifted into the largest of grins, my rage dialing down as it was outnumbered by the happiness.

But, it soon ended.

The bag had its retaliation. It returned back to it's normal place, though it knocked me back a step. My glasses came tumbling off, and my body went along with them.

Kade caught me before I could go anywhere. My hands griped at his bare biceps, my eyes wide from the shock.

His arms remained around me. "See," he flicked his head over my shoulder. "I knew you could do it."

I grinned at him. Even though he was blurry, I saw the outline of his beautiful face. "Thank you for teaching me."

"Don't thank me. That was all you, sweetheart."

I couldn't help myself from leaning in. The soft feeling of his lips against mine soon buried my embarrassment. It was like we had stepped too close to a band of fireworks, though no damage was done to us. I felt untouchable around him.

He was the first to pull back. "I need to get you home, don't I?" The disappointment in his voice matched my own.

I shut my eyes with a sigh, nodding. "Sadly. My dad will be calling soon."

I rubbed my eyes, blinking a couple of times as my vision tried to recenter itself. Kade noticed it, and bent to get my glasses. I smiled as a thank you, and felt my skin only grow warmer as he placed the glasses back onto my face.

My vision smoothed out as my eyes readjusted to my glasses. The first sight was him.

His head tilted. "Better?"

I nodded, biting back a smile. "Much."

We walked out of the arena, and into the night. The stars illuminated the dark environment, and the moon only accompanied it. It'd be enchanting if it weren't for the cold. Thankfully, it didn't take long to reach his car.

That curious side of me hadn't died down yet, apparently. "Hey, Kade?"

He opened my car door, and I got inside. "Mhm?"

"Where'd you learn to fight?" I questioned.

With fighting skills as good as his, I knew that they didn't come naturally. Someone had taught him, and he'd been doing this for years, if I could guess.

Kade waited until he was inside the car. A look of uncertainty passed his face before he finally shrugged it off.

"Your dad, along with other people," he told me in a slow voice.

What?

I had to pinch myself to make sure that I wasn't dreaming. When the pain swung through the skin, I knew it wasn't. He'd said it.

I looked at him with wide eyes. "You're kidding."

He started the car up. "Wish I was."

Millions of questions invaded my head. None of it made sense. My father wasn't a fighter, and how could he have known Kade?

Then again, I'd said the same thing about the two of us, and our pasts had actually been entertained for nearly a decade now. There were so many missing pieces of the puzzle, though.

Finally, I grew the courage to ask, "How?"

"He saw what my dad was doing to me. So, he taught me how to defend myself," Kade explained, as if it were the simplest thing in the world. "He helped me do a lot, actually."

I didn't realize my mouth was hanging open until I felt my tongue go dry. I shut it, jerking my eyes over to the window. I couldn't get my thoughts together this quickly.

So many questions, yet so little time for answers, it seemed like.

The ride stretched on as he drove me home. I could see the side glances he continued to give me.

"You're quiet," he stated the obvious.

It'd only been me and my thoughts for so long, I flinched at his voice. I recovered quickly, looking to him. "I'm just...in a bit of shock. A lot of shock. I still don't understand how you and my father even met. Or, how we..." I shook my head, shooting a concentrated glare out of the window again.

It was dark, but Kade's tight expression could be seen out of the corner of my eye. I turned my head to face him.

He flicked his head at me, the determined gaze crossing his face. "We can talk about it tomorrow," he said. "If you want."

Tomorrow? I straightened up at this. "Where are we going tomorrow?"

"We made a deal," he reminds me with a smirk.

I titled my head. "What?"

"Ferris wheel, sweetheart. I never forget anything," he stated smugly. "And, I'm not letting you do it, either."

"I can see that," I mumbled.

He let out a sigh. "I'm scared shitless to say what I will tomorrow, but...you deserve to hear it, and I know that."

That offered relief. So much had been blocked out from my memory, some had flooded right in with the trauma and gotten lost in the mix.

His eyes tipped up to me. "You can go next, then me, back to you, then back to me," he offered.

I thought over it as he pulled into my driveway. Finally, I nodded. "Alright, but anything, right?"

Kade shrugged his shoulders, his pink lips in a menacing smirk. "Why not?"

I wanted to find out the things behind that crooked smile, but now wasn't the time. Maybe this was an opportunity. A chance I would learn some more things about him.  

"When do we start?" I questioned.

"I can pick you up at five," he told me.

I'd have to make some adjustments, but there was no way I was missing out on this. Punishment be damned.

I nodded my head. "I'll be ready."

I smiled as he leaned forward, his hand at the nape of my neck. It was a quick kiss, but one nonetheless.

"The light in my dark ass tunnel," he murmured against my lips.

***

"Right on time," my brother announced. His feet fell from the coffee table, raising himself to my eye level.

I rolled my eyes at his snarky tone. I had a fantastic day, and I wasn't planning on letting him ruin it.

I passed him without a word. I wasn't going to pretend everything was alright, and I sure as hell wasn't going to pretend that we were alright.

I heard his footsteps following after me. I didn't bother stopping, and I even tried to slam the door in his face, but he caught it.

Swinging the bag of books Kade had bought me across my bed, I kept my gaze on it for a moment in awe. I'd been wanting some of the titles for the longest time.

I'd nearly forgotten Ryland until his hand wrapped around my arm. "Don't touch me," I snapped, jerking around.

He had a look of disbelief cross his expression. "I'm trying to speak to you."

"And, I don't care," I finalized the goodbye, before letting my hand fall to the knob. "I have nothing to say to you, Ryland." I caught glimpse of his hurt expression before I slammed the door shut.

I didn't wait to hear his footsteps. I was too exhausted. After my shower, I turned off my light, and sunk right into bed.

My eyes searched around the room as the quiet night set in. The only sounds were the crickets, and the constant thump of my heart.

I swapped to my side. Just as I began to close my eyes, something caught my attention, right on the edge of my stand. It was hard to decipher at first, but it couldn't be mistaken.

It was a letter.

What the hell?

I raised myself with a quickness. With a shaky hand, I snatched it from the stand. My eyes fell to the messy writing.

From: Diane Drude

I felt the letter slip from my hands, as did my heart. That name brought the devil along with it, and it could never be mistaken for anything other than that. I should have caught on once I saw the first name.

It was my mom.