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"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." – Lao Tzu

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Chapter 87
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I'd been staring at the necklace for an hour. Or maybe longer—I wasn't exactly keeping count.

By the pain in my spine, I knew it'd been a long while, though. The longer I stared, the more conflicted I grew.

As soon as Kade left, I ripped it from my neck, and threw it as far as I could. The chain seemed to burn my neck the longer I had it on. I hadn't bothered to pick it up since then; it'd just been in the corner of my room.

My arms pushed off my bed as I approached the necklace. It seemed to falter my steps the closer I grew to it.

I picked it up by its chain, my shaky fingers turning it around until it faced me. I was surprised that it hadn't cracked. It was still as perfect as could be, completely oblivious to the mess around it.

I stepped back until I felt my knees bump into the bed. My eyes ran over the picture carefully, as if it would disappear from history if I made the wrong move. Possibly because it would.

It was six-thirty in the evening, now. Even though I spent the entire day pondering my answer, I knew it was the time to make a decision. I needed to have one in thirty minutes.

But, it was all so irreconcilable.

I had so much anger, so much hurt and rage toward Kade at the moment. He tore me in two without a second thought. Now that I knew he was doing it to protect me, it changed so much, but it didn't diminish the result of it all, regardless. He didn't fight, nor did he at least try and save us. He let me go as if I were nothing to him, as if we were nothing.

Those words were his. He was in charge of his actions, of the pain he inflicted throughout me that day, and he would have to live with the consequences. I couldn't even fathom seeing him again before yesterday.

That same love remained though, no matter how badly I wished for it to flee. I didn't think a certain amount of time could rid of that value.

He was embedded into my blood, and he wasn't going anywhere. Our existences were forever intertwined, even before we were even born. Between our parents friendships, and even as children through the park. Somehow, we had formed a tie that stood above all of that. One that could never be torn from history, or from either of us.

Kade was the one to teach me all of the delicate versions of care, of patience and virtue, of love. Of myself. He had shifted every bad, into good. He had helped me find the good. I couldn't claim that he found that girl under the rubble, but I could say, that he helped me clear the wreckage, the pain and the scars to help me find her myself.

There were too many factors, too many strings and memories that couldn't be extirpated from me no matter how far I ran from him.

I remembered his friends' pleas to me. Their desperation was raw and truthful, and it was painful to witness. It meant that they knew, and understood that Kade was truly in danger. That he really was.

I placed the necklace down after one lingering glance. The picture seemed so close, yet so far. If only we could have stayed there forever.

Most of my life, I thought of myself as a bad person. As a burden. It was stemmed from the woman who brought me into this world, the last person it should have been from. I remembered all of the times she deemed me the bad seed, and after so long, I began to believe her.

How could I be good if the woman who created me, grew me, carried me, said, and swore that I was not?

But, that was the thing...I wasn't a bad person.

So many people have different versions of you to tell to others', whether it be good or bad, but it doesn't matter. They don't matter. You have to know the qualities of your own heart in order to be affected by such exclusions to it.

I knew mine.

I wasn't a saint, but in my time here, I learned one of many things. I was a good person, but I was even better to those who were the same to me.

And, that was what Kade was to me. He taught me to blossom, to remember to kiss my scars instead of cursing them. To let go of the very things that were holding me down. To say fuck it to those very things.

He taught me that even if my mothers' love couldn't be unconditional, others' could be. That it was okay to accept that love. He learned me, and he loved me.

I couldn't let him drown when he'd held me above shore so many times. I knew he'd give me his own lungs before I even dipped under water too long; hell, he had by fighting six men for me.

If I was asked the question right now, I would admit the truth without influence. Kade was a good person, regardless of the things he said that day. Regardless of what happened, that fact didn't change. His heart was big for the ones he cared about.

He had a good heart to his baby brother, to his friends, and family. To me. I couldn't let that get taken from any of us. I wouldn't.

Afterwards, things would remain the same: I would continue on with my plan to leave. Without Kade. I couldn't let this deflect from the pain he caused.

Even if his fear was an explanation, it wasn't an excuse for me. It was highly doubtful, but if there were a chance between us, it would have to wait. The pain was too raw to wake up, and carry on as if nothing happened.

I hurried to text Levi with my answer. In a matter of seconds, he responded: he would be here in a couple of minutes. I assumed he was at Ravens', though it shocked me that he would let her attend the fight. I needed the support though, so I was grateful for her attendance.

I hurried to get ready, the next couple of minutes blending into a blur. I decided on a hoodie to help disguise me as much as possible, just in case Chivo's plan was still on, but the thought of Levi and Luke being there helped me relax.

Without a train of thought, I fisted the necklace by the chain, and shoved it into my pocket. Every time my fingers grazed the metal, I felt my insides jump with nerves.

Finally, my phone buzzed in my hand. I lifted it to see a text from Levi. He was outside.

Just as I swiped for a response, my heart stilled at Kade's contact, which wasn't too far. My finger hovered above the bar, my eyes painfully dragging over his last text message from a couple of weeks ago: I love you.

Those three words grasped at me, and settled in my heart until I forced myself to shut the phone off. I wanted to text him, to let him know that I was coming, but decided it best not to. I didn't want to get his hopes up for something that wouldn't happen, again.

The phone buzzed against my leg, only speeding my exit out of the room. I already knew it was Levi, so I continued toward the door. Everyone was gone, so that only made it easier to get there without issue.

Hurriedly, I locked the door behind me then, advanced toward the roaring sports car. Levi and Raven were both standing outside of it, but from her tone, she was agitated. Her voice fell when she saw me.

The wind caught through her strands as she rushed my way. "Kimberly." Her expression deepened with apology. "I'm so sorry, I tried to get him to stop it. I didn't want to put you in that position."

I grasped her shaky hands, offering a small smile. I knew she wanted to help, but the decision was made. "Raven, it's okay. I want to do this."

She glanced at Levi with a scowl, who was glaring back at her. Then, she turned to face me, a look of hesitation following. "Are you sure?"

I watched the wind shape around my sigh. "I am. Come on." I advanced toward the car before she could further my nerves. We didn't have time for it.

Levi opened the doors for both of us. Raven looked to him with a scoff, proceeding to the back seat. His gaze followed after her in a glare before he motioned to me.

Once we were all in, Levi wasted no time. I'd never seen him so nervous other than the night he found me at the game.

His fingers were tight around the wheel as he jumped lane after lane. I remained leveled since I was just as anxious to get there.

"Levi, slow down," Raven hissed from behind us, grasping the roof of the car for support. "You're going to kill us."

Levi eyes squinted at the road, carefully. When I craned my neck, I caught the dash reading back that he was going one-hundred and twenty miles per hour, now.

"We're going to be late if I slow down. Luke's already there," he mumbled out. "If he and I want shit to go the way we need it to, we need everything to be perfect." His eyes flickered over to me for a second before falling back to the road.

My fingers tightened around the seatbelt as he swerved in front of another car, earning a blade of a horn in return. "Are you finally going to tell me what you two are planning?"

"You'll see," he glanced over at me. "Thank you, Kimberly. Really. Luke and I owe you a fucking island."

I nodded slowly. My hand fell to stroke my stomach as it began to tickle. My nerves were barely hanging on by a thread, but it wasn't because of how fast Levi was going.

The possibilities of tonight continued to taunt me. What if my presence didn't matter? What if Kade lost? What if he already lost to one of the men? What if they—

I shook my head until it hurt. No. I couldn't think like that right now.

I had more than enough faith in his skills.  After seeing the way he trained with Luke and Levi, he was perfect with his fighting. His winning title for years had to mean something.

I heard a buzz in Levi's corner of the car.

"Shit," he cursed, nervous eyes darting to it. "That's Luke." Raven yelped as he tossed the phone back to her. "Read it to me, please, baby."

From behind me, I heard her muttered curses sound out before she finally picked the phone up. "He won the first round. He knocked the guy out."

Both Levi and I's chest fell in relief at her words. Thank god.

I grasped at the chain in my pocket, my eyes shutting as the worry began to overwhelm me. I couldn't let it rule all, though; I had to be strong right now.

"Thank fuck," Levi hissed to himself. "Killian'a always been just a cocky son of a bitch with big arms who thought he was the shit. About time he finally got his shit knocked out. Five more."

I could feel his gaze weighing on the top of my head, so I parted my eyes to meet it.

Levi nodded toward me., attempting reassurance "He's going to be fine." I heard him repeat the words under his breath just as he turned away, as if he were trying to soothe his own doubts.

I didn't even think about it too much. Levi, Luke, and Kade had been friends for years so I knew this was just as heavy for him as it was for me.

I offered a small smile of encouragement to him. "He'll be fine." My words were barely audible, but he caught it.

His head nodded in appreciation, his body tensing just enough to carry on.

I continued to glance at the time along the way. That, and the constant grazing of the necklace were the only things holding me over enough to remain sane.

By the time Levi began to turn into the garage, it was darkening outside. The cages were far from town, but with his speed, he cut the time right in half.

I heard him muttering something under his breath as he drifted through the parking garage without an ounce of hesitation.

Every spot was full, though all of the cars were empty from what I could see. They were already inside and in full swing, from the cheers and stomping that rattled the car.

"Thank fuck we get the good parking," Levi announced, swiftly shoving us into one of the last remaining parking spots. He was right on that; we were much closer to the entrance than the others. "He should be on his third round by now."

Swiftly, he jerked the car into park, then yanked the keys out of their hold. He craned his neck to get a good view of the both of us.

His eyes skidded to Raven first, weighing with apology. "Beautiful, I'm sorry for it all, but I was desperate, okay? I'll buy you whatever the fuck you want, I'll give you back massages every night for the rest of the year, I'll take you to the Bahamas this summer, I'll get on my knees and beg, but right now, I just need you to listen." He shifted, his eyes bouncing between the two of us. "Both of you have to stay with Luke and I. Don't leave from either of us, no matter what. I don't give a damn if you're about to piss yourself, you don't go without us. Please. Promise me."

I didn't intend to, anyway. I nodded. "I promise."

"Levi—" Raven began.

I'd never seen him as serious as he was right now. His kind eyes were now clouded with tension. His fingers tightened around the seat as he looked to Raven. "Promise me, Raven."

I heard her sigh. "I promise, but I expect a trip and a massage in return."

A silly grin danced across his lips before the reality finally set in. His face fell as he took his phone from her. Quickly, he hurried over to our sides to open the doors for us.

I tightened my hoodie for safe measure, my fingers dancing around the edges of the necklace as we walked. Levi remained in front of us, though I caught him constantly glancing over his shoulder for our presence.

He didn't have to worry, though. I wasn't going anywhere.

From behind me, I felt Raven grasp my hand in a tight hold. At it, I turned to face her, but was taken aback by the fear in her expression. Her pretty brows furrowed as her eyes shifted over me.

I wasn't sure if this were her first time at a match, but I tried my best to reassure her with my eyes, and a squeeze of her hand. We're fine.

Once we were inside, I noted Levi's shift. Gone was the silly, kind, jokester we know, and here was the one the cages knew. He was practically a stranger, now, and in this moment, I could see the resemblance between him, Kade, and Luke.

He nodded toward the several people that called to him before glancing back at us. I saw the glimpse of concern past the cold.

With a nod, I signaled that we were fine, and to carry on, so he did. We didn't have time to waste on things like this any longer.

The closer we got to the ring, the more real it became. From here, I could barely make past the screams and yells. The walls and floors shook and trembled under it all. The room was full of so many people on either side, I feared it wouldn't even be possible for Kade to notice me.

"We have front and center seats," Levi craned his neck to yell into our ears. "Luke's already there, so we have to hurry."

With a nod of understanding, I met his speed, tightening my hold on Raven.

From the crowd, I heard a series of cheers, but it was too hard to disfigure with the mix. I just hoped and begged that they were because Kade was winning.

We earned several curses and threats on the venture, but no one proceeded to actually act upon it as Levi pushed the people around. Without remorse, he continued to shove through the crowd until we were where we needed to be.

Finally, I saw Luke through the mass of people. His eyes fell to Levi, then Raven, and ended on me. His stressed expression fluctuated into another that was unreadable, but I could see the newfound relief in his eyes even from here.

He waved us over before his attention returned to the ring. To Kade.

Our stance put us in the perfect position to see everything. We were a couple paces away from the ring, the closest one could get.

My eyes ran over the edges, carefully. I noticed the traces of dried blood painting the stage as it rattled. I couldn't tell, or maybe I didn't want to, whether or not it was fresh.

"You fuckers are late," Luke shouted over the commotion. I heard several cheers from behind us, and had to move up a couple of inches in order to avoid being crushed.

"At least you're here, though," he added, glancing down at me. Clearing his throat, he added, "Thank you."

I didn't really care for it since this wasn't exactly for him, but I didn't care enough to dramatize it. Instead, I nodded in understanding before my eyes jumped to the spot I'd been avoiding from the moment we walked in.

I wanted to push past the people that began to walk in front of us, but refrained since they soon passed. Levi and Luke stepped closer to observe, as well.

Finally, we all set eyes on Kade in the middle of the ring.