"JJ Maybank is my risk."

❥

The next few days we've mainly spent separated. Kie was smoking a lot of weed and acting more rebellious than usual. Pope was trying to stay calm and help her as much as he could. Meanwhile, JJ and I were trying to stay strong together. 

Apart from grieving, I was afraid of JJ and I ruining our relationship. I expected us to be mad and retreat from each other and our friends but we did the exact same. We helped each other. I mean, we mainly smoked weed together when he wasn't working at the country club but that's what we needed. And apart from that, I did what I had to do while JJ was working although he would hate me for it.

"What are you doing here?", Rafe greets me surprised as I walk over to him in the garden. His face looks better. There are still some cuts on his chin but overall, he looked better than I expected. "I needed to see how you're doing. Pope had a pretty good right hook on you."

"He didn't even get hold of me", Rafe denies. I ignore him being childish once again and trace over the bruises on his chin with my thumb. "You look a lot better", I state surprised, "I was worried that Pope would have hurt you a lot more."

"Bella", Rafe sighs, takes down my hand and instead, he lays his hands on my waist and comes closer. It takes a few seconds for me to realize that he's going to kiss me but when I do, I jump back and shake my head. "Rafe, what were you thinking? That's not why I came over. I just wanted to check on you." 

"Is it about him, Bella? You know I could give you so much more than a pogue, especially JJ fucking Maybank." "Give me?", I scoff angrily about his outburst, "Do you remember what you've done? Do you really think that after all, I could still be with you? This isn't about JJ or me, this is about you. I only wanted to help you, be someone safe for you to be around, and don't be dragged into jealousy attacks." 

"Where are you going? Back to him?", Rafe yells at me when I walk away from him and decide to head home. "What's it to you, Rafe? Even if I wasn't with JJ, the only chance for you to be friends with me would be if you changed completely and we both know that you never will. I've tried my best to help you but I can't let you drag me down. I lost my best friend, you know. None of my so great kook friends has checked on me", I snap back and leave the property hopping onto JJ's bike which I borrowed.

Rafe

I'm sorry Bella

I don't know why I lose control so often

I didn't mean to be like this

I could never really be mad at you

Please answer me

Bella? Are you okay?

Bella

leave me alone, Rafe

I'm done with your bullshit

no Bella, please

let me explain it to you

I'm pretty sure what he would tell me and I already know that he won't stop texting me even if I answered so I decide to not look at his messages anymore. I might try talking to him again to help him but not right now. I just hope that someday, I'll be able to help him and he'll realize what he did. He's so obsessed with his dad that he really seems to be believe that he saved his dad. But if I could help him realizing what he's done, maybe he'll confess the truth one day and that would help redeem John B's name.

❥

Topper

So you've been visiting Rafe today?

Bella

Top please 😩

I'm just asking

I know but Rafe is in a bad mood

once again

I mean you dumped him for a pogue

not only just a pogue

but JJ Maybank

I get why he's in a bad mood

Top, please

you don't even know the whole story

well I could if you had time for me

I don't know what's going on with you and Rafe

but you and I are still friends

despite whatever is going on

between you and Rafe or JJ

I'm probably the worst company right now

after all that's happened

I'm also grieving for Sarah

we should go through this together

You can't ignore me forever, Bells

I know you're right

it's just easier to ignore everyone

I'm here so please don't push me away

meet me at the club?

can we go to yours?

sure

"Hey", Topper greets me with a relieved sigh when he opens the door about an hour later. "Hey", I repeat him and give him a hug, "I'm sorry for leaving you alone. I didn't mean to let you go through it on your own."

"We still have enough time to do it together. And it's alright. Rafe told me you're not feeling well because of JJ." "That's what Rafe told you?", I scoff angrily, "I know you and him cannot believe that a pogue might be good for once or even better than you, but JJ is. I'm perfectly fine thanks to JJ."

"Sorry, I just.. that's what Rafe said." "Because Rafe is talking bullshit. He's obsessed with talking bad about others just to make himself feel better." "That's harsh." "But true and you know it."

"Come, let's go outside, sit by the pool like we used to", Topper changes the topic knowing that I was right so I smile victoriously. "How have you been doing?", I ask him honestly when we sit in the garden thinking of Sarah. "I'm okay. I miss her but I'm also angry that John B dragged her down with him."

"He didn't drag her down", I make clear but my voice is still soft as Topper was really worrying out of love, "I know she's hurt you and John B may be the reason for that. But Sarah fell for John B. Everything that she did was out of love. I'm sorry that you're the one who's hurt but if you truly love Sarah, you want the best for her, right?" Topper nods slowly. "She was happy with him. It wasn't easy, none of had an easy time. But Sarah always wanted more than a nice house. She wanted adventures and risks and.. the pogue life."

"Don't say that, Bella", Topper turns to me obviously being hurt. "I'm sorry, Top, that's the truth. She should have told you and not make you believe that you and her would still be working but I've seen the way Sarah looked when she was around Rafe, you and I and I've watched her when she was hanging out with the pogues and I. I just want you to know that in the end, she was happy."

"At least she was happy. That's all that counts", Topper agrees sighing, "And you, Bella? John B is one type of guy, but JJ Maybank is a complete risk." "JJ Maybank is my risk", I summarize it because no one will ever understand the bond between JJ and I, I couldn't even explain it all. 

_____________________________

hey guys! I'm also currently working on my Rudy Pankow book, so if you're interested in that, you can check it out in my profile. It's called "Shining Star". Hope you like both stories! And also feel free to comment or message me at any time about your opinion!

https://www.wattpad.com/story/247386146-shining-star-ii-rudy-pankow-obx