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"Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness." —Desmond Tutu
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Chapter 12
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If looks could kill, I'd be in my grave right now.

Amber scoffed, flipping dead blonde hair over her shoulder. Bright blue eyes gave off an abundance of hateful emotions, to both Raven and I.

Her gaze shifted between us, a smirk soon following. "Oh, so you two are suddenly besties?"

Neither one of us answered her. We weren't friends, far from friends actually. I wasn't even supposed to be here.

"Whatever." Amber rolled her eyes, the annoyance perched up on her face. "You two losers deserve each other." She crossed eyes with Raven, who was holding back tears. "Don't even think of coming near me or any of my friends ever again, Raven."

Amber's scratchy laugh followed behind her, leaving a bad taste in my mouth. I turned and offered a hand toward Raven's still figure.

She eyed me for a moment before placing her hand in mine, then pulling herself up. "Thank you."

I nodded, hauling my bag onto my shoulder. I wasn't sure of what to do right now; I hadn't even meant to leave the stall.

Once my hand went for the door, I heard Raven call out my name.

"I'm sorry for being so mean to you, Kimberly," she whispered, her head bowing in shame.

I paused, turning back around towards her. Her lips were downturned in sadness, her eyes shining with unshed tears.

"I-it's fine," I whispered, my hands gripping the straps of my backpack tightly. My voice was still hoarse from crying. "Your friends were the ones who did everything."

She shook her head, mascara leaking down her cheeks. "I know but...I should've said something. It's not okay. I was such a bitch to you, but you still helped me."

"How could you even..." she huffed, swiping at her cheek. "I didn't deserve it."

I shrugged my shoulders, focusing my eyes on her new looking shoes. "I'm just doing what I wish someone did for me; I guess someone has to break the cycle."

She laughed, though I could easily sense the emotion there. "I guess you're right."

I turned back around, my back to her. I felt bad for the girl, it seemed like she had been so used to having friends to fall back on. And now she had no one. Just like me. I wonder...

I squeezed my eyes shut, counting until I felt my breaths steady. Finally, I faced her again. "Raven?"

Red-rimmed eyes gazed at me.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" I asked, shutting the bathroom door close.

Her eyes lit up a little bit at me, and she nodded eagerly.

Just like that, Raven ventured off into the weird love tangle that had happened between Justin, herself, and her now ex best friend, Amber. From what I learned, she caught Amber with Justin only a couple of minutes ago, out in the middle of the football field. She mentioned that she had been following Justin since he suddenly had to leave her to go to the 'restroom' but in the process, she caught Justin with a hand down Ambers' shorts and their tongues down each others' throats.

I sat and listened to the entire messed up situation. Anything that would keep me from having to leave the safety of the bathroom, sounded very appealing to me.

I waited until the story was over to open my mouth. I took a good moment to think about what to say to Raven; I didn't want to upset her more than she already was. Or anyone for that matter, not anymore than I already had.

"That's so messed up," I commented. "I'm sorry, Raven."

She laughed, although her shining eyes indicated that she was far from happy. "Yeah, it is. I guess I should have saw it coming though."

"You couldn't have known," I tried to console.

Her shoulders slumped in sadness, though she tried her hardest to smile. "I honestly felt my feelings beginning to die for him anyway; he was a narcissistic asshole. He can do whatever he wants now though, I'm finished with him and with her."

Raven threw a small smile my way. "Enough about me. I saw that entire thing that happened with you, Kade Ryder, and Luke Vaudest."

My face scrunched up at the mention of both, but mainly Kade. As hard as I tried to block my mind from him and his tactics, I somehow always wandered back to the memory of us arguing only a few minutes ago.

"I opened up to you, so now it's your turn," Raven told me, a trusting smile creeping up on her bloody red lips.

I shrugged my shoulders, trying my hardest to hide my discomfort. "There's nothing really to say. We hate each other, yet we always seem to run into each other's path, that's all."

Her smirk clarified she didn't believe me.

"Fine, I'll drop it."

I let out a small sigh of relief, but in all honesty I really had no idea what was going on between us. One day, he's all sweet and nice, then the next day he insults me and makes me feel like shit.

Even though he had the looks of a model, that didn't give him a right to treat me the way he did. The way his black hair fell over his forehead some days, or the way that his eyes managed to melt my senses down without effort...none of that could mess with my feelings for him.

Even if he did save me from Carter, and managed to talk me out of a panic attack. Like I said, even this couldn't tweak my feelings for Kade.

Feelings?

No, fuck no.

I shivered at the thought of what happened between Carter and I last night. Though I held myself up, paranoia still managed to unlock the door to my emotions.

"Earth to Kimberly." Raven's voice robbed my thoughts.

I shook out of my trance, boosting my eyesight to her confused face. "Yeah?"

"You're that stuck, huh?" she assumed, a smug look on her face.

I rolled my eyes at her, letting my hair fall over my red cheeks.

Raven sighed, rubbing her already red eyes. "Thank you, Kimberly."

My head tilted in confusion. "For what?"

"For being there. I didn't deserve it, not after what I did to you."

I smiled at her, nodding once. "It was no problem."

I studied Raven's beautiful face, watching the way her lashes fell over her eyes. Her red hair, as curly as ever, framed either side of the glowing, porcelain like skin around her face. Her eyes were a light hazel color that were framed by long, dark lashes. She had a straight nose, with bloody-red lipstick and clear gloss that made them shine.

"You think that we should get to class?" Raven requested.

No. "Are you sure?" I said in return.

That was the last thing I wanted to do. I didn't want to face the outside, where all of those people would judge me for the pictures that only represented lies. At the thought of leaving the bathroom, a tight knot formed in my stomach. Not only because of embarrassment, but because of fear.

Carter was in half of my classes, and the thought of seeing him again caused my worst fears to come to life. Kade hated me now, and there would be no one to help me this time if Carter tried something.

I was on my own, again.

***

Fifteen insults, five spit balls, and three tripping attempts.

By my fourth block of the day, those were my stats. The fifteen insults continued to grow, as did the spit balls and tripping attempts.

Carter had been in my first period today, yet he made no attempt of speaking to me. Once I made an entrance, his face sported a smirk, but he made sure to have no conversation with me.

I wasn't complaining though. The others around him, including Natasha and Amber did the exact opposite of him though. 

They talked. A lot. About me.

Their hurtful words made a special trip straight to my heart. I tried my hardest to keep my head down, to ignore what they were saying. But, my hidden teary eyes classified that I was far from being okay.

I heard comments about my too big glasses. I heard them mention something about my clothes coming from a trash can, then something about my weight.

Yet, I said nothing.

I was doing a pretty good job of keeping my neutral face on. Until, I was too busy reading a classic Shakespeare book to notice a guy bumping into me.

Just my luck!

"Move out of the way, freak." I looked up to see Kade's friend Luke glaring down at me.

I muttered an apology even though I didn't really mean it, "Sorry."

As I went to step out of his way, he stepped in front of me again. I tried to hide my confusion from him, but my fear was too noticeable.

Dark eyes sent a look of annoyance at me. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

I kept my mouth shut; he only wanted attention. He towered over me at a few good inches, meaning that if I said the wrong thing, I might get thrown into the nearest room.

A laugh left Luke's mouth, one that consisted of hatred toward me. "You really are as clueless as Kade said."

That was when I met his death look.

Kade said that?

That must have meant that Kade had told him other things about me as well. He had my diary, and he had hold of my secrets, so that must mean that Kade had told him all of those things as well.

I turned my back to him quickly; there was no way in hell I was going to break in front of him, nor the other bystanders.

Before I could make a run for it, Luke grabbed my wrist in his band. His grip was tight and firm around my skin, but not enough to hurt.

"Kade and I, we're gonna make this year a living hell for you," Luke warned before he offered a lopsided grin. "Just wanted to give you a heads up."

I snatched my wrist away from him, disgusted. "What did I do to you?"

"Nothing to me."  A sick, evil smirk crept up on his face. "But so, so much to Kade."

Apparently, all of them were crazy. "Then why get involved?"

Luke shrugged, sweeping his blonde hair out of his eyes. "Loyalty, something you have no idea about." I wanted to slap the devious laugh out of his mouth.

I chose to ignore him, like everyone in this evil school. I could practically feel my heart begging to get out, to shoot right out of my chest.

I silently groaned at the thought of going inside of the cafeteria again. The last time I had been in there, Kade and Carter got into a fight because of me.

Closing my eyes, I mentally prepped myself.

It'll only take a minute, no longer.

One more year.

I sucked in a breath, allowing it to seep into my low confidence.

My hands pushed against the two large cafeteria doors, and I felt everyone's eyes fall on me. I looked around, to find no pictures of Carter kissing me on the wall. Despite the stares, my shoulders slumped in relief.

At least I was safe here. For a little while, at least.

I knew why they were staring, so once I walked in the cafeteria I figured that I would have to deal with the stares. I didn't know which one attracted them to me more, the fight between Kade and I, or the pictures.

I gripped the book in my hands, trying to prevent it from slipping from my sweaty hands. As I dragged myself to the lunch line, a leg shot out to avoid any smooth proceedings.

"You're just always falling aren't you, dummy?" I heard a guy taunt in my direction.

A blinding pain soured through my back from the hard fall. It was clear that someone had tripped me, yet my mind still couldn't register what had happened in the sequence of events.

My ears were trampled with laughter and insults, all from every direction. The cafeteria's attention stayed focus on my embarrassment.

I searched the room, everyone coming off as a blur. Besides one person.

Kade watched me, a hateful glint in the eyes of the devil. He sat at his usual table, but Natasha was in his personal space today. She sat on his lap, staring at me as well, though her eyes held something more sinister. But fuck them.

I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry, I wanted to leave.

But I couldn't.

Tears pricked my eyes painfully, causing a increase of the laughs in my shrieking ears. I ignored the pain from my fall, since that was the last of my worries. I needed to get out of here.

"Chad, you need to get the fuck away from her right now."

Raven shoved the guy that had tripped me from my distraught figure. He fell back a few steps before gaining his place back in front of me.

"Why should I?" Chad asked, crossing his arms over a average sized chest.

Her lips curled into a grin, eyes narrowed in on him before jerking around to the cafeterias eyes. "Everyone, listen up!"

I watched as Raven pulled herself up on a plastic chair. Confusion edged the embarrassment out of my head as I watched her in curiosity.

"I know this is so inappropriate, but our boy Chad here has a penis the size of an eraser," Raven shouted out.

"How would you know m-my—" Chad stuttered, despite his physical confidence before looking into the crowd. "Don't listen to her—"

Raven looked down at him, a smile growing on her red lips. "Aw, don't act like you never sent a few nudes to me, Chad. So remember, before you try to bully my friend about pictures, you should go back into your photo history and look at the mistake your mother should have swallowed."

Everyone around us erupted in laughter, completely oblivious to me. Their attention was directed at Chad's tomato-red face, yet I still felt someone watching me.

Why does he always stare at me?

I squirmed in my spot, trying to hide my discomfort. I averted my eyes from his hard stare while I stood up.

A sense of gratitude flooded my emotions at what Raven did for me. If she wouldn't have came along, I would still be the focus of everyone's attention.

"Okay, that's enough! Get down this instant," Mr. Collision scolded Raven, who stayed on top of the table.

Our principal continued to scold everyone who cheered at what Raven had said. It was ironic since he never tried to aid anything else.

"Get down right now or you can expect a week of detention!" he yelled at Raven.

Raven finally hopped down, the pressure of her jump whipping the hair out of her face. She smiled in amusement, her eyes sparkling a little.

"Kimberly." At my figure, she offered a kind, sympathetic smile before grasping my wrists. "Come on. We can go outside."

I nodded quickly. First, we stopped by the bathroom to fix whatever was left of me. Then, we walked to the outside of the building, despite the weird looks we received.

I waited until we were situated on the hard ground to ask, "Why'd you do that?"

She paused in trying to open her candy. "Do what?" she asked, completely oblivious.

"Embarrass Chad," I answered.

Raven rolled her eyes, leaning back onto her palms. "He deserved it for messing with you. Dumb fucks like that only bully to hide their own shit, trust me."

I blinked. "But I thought that you didn't like—"

She cut off my words,"I do like you, you were there when my supposed best friend wasn't. You stood up for me, so I owed you."

My face flushed at her response. The last thing I wanted to be was a charity case, not to her, and not to anyone else.

"Did I say something wrong?" she asked me, frowning in concern.

"I'm not a charity case."

Raven nodded, staring up at the sky. "I get that. Well, how about being a friend?"

I thought about it for a minute. I held skepticism in my bones, no matter what she said. I always had trust issues for anyone I met.

On one hand, this could be a lot of drama with Amber and her goons. Plus Raven could be tricking me like Kade and Carter had.

On the other hand, I did need a friend some days. I longed for the types of friendships I read about in books or saw on a tv. The one where you two could tell each other anything, without any judgment. I longed for a friendship where we could be ourselves and have fun. Even though, some days I preferred being on my own, loneliness couldn't fill the void of a friend in my life.

"Okay," I finally responded with a smile. "Friends."

Her grin lit up her face once she heard my answer. "Great, you want some?" She tilted a bag of skittles toward me.

***

Two weeks.

That was how long it had been since I laid eyes on Kade Ryder.

It felt as if he were avoiding me on purpose. And I didn't blame him.

Once Raven and I became friends, she mentioned that Amber had told her something about getting pictures of Carter and I on the night of our date. I never felt as bad as I did that day, since I snapped on Kade for no reason.

The next day, the pictures were all gone, and no one made mention of them, at least not to me, anymore. If it weren't for my memory, then I would think that the pictures never even existed.

I didn't know until Raven brought it up that Kade was the one to get them all taken down the next morning. Not only that, he apparently said something to the people at school to stop them from bringing it up. And, it had worked, apparently. I hadn't heard anything of it from my peers ever since.

I felt so bad.

I felt so stupid for yelling at him, and for assuming things. Maybe we could have still been on good terms if I wouldn't have said anything. I tried to tell myself that I only worried since he could hold my diary for longer, but I knew my guilt was more complex than that. Even though I didn't owe him an apology for everything, I did need to own up to this specific fault. For my own conscious.

Raven seemed to be okay, yet I did notice the sad look on her face at the mention of her ex. The thought of him seemed to follow her wherever she went, and I couldn't blame her for thinking about him.

We both had grown accompanied to each other. Each day, we learned more about one another. We grew closer and closer, but there was still a gap of trust left between us.

"Pizza or burgers?" Raven asked, chipping off the polish on her fingernail.

I pondered it for a moment. "Pizza."

She grinned at me, raising a hand to give me a high five. "Okay, next question," I told her.

"Kade or Heath Ledger?" she asked, a smirk on her face.

My eyes widened to the size of overly grown eggs. "Seriously?"

Her laugh brought stress to my heart. "Yes! Now, answer!"

My emotions turned into lumpy mashed potatoes at the mention of Kade. It had been so long since I had seen or heard of him. His absence left dread for half of the school, yet I pretended to not care. In a way, I didn't care.

Keep telling yourself that.

I threw a arm over my face as I sighed. My cheeks felt hot to the touch.

"Kade," I admitted under my breath.

She perked up from the edge of her bed, her monkey slippers falling from her feet in the process. "What was that?"

I hated her.

"I choose Kade over Heath," I muttered, my shame on public display.

She clapped with a grin. "I knew it. You're crushing on him, aren't you?" I bet she already knew the answer. "I can't blame you. Nat and Amber used to say he fucks like an animal, and don't get me started on the head the man gives. Well from what I heard, because I've never—"

"Raven," I cut her off. "I'm not responding to any of that."

"Too late." She grinned at me, even when I was yet to provide an answer. "So, tell me the fairy tale between you two."

I rolled my eyes at her. "Fairy tale? It's more like a nightmare, Raven." She said nothing at this, her smile falling.

When I remained silent, she added, "I get it if you don't want to talk about—"

I stopped her words. "It's okay, I-I'll tell you," I breathed out.

I couldn't help the feeling of trust I had for Raven. There was something about her that made me trust her, even if I didn't want to. Something told me that she wouldn't go and tell everyone about this.

And, so I told her the fucked story between Kade and I. I didn't mention any part of the diary, which made it hard since everything revolved around that, but I managed.

By the end of the 'fairytale' Raven's mouth hung close to the ground. I feared she would break her jaw by the time I finished.

"Hello?" I snapped my fingers in front of her dumbfounded face.

She caused my body to jolt back once she abruptly yelled, "Get up!"

I raised my gaze to her in confusion. "What?"

Raven pulled my limp arms up from her large bed. "Get up!"

"Okay...why are you being so weird all of a sudden?" I asked, pulling my body up.

She threw a brush at me, which I caught.

"We're leaving," she alerted me, her tone bare with no argument.

My head tilted in confusion. "And, where are we going, exactly?"

Raven stopped, only to lean closer to me. She shook me by my shoulders, while she loudly announced,"If I have to drag you, then I will! Now brush your hair, look hotter than you already are, and come on!"

I knew better than to argue with her when she was determined at something. She was as stubborn as a mule, if not worse.

I tamed my hair down to my best ability. I had no idea what was going on with her anymore as she rambled on the way there.

I looked up to see the house I was once in a few weeks ago.

I removed my gaze from Kade's house to glare at a very excited Raven. "Why are we here?" I had a feeling that I already knew the answer.

"For you to go and get Kade," she exclaimed, like it was the most normal thing in the world.

My mouth hung open in shock. "What the hell, Raven! Did you not notice the part where I mentioned we hate each other?"

She rolled her eyes, her naturally pink lips firm. "Oh, come on. How can you not see it? He likes you, you clearly like him." She brought her hand up to fan herself. "Him, Levi, and Luke are like the walking deadly sins. What I'd do to try out Levi though, there's something about that man. I've heard..." her words became a blur as I mustered the strength.

Raven was one to always believe in fairy tales, no matter what the world did to prove her wrong. The world was far from a fun tale to tell to the kids, and more like a nightmare.

I never realized her rant about, who I assumed was Kade's friend, ended until I heard her demand, "Get out of the car."

I looked up from my fingers to find a serious look on her face. "Raven, no."

She smirked, reaching over me to open the car door. "Kimberly, yes."

When I stayed still, she told me,"Look, I'll be right here, okay? If something goes wrong, just come back to the car. We'll go and get pizza right after either way, and pizza always helps."

My skepticism caused my butt to stay glued to the seat under me. I couldn't imagine the different possibilities that would come from this, if I even went through with it.

"How did you know where he lived anyway?" I asked her with curiosity.

"Amber and Nat were absolutely obsessed with the man. You know..." Raven tried to explain with her hands.

I got it immediately. "It's fine, Raven, I know he sleeps with a lot of girls. And that's why we...that would never, and will never happen. Have you seen him and have you seen me?"

She scoffed. "Yes, I've seen you. And all I see is a smoking, super nice, intelligent girl with a perfect ass that Kade would be a fool to reject," she exclaimed, eyes wide with seriousness.

My cheeks heated at her bluntness but I nodded anyway. "Thank you," I responded, my lips keeping hold of a smile.

She used her hand to shoo me away. "Now go. Our future double date chances are waiting."

I closed my eyes, trying to gather all of the courage I could contain inside of me.

"You got this," Raven encouraged.

I nodded my head in agreement. I got this.

I hopped out of her car, and the cold air welcomed me with a slap in the face. I paid attention to every step I took, dragging my feet up the driveway.

Once my hair flew in my face, my confidence immediately fled away with the wind.

I yanked back around to see Raven pointing at Kade's door. She gave me a thumbs up before locking the doors to the car.

I hate her so much.

"C'mon Kimberly, just apologize to him for it and then you can go eat pizza," I pep talked to myself. "It's simple."

I knocked on Kade's door softly at first, then harder. When no one answered, I turned back to Raven. Well, I tried.

She motioned for me to open the door on my own. I shook my head frantically before she poked out a bottom lip in a plead.

She owes me cheesy bread.

Slowly, I brought my hand down to the cold door knob. The familiar scent of Kade's home hit me so hard that I had to pause for a minute.

I scanned the quiet home for any sign of him, only to find nothing. My eyes wandered to the staircase, and I was yanked into a mental argument with myself before coming to a decision.

Reluctantly, my feet climbed the long staircase. My hand clenched the wood next to me for balance, causing my fingers to turn ghost white.

I scanned the hallway better than I did the first time. There were no pictures on the walls, except for a couple of paintings that looked too expensive to think about.

Just a few more steps, I told myself.

I thought I heard talking from his bedroom, but convinced myself otherwise. My hand pushed the door open, and I entered the large room.

God, how I wish I hadn't.

Kade was on the bed. With Amber on him.

And they were doing everything, except talking.