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"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer."—Paul Atreides 'Dune' ——————————————————

Chapter 6
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Kade continued towards his car, and I knew then that I had to choose. To either let this opportunity slip through the cracks, or stay here and wonder what could have happened.

"I'm coming," I decided, voice as small as a mouse.

By his expression, it seemed like he had been against me tagging along with him. His eyes were an entirely different story. Even if it were for a second, I refused to deny the emotion that slipped through his hard expression.

Before I had gotten to any close proximity of his car, he opened the side passenger door for me. I frowned under the simple manner, glancing at him. His eyes remained trained on the ground below us as he did this.

"Thank you," I murmured.

I sat myself down into the seat, and he shut the door behind me. I stared at his back before he got into the car. My anger had no intention of retreating anytime soon, but for right now, the confusion was bringing the money home.

What was I doing?

I had to be in a car with Kade, a guy that hated me. With a reason, only he would know. One that he had to have fabricated himself to believe. Hell, I hadn't even known the guy for more than a month.

The car jumped to life once he placed the keys inside of the ignition. I watched the muscles in his arm tighten as he backed out of the parking lot.

My eyes raised to a staring Kade as I began to pull on the seat belt. My eyebrow raised in question at him.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Putting on a seat belt," I responded. "What does it look like?"

His gaze moved to the road. He didn't answer me, instead he began to go faster. And, faster. And, faster.

My breathing picked up speed once I heard a good amount of cars honk at us. I glanced at Kade to see his fingers begin to whiten around the black steering wheel.

My back hit my seat hard, resulting from the high speed he was traveling at. "Kade!"

"Stop!" I yelled once the car almost rammed into a large truck, which he barely avoided.

My fingers dug into the seatbelt for leverage. "I said stop it!" I demanded, my face flushed.

"Can you shut the fuck up?" he exploded back at me. "Damn it."

At his outburst, I willed myself to stop from jumping out the car, headfirst. I should have waited for another opportunity, because this one was already going to hell.

Gradually, he slowed down to a speed that was doable.  A burning gaze landed on my red face, one that obviously belonged to Kade.

I turnt my head to my window instead. Fuck him, and his stare. Instead, I focused tears dripping down the windows.

Silence found a way between us both. I had to will myself not to lose it in front of him, because without a doubt, he'd use that against me, as well.

"Did I scare you?"

My head jerked to him, examining his stuff body. "What do you mean?"

"Did I scare you? When I did that to Carter. When I yelled at you? Do I scare you?" Kade asked in a slow tone, his eyes stuck on the road.

Hell yeah is what nearly followed, but I managed to keep my lips shut.

He was crazy without a doubt. He'd invented some type of vendetta against me, took my diary, and had continued to torment me since my first day here. The man had to be a lunatic.

I bit my lip in thought, though. Did he scare me? I hated seeing anyone angry, but for him it seemed as if it was a every day thing. As if being angry came as easy as breathing to him.

I thought back to Kade putting his hands on Carter. Was I scared of him? Maybe of his actions, yes, but not of him.

Finally, I shrugged. "No," I responded.

His entire body remained stiff as he made a left turn, his grip on the wheel lessening. The car finally pulled to a stop after a few more seconds.

I looked up to get a look at my surroundings. What I saw though left me astounded.

What sat in front of me was a house. A really big house.

Surrounded among trees that looked freshly grown, it had spotless glass windows, gables, dormers, a balcony, a screened-in front porch, a free-standing garage, and a driveway that stretched. Many acres of scrub and savannah, with a pasture and paddock sat in front of me. It had to be at least three floors.

My shocked gaze flickered to Kade. "You live here?"

Before answering me, Kade walked to my side of the car. When he opened the door, he responded, "I do."

I stared at him, my mouth still parted. I pondered on why such a rich guy like Kade would ever have a need to get in trouble the way he did. Though, it did make sense. He could do so without any consequence.

"Come on."

His hand went to grab for mine until I jerked back, "Don't touch me, please."

Instead of giving me a shocked look like the others did, he flicked his head in a nod.

He led me into the quiet home, flipping on a switch. The bright light illuminated the big house and before I knew it, I stood in awe. Again.

We stood on polished wood floors, and a graceful banister that curved up toward a soaring second floor. Red drapes framed the big windows, though the curtains remained drawn, allowing light to enter while still providing privacy if preferred. Prints of different art pieces framed the white walls. The furniture pieces appeared pristine, and new. A flat screen sat directly in front of the furniture to complete it all.

I pulled myself away, blinking. "This place is—"

"Expensive, I know," Kade interrupted, with a sigh.

I looked back at his annoyed expression. "I was going to say beautiful."

His eyes narrowed at me before he said, "Come upstairs with me."

Panic soared right through me. Was he going to try and sleep with me? That made the most sense as to why he let me come along.

I took a step back. "I'm not sleeping with you."

I watched as his arms crossed over his big chest while his chocolate eyes formed a glare. "I never said that I was trying to fuck you, now did I?"

"Oh," I muttered, crimson color invading my cheeks.

I needed to calm down. I breathed in the tense air around me, my heart not supporting me.

I followed him up the chestnut colored wood stairs. This floor had a slightly different style than the floor below, but still big nonetheless. He led me past two rooms, but once we crossed the third door, we came to a stop.

"Your room?" I guessed, observing.

He nodded, pushing the door open.

The large bedroom had coordinating black furniture facing each other. A flat screen TV sat plastered to the smooth painted wall. The floor was wood, and the walls were textured and painted in a dark color. The only source of light was the one provided by the ceiling. The bed had black covers, and white sheets that laid scattered on his king sized bed.

I stood awkwardly in the door. I watched as he walked over to a black nightstand, and sat his keys down. Noticing my stiffness, Kade turnt towards me with a cocked eyebrow.

"Are you going to sit?" he asked.

I decided not to reciprocate Kade's strong glare. "I'm fine standing—"

"Kimberly, just sit down."

I rolled my eyes, then sat down onto his mattress, feeling my body bounce back with me. The soft mattress was much more different than twin bed at home, which included broken box springs and uncomfortable bumps. This one though, was perfect and comfortable for anyone to enjoy.

His eyes jumped to the floor. "Stay here, I'm gonna go take a shower," he said to me, his hands beginning to go to the hem of his shirt.

Once the door behind him shut, I stood up. My hands glided over the elegant texture of the two leather couches.

Then, the thought hit me.

I was in Kade's room. In Kade's house. More than likely with my diary. 

A small firelight lit in the pit of my stomach at the thought. Hope ignited me to the very brim as I scanned the room over.

I had no idea where to start.

My gaze travelled to the full closet. I walked to the small space, and began my digging.

If I were in another situation, I would have felt guilty. I did in this one, but then I was reminded of the fact that he had stolen my diary first. This was just an eye for eye.

I stood on my tip toes, while my hands did the remaining work. A grin landed onto my face once my hand hit a hard, book-like item.

I pulled it down, my eyes examining it. "Finally," I whispered.

I opened the diary, trying to figure out if Kade has ruined it in any way. My hand covered my mouth once I came into contact with the small words on the page.

June 15, 2008

I have no idea how to do this journaling stuff, but I guess it may help. Maybe.

I wonder why he hates me. I try everything, but nothing works. Why won't she do anything to stop him? Am I doing something wrong? Why doesn't she love me?

My fingers traced the old words, traveling down to a speck of dried blood imprinted into the old book. I flipped the small page quickly, eager to know more.

June 20, 2008

Everything hurts. My body, yes, but mostly my heart. She looked me in my eye and told me she was going to stop this from happening, again. But she's a liar. I hate her.

I read further down the page.

June 30, 2008

She said she loved me, but she lets him hurt me. I can't understand. Mothers are supposed to love their kids. Not let people hurt them. I want to hurt her. I want to hurt him.

Sitting on his bed, I flipped past a few pages after reading the last entry.

August 12, 2009

I failed.

August 30, 2008

I just want her to love me. I want him to love me. Why won't they?

I wished that I was able to teach him the right ways. That I could be better, that he could have better. But, I can't teach him much of what I lack in. Love.

My fingers flipped through a wall of pages, trying to figure out what else the book held.

May 15, 2012

Keep going for him. Keep going for him. Keep going for him.

This one statement carried on until the page ended, a trail of dried blood streaked across the page. Even though my rage still remained for him, I couldn't deny the ting of sympathy. At what though? I had no idea.

May 18, 2012

I'm trying. Truly, I am.

June 1, 2012

This might be the last time. She found out about me writing inside of here.

Side note : he's getting straight 'A's'. That's my boy.

November 27, 2013

I thought it be important enough to mention: she finally left. After years, she did it. For the death of her children, one physically and one emotionally.

He's gone.

I'm gone.

Goodbye.

The journal didn't end there. I began to skin the remaining pages before I heard the door open behind me. I jerked around.

My heart stopped at the sight of an angry—no, furious— Kade. 

A very, very furious Kade.

In mere seconds, he had me on my back. An angry, shirtless Kade stretched over me, his large figure looming over mine.

"What in the fuck do you think you're doing in my shit?" Venom spewed in his words when he spat them at me.

I was at loss for words. I'd seen Kade angry, but at this, I felt my heart stop. That question from earlier had shifted.

Kades' hands on either side of my head. He wasn't even touching me, but just from his presence, my back was molding into his mattress.

His eyes narrowed at me. "Fucking answer me, Kimberly!" he demanded.

"I don't know!" I yelled back into his angry face.

His angry demeanor quickly shifted, and his face contorted in an all consuming anger. His nostrils flared, eyes flashing and his jaw ticking.

He leaned in until I felt his breath kissing at my lips. "I'm going to give you five fucking seconds to tell me why you decided to snoop around my room," he warned me, his words ringing in my ears.

"You're fucking crazy, get off of me!" I yelled, writhing from under him.

I felt the panic begin like a cluster of spark plugs in my abdomen. Tension grew in my face and limbs, my mind displaying different possibles of what Kade could do to me. My breathing felt more rapid, more shallow. In the middle of my personal hurricane, my cheeks began to flow with big, fat tears. A wicked pain flashed through my heart like lightening once my eyes found Kades.

His chest rose and fell in beats. "Do you not know that I could easily break you into fucking two pieces right now?" His words caused an additional roar of fear to waken inside of me.

That question he'd asked me in the car, and the answer I'd given had definitely changed. I was right; he was the perfect description of 'insane.'

I mustered up every single dust of courage I had left. "Then..." I trailed off as the fear crept up.

"Then what?"

My eyes snapped to his. "Then, why haven't you done it, yet?" I shouted in his face, the words crashing against the rough tension in the room.

My words were in a bumbled munch, but he must have understood them by the raise of his eyebrows. He looked taken aback for a minute, the anger slowly sinking from his face.

"I'm not crazy," Kade mumbled, his eyes rising above my head.

I struggled to move my body from under his, my heartbeat as loud as the rough patches of air barely leaving me.

"I'm not fucking crazy," he spat, lifting himself off me in a matter of seconds.

His hands swept through his hair, his face scrunching up tight as if he were in pain. "Shit," he hissed, his eyes skipping over me.

He yanked the keys from the nightstand without another glance. The door to his bedroom slammed behind him. I heard a couple of retreating footsteps before silence was my only companion in the big house.

I gripped my chest, my will to breath finally coming back to me. I knew that I hadn't been physically hurt, but to say that I was alright, was a far miscalculation. My eyes squeezed shut tightly as my surroundings began to merge into mush.

I counted my breathing exercises, remaining fully concentrated on that alone. If I let my anxiety overtake me, that would be no good.

I wiped my damp cheeks with the back of my hands. I had to be strong. Letting Kade break me was not the answer.

Now that the panic was seizing, the anger was taking place. It wasn't right. How dare he be mad at a situation he created?

He had taken my diary, and possibly knew about my entire life by now. I went through a few pages of his journal and to him, I was the bad guy. It was bullshit.

I thought about leaving, but then realized, I had no car, or any type of way home. And, calling Ryland, or dad was out of the question. I was stuck here.

I reached for my bag, which sat abandoned at the corner of the bed. I needed to make use of the time while I had it. If I concentrated too long on that maniac, I'd lose it. I couldn't let him have any other part of me.

I pulled my book out of the bottom, then opened it. As soon as my eyes hit the paper, I felt my problems uplift for a little while. Reading had always helped.

Kade must have stayed gone for hours. Once I checked my phone for the time, it was nearing the afternoon.

I told myself not to care because I didn't. Not about him. But, I couldn't help my curiosity from reaching its peak.

Why was he wasting his time on me?

And, why did I care?

He could have done this to anyone, but he hadn't. Just me. Why, and what did he make in his head to support his delusions against me?

A guy like Kade, and a girl like myself just didn't fit together, regardless. We would be like a scrambled puzzle, unfit and all over the place.

All I needed to do was find my diary, and leave this psycho son of a bitch alone. That was my only goal.

A puff of air fell from my parted lips. At the dark skies, the urge of sleep increased. I went along with it, since Kade wouldn't be back anytime soon. That seemed to be the only way to escape reality for a little bit.

My hands yanked a blanket off of his bed, before I moved to the sofa. I pulled the blanket over my body, and conjured the very few warm memories I had.

When some things were normal, if my life could even be called that. The only normal I had was when my father would take me to Uncle Dylan's Diner, or to see Ryland. Even if it were only for a hour or two, that was what kept me sane. That tiny bit of hope that my life could be better one day.