Enjoy, beautiful people! 🤍 happy early thanksgiving guys!

"Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength." —Arnold Schwarzenegger
———————————————————

Chapter 30
<——————————————->

Kade was just as shocked as me, mouth agape. Before he had a moment to speak, I quickly turned away. I didn't, no I couldn't, hear what he had to say.

He didn't call. He didn't speak to me. He didn't do a thing, yet he had the time to go make out with one of his girls.

I couldn't understand why I was so hurt. I had to remind myself that there was nothing to cry about when it came to Kade. I had to remind myself that I was nothing to him, and he was nothing to me. The only thing that linked us was that damned journal, but other than that, we had no hold on one another.

Before I reached class, the loud bell rang above us. It didn't startle me, instead I felt gratitude that my first class was over. Except, there were seven more periods to go.

I walked back into the classroom to get my things. As I lifted the bag onto my shoulder, I felt a tug of my wrist. I winced as the pain only influenced my anger.

I jerked around, coming in contact with grey eyes. I didn't even have to go farther than that to realize it was Carter who had tugged me.

His expression grew wary. "Can I speak to you?" I only detected the desperation in his voice.

Now that we were close, I examined his face more closely. Somehow, he had developed a scar, one that ran from the bottom of his jawline and to the beginning of his ear. It had to be new; I'd never seen it before today.

His grey eyes searched my brown ones as I scoffed. I tried to push past him, clenching my bag tightly. I didn't want to deal with anymore assholes today.

"Look, I-I'm sorry," he called out behind me.

I stopped before I reached the door. I turned back around, my face red with pent up anger.

I glared at him. "I don't need your worthless apology. Let's just get this project done and be done with each other, alright?" I spat.

Carter shoved a hand across his face before sighing. "Okay, I get it. I get it, I get that you're not comfortable around me, and I've done everything to deserve that. But I'm so much better now, I promise."

I shook my head, allowing my ears to skim over his words. "I don't care, Carter. I could care less about your well-being." He went to say something, but I stopped him with, "Meet me at the library today at four so we can try and get this thing done." After I said what I had to say, I slammed the classroom door behind me.

***

"Blue?" I asked Carter, who sat across from me, researching the facts for our project.

He nodded, tapping at the keyboard. "Yeah, that'll work."

I nodded, thumping my pen against the table. "Have you found our topic?"

He nodded again. "Yeah, she just sent the email. Our topic is natural disasters, and how it can affect others' around us," he explained, glancing up at me.

I ignored it, and awaited for the screen to display what we were looking for. While Carter searched for a credible website, I began designing the poster.

I was happy that I had decided on the library. I wasn't willing to let Carter into my home again, and it would only increase my worries to go into his house.

We were both quiet as the minutes carried on. I had nothing to say to him, and I knew that he knew there was nothing he could say to me. If he actually had changed, I wasn't going to be the one to find out. We just needed to get this project finished, then we could part ways. I planned on finishing it all today, then ridding myself of him afterwards.

Carter laid his pen down. "Can you take over for a minute? I need to go use the restroom," his lips perking into a half-smile. "Wouldn't want to have an accident right here."

I nodded, holding my emotionless expression. As he walked away, I watched a group of girl's practically undress him with their eyes. If only they had any idea of how much of a prick they were ogling.

I clicked around on the computer, and soon, my mind began to drift. As badly as I tried not to, I thought back to the moment I caught Natasha and Kade kissing.

I clicked harder on the computer, pressing my lips together in anger. I continued to slam my finger down on the mouse until the elderly librarian cast a look of warning my way.

I lowered my head in embarrassment, placing a hand under my chin as I continued my research. I continued to pull on the ends of my shirt until suddenly, the atmosphere grew tight. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up, and I knew then, something wasn't right.

As soon as I turned, I immediately wished I hadn't. Kade was right behind me, his hands woven deep in his pockets.

Rage began to blossom at the pit of my stomach. Interjected with anger, I turned away from him. I shut my eyes as tightly as they would go, wishing that this wasn't real. I wasn't ready for this.

"Kimberly."

I sunk into my lip at his voice, squeezing the mouse tightly. Even the way he said my name nearly tore me up.

I heard him step closer. "Come outside with me," he insisted, not seeming to care that we were in a library.

I shook my head, squinting my eyes at the computer. "No, I think I'd rather not." I sighed, digging my fingers into the mouse. "How did you even find me?"

"I asked Levi and Raven."

I swallowed past the fact that he had been looking for me.

"Sir and ma'am, if you're going to be that loud, I'm going to have to ask you to leave," the librarian said over her desk.

I turned to nod at her; I needed to finish this project. Kade's jaw clenched, not paying any attention to the librarian. His eyes fell upon me once again.

"Just come outside with me. I need to talk to you," he said, just as loud. "Or, I'll talk with you right here."

I eyed my pants leg, feeling as if a time bomb was set. "I think you've already done enough talking." Or, lack of.

The librarian interjected again, placing her glasses down on the desk. "Sir and ma'am, you both are interrupting the peace of this building."

Kade cocked a brow at me, crossing his arms over one another. I glared at him, watching as he nodded toward the front door.

I didn't want to go, but if this would finalize everything, I'd do it. I couldn't understand why he went after me, or why he was trying so hard to talk to me, but I didn't want to hear it. Obviously, he didn't care enough to return the favor, so I shouldn't either.

I walked behind him, leaving the quiet of the building. Now, were the sounds of car horns and engines, and fulsome yelling.

Once we were outside, silence was our only friend. I stood at the bottom of the stairs, arms crossed in order to protect myself against the cold. It was nearing Halloween, so the chill only made my flushed cheeks tickle.

Finally, I grew sick of the quiet. "Well?" I snapped.

Today, he sported black sweatpants and a black tee, and even that looked deliciously good on him. He began to step closer, causing me to step back.

He quickly noticed my dissatisfaction of the situation. His brows shot up before he cleared his throat. "I—okay."

I shoved my arms even deeper into my chest as I waited for him to continue.

Brown eyes ran over me slowly before meeting my eyes. "Look, nothing happened."

I shook my head, looking away from his handsome face. I wasn't going to allow his looks to deceive me again.

"That's why you came here for?" I mumbled, staring at the ground.

I watched as his legs shifted again, closer then before. "No...I mean, yes." A hand scrubbed down his face, leaving a tired expression. "Look, I don't fucking know."

"It doesn't matter," I lied. "It's not like we're together, so there's no reason to explain, right?" My dry tone said otherwise.

He had a reputation of sleeping around, and it was for a reason. I hated that I was jealous, it was unfair. We were friends, if I could even call it that. He was his own person, and I was mine.

If I wasn't so skeptical, perhaps I would have believed the fear in his eyes. "I didn't kiss her, okay? She kissed me, but I pushed her away before it could go any further," he explained, his eyes never leaving my face. "I promise you."

I shook my head again, looking downward.

"I wasn't trying to hurt you, Kimberly. I wasn't," he attempted, his voice strangled. "I just...I felt like a piece of shit when I saw you, okay? I didn't want you to think that of me."

I laughed humorlessly. "Oh, so now you feel bad?" I dug into my palm with my nails as I glared at him. "How about those other times; do I get an apology for those?"

"Those other times were different."

My eyes squinted at him. "How are those times any different from right now? We're still..." I couldn't say friends, because friends didn't feel this way about the other. "It doesn't matter."

He said nothing. Instead, his eyes fell to the ground, his jaw locked tightly.

I smiled dryly, shaking my head. "That's what I thought, Kade." I turned around, walking up the library stairs.

"Because in those times, I didn't expect..." I froze as he began to speak again.

I turned around, examining him over closely. His eyebrows were drawn together, lips set in a frown as he glared. I frowned in confusion; Kade never lacked confidence, especially with women. But right now, it sounded and looked like he was struggling with the right thing to say.

"I-I didn't expect to care so much, about you," he said his words slowly, as if he were thinking about each one with examination.

I was breathless. I was stunned. But, most of all I was so confused.

As we stared one another down, my mind overpowered my emotions. His confession echoed right through me, but I couldn't let that change it all. Words meant nothing without action, and he had given me none. I needed to be strong, hold myself up, but most of all, I couldn't give into this lie. The man had flocks of women around him, there was no way he was true to his confession, no matter how badly I wanted him to be. Kade didn't care; no one did. No one ever would.

I need to keep him away.

I dared myself to meet his gaze. "Well maybe it's too late," I countered, my expression glossed over.

His face fell so fast, I barely caught the transition. "Kimberly—" he began with a saddened look.

"Don't, Kade." I raised my hand, cutting him short. "You left me at that place and treated me like I was the shit on the bottom of your shoe, even after I helped you. I didn't have to help you but I did because I..." I pushed past the confession and instead said, "If you care like you say you do, I can't tell. I don't want to be your friend, I don't want to be anything, okay? Just do us both a favor, and leave me alone." Every word tore into me the moment I spoke them.

My words were quiet, but still heard nonetheless. I watched as Kade's saddened expression fell, his fists clenching next to him. His eyes lowered to the stairs, but when they lifted back to me, they were full and dark with anger. My body froze at his death stare.

"Hey, I was looking for you," Carter's voice interrupted our stare down.

Oh shit, not right now.

I shot a look of warning to Carter, which he quickly took and turned to walk back inside of the building.

Kade's eyes jumped to where Carter just stood, before moving back to mine.

His head tilted as the dry chuckle fell. "Oh, isn't this funny?" he spat, showcasing a sinister smile.

"So, that's why, huh?" His words were full of hurt, sadness, but most of all, anger. "That's why you're..." Kade ran a hand down his face, shaking his head as he laughed. "How fucking stupid could I be?"

I shook my head immediately. "No, that's not—"

"Don't fucking lie to me," he snapped, his eyes narrowing. "I'm sick of this bullshit. Of your bullshit. One minute you're being my friend, and the next, you're mad at what you already know about me."

I looked around as the pairs of eyes began to weigh in. My cheeks immediately colored as a response to the embarrassment.

I tried to reach for him; I couldn't understand his reaction right now. "Kade—"

He yanked his arm back as if I were poison to him, his raging gaze doubling down on me. "No! You're fucking lying about everything!" he shouted again, his eyes glossing over with the height of emotion. "You want to be a damn savior so bad, but everyone has no idea, do they?"

Before I even opened my mouth again, his outbursts continued.

His words were blindsided, full of anger and rage. "Fuck me." I watched him stagger back for a moment, before he rubbed at his temples. "Now that I think about it, you only wanted to be around me for your diary, didn't you?" With a humorless laugh, his nostrils flared. "Of course, of course you did. I'm such a fucking idiot."

My lips fell into a frown. I could feel the tears threatening to spill out at any moment. He was right, but his thoughts of my intentions were not. Truthfully, it turned into something bigger before I even knew it.

"Kade, that's not true," I attempted to calm him down, my voice cracking. "I could have found it the other night, but I didn't." I didn't deserve to feel bad about doing whatever it takes to get my diary back, but by the pained expression in this mans' eyes...I realized that Kade had actually fallen for it.

He cared about me, he cared for me, he cared what I thought of him. He didn't chase or pursue anyone, from what I knew. He didn't seem like the type of man to have any type of form of fear or insecurity of women, but as I stared back into his painful eyes, I knew it to be true. The worst part was that I felt the same way.

But he was ruining it all right now.

He stepped closer, his head shaking. "Fine, you know what? You can have your shit back. I'm done with this stupid game, and with this stupid goddamned feeling. And, for what? A fucking girl?" His Adam's apple bobbed as he glared down at me. "The next time I see you will be the last, like you wanted. I'll give you your shit back. Then, like you said, we can leave each other the hell alone." I felt the onlookers grow closer, obviously drawn by the drama.

Stop this.

He was in my space now, the anger defining his entire being terribly. I shook in utter complete shock as he towered over me.

"You know what?" He leaned in until our breaths mingled. "Fuck you," he spat, the edges of his eyes lined with rage.

I didn't have a chance to say anything. He was gone, long gone, just like my ability to understand anything anymore.

I stood in my spot, mind long gone. I felt like if I moved, my walls would fall along with my tears. I was embarrassed, I was hurt, I was sad, but I guess most of all...

I was fucking done.