Chapter 33 | Go

Invigorating... that was how I defined the emotion I kept feeling whenever Mia was around or near my sight.

I hadn't been this particular to a person but my mind couldn't cooperate and it seemed to imagine things that wouldn't happen.

I remembered how annoyed I was when my grade ten Math teacher purposely gave me a low grade on the second quarter because she based my attitude on the rumors and issues.

I was walking faster than the usual, I didn't want to communicate to anyone, afraid that I might show rudeness. I decided to buy foods that could calm me because breaking down wasn't an option.

Wala kaming klase sapagkat may biglaang two-hour seminar ang mga guro. Hindi pa namin break time ngunit napagpasyahan ko ng maunang kumain. Sa maliit at hindi mataong cafeteria ako dinala ng aking mga paa. The bigger cafeteria had more people and I was avoiding a crowded hall.

I recited my orders and paid for them using the school's cafeteria card. Tinanggap ko ang isang malaking tray at naghanap ng mauupuan.

There were many vacant tables... but my eyes darted at the lonely girl in the corner. Hindi pa siya umuuwi?

"Hi," I greeted Mia as I came near her.

She only glared sharply at me and I couldn't help to smile because of her reaction. She got alerted and annoyed at the same time when I put my tray above our shared table... but what made her entertaining was her innocence.

Na kahit ayaw niya sa akin, pinayagan pa rin niya akong maki-upo... hindi naman sa tunay ngang pinayagan ngunit hindi rin niya ako pina-alis.

"Bakit dito ka kumakain?" I asked her casually.

Maybe she thought starting a talk for me was fucking easy. Of course, there was the thrill that came into my mind... but it wasn't all about the excitement, there was also fear of communicating. I didn't go near her with scripted  lines, I literally had nothing to say. It was my little courage that urged me to come and sit with her.

"Ayaw ko sa kabila," she answered me with a strict voice.

I chuckled to lessen the pressure around us but it seemed to only intimidate her more.

"Kumusta ang second quarter grades mo?" I asked, parang tanga lang.

Wala talaga akong masabi sapagkat hindi madaling kausapin ang taong ayaw sa 'yo. You'd keep asking nonsense until she hopefully cooperate.

"Ayos lang," she answered shortly.

'Di ba? Anong sasabihin kong sunod niyan? She knew how to end every trials I did.

I decided to not bother her again kahit gusto ko pang magsalita. I focused eating what I ordered and forced my eyes not to gaze at her. I was getting the hang out of it when she spoke to me.

"Sa 'yo?" she asked me.

"Ano?"

"Kumusta ang grades mo?" she asked me using her little voice.

I smirked, she was obviously trying to treat me good.

"Ayos lang din," kahit may posibilidad pang umulit ako ng grade ten.

"Talaga?" she asked me, hindi naniwala.

I chuckled to assure her that it was really fine, I didn't need to tell her the truth anyway... kasi aanhin naman niya iyon?

"Oo, bakit, anong tingin mo?" I jokingly asked.

She raised a brow as she said, "Akala ko pa nga hindi ka na papasa."

This girl... was innocently savage.

"Sa 'yo lang naman ako hindi pasado pero sa subjects, oo," natatawa kong sabi.

"If your grades are really doing fine, then why do you constantly blink while speaking? You're not telling the truth to me," she said.

Oh, I didn't know she was kind of observant, huh? Ni-hindi ko nga napansing ginawa ko pala iyon.

I didn't say anything because she caught me right there. This wasn't the right time to open up specially to her. I may liked her but... my personal issues were too deep to just share to someone when I feel like it.

"The reason why I don't believe you like me is that... you have the air of a liar and... I don't want to fall for it," she said to me.

I nodded, inintindi na lamang.

"But did I blink several times when I confessed?" I asked her.

"N-No," she stuttered.

"Then, I'm not lying when I say I like you," I told her.

"You seem so sure of it, ang bata pa natin," she fired back.

I chuckled. I knew I was still young but was I supposed to be this tired at this age?

"Why are you thinking of this then? If you see it ridiculous?" I asked her.

"Because you keep bothering me with it," she answered.

That was the last time I ever talked to her. I gave her the space she needed to lessen the pressure of my feelings.

I had many things to do too, na-sponsor-an lamang ako ngayong taon kaya walang problema sa bayarin. I needed to prove the person behind this oppurtunity na hindi siya nagkamaling tulungan ako.

The Fortelleza mansion got back to us too because of Ero's help. Hindi naman namin iyon hiningi ngunit ginawa niya. Dito kami ni mama tumuloy sapagkat amin naman ito.

Natapos ang grade ten na tila ba isang bangungot. I spent my first month of summer on enjoying my time. Bumawi ako sa simbahan sapagkat noong may pasok ay hindi ako halos nakadalo.

Pagkatapos naman ng misa ay lumabas kaming magkakaibigan upang magsaya. Hindi ko 'to nagawa noong nakaraan kaya't nilubos ko na.

Pangalawang buwan ng bakasyon, kinausap ako ni mama. Sinigurado pa niyang walang makaririnig ng aming usapan.

"Bakit, ma, aalis ka na sa mga Entel?" I asked her in between my laughs.

She dismissed my tease and proceeded on what she was about to say, "I found my cousin, Tony. He contacted me since March with a new surname and we are still talking privately."

"Oh? You haven't mentioned him to me," I reacted.

"Yes... inakala ko kasi noon, Lukan, na wala na akong pag-asang hanapin pa ang aking mga malalapit na kamag-anak," mom said.

"Then?"

"He's a famous professor in an expensive university, he teaches biology," mom informed me.

"And then?" I asked, excited on what she was about to say.

"We talked about you... I asked him if he could, you know, take you there for your future," mom answered me.

I smiled, it was like all of our problems started to be solved.

"Hindi siya nagdalawang isip umo-o. All you have to do is of course, get a visa and study hard for senior high," mom said.

"I-I can do that, ma," agad kong sabi.

"Hindi ako umaalis sa mga Entel para hindi sila maghinala, Lukan. I also retrieved my parents' documents from them without them knowing. Kinukuha ko na ang sa atin. Ang mga perang iyon ay galing sa aking mga magulang, Lukan, at iyon ang gagamitin nating sapat para sa pag-asikaso ng mga kailangan natin," mom told me.

I nodded as I listened carefully.

"Hindi ko 'to sinabi sa 'yo noong school days mo dahil busy akong gumalaw sa likod ng mga Entel. They don't know my plans, akala nila ay lubog pa rin tayo sa hirap at sa kanila kumakapit. Whatever Ero Entel offers you, pakisamahan mo. Don't tell anyone about this, alright? We need to stay low. Konting konti na lang, Lukan, makaa-alis din tayo," sabi sa akin ni mama.

"I can do that, ma. Just order me things you want me to do," I said.

She smiled at me and said, "I want you to enjoy your remaining time here in the Philippines with the people you treasure, Lukan."

I got stunned. I didn't expect her to say that.

"I will, mama," I said happily.

Huling buwan ng bakasyon ay umuwi si tito Tony upang makita kami ng personal. It was all kept as a secret from the Entel. He also helped me to start compiling the documents I needed to apply for my travel visa.

It was a busy month but I knew everything would pay off soon. I just needed to hold on.

🌹

"Ano, kumusta?" I asked my friends who neared me after registering their names.

"Tol, ako kasi nag-ABM, understood naman. Gusto kong maging businessman, sunod sa yapak ng magulang, 'di ba?" natatawang sabi ni Gierro.

"Ako rin understood kasi may oil company kami... pero itong si Fred, 'tol, magsusundalo. Okay na sana 'yong pangarap kaso nakita ko 'yong pangalan sa 11 - ABM," natatawang kwento naman ni Olivver.

"All caps pa 'yong full name, ang puta," natatawa ring sabi ni Gierro.

"Gago? Bakit do'n ka nag-register?" I asked Fred in between my laughs.

"Paki ba ninyo?" he asked us.

"Gago, ABM ang strand tapos magsusundalo, ayos ka lang? Ano 'yon, nagt-trial balance ka habang na sa gera?" tukso ni Gierro.

"Hindi tol, baka nagj-journal imbis na kumasa," I heckled.

"Tangina tol, alam naming bobo ka pero bakit ganito?" natatawang tukso ni Olivver.

Hindi kami natigil sa katatawa hanggang sa nakalabas kami ng paaralan. Fred kept on silencing us dahil may iilang nakapansin na ng aming topic.

"Bakit ka ba kasi sa ABM bumagsak?" I asked him again.

"Wala ng slot sa HUMSS, ano ba," iritadong sagot ni Fred.

"Walang slot o nandoon ang babaeng—"

"Wala na talagang slot," singit agad ni Fred.

"Hindi kami naniniwala. Ang laki ng Syru at maraming sections, mauubusan ka?" I hissed.

"Gumagawa lang 'yan ng palusot, nakita niya talaga ang crush niyang nandoon—"

"Wala akong gusto ro'n," Fred denied.

"Bakit umiiwas?" natatawang tanong ni Gierro.

"Tinaya ang pagiging sundalo para lang iwasan siya, ang puta," I joked.

I put extra efforts on my first year of senior high. Dito nakataya ang putanginang kinabukasan ko at ang panggagago ay hindi na kasama.

Ako lamang ang naiba ng landas sa aking mga kaibigan at sa mahirap pang strand ko nilagay ang sarili.

Tito Tony suggested me to take STEM dahil maganda raw ang putanginang future ko rito.

Tuwing tumatama ang aking mga sagot, lalo na sa putanginang calculus, pakiramdam ko ay ako na ang susunod sa yapak nina Isaac Newton at Leibniz upang umimbento ng panibagong sakit sa ulo para sa susunod na henerasyon.

Sa paglipas ng oras ay napag-isip ko na rin ang aking tatahakin sa kolehiyo. Binalak kong maging doctor, a cardiologist to be exact... but I wanted to revive our hospitals first... kaya baka mag-hospital management ako sa college, saka na papasok sa tunay kong gusto.

Tangina, madaling magplano pero habang nakikinig ako sa aming guro na may kaalaman sa pagd-doktor, tila ba hapyaw kong nakita ang reyalidad na aking tatahakin.

Reality was cruel, I knew that, but it was also reality that could help us grow. Kung iiwasan ko ito kung kailan malayo na ang aking nararating, saan na lamang ako pupulutin?

Patapos na ang unang taon ko sa senior high nang tawagan ako ni tito Tony upang kumustahin at ipaalala ang aking kailangang gawin.

"Handa na ba ang mga kailangan, Lukan?" tito Tony asked me from the video call.

"Opo, email ko na lang po sa inyo bukas," I answered.

We talked about my required documents for the university he was in. Balak niya akong pag-aralin doon sa college upang sa pagpunta namin sa America, may papasukan na akong paaralan.

"Lukan, nakatanggap ka na ba ng follow up sa embassy?" mom asked me while I was still talking to tito.

"Opo, ma," I answered.

Everything was going smoothly and I motivated myself more on studying. I was never the nerd type or the grade conscious one... I just needed this for my family.

I didn't know how I got through that year but thankfully, it ended well. Walang issue ngunit muntik nang magkaroon dahil sa mga babaeng asungot sa paligid.

Of course, Mia... I didn't forget her but I had less time on ruining her days. In nights I wanted to sleep and give up on what I was doing, I'd think of her and imagine if I do this right, I'd get the chance to know her more.

Walang konek at nakatatawa kung iisipin pero... that was how I stayed sated.

It was their recognition day, she was the highest honor of her class. I was proud of her to the point I attended just to watch her be credited.

Wala akong dalang regalo dahil unang una, nagtitipid pa rin ako. Kailangan rational na tayo ngayon kung mag-isip, bawal na ang padalos-dalos. Pangalawa, baka isipin niya muling nant-trip ako. Panghuli, wala naman akong balak lapitan siya sapagkat nakahihiya. I went here with nothing and I felt a simple "congratulations" wouldn't be enough.

Aalis na sana ako ng venue nang natapos ang kanilang section. Tahimik akong naglakad nang napansin ko si Mia nakatayo sa gilid ng stage at nakatitig sa akin.

I didn't know why I fucking stopped and stared at her too!

She raised a brow, as if asking me why I stopped.

I chuckled, napa-iling pa sa kabobohan kong ginawa.

"Congratulations," I yelled, enough for her to hear.

Her eyes widened and immediately got conscious of our surrounding.

"I'm so proud of you!" pahabol ko na kanyang ikinagulat.

Mia didn't know what to do when people started to take glances of us alternatively. She turned around me as if she heard nothing. I chuckled as I watched her get shy.

🌹

Grade twelve, huling taon ko sa Pilipinas at huling taon kong pagt-tiyaga sa mukha ni Ero Entel.

I was doing good for the first months: I got the offer to the university my uncle let me in and my travel visa was confirmed... not until August came.

Kung kailan huling taon ko na ay saka pa may nagbago.

I was about to buy a yellow pad when I noticed the school's main gym crowded. Doon ko napanood ang pag-alis ni Mia mula sa loob dahil sa mga tukso.

Years passed but her bullies didn't grow up. Instead of creating a fight like how I used to do way back, I followed Mia and volunteered for help.

She literally avoided me in the first place like the usual. I was used to it, in every words she said, but my perseverance kept stable.

Mabuti na lang talaga ay hindi ako sumuko dahil ang kapalit ng aking pagtulong ay siyang dati ko pang gustong mangyari...

The old small interactions changed dahil ngayon, nagkaroon ako ng pagkakataong mapalapit pa sa kanya.

It was like I got myself into a dream I wished to never end... but I knew dreams weren't enough and love shouldn't stay as a dream or fictional.

I wasn't the young naive Lukan and I was sure that the young love I felt toward Mia matured too.

I couldn't exactly remember the things I did. Nakatatak lamang kasi sa aking pasiyahin siya't iparamdam ang matagal ko ng kinimkim na pagtingin.

I could still remember when we had a required speech in our English class for the first semester.

"So, close na kayo ni Mia at naka-amin ka na nang hindi ka niya tinataboy," Fred told me while we were waiting for our English teacher.

Nandito ang mga gago dahil may speech din sila ngayong araw. They didn't want to hang around their room dahil toxic daw ng kabilang section.

Na sa labas kami ng aming room at naka-upo sa gilid ng corridor. My classmates were busy memorizing their speech.

"Yeah, bakit?" I asked him.

"Tingin mo ba magkakagusto sa 'yo si Mia?" Gierro asked me instead.

I shrugged.

"Wala namang imposible... basta hindi siya mapipilitan," natatawa kong sagot.

"Boys, magbihis na raw kayo ng formal attire!" one of my girl classmates announced.

Tangina naman, wala ako sa mood upang mag-deliver ng speech kaya't sana hindi ako ngayon matawag.

"Tara na," yaya ni Gierro sa amin.

Kinuha ko ang aking suit, naka-hanger pa ito sa likod ng classroom na akala mo ay binibenta. Ang suit ng tatlo ay dala na nila, their speech was as same time as ours.

"Kabisado mo na ba, Lukan, ang speech mo?" Olivver asked me while we were walking down.

"Hindi pero alam ko naman ang sasabihin," sagot ko.

"Anong sasabihin mo kung ma-blanko ka?" natatawang tanong ni Fred.

"Tangina ninyo," natatawa ko ring sagot.

"Kailangan pa kasing mag-speech, tangina, ibabagsak din naman tayo," Olivver ranted.

Nakarating kami sa rest room at nagsimulang magbihis. Hindi naman kahirapan ang magpalit ng damit ngunit sa pagb-butones talaga ako nab-bwisit. Dito ako laging natatagalan at kung kailan tapos na ako sa bawat butas ay saka ko mapapansing hindi pala pantay o tama ang aking pagsara.

Tangina talaga, Lukan, duling ka ba?

Sunod kong sinuot ang neck tie kaso putangina ang bobo ko talaga sa ganito.

"Sa labas na ako mag-aabang," I told them.

Lumabas ako upang mas makita ang aking pagbubuhol sa necktie. Noong sinunod ko naman ang step by step tutorial, nagawa ko. Pang-apat na beses ko ng subok ngunit ayaw pa rin.

I gave up at inisip na lamang magpatulong mamaya sa classroon sa sinomang babaeng marunong.

Lumapit ako sa nakitang washing area upang basain ang kamay at hawiin ito sa aking buhok. I was continuously doing it when someone opened the next faucet.

Si Mia!

May hinugasan lamang siyang tumbler at siguro'y napansin ang aking presensya.

"Bakit ka nakaganyan?" she asked me.

I smiled because she talked to me first.

"May speech kami," I answered.

"G'wapo ko ba?" I mocked.

She rolled her eyes and said, "Ang importante ay nagmukha kang tao."

"Taong para sa 'yo?" I jokingly asked.

"Taong epal, oo," she said back.

"Bakit wala kang necktie?"

I raised a brow and immediately took the necktie out of my pocket.

"Hindi ako marunong nito," I answered her.

"Akin na," she ordered me.

"Ang alin?" I unconsciously asked.

"Ang tie, duh," she answered impatiently.

"Akala ko, ako na ang hinihingi mo," I joked.

She made a disgusted look as she took from me the tie. May ginawa siya ritong hindi ko naintindihan.

"Lapit ka," utos niya sa akin.

Since masunurin ako, lumapit nga ako. Tahimik akong nakatayo at nang mas lumapit pa siya ay hindi na ako nakagalaw.

"Huwag mo namang higpitan, baka may balak kang sakalin ako," I joked to lessen my nervousness.

"Mahigpit ba?" she whispered to me, concerned.

"Hindi naman," natatawa kong sagot sapagkat hindi ko inisip na iyon ang kanyang magiging reaksyon.

"Ayos na ba ang ganito?" she asked me.

I only nodded and let her tie it in the way she knew. Her hands gracefully did it and I admired how she helped me out.

"Titig na titig ka riyan," sita niya sa akin nang natapos.

"Para suwertihin ako sa speech," I made an excuse.

"Mabulol ka sana," she said back.

"Ang supportive mo naman," I sarcastically said.

"Kinakabahan ka ba?" tanong niya sa akin.

I nodded kahit hindi naman ako kabado sa speech.

"Anong kailangan mo para mawala ng konti ang kaba?" she asked me again.

I smirked and pointed at my left cheek.

"No," she said.

"Damot naman, sa cheeks na nga lang, e," I joked.

"Hindi mo naman ako... girlfriend," she said, unsure of her words.

I let out a laugh because of amusement. Hindi ko naman siya pipilitin at tanging biruan ko lamang ang gusto kong ipagawa sa kanya.

"Sige na, Mia... baka tapos na ang mga kaibigan ko," I excused myself even when I didn't want to.

"Okay..." she only said.

I smiled and decided to walk toward the men's rest room again.

I hadn't took four steps away when she called me, "Lukan."

I turned around and asked, "Miss mo na ako agad?"

"Baliw, may nakalimutan akong sabihin," she said.

Lumapit siya sa akin at hinawakan ang dalawa kong balikat.

"Baba ka ng konti, 'di ko abot tainga mo," she ordered me.

Nagtaka ako kung bakit kailangan pang bumulong, importante ba talaga? I obeyed her request and what she did shocked the hell out of me.

I experienced kissing other girls but those were just for fun... receiving Mia's soft lips against my cheek defeated those wild kisses in an instant.

"Good luck," she whispered after the soft kiss.

Tangina.

Lord, salamat ulit.

I was about to say something when she immediately ran away from me. Nahiya pa nga.

🌹

Then that night happened.

I was patiently waiting for my mother to come home when someone rang the door bell. Hindi naman ako bobo para lamang agad buksan iyon, tumingin muna ako sa maliit na butas ng aming gate upang tingnan ang na sa labas.

Si Eros.

Anong trip nito?

I slightly opened the door but he widely opened it. Naalerto ako ngunit mabilis siyang kumilos at agad akong nasuntok.

Isa, dalawa hanggang sa hindi ko na mabilang ang kanyang mga suntok. I got the chance to fight back and I weakly punched him back.

Wala akong ginagawang masama sa gagong 'to ngunit sinugod ako sa sarili kong tahanan. Anong nahithit nito at ako ang nakita?

"Tangina mo, Eros, ganyan ka ba kasipsip sa tatay mo?" I asked him unconsciously.

Tangina, ang hapdi ng buo kong katawan. If I hadn't pushed him back, he'd be still punching me like a dirt bag.

"I don't work for my father," he said in a monotone.

"Tangina, kanino? Anong atraso ko sa kanya?" natatawa kong tanong.

"Huwag ka ng lalapit kay Thera," he said instead.

Gago? Anong kinalaman ni Mia?

Kung hindi pa ako nanghihina ay magtatanong pa ako at makikipagtalo... but he left me with a one strong punch... and I landed on the ground beaten.

Imagine, pumunta ako sa embassy dalawang araw pagtapos ng insidenteng iyon. Nagmukha akong gangster na namuno ng isang away sa kanto, muntik pang magduda sa akin ang kausap kong officer.

"Hindi mo ba talaga alam kung bakit ka non binugbog?" Olivver asked me when I got inside Gierro's car.

Nagpasundo ako sa lugar malayo sa embassy. They had no idea about my soon leave because I needed to keep it as a secret. Hindi rin sila nagtanong pa at kung nagtanong man ay iba ang aking rason.

"Hindi nga, ni-hindi nga kami nagbabatian non mula noon," I answered.

Inabutan ako ng tubig ni Fred at akin namang tinanggap.

"Nasabi ni Eros sa 'yong hindi ang ama niya ang sinusunod niya... ibigsabihin, mayroong iba," Gierro said as he analayzed what happened.

"Saka gusto nga ni Ero gamitin si Lukan kaya bakit niya sasaktan," said Fred.

"Napansin namin nitong nakaraang laging magkasama sina Eros at Mia," Olivver informed me.

Oh, ayos.

Binugbog niya ako para? Ano, mapalapit kay Mia? Natawa ako sa sariling iniisip at hindi iyon pinaniwalaan sapagkat ang bobo naman ni Eros kung gano'n nga iyon.

But seeing them together was a real hit into me. S'yempre, si Eros 'yan, ang gusto ni Mia.

It seemed like I was back at being immature because I unconsciously got jealous, parang gago lang, alam ko. I'd been through things and I survived all alone... tapos ito lang, ikahihina ko na?

After that night I got invited again to the Zorron's family dinner, hindi na ako nakalapit pa kay Mia. Ang daming humarang sa akin tuwing sinubukan kong makipag-usap, they threatened me and all. Hindi naman ako natakot hanggang sa naging personal na ang banta.

Tumigil akong sumubok dahil alanganin na, maaaring maapektuhan na ang buhay ko.

"Na hindi raw sa 'yo 'yong gym. Naninirahan ka raw kasama ng mga kaibigan mo. Mayabang ka raw dahil hindi ka tumatanaw ng utang na loob sa iyong ama dahil sa mansyon ninyong ibinalik," Mia told me when she planned to reach me with Trojan.

"T-Tapos, masama raw ugali mo—"

"Iyon lang ba?" I asked, realizing how shallow her father's reasoning.

I remained steady and tried connecting things. Eros beaten me up, then days after that incident he started getting near Mia. After the last dinner, Dominiko Zorron ordered Mia to avoid me and instead waste time with Eros.

Parang may mali.

"Inutusan ka ng papa mong layuan ako dahil do'n?" I asked.

She again nodded.

"And he picked Eros, the one who backstabbed me, over me because of those reasons," I said.

"I'm so—"

"Hindi mo kasalanan iyon, Mia," iritado kong wika, "and if you want to obey your father, then I'd understand."

I'd understand, ang puta, gulong gulo ka na nga.

Eros told my personal life to Dominiko Zorron... I couldn't remember they were somehow close to the point they'd gossip of me.

Iba talaga... kailan pa naging malapit si Eros kay Dominiko? Bakit si Eros ang pinagkunan ni Dominiko ng impormasyon? Hindi sapat na rason ang magkapatid kami dahil ramdam kong mayroon pang ibang rason sa likod nito.

"Do you want to distance yourself from me?" I asked Mia to make things easier for her.

"No! Because honestly, you didn't do anything wrong..." I received an unexpected answer.

"I-I want to still communicate with you..." she said instead after a couple of minutes.

Ah, shit, Mia...

"So, you're saying you'll disobey your father?" I asked.

"Y-Yes."

"Why?" tanong ko sapagkat hindi ko kayang tanggapin ang gusto niyang mangyari.

She wasn't a rule breaker... and I didn't want her to experience it the hard way.

"I just... don't want to let you go," she answered me.

Bakit? Gusto ko iyang itanong ngunit baka mas lalo siyang maguluhan.

"Ayaw ko rin naman pero... Mia, lalabag ka, tayo... hindi ako natatakot at handa akong panindigan ito ngunit ayaw kong magbago ka dahil lamang dito. I don't want you to risk this much just because of me," I tried knocking her senses.

"Madadaan pa natin sa tamang usapan si tito Niko... you don't have to do this," I urged her.

"Pero kailan? Kailan pa natin siya kauusapin?"

"Mia, I don't just like you and this... is too early for the both us. Please don't forget who you are because of me," I convinced her again to change her mind.

"So, ayaw mo?" she asked me the question I feared.

"Kaya mo ba?" I fired back her the question she couldn't answer.

Kaakibat ng aking mga salita at kilos ay ang paninindigan. I didn't just say those things to make her heart jump a beat or let her experience the so-called butterflies in my stomach.

I informed tita Rhea, her mother, about our secret meet up. Tita Rhea looked worried that night I told her.

"Tita, p'wede po ninyong kumbinsihin si Mia na itigil po ito kung nag-aalala talaga kayo," I told tita.

"Kasi ako po mismo, nahihirapang ayawan ang gusto niya... kasi gusto ko rin, tita. Aminado akong marupok pagdating kay Mia at alam kong mali iyon, dapat mas malawak akong mag-isip... ayos lang po sa akin kung tututol kayo para sa ikabubuti ni Mia," I added.

"Lukan, nag-aalala ako para sa inyo, hindi lamang kay Mia... gustuhin ko mang pigilan si Mia upang maligtas... gusto ko rin siyang matuto sa kanyang ginawa," tita Rhea told me.

"I want her to face the consequences of her actions as a lesson," she added.

🌹

I told Mia I wasn't rushing things and I'd wait.

I'd wait. Literally.

Kaya laking gulat ko noong nagtapat siya sa aking gusto niya na rin ako.

It was a good news but I startled... and I doubted.

Oo, nagduda ako kay Mia.

Saying "I like you" to someone when your brain told you so was easy. Madaling magtapat lalo na kung masaya ka sa mga oras na iyon.

Madaling magsalita ngunit mahirap ibalik ang nasabi.

Nagduda ako sapagkat... bakit niya ako nagustuhan? We hadn't spent a whole month together yet she confessed. She hadn't knew me, my issues, my life yet... she confessed.

Was it because I showed too much affection and she got carried away?

Tangina, hindi ko alam kung tama bang nagkagusto siya sa akin gayong hindi siya sigurado sa gagawin.

Kasalanan ko ba?

"Alam mo kasi, tol, ayos naman sana si Mia," Gierro started the conversation.

Umayos ako sa aking upuan at binaba ang hawak na ruler. I was supposed to do a take home activity but my mind was distracted of Mia... and her actions.

"Matalino, mabait, maka-Diyos pero tol... don't let the positive traits block you from seeing the negative side," Gierro continued.

"Tingnan mo, lutang ka na habang si Mia, ano? Hayahay dahil alam niyang mahal mo siya at hindi mo siya kayang iwanan kahit pa nasasaktan ka na?" Fred hissed and chuckled.

Tangina, why were they attacking me?

"Hindi kami nangingi-alam pero nagmumukha ka ng tanga, Lukan," Fred added.

"Obviously, Mia is unsure of herself. Kayong dalawa ang dapat mag-ayos niyang sinimulan ninyo pero siya mismo itong takot gumalaw," Olivver said.

"Ikaw naman 'tong hindi rin makagalaw dahil iniisip mo ang kalagayan ni Mia," Gierro added.

"Ang ganda na ng takbo ng buhay mo noon, sana kasi hindi ka na lang umo-o sa una. Ikaw din 'tong tangang nagpadalos-dalos dahil nagkaroon ng tsansa. Ang hirap nga naman niyan dahil tumagal," dagdag ni Olivver.

"And the fact she confessed to you ng I like you... anong klaseng I like you ba iyon? Gusto ka lang ba niya dahil nandito ka at dahil gusto mo siya? Lukan, if this time isn't for the both of you, ayos lang bitawan," Fred stated.

Kinabukasan, si tito Tony naman ang kinausap ako.

"Lukan, ayos na ang lahat. Sa Pebrero na ang iyong alis at... may problema ba?" he asked me.

I looked at the screen when he noticed my mood.

"Wala po," I lied.

"Dapat lang, Lukan, ito na ang pagkakataon ninyong umalis ng iyong ina. Don't let everything you've worked hard for fade away in one blink," tito Tony told me.

They reminded me of the things I needed to do and I needed to prioritize. Lahat sila, iisa lang ang sinabi—bitaw at tigil na...

But I wasn't like them.

Two days before Mia's birthday, Eros fucking came near me again.

"What?" I asked him when we saw each other in the hallway.

"I just want to let you know that I only did those things because of him," Eros confessed.

Him.

"Dominiko?" I guessed.

He didn't answered me verbally but his eyes told the truth.

"Why?" I asked, "he hates me that much?" I even cracked a joke.

"It's a confidential story, Lukan. Gustuhin ko mang sabihin sa 'yo ang lahat ay hindi maaari. The real enemy here is our father, Ero. I know you're aware of his toxic plan to you..." Eros said.

"I won't tell him you and your mother's plans, Lukan, don't worry," Eros assured me.

"What? You know?" I asked him.

Eros nodded as a response, "I also doubled your security upang hindi malaman ni papa ang totoo."

"Seriously, Eros, what are you?" I asked him, now confused of his shits.

He smirked, "Hindi ko rin alam, Lukan," he answered me in a tired tone.

🌹

Day by day, reality kept on slapping me but I chose to hold onto Mia's words.

I agreed on telling the truth to her father on her birthday. I composed myself for that day because it wasn't a normal event to attend.

Pinili kong, sige, sa huling pagkakataon ay umasa, kahit pa binigyan ako ng rason ni Serin upang bumitaw... sige, umasa ako at nanindigan.

I replayed the memories Mia and I created inside my head to provide myself a reason to keep up.

But those crumbled when she lied in front of many. Those moments shattered when she turned the tables and made me the bad guy.

I didn't think straight. I pulled her out and let her in inside Gierro's car. They got shocked as they saw Mia with me.

"Bakit nandito si Mia? Gago ka, Lukan, ang sabi namin, back up mo lang kami kung may mangyayaring masama sa 'yo at hindi para itakas si Mia—"

"Just drive!" I yelled at Gierro.

"Talagang magd-drive ako, hindi para malayo kayong dalawa kung hindi baka abutan tayo dahil sa kagaguhan mo!" he angrily replied.

Tangina mo, Lukan.

"Lukan! Anong ginagawa mo!" Mia got alerted of what was happening.

"Bakit hindi ka nagsabi ng totoo—"

"Kasi nga mali!" she shouted at me.

"Pwede natin 'tong itama!" I hissed kahit na ako mismo ay nanghina na.

"Hindi nga sabi!" she insisted.

Hindi naman pala... bakit mo pa pinilit?

"Are you willing to run away with me, then?" I tried asking.

That wasn't part of any of my plans, the words just got out of me that I immediately regretted. Maybe my brain asked it because it wanted to test Mia... or maybe it really slipped my tongue because I was still hoping.

Anoman ang rason, hindi ko na kayang pagbigyan pa muli ang sarili. Mali na nga talaga kasi.

"Lukan, gago ka!" Fred shouted at me.

"No!" Mia immediately answered me.

Why did I forget that she was like a bishop, a piece that could go back at a certain direction she wanted to. A piece who got the power I never had. A bishop who had two lane choices, na kapag walang ibang daan sa kanan ay p'wedeng kumaliwa.

"Bumaba ka na," were the words that came outside of my mouth.

"Lukan... I'm sorry," she apologized.

"Bumaba ka na," I finally let her go.

Of course, I remained the pawn... with nothing.