———————————————————
unicornsxpretty created the BEAUTIFUL new cover, thank you so much, honey!!! Enjoy🤍

"The heart wants what it wants. There's no logic to these things. You meet someone and you fall in love and that's that." – Woody Allen
———————————————————
Chapter 20
<——————————————->

I felt my blood run cold, then slowly thaw into warm mush. I didn't know how to answer the question. My only guess was because Kade didn't quite scare me as badly as they did. I knew if I stood up once, then I wouldn't be able to do it twice. They would hurt me with their words, and possibly with their fists, and that was the last thing I wanted. It'd been this way for so long, I grew accustomed to it.

In the back of my head, I knew Kade wouldn't hurt me. I think I scared him as much as he did me, so maybe that was why I stood up to him but not the others.

"I'm not scared of you," the words slipped out.

Kade's dark hair fell over his eyes as he dropped his head, and he let it hang there. It seemed to only add to his attractive stature. 

"And, why aren't you scared of me?" he asked slowly, his tone formed in a threat. But, I wasn't frightened.

I wanted to pinch myself to make sure that this was actually happening. I couldn't move. It was as if his eyes were physically holding me down to the seat.

"Because, I know you won't hurt me."

"How do you know that I won't hurt you, sweetheart?"

I let my strands of hair fall to cover my flash. "Because, you haven't done it yet, Kade." I said that, didn't I? I did.

"Not physically, anyway," I mumbled under my breath.

His face switched between curious, then back to a blank canvas. He stepped closer, but I remained the same. "This is not some book, Kimberly. I'm not the protagonist here, I can't be. Don't waste your time, love." The curious part of my brain tried to imagine it, but I knew better. I was only here for my diary, not my delusions.

"Don't worry," I responded. "I'm not expecting any of that." Truthfully.

He stared at me, and I stared in return, both of our looks too intense for another being to intake. Our silence continued until unspoken words danced through one another's expression.

Being so close to him, it was doing something to me. Like a ward of mosquitoes had crawled inside of my body and went straight for my heart. Maybe that was why it was beginning to thump much harder against the cages restraining it.

Do I like to be near him?

"Let's start off as friends, okay?" I slowly said to him. I wanted to let this be for the sake of getting my diary back, but truthfully, I wasn't sure of anything. I wanted to beat my curiosity. To beat my...attraction to him by showing myself exactly why I shouldn't have it.

I knew that we were different from one another. But, in a way, that made me want to understand how alike we were, if even possible.

I had no idea why I was so eager to be near him, regardless of what he had in his possession. I knew that I was probably making a mistake being near him, but I would have to continue on if I wanted my diary back. We were going to argue, even if we were friends, but I had to find a way to work through it in order to play the part. Today I had opened up slowly, but surely. It seemed that doing things slowly worked best for the both of us.

Kade looked taken aback. I saw his skin flush red before he cleared his throat. "Why?"

My head turned in confusion. "What do you mean?"

He blinked at me before his eyes darkened. He planted his arms against the kitchen island, his head falling. A dark chuckle left his lips, one that I felt continue on through the air. "I heard that's it's never good to be friends with a monster, sweetheart."

I wanted to see his face, his eyes. I was curious as to why his voice weighed so heavy when he said that. I wanted to see his true self. Why did he say that? As bad as I yearned it, I remained silent.

We can't always get the things we want.

After a moment, I released a heavy sigh and hopped off the stool. My legs took me to Kade's side of the kitchen island.

I paused as I stood to the side of him. "You're not a monster," I said to him. My words were slow, true.

His head still hung low. His lips were set in a thin line as he shook his head.

"I'll save you the time, sweetheart. You don't want to be friends with me, I promise you that," he said to me, a humorless laugh skipping from his pink lips.

"I make my own choices, Kade, and it's made.. I want to be friends with you," I said.

An ounce of guilt weighed my shoulders down at the fact that I wasn't entirely truthful, but I had to keep going. My diary was the biggest mission right now, but I felt bittersweet at the fact that I genuinely wanted to be his friend.

I was scared of this. Of whatever we had going on. Of wherever the hell this would go to.

And, the way he made me feel? I couldn't figure it out without damning myself.

"We'll go slow," I muttered more to myself than him.

Finally, Kade lifted his head. I stared at him, awaiting a response that I would never get.

He stayed silent, but by the look in those latte-colored eyes, we could have an entire conversation with just one look.

"Come on. Let's go and try your amazing pizza," I put emphasis on amazing in order to lighten the mood in the atmosphere.

Kade's adam apple bobbed in his throat before he nodded tightly. I walked to the oven, grabbed an oven-mitten, and retrieved the pies.

I placed down the steaming pizzas, my stomach drumming in tantrum at the scent. I heard Kade step up from behind me. We both stared down at the pizzas in shock.

Mine oozed with cheese like a nasty pimple. Pepperoni and bacon pieces were scattered along the pizza, nearly sunken into the abundance of cheese. Kades though, had the perfect amount of cheese and toppings. Bacon pieces littered across the pizza, along with sliced pineapples.

I looked at him. "Okay, your pizza is mine."

He chuckled, handing a pizzas slicer to me. "Too late now." I heard the pride in his tone, rolling my eyes at his victory.

I began cutting into both of our pizzas, frowning when the cheese cling to the silverware. Between my struggle, I felt the heat radiating from Kade's body.

I could feel him, so close to me. If I were to move back only a few steps, then we would be smack together. I wanted to move, but my feet remained in tact.

I glanced down as his hand came over mine. "So clumsy," he chuckled, leading my hand through the pizza.

My eyes hovered over our hands. His own radiated so much heart, I felt it to my very core. Sparks of electricity toured throughout that very spot, and I couldn't help wondering if he felt it too.

I swallowed past my curiosity to form, "Just accident prone." I felt my chest shudder as his hand ever so slightly, squeezed down on mine.

I may have been mistaken, but I thought I heard the strain in his tone. "Nah, I think clumsy's the right word, sweetheart." His words were soft from behind me.

My cheeks heated under pressure. I went to speak, but quickly snapped my mouth shut. I had nothing to say, not when he was touching me. Everything was thrown out the door.

My oxygen felt as if it had been glued to the inside of my throat. I couldn't breath with him so close to me.

Finally, he released me. I expected gratitude to follow, but there was none. Nothing except the cold, empty spot he'd left behind.

I didn't expect to see the color in his cheeks. His eyes bounced between me and my hand then back to me before clearing his throat. His tone was steady as he uttered, "You can cook any of this. You know where to get more if you need it." Then he turned toward the living room. I felt my chest relieve from the pressure as I saw him disappear.

I needed to carry on, fake it like I'd been doing all night. I needed to get myself together. This could be a trick for him and I couldn't afford it. I couldn't afford him.

I placed our slices on the plates before grabbing the tortilla chips. After assembling nachos, I placed them inside of the oven then scanned over the remaining food from Kade's pantry.

I grinned once I saw a pack of gummy bears. They would come in handy.

"What do you want to watch?" I called from the kitchen.

Kade was sitting on the couch, awaiting for me to join him, I presumed. There was a pause before he responded, "I don't really watch movies or shows."

I paused from the assembling. I glanced up toward him. "You never watched any movies as a kid or anything?"

His eyes, in the light shade they were, seemed to get darker. Still and quiet, he lowered his eyes from mine, instead looking at the tile below him.

"Kade?" I questioned after the silence stretched.

He shook his head before saying,"Susie has a lot of shit upstairs, if you want to pick one. First room on the right."

I ignored how he referred to his mother, and finished up. After I was satisfied, I went upstairs to go retrieve the movies.

I was surprised at the fact that he let me go upstairs. Flashbacks from my first memories inside of this house hit me like a wrecking ball, and I felt like running away all over again.

His mother's room was clean and elegant, and large in space. She could probably fit my entire house inside of this one room.

Her white covers were pulled over the king sized mattress with large pillows perched at the very top, only adding to the tidiness of it all. The walls were a creamy white, just like the rest of the house besides Kade's room. Her closet—from where I was standing in the doorway—seemed to be able to fit three twin-sized beds in there.

My socked feet seemed to sink into the red lush carpet, hugging the underside of them. I smiled at the sensation; it felt as if I had been stepping on soft pillows all along.

I caught a glimpse of myself in the flat screened tv that was plastered to the wall. Underneath the tv was a basket full with things like brushes, sunglasses, gloves, etc. There was another beside it.

I rummaged through the small basket, and soon found the dvds. I chose one of the first ones I saw.

On my way out, I felt my balance wavering from me in a quick second. I managed to catch myself on the bed before I fell, but once I looked down, I found the source of my tripping.

Slowly, I pulled the frame sticking out from underneath the bed. Holding it up, my eyes roamed over the image.

A little boy—that looked to be around the age of five—had a head full of black hair, along with the cutest cheeks. His hair was styled along with the boy, who I guessed was Kade, next to him. Both wore suits tailored to their small figures.

Who I assumed was Suzie, stared back at me with tired eyes. Her expression was tight with feigned happiness, but she made sure to fake it through the picture.

A small pair of light brown eyes gazed back at the camera. His hair was styled to look neat, but the black mess seemed to be doing it's own thing. It was obviously Kade though he looked around the age of ten at the time. They all were smiling, and the little boy clung to Kade's leg like his life depended on it.

Both boys were smiling in the frame, and I could see the grip Kade had on his brother. The picture was adorable, and it caused a small small to grow on my face. Until I realized that I wasn't meant to see it.

It was strange. I hadn't heard a mention of a brother, and I sure as hell didn't see one running around here. The only guess that I had was that the boy was at a relatives, or at a different school, or something. All I knew though, was that he was not here.

With a head shake, I dismissed the thought; it wasn't any of my business.

Quickly, I shoved the picture back underneath the bed, grabbed the dvds, and rushed downstairs.

The house was voluminous, so by the time I reached the stairs, I needed to pause for a breath.

Finally, I descended down the staircase. "I'm back," I announced to a burping Kade.

Sometime while I was upstairs, Kade had brought both of our plates as well as the rest of the food to the living room. I wanted to thank him aloud but decided to say quiet as I put the movie on.

I sat down before grabbing my plate and biting into my pizza. I sipped on my glass of soda to wash it down. I caught Kade's eyes on me, with one eyebrow to his hairline.

I shot a look back. "What?"

"No ice?" he said with more disbelief than curiosity.

I shook my head as I placed the glass onto a coaster. "Ice melts before I can finish the soda, and I'm a slow drinker. It makes the drink all watered down, and way less enjoyable. So yeah, no ice." I explained my reasoning in the best way possible, though I knew it sounded crazy. But, it was how I preferred it.

I caught a glint inside of his eye. His lips turned up into a grin, though he tried to hide it by ducking his head. I smiled at the sight, and took another bite.

We continued the movie in silence, while awaiting for the nachos to finish. Once the oven dinged, I stood to get them.

While I waited for it to cool, Kade refilled our drinks, and I thanked him this time before sitting down.

We both began to eat the nachos, and I earned a weird glance from him once I placed a gummy bear on top of the cheese-topped chip.

"What?" I asked, popping the chip into my mouth.

His face scrunched up in disgust. "What in the hell are you doing?"

I placed another one on top of a chip. "What do you mean?"

"You're putting gummy bears on top of your nachos," he explained slowly.

I looked at him, my eyebrows reaching the center of my forehead. "Yeah, I know." At his repulsed expression, I suggested, "Come, try one."

His displeased expression made me roll my eyes. He shifted away from me with a shake of the head. "Hell no, get that away from me."

"Kade Ryder, scared of a little chip?" I teased, smiling at him. "What would everyone say?"

He rolled his eyes, but by the look he gave me, I had a feeling that he was contemplating it. "You're not going to stop, are you?"

I popped another bear onto a cheese chip before I said, "Nope, now here."

With a heavy sigh, he muttered something intangible before standing and taking a seat beside me. He took it from my hand, and popped it into his mouth. I watched his face for any detection of pleased emotions. But, he kept it neutral.

A beat passed before Kade sighed, then reopened his hand. "Give me another one."

"I told you," I gloated, a grin on my face.

I went to give him another one, but he beat me to it grabbing another chip and gummy. I smiled as I watched him. I didn't exactly know if he was having a good time or not, but I was. I knew I was here for a different reason, but I was genuinely enjoying it.

By the time we were finished eating, I held my stomach in pleasurable pain. I was full to the point of exhaustion, and now all I wanted to do was lay in my bed, and rest.

I had yawned so many times, I stopped keeping count. Kade must have caught notice, because he had stood up and pulled me up before I knew it.

"We should get you home," he suggested with a nod toward the door.

I didn't put up a fight, even when that small part inside of me wanted to argue. I knew that the argument would lead in a direction I wouldn't like, so I decided to keep quiet.

I followed behind him to his car, the moon dancing across our faces. The night breeze skipped past me without warning, causing my hair to whip around in different directions. It was cold outside, yet bearable. I smiled at the beauty of the night, before getting inside of Kade's car.

The radio hummed in the distance, but I felt as if it didn't quite reach my ears. The music was playing, but yet I couldn't quite hear it. It was only an obstacle.

"You okay?" I heard Kade ask through the dreamland I had began to travel in.

I nodded, clutching my sweatshirt tighter to me. Sleep was creeping upon my subconscious by the second.

I felt a light weight fall over me, and I soon realized that it was a jacket. It wasn't hard to figure out that it was Kade's jacket on top of my body by the narcotic-like scent to me. I just couldn't fully believe it.

In my sleepy state, I snuggled closer to the warm jacket. I was too tired to think about my actions, let along control them.

"I-I have no idea what this shit is and I have no idea how to explain it without sounding like a pussy," I heard Kade mutter.

I kept my eyes close, though my ears were entirely open.

I heard his shaky sigh. "But, all I know is that I like it. I like spending time with you. It makes things...less dark," he confessed, his voice as small as a newborn's pinky finger.

"Do you...would you want to do something tomorrow?" he asked me. I knew then that he was aware of my consciousness.

But, my mind was racing. Was he asking me out?

No, absolutely not. He was only here to stop Levi. I was only here because I wanted my diary back. This was just some type of ploy for him, it had to be.

Still, I couldn't ignore the fact that today was nice. It started out terribly wrong, but ended on a fine note. I wanted another one of these.

Though I was half-way asleep, I heard him loud and clear. I turned towards Kade, a small smile trailing to my lips.

"I'd love to," I answered.

God, that smile. The way his face lit up at my answer. The way that dimple made an appearance once I accepted his offer. I'd do anything to put his smile on repeat and never stop it from playing.

"Okay," he said, as if he was giving me time to change my mind. He lowered his head, and rolled his lips in order to hide his smile.

Why would he want to hide something so beautiful? I wondered.

I handed his jacket back to him, and like a flood, a wave of cold air fell over me. I shuddered, though I tried to withhold it.

I smiled at him, hoping to earn one back. I wanted a fresh one. "Okay."

"Bye, Kade."

He sucked in a breath, before releasing it and gripping the wheel like his life depended on it. "Bye, sweetheart."

I walked back inside of my home though I didn't really recall any of it. My mind was on him as I shut the door behind me. Once I made it to my room, I dropped like deadweight onto my bed.

It felt as if I were floating on cloud nine, my steps felt weightless, though my heart felt heavy. Too heavy.

What was Kade Ryder doing to me?