hey babes! I'm sorry but my depression, senior year, work, and the writers block mixed has taken a heavy toll these past few months. Thank you guys so much for 622K reads & the hilarious comments & endless support. The private messages I receive warm my heart so much. Alsooo, several have requested a Kade pov & you will be getting one soon! I hope you guys are ready for the next set of chapters because they will be...interesting 😬. Enjoy, loves! 🤍

"To the mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders." - Lao Tzu
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Chapter 60
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I placed the milk carton back in the fridge, and took a seat at the kitchen table. As soon as I sat down, Ryland appeared from his room.

"Morning," I greeted him with a smile before burying my spoon in the cereal.

His response was an undecipherable grunt. His eyes skipped down to my cereal before snatching it away from my hands.

I groaned as he took a bite. "Those were mine, you idiot."

I reached for my bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, but he turned too quickly. After a couple of failed attempts, I slumped down into my chair.

Ryland turned back around, and leaned on the kitchen sink across from me. With a lazy smile, he placed it back down and slid it toward me.

I rolled my eyes. "You've already claimed it with your saliva now," I grumbled, but still took the bowl, anyway.

He handed me a new spoon, then turned to grab two slices of bread. "Since mom and dad are out of town today, I was thinking about something."

His words took a second to register as I savored the taste of the cereal. "Mhm?"

His feet headed in the direction of the bridge to get butter. "How about we go look for trees?" he offered.

My lips rose at the suggestion. "I'd love that," I said before I considered, "Not much is open since Christmas is so close, though."

He grabbed a knife, picking up one of the bread slices. "So is something else."

I rolled my eyes at that. I knew where he was going with this. My eighteenth birthday was coming up this month. I tried to ignore it, but I knew that pestering feeling would only persist since it was so inevitable.

I didn't care about my birthday. My mother made sure to remind me every year that my birthday was not one to be celebrated. I knew that every little thing that spewed from her mouth were lies, but that didn't erase the effect of those same very lies. After hearing year after year that my life was solely a curse to so many, I no longer cared or even attempted to. It was simply another day.

The scraping of his chair pulled me from my thoughts. "You know you're gonna love your present," he grinned as he spread the butter across the bread. "I promise not to spoil it this year, either."

"I bet."

Ryland sighed at my lack of enthusiasm. "I know how you are for your birthdays, but I won't let you. Screw her, Kimberly. Seriously. You deserve to be celebrated," he said, offering a smile. "Especially this year. Enjoy it. You're finally going to be an adult."

I nodded, but I didn't agree. I just couldn't. I wasn't looking forward to it at all. Usually it was just my family, but now I had three relentless best friends, a boyfriend and his family. At least Kade had no idea about my birthday, though. It would remain that way.

I tried to change the subject off of me by nodding off in the direction of the empty corner. "Where are we going to find a tree?" His eyes lit up at that.

Ryland was probably the most Christmas loving man I'd seen. Since neither of our mothers were there, Dad would always go all out. We couldn't afford many presents, but we never truly cared. Dad would sneak into our rooms at midnight when he thought we were asleep. He'd place a candy cane under our pillows and leave a stocking on each of our doors. Inside would be every candy created & instructions. Every Christmas morning, we'd go into the kitchen and see a full table of the things we needed to make gingerbread man houses and hot chocolate. We would bounce with excitement as we waited for dad to put in "The Grinch" and unwrap our presents.

I couldn't help, but smile at the memories. Ryland didn't question it. By his peaceful expression, I knew he had recalled the very same memories, as well.

I watched the milk drip from my spoon, and back into the bowl. "I'll go ahead and get ready. I need to finish Christmas shopping as well."

Ryland nodded, tossing the last of his toast into his mouth. "Me too. That doesn't mean you get early access to your gifts yet, though."

I chuckle. "I'm sure you'll spoil it for me like always." I stepped aside, thanking him when he took my bowl to rinse it out.

I smiled at the sight of Pyper sleeping when I stepped foot into my bedroom. As soon as I'd gotten home last night, I gave her space. I knew that animals needed adjusting especially after entering a new environment. I watched from afar as Pyper wandered my bedroom. It didn't take long to get her items set up in my bedroom. Once she roamed nearly every surface of my room, I called it a night and placed her back into her cage.

By the time I was finished getting ready, my mind was scrambled with suggestions. I had no idea what to get Kade. He was the last person I had to Christmas shop for, but he was far more complex than anyone else I'd own. I wanted to make it meaningful.

I heard a knock at my door. "You ready?"

I stood up, crossing the space to the door. Ryland, dressed in black Nike sweats and a tight-skinned grey shirt, beamed at me with a shine of excitement in his eyes.

I chuckled at him. "I'm ready, but don't shoot through the roof before we get there." By his expression, I figured that impossible.

Once we were in his car, Ryland turned the heat to the highest setting. This winter seemed to be more brutal than the others. It could have been because I was more aware of my surroundings now more than ever.

The traffic was as tough as expected since everyone was in such a frenzy to get their Christmas shopping done. Ryland and I jumped from topic to topic, mainly about school.

"Any idea what you want to major in yet?" he questioned, peering in both directions to check if it were safe to change lanes.

I shrugged my shoulders. "I'm still not fully sure on my decision. There's just so many choices to choose from." It was true. When I completed some of the scholarship applications, my mind sunk for the right major to write down every time.

As I had told Kade, I was considering a social worker, or a teacher, but just as I had mentioned, I changed my mind every time someone asked. Because now, I was even finding joy in opening a bakery or something. I didn't know. It was all so excitedly terrifying.

I rubbed at my temples at the upcoming headache. It was weird that a couple of months ago, I was beyond excited to leave this damn country if I had to. But now, being away from the people that meant the world to me made my heart ache.

I found myself looking at community colleges with interest a couple weeks back. I didn't want Kade to affect my milestones too much, but he wouldn't be the only one I'd leave behind. Raven, Jax, and Maggie revealed that they were going to community college, as well before attending a university and that was what had me thinking.

"Kimberly?"

I looked up. By Ryland's concerned expression, I knew I'd been in my head too long.

"I'm sorry," I shook my head. "Did you say something?"

His eyebrow rose at me, before he looked back to the road. "I said that it's okay to not know. You're still young, and there are a fuck-ton of options. During senior year, college was the last thing on my mind," he chuckled. "But, the sky is the limit. You do whatever makes you happy, got it? You know dad and I will support anything."

I took his words into consideration, bobbing my head. I had to remember that there was still time left to decide my future. "Thank you, Ryland." I flicked my head at him. "Now tell me what's been going on with you."

He began to tell me about his favorite professor, but my mind was elsewhere. I couldn't stop from wondering if Kades' words were a fever dream. It left my brain in a mush every time I thought about Ryland being a different man. He was a fighter, trained by my father. Both were the sweetest souls in this world, yet there was a side of them that I couldn't understand. That they never wanted me to understand, I think.

I wanted to ask. I wanted to know. But, damn it, every time my mouth opened, the words seemed to freeze and melt right back down my throat. So for right now, I let them.

Ryland slowed into the busy lot. Cars were going in and out in a constant flow, but after circling the space, we found a tight spot between a minivan and a Hyundai.

I walked alongside Ryland to the inside. I was quite shocked at my own self when I requested we split. We could meet back up when we both had what was needed.

I told him that I had to finish shopping for my friends, because I wasn't ready to ruin our day by telling him about Kade and I. It was another conversation that I wasn't planning on having today.

He didn't seem too fond of it since he claimed that his decision making sucked, but I reassured him he'd do amazing in finding a tree. When I turned, I rolled my eyes with a chuckle. You would think that he would be the one reassuring me.

I couldn't help, but wash in a round of pride as I wadded through the sea of people. My anxiety hadn't been so overbearing in weeks, and I was beyond relieved. Usually, it felt as if a wave was just waiting to drown me in its water, but lately, I felt freed from its grasp. I hadn't had an attack in weeks, as well, which was a first time record for me.

Despite it, I was still relieved when I made it to the section of the mall for my leg sake. It was a random jewelry shop. The advertisements on the glass convinced me a little too quickly to peak around.

As I searched the line of jewels, my teeth nibbled my lip in uncertainty. I wasn't even sure Kade liked jewelry, but it didn't hurt to look.

Just as I crossed the store for another section, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I didn't try to resist my smile when I saw the name.

Kade: What are you up to, sweetheart?

My lips tugged into a grin at the message. My fingers hovered above the screen. I wasn't too sure of how to respond without revealing his present.

Me: The Mall with Ryland.

From what I learned, Kade enjoyed video calls or calling more than texting. But, every day since we left town, he would send a text in the morning. Even after I'd left his house, he would still call me after I got into bed. He claimed that it was to help me fall asleep, but every single time, he would be the one to drift off into slumber. On the call, I'd prop my phone up and join him in sleep.

I felt my heart jump when another alert from my phone buzzed.

Kade: Nice.

My fingers tapped at the screen for another response but before I pressed send, he had sent something else.

Kade: I miss you. I'm training all day with Luke, but can I take you out tonight when I'm back?

Kade: Shit, I should've specified. I have a surprise, too. But, how about a dine in movie?

Kade: Sorry about all the texts.

The butterflies in my stomach traveled to my brain. We were miles apart, but I could feel his skepticism through his words. He was being anything but annoying to me.

Me: You're fine. I miss you, and I would love that. What time?

Kade: It'll be pretty late, but I should be back by eight.

Me: I'll be ready.

Kade: Thanks, baby. For the compliment.

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. I reread over our messages, but found nothing to correlate. He read my mind, the phone buzzing a second letter.

Kade: You're really beautiful yourself. Really. Damn. Beautiful.

I shook my head, chuckling at his flirting. Even though he was constantly complimenting me, this time didn't stop the blush from creeping up my neck.

Me: Get back to work, Kade Ryder.

Kade: I will, Mrs, Ryder. I'll see you tonight.

If I weren't in a public place, I probably would've dropped the phone. I told myself to put less tension on my phone. The grip I had around it was deadly. Mrs. Ryder.

I told myself I was putting too much thought into it, but I knew him. He didn't bring up the thought, even as a joke. I knew that it was mostly to do with his parents, and I never jumped at the idea of children or even marriage when I thought about my parents and their failures, either.

But, those thoughts dwindled into nothingness every time I thought of what we had. What tied us together, what we accomplished together, what we felt for one another. If we continued to understand, grow, and forgive, we could build a foundation of love that nothing could falter.

"Miss?" the heavy accented voice was the one to snap me out of my thoughts. "Is there anything I can help you with?"

I looked at the man standing behind the glass. Shit. I didn't want to know how long I'd been standing there for.

I cleared my throat, hoping to avert his attention from my reddening cheeks. "I'm sorry about that. I was wondering if you could show me your men selection."

His white teeth beamed at me as he nodded. "Of course." He pulled out the options I could choose from, but nothing seemed to click with me. But, I wasn't even sure of what I wanted.

I continued to search before the man spoke again. "Is there any preference that we could accommodate you with, perhaps?"

I thought about that. My eyes roamed the signs behind him. There was one that read that the store offered custom made purchases.

Just like that, the perfect gift ringed in my head. I wasn't sure if it would do what was intended, but I could try.

I smiled at the man. "Yes, there is."