"Cry. Forgive. Learn. Move on. Let your tears water the seeds of your future happiness."  – Steve Maraboli
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Chapter 57
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I felt my phone vibrate next to my hand. I reached for it, softly groaning as I rubbed at my eyes. The shower had barely woken me up. It took a couple of moments for my vision to adjust to the small writing.

Teresa : They think you're at Ravens. You're safe.

I sighed in relief. I texted Teresa as soon as I had woken up. Something told me I would have better luck talking to her than Ryland or my dad. But, at least for right now, I was safe.

I texted her thanks and stood up. I didn't want to wear the same clothes from yesterday, so I settled for one of Kade's shirts and a black pair of sweatpants.

I'd been awake for at least two hours. I would be lying if I said it wasn't purposeful. I refused to see any of my classmates today. Having to explain my early dismissal to my friends would be a pain saved for another day.

I felt a smile tug at my lips as I watched Kade shift in his sleep. His face was now turned to me, his features soft with genuine peace. It was a beautiful sight.

When I woke up, I had to physically pry his arms from me in order to go get my shower. He woke up just enough to complain about me leaving, but when I came back, he was asleep, his body cuddled with the blanket I always used, and had been sleeping ever since. I'd been holding him the entire time.

I gently shut his bedroom door after me as I stepped out. The heavenly smell of pancakes lured me downstairs.

I saw Susie's backside as I stepped into the kitchen. She wasn't alone. Louise's hand was wrapped around her waist, pulling her closer too his body until she began to laugh.

I turned around to leave. I didn't want to interrupt their intimate moment, but it was too late.

"Oh," I heard Louise. "Hello, again. Kimberly, was it?"

I faced him. "Yes, nice to see you again."

"You too, love. Sit, we're making pancakes, eggs, and bacon if you want to join us," his warm smile was contagious.

I didn't want to intrude, but my growling stomach argued. "Thank you." Seeing Susie's small smile hover across her lips made me happy.

I knew Kade hadn't forgiven her, but seeing her in such a happy place with Louise after surviving her abusive marriage was beautiful. She deserved that change. Perhaps, one day, I would be able to hear her side. Something told me there was more.

"She doesn't like eggs," Kade's voice hummed from the stairs. "She likes fruit with her pancakes, too."

"Good thing I picked up some fresh berries," Louise smiled at Kade, who ignored him in response.

I heard him step behind me & soon in front of me. "Sleep good?" I chuckled at his scattered strands of bed hair.

He ran a hand over my stomach, tugging me back into him. His lips fell against my neck first, my cheek, then my head, stroking his hand over my front.

He raked a hand through his hair as he took a seat by my side. "I can't sleep without you there," he grumbled. "You left me."

I smiled, bumping his knee with mine. "You were fine."

His only response was a grunt before we sat down. I couldn't help but steal glances at his bare chest.

Susie jerked around. "Oh! Kimberly, I nearly forgot." She placed a thin stack of papers in front of me.

"I know that Kade has told you about the position for your father, and I just wanted to give you the paperwork ahead of time, just in case Jackson has his mind already made up," she explained.

I nodded slowly. "Thank you."

She threw a smile at me. "You guys don't have to make a decision right now, of course. The benefits and such, as well as the retirement plans are all in there. Higher pay, insurance, things of that nature."

I wasn't sure how to feel. My dad had been at his job for years. The pay wasn't fantastic, and he hadn't been back for weeks due to his health. The physical labor took a large toll on him, as well, so this might be good for him. But, it wasn't my decision to make.

"I'll let him know," I managed a mechanic smile, sliding the papers away.

Louise smiled, then turned around to tend to the bacon. "Great."

Susie and Louise both kept up with their flirtatious acts. My smile built while I watched up until I felt Kade lean closer.

"If I see him try and touch her ass one more time, I'm smacking the both of them with the pan," he mumbled in my ear. "Can I?"

I cocked a brow. "Are you seriously asking me for permission to hit someone with a pan?"

He directed a crazed look at me. "Would you rather me not ask you for permission to hit someone with a pan?"

I threw a glare at him. "You're not hitting anyone with a pan."

His eyes narrowed at Louise carefully. "Why the fuck not?"

"Because we aren't supposed to go around just knocking people out with pans, Kade," I hissed back in a whisper. "This isn't Tangled."

"You know my last last name is Ryder," he retorted with a chuckle.

I thought on it for a moment before my lips parted with a sigh. I shook my head at it, then flicked my head at him. "The answer is no."

He groaned. "Just a little tap, sweetheart?"

"No."

"Oh, come on," he rolled his eyes at me. "Luke and Levi would let me, hell, they'd probably help me."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "That's because they're both lunatics." I gripped his chin, turning it away from the counter. "Quit looking at the freaking pans, Kade."

Kade was muttering something, but just as I went to decipher it, his mother turned around with the largest of smiles.

"Extra crispy, just the way you like it," Susie offered to Kade, handing him his plate.

"A ham and cheese omelet," he said, his eyes leaving the plate to meet hers.

She nodded. "I put a little spinach and bacon in there, too, just like you used to love," she said to him, her attempt making my heart warm.

Their eyes held contact for a second. Just a second, if even fully that. Their silence spoke volumes even amongst the roar of emotions behind it.

Kade broke the trance, clearing his throat before he took a bite. He chewed on it for a moment before jerking his head up at her.

His expression went bored. "Kinda dry," he said to her.

I shot a look of disdain at him. "Kade."

Susie, whose tired eyes fell in disappointment, waved it off. "No, no. It's fine, Kimberly. My skills in the kitchen are a bit rusty, anyway."

Louise caught hold of the tension, his eyes flickering between the two. "The pancakes are going to be amazing, Su. You know, I don't teach too many people my secret recipe."

Susie chuckled, placing the glasses down on the table. "Secret recipe? It was just milk, eggs—"

Louise shot her a playful glance of disdain, shushing her. "It's a secret, dear."

As the both of them dove into their own conversation, I attempted to begin my own with Kade.

"That was rude, Kade," I whispered. "She was trying."

That scornful expression everyone knew crept up. "Not my fault I don't fall for her kiss-ass techniques like everyone else." He shrugged his shoulders, mumbling something I couldn't decipher.

"Orange, grape, or apple juice, Kimberly?" Susie asked.

"Apple, please," I thanked her as she poured it into my glass.

By the time everyone's plates were cleared, Louise parted ways. I awed at how he handled Susie with such care before waving goodbye to Kade and I. Kade, of course, paid him no mind at all.

His gaze moved to mine. "Are you alright down here while I go shower?" he asked me. "You can come up with me, if you want."

I waved him away. "Of course. Go." His mom was a person I enjoyed conversations with. She was easy to talk to, and was like the mother I didn't have.

He still looked unsure, but nodded anyway. "I'll be right back. Think of what you want to do today while I'm gone." He placed a small kiss to the side of my head before going back upstairs.

This made me smile. For once, our relationship had a sense of normalcy to it.

Susie passed me a glance over her shoulder. "How did you like the pancakes, hun?"

"They were perfect. Louise's secret recipe was pretty nice," I chuckled.

She laughed along with me. "Yeah, he was so ecstatic to hear my reaction."

I pulled my arms over my chest. "He seems really nice."

Her gaze fell over the sink. "He is...it feels strange, but I know that I owe it to myself to be happy," she said with a soft tone as she placed the last dish away.

"I'm sorry about what Kade said," I apologized. "He's just..."

"Hurt," she finished for me. "And, I understand. Did he...tell you about our lives before all of this?" She motioned toward the extravagant interior.

I nodded. "He did."

Her eyes fell with shame. "Then, you must understand his anger."

I pushed at the skin along my fingers as I pondered over voicing the next question Finally, I decided, "It's not my place, but...it just has me curious."

Susan sighed, sitting across from me. Her eyes tricked me for a moment, and I nearly felt like I was staring back into the eyes of Kade.

"What do you want to know?"

I shook my head. "Oh, no. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. I know it's not an easy subject."

Susie shrugged, slightly nodding her head in agreement. "No, it's not. But, I've learned that talking about it makes it a little bit easier the next time."

My head bobbed. "Okay," I gulped as I conjured the questions I'd wanted to ask all along. "Why didn't you leave him?"

Her eyes fell for a moment, but she forced them back to mine. "I did try to leave. Several times. It was hard with Kade being a baby, but that only pushed me harder. I didn't want my child raised in that environment. But, William had connections. He had eyes everywhere. He even had the police department wrapped around his finger. Every time, I would run, I'd be brought right back. And, the beatings would only worsen. William said that he'd let me go, but only if Kade stayed. I knew what he'd do to him, though. I wasn't going to leave my baby with that monster, not a chance in the world."

I processed her words with care. Hearing the strain in her voice made me frown. It was heartbreaking that she was trapped in such a predicament.

Her voice shook from under her. "When he first hit Kade, he was drunk. I endured it because I knew I could, but when he hit my son, over a football match, I knew William couldn't be saved. I tried everything I could to get out, or at least get Kade out. But, I had no money, no savings, no plan. Everything belonged to William, and was in his name."

A sick chuckle bounced from her throat. "God, how I wish I had just called Grandma Jacky. Kade, perhaps could've been spared, if I knew I could trust her, but I just...didn't. William was her son."

I surprised myself when I grabbed her hands. "You thought you couldn't trust anyone, it's understandable. She was his mother, of course you thought the worse." Her head bobbed in agreement.

She managed a weak smile before continuing, "One night, Kade got ahold of William's knife, and god. I'd never seen him so angry. His ego couldn't handle that Kade almost got the better of him. William was going to try, and kill him, I believe. The cops were called by the neighbors, and I prayed that they would take Kade and Kacen away. I would take beatings every single minute of the day if it meant they were safe."

"William...I wasn't sure what snapped inside of him. Before Kade was in the picture, I tried leaving when I found out about his other women. I knew his reputation, but I thought our love had changed him," she squirmed in her chair, glaring down at her hands. "That was the first time he hit me."

I felt my heart drip with sympathy. "I'm so sorry, Susie."

"The only good things that came out it were my boys," she smiled sadly. "They were my strengths. My first loves. I tried to do everything I could, but I can't keep going without giving Kade credit."

"He raised Kacen," she told me. "He protected him. He took beatings for him. He fed him, bathed him, clothed him. Paid for his babysitting. Walked him to school every morning. He hid him in his closet when William would come home drunk. He'd put his headphones on Kacen, push him under the bed, and keep him hidden there while Kade was right outside the door, being beaten by his own father. He slept outside of Kacen's door every single night if Kacen wasn't in the same room as him, already. He didn't want a chance of William getting to him. He loved that boy so incredibly much, and he did everything to try and protect him."

"Don't get me wrong, though. Kacen loved his brother just as much," she let out a sad chuckle. "He was the only one he'd let feed him. He called him dad for the longest time. He copied everything that Kade did. He was so smart, goodness, he was. He realized what was happening to Kade at a young age. When Kade would come back, all bruised and bloody, Kacen would sit with him, and sing to him while he cleaned him up. He'd draw pictures of the two, all the time, to try and make his big brother feel better. He called Kade 'Kadie' just to get on his nerves, and it worked every time." She laughed, the sound splitting between a sigh. "My sweet boys. They were made to save one another."

"But..." She nodded at herself before continuing, "I knew that I needed to get Kade away. Kacen was safe since, well, William never hurt Kacen in the ways he did Kade. I couldn't understand it, and I never will, but that was how it was. But, William's temper was only growing, and I didn't want to test it. So, one day, I found the perfect opportunity."

"When I found out about Kade's illegal activities, and where he'd gotten so much money from, I knew this was a good excuse. A opportunity. Keeping him safe away from William was my main goal, and when they took him, I'd never felt my heart break as it did that very day." She paused to swipe at her tears. "Hearing my sweet boy scream and cry for me to do something. Having to watch Kacen scream, and fight for his older brother, the only good and love he's ever known...I felt so powerless, so guilty and heartbroken for having to do it, but I knew, that it had to be done."

My heart thumped in my chest at that. I remembered Kade's confession about her sending him away for the money, but now that I knew this, I made the realization...fuck.

Susie had sent him away to protect him. She knew that his father wouldn't hurt Kacen, and that his anger was aimed at Kade. The only way to get him away from his father's wrath was to send him off.

Susie hadn't noticed my shock. I saw her pull in a breath. "During the time that he was there, William began to change. He got sober. I don't know if it was because of Kade's absence, or what, but I knew better. I had a plan of my own. Your father actually helped make it happen," she offered a small smile.

My lips parted for a sigh. "My dad?"

She nodded. "Yes. Jackson was worried about where Kade had gone to, and when he found our house, he caught me off guard. The bruises were too visible to ignore. So, I explained everything to him." A faint smile crossed her lips. "I hadn't seen him in years since our days in school, but he's just the type of person that you just know you can trust. I decided from there that I was going to be free from William, or die trying. Your dad paid for all three of our tickets, and set us up for a couple of months rent half way across the country. It was a brand new start."

I tried to conjure up what Kade had told me. I knew how his dad was caught, but everything seemed to be going well for Susie at this point. What had went wrong?

"Everything was set up perfectly. Kade, Kacen, and I would leave out when William left on one of his trips. We would pack light, and Jackson would have a car ready for us at the airport. We would be hours away from William by the time he got back, with entirely new lives and identities."

Her gaze fell into one of despair. "But, it all went downhill. Kade had started back to school, and the teacher caught sight of his bruises. The abuse got reported to the state, and they finally decided to step in. Of all fucking times," she chuckled with seeping hatred. "All of the arrangements, the plans, everything, it went down the drain."

My mind strained at that. It was hard to conjure Kade's perspective, but once I did, I made the connection.

Shit.

Kade had said that when his father was arrested, he had found Susie in her room, crying in her bed. That he thought it was because her husband was taken away.

Now, I knew. She was crying because her escape plan for her, Kade, and Kacen had all been diminished that day. Oh my god.

"Soon, word got out and I was able to send both of the boys to Grandma Jacky while everything was being settled in court. Kade, he was still a scared child. He'd never even seen William's mother before all of this, but she was such a large role in his upbringing. The one that I never was."

"There wasn't enough evidence in the case, so when the charges dropped, William moved us away as quick as possible. His reputation had been damaged, not that I cared. At this point, I felt at my lowest. Jackson and I had devised a perfect plan, the only plan that had a chance of working and now...we were all trapped, again."

Her eyes lit up the slightest amount. "But, I had another chance. One more chance. We were in a town that didn't tremble at his name anymore. We were in the public, you and your mother were there with other bystanders. So, when he hit Kade again, I snapped. God, I probably looked insane swinging whatever was in arms reach at him until the cops came." She chuckled at the reminder before it fell into a frown.

"When this trial happened, everything was working in our favor, until..." she cleared her throat, her gaze falling to our hands.

My eyes fell with shame. "Until I took the stand," I mumbled with a guilty edge.

I knew this part already, but hearing it again didn't ease my guilt. I still knew that my role in the case had a life-changing impact, whether I wanted to believe it or not.

"I have never blamed you, sweet girl," she whispered, stroking my hand. "You think I didn't know what Diane was doing to you? I knew from the moment I saw you that you and Kade were so alike. So strong, but so betrayed by the people who were supposed to teach you strength." She reached forward to tuck a strand of hair away, a small smile building. "I don't blame you, Kimberly. Not at all. You were just a innocent child."

I nodded slowly, despite the pressure in my gut. I believed her when she said she didn't blame me, but regardless, that guilt would probably always remain.

Susie's sad eyes began to glimmer with tears. "When Kacen died, it felt like my soul had been ripped out. I failed. So horrendously.  I was so stupid to leave him with that bastard, even for an hour."

She sniffled, swiping at her cheeks. "They found his corpse in Kade's room. Their rooms were connected by a door, and from William's statement, he'd been in his own room originally. Which means that he...he thought he'd be safe if he went to his brother's room." A choked sob made her pause as she shook her head. "They claimed that the house caved in on itself before Kacen even had a real chance of getting out. When they found his body...he was under Kade's blanket, curled up against his toys. W-which means that he accepted..." she shook her head, the sob turning into a heart-racking takeover.

I allowed her this moment, despite my own tears. Kade had told me where they'd found Kacen's body, but god. Hearing it this time broke me in two.

That little boy, so innocent and beautiful, had accepted his ending in the room of his brother: the one who loved him the most. He'd died with the closest thing to his brothers' presence around him.

"And, Kade," she cried out, her chest bouncing. "When we pulled up to that house, when we saw the fire and not Kacen..." The tears along her face only built. "He tried to run in. Without a second thought, he nearly made it inside until they told him that his baby brother was gone."

Susie sniffled, the vein in the corner of her head ticking as she clenched her jaw. "He fell to his knees. He screamed. He screamed so loud that I-I can still hear it. Feel it. He was sobbing, begging and screaming that they were lying. He fought the officers, the firefighters, begging for them to let him try and find his brother. I remember him begging to let him go inside so that he could die, too. His cries and sobs. He snatched a gun from one of the officers, and pointed it at me, then his father. He was screaming that it was our fault, that we deserved worse. That his brother was dead because of us. He shot the gun, hit his father right in the arm, then moved the gun to me. I'll never forget the look in his eyes before the officers stopped him. They had to sedate him, and keep him hospitalized."

"At his brothers funeral...h-he wouldn't stop begging for that same force, that same power and twisted fate to take him, too. To trade places with his brother. At the casket, it took three men to get him off. He had to be held down when they started to bury the casket, he had to be sedated, again and taken away. I still remember his plead, him begging me to just let him go. To just let him...die." With a shaky sigh, she swept at her red cheeks. "He didn't talk for months on end after sweet Kacen's passing, at least not to me."

My face was pale with tears, at this point. I couldn't fathom.

"Shit," she mumbled as she swiped the tear from her eye. "Kade... he has every reason to hate me. Every right. I hate myself most days, as well. My weakness is what killed my baby."

I felt my heart clench inside of my chest. "I'm sorry, Susie, but none of that was your fault. You did what you could. If Kade knew all of this, I know he would think so, too. He thinks entirely different because you two have never heard the other one out."

She shook her head. "I don't think he wants to listen," she sighed.

"Trust me," I squeezed her hand. "If you go about it the right way, he will. He can really surprise you."

She nodded slowly. "Thank you, honey," she managed a weak smile.

I offered a small smile in return. "Thank you for telling me all of this. I know it wasn't easy, but it helped me understand your view. Maybe, I can try to get him to as well."

"Maybe," she hoped. I could tell that she still lacked the hope that she could be forgiven, but accepted anyway.

Hearing her story was heartbreaking. Kade and his mother were more alike than not, apparently. I knew it was a challenging trial but Kade needed to hear this. His mother was here, and she'd been fighting for him and his brother all along. All of the things she'd done that he thought out of hatred...were for him.

But, Kade. Jesus. His brother had been violently ripped away from his life, and was forced to watch the very person that caused it stay alive. It wasn't fair. Life wasn't fair.

I recalled every time he disrespected his mother, every time he ignored her and passed by her like her presence didn't matter. Because he'd never had it, at least not when he needed it most. I didn't want to excuse the disrespect, but this helped me understand it, entirely.

All of the things that Kade had seen as a punishment, was actually a ploy to protect him. Except, he didn't know that. He couldn't have known that when Susie hadn't told him herself.

We said our goodbyes as she parted to work. I sat downstairs for another minute to get myself together. The light trail of tears that left my eyes wet had turned into a faucet.

When I went upstairs, Kade was standing in front of his dresser. I walked up behind him, his back relaxing when he noticed my presence.

I met his gaze in the mirror. "Hey." My chest was still quivering, but I'd gotten it under control. Looking at him now though, so strong and resilient, I didn't know whether to feel pride or sympathy.

His brown eyes roamed mine with hesitation. I'd tried to clear my face of any tears but I guessed he caught on. "Are you okay?"

I faked a smile. "Yeah, of course. Ready to go?"

I needed a while to get my thoughts together before confronting the idea of a conversation with his mother. After hearing everything so quickly, so raw and overwhelming, shit.

Kade nodded, turning to me as he gripped my hands. "How about..." I waited for his suggestion. "We drive for a couple of hours until we find a movie theater and dinner? I want to take you out tonight, we both can be surprised."

I smiled at the idea before glancing down at his clothes on my body. "We may need to stop somewhere for a change of clothes."

Kade's eyebrow raised at my words. "Are you saying I have bad style?"

I laughed at his hurt facade. "That's exactly what I'm saying." That wasn't true; he could pull off a freaking trash bag if he wanted to.

He chuckled. "I'll remember that the next time you stay over, and want a hoodie." My body warmed with satisfaction as he placed his hands on my cheeks.

"This is our day," he confirmed to me.

These moments. These moments felt like an out of body experience. When I stared into his eyes, it felt as if the outside world didn't matter. The happiness that tickled my heart competed with the roaring butterflies in my stomach.

My smile grew as he began to lean in. "Mhm."

He flicked his head at me. "Okay?"

I rolled my eyes, replying playfully. "Okay."

"That's more like it," he chuckled, placing a burning kiss on my left cheek.