Chapter 31 | Integrity

"Sabay mo na akong bilhan, hoy," kuha ko ng atensyon ni Fred dahil akmang aalis na ang gago.

"Ginawa ang paa upang gamitin, Lukan, bumaba ka na rin kasi at ikaw ang bumili ng sa 'yo... gawin mo pa akong utusan, gago," resbak niya sa akin.

Hinawi ko ang aking buhok dulot nang hindi maipaliwanag na iritasyon.

"Itutuloy ko pa ang assignment natin sa next subject, wala pa akong sagot sa part three," I informed him.

"Pakopyahin na lang kita, sumama ka na," Fred convinced me instead.

Ayos, ha? Napaka-good influence talaga.

"Bilhan mo na lang ako," pagbaliwala ko sa kanyang inalok.

Marami kasing tao sa cafeteria at ang isa pang cafeteria na hindi matao ay may kalayuan pa sa aming building. If I wasn't in a hurry to finish this damn assignment, sumama na sana ako.

"Sumama ka na, malay mo masalubong natin si Mia," Fred used the ace card.

I chuckled and tried not to get swayed by it.

"Wala na si Mia ng ganitong oras sa school—"

"Sumali siya sa isang competition ngayong tanghali kaya most likely nandito pa 'yon," Fred cut in.

Mga iniisip nito?

"Paano mo nalamang sumali?" natatawa kong tanong at parang mas maalam pa siya sa akin.

"Narinig ko lang," natatawang sagot ni Fred.

Kaya ayaw kong maniwala, e.

Fred stood up properly and said, "Bahala ka na riyan, aalis na kami."

I groaned out of frustration as I watched my not so friend walked away from where I sat. I quickly grabbed a book from my bag and put it above my paper. Kinapa ko sa aking bulsa ang aking wallet at nang napagtantong naroon ay agad kong tinakbo ang distansya ng aming pintuan.

I immediately saw them near the stairs. Olivver noticed me so he told the other two my sudden arrival.

"Sasama rin naman pala, ang dami pang arte," Gierro bashed.

"Basta pakopyahin ninyo ako mamayang pagbalik," sabi kong may halo ng iritasyon at naunang naglakad pababa.

I ignored the girls who tried blocking me with their conversations. I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone tapos gutom pa ako, may assignment pang nag-aabang sa classroom.

Sina Fred at Olivver lamang ang bumati pabalik at pareho kaming tahimik ni Gierro sa gilid. Nakarating kami sa cafeteria at mas dumami ang mga kakilala.

"Hi, Lukan!" Abigail, a former classmate went to me.

I knew her because she was one of the smartest students of our batch, ka-section nina Serin at Eros. She looked angelic because of her white skin and bow-like lips. Her attitude based from our small interactions before was also fine.

So, I decided to greet back since mabait naman 'to.

"Hi, Abi," bati ko kahit pa naglalakad patungo sa pila.

Sa likod ni Gierro ako nakapila at huli sa aming apat. Pumila rin si Abigail kasunod ko kung kaya't nakapag-usap pa kami habang naghintay.

"Dito ba kayo kakain?" Abigail asked me, "kasama ko sina Kevin sa table namin. Marami pang bakante, baka gusto ninyong makisama."

"Hindi ko sigurado, teka," I answered and tapped Gierro's shoulder.

He looked back at me and asked why.

"Dito kayo kakain?" I asked him.

"Oo, bakit?"

"Inaalok tayo ni Abi sa table nila," I answered Gierro.

"Sige lang."

I turned to Abigail again and told her we'd join.

"Bakit mo pala kasama si Kevin, ayaw mo sa kanya noon, ha?" natatawa kong tanong.

"Nililigawan ako," she answered me.

My eyes widen... halos lahat ng kakilala ko ay pumapasok na sa ganitong bagay.

"Tingin mo, seryoso 'yon sa 'yo?" I asked as I chuckled.

Her head slightly tilted na tila ba nag-iisip.

"Hindi ko sure pero kaya nga nanliligaw, 'di ba?" she remarked.

I only nodded kahit pa may gustong sabihin, baka masira ko pa ang araw niya. I busied myself on scanning the possible foods to buy. May nakita akong adobo'ng baboy na may mga broccoli sa itaas at iyon ang nagpatakam sa akin.

I unconsciously grabbed my wallet from my pocket to check if my money was enough for it. Nang buksan ko ang aking wallet... napamura ako.

"Tangina talaga," mura kong bulong.

"Bakit?" Gierro asked me.

I looked at him and handed what I got from my pocket.

"Hindi pala ito 'yong pitaka kong may pera at cafeteria card," I answered him.

Gierro immediately dismissed me na aking ikinatawa. Ang bilis talaga nitong umiwas sa usapang ganito.

"Hoy, Fred!" tawag ko sa kaibigan.

"Ano?"

"Bayaran mo muna ang akin. Naiwan ko ang card ko sa taas," I answered him.

He looked dumbfounded as he fully turned around to face me.

"Bakit ako? Bakit parang kasalanan ko?" he acted.

I laughed and said, "Pinilit mo 'kong sumama, e! Sige na, babayaran ko naman."

Pero hindi ko sinabi kung kailan... I smirked.

"Oo nga, Fred, ibili mo na. Ikaw talaga ang may sala," Gierro agreed.

"Ni-pressure mo kasi si Lukan sumama kaya nakalimutan ang pera," pagkampi pa ni Olivver sa akin.

Fred only looked at me, trying not to laugh to show his fake seriousness.

"Iyong adobo lang naman, mura lang 'yan," I said to him.

"Mura? Gusto mo ng mura?" he asked, kunwari ay galit.

"Tangina, ikaw naman ang may kasalanan," I blamed him.

Pinagtinginan na kami ng iilang crew sa counter dahil sa tawanan nina Gierro at Olivver.

"Ang arte naman kasi ng pagkain mo, may broccoli pa," Fred ranted.

"Rich in vitamin E 'yan," Gierro stated.

"Vitamin E? E-na ninyo," mura sa amin ni Fred na amin muling kinatawa.

"Kaya kitang i-libre, Lukan," Abigail volunteered.

Sasagot na sana ako ng hindi nang unang sumingit si Fred sa usapan.

"Oo nga, Abi, ikaw na lang. Kapos din ako ngayon, e, saka hindi ako babayaran nito-"

"Huwag kang maniwala riyan, okay ng si Fred ang bumili ng akin—"

"Napakabait mo talaga, Abi—"

"Huwag na, Abi—"

Nagtawanan sina Olivver at Gierro sa nangyari. Hindi alam ni Abi kung kanino siya makikinig at maniniwala.

Sa huli ay si Fred ang bumili ng aking pagkain. Hinintay namin si Abi matapos upang sabay pumunta sa kanilang lamesa.

"Oh! Lukan, Gierro, Fred, Olivver," bati sa amin ng mga tao sa lamesa nang nakalapit.

Most of them were boys at halos tatlo lamang ang babae kasama si Abigail. I knew all of them but I didn't consider them friends.

Marunong naman akong makisama ngunit iilan dito ay mga lalaking hindi ko gusto ang ugali.

"Grabe, ngayon na lang tayo muling nakakain sa iisang lamesa, ha?" natatawang puna ni Kevin, ang manliligaw ni Abigail.

"Oo tapos ang pangit mo pa rin," pabirong lait ni Gierro.

Kevin laughed but I sensed it was fake. I shrugged it off and started eating instead.

"Napanood ba ninyo 'yong practice ng grade 10 para sa cheerdance competition?" one of the guys started a conversation.

"Maganda ang sa section two, ang sa section one nadala lang sa ganda ng mga babae roon," one girl commented who I remembered to be Alyza.

"Magaganda ba sila? Nadala lang kamo sa puti," Sam joked.

"Ang puputi talaga, nakita ko mga legs no'n noong nag-practice sila sa village," Kevin said.

I unconsciously looked at Abigail who sat beside him.

"May fling ka Gierro sa grade 10, 'di ba?" Sam asked Gierro.

"Wala na kami no'n," sagot naman ni Gierro.

"Talaga naman, walang nagtatagal sa 'yo, ha," natatawang sabi ni Alyza.

"Gusto ko na rin tuloy mag-cheerdance, 'no," siniko ni Kevin ang kanyang katabing lalaking si Patrick.

"Tamang hawak lang sa legs ng mga babae tapos buhat," natatawang dagdag ni Patrick at nagsitawanan sila.

I chuckled, kunwari nakikisabay. I may look at girls' bodies at some times and do dirty jokes but I never came to the point that I disrespected them.

Iniwasan ko na ang gano'n lalo na't biktima ang aking ina ng rape. I didn't want to become like the others who were ignorant of their words and actions.

Their talk sounded casual specially for boys but sometimes I couldn't take their talk anymore. It ain't funny or witty, just plain disgusting.

"Masiyado naman kayong uhaw, ito oh," birong sabi ni Fred at naglahad pa ng tubig.

"Lalo na kapag si Serin, pare, ang hinawakan," pagpantasya ni Patrick.

I arched my brows due to the sudden irritation. Serin was my friend and I somehow hated her for some reasons but hearing this... was annoying the shit out of me.

"Ang ganda ni Serin, e," puri ni Kevin na parang libog na libog.

"Oo saka high maintenance!" Sam agreed.

"Uhaw din iyon sa lalaki, e. Naka-ilan ba siya ngayong taon? Pa-ilalim din kung lumandi," Alyza bashed Serin.

"Gano'n talaga, Alyza! Boys these days like wild and kind of open minded girls," Sam said back.

I looked again at Abigail who was smiling yet uncomfortable. I knew she wasn't the wild or open minded kind of girl kaya nga nagtaka ako kung bakit pumatol kay Kevin, e gago 'to.

"Buti nga si Abi medyo nag-adjust na. Hindi na siya losyang, oh! Tingnan mo, bagay kayo ni Kevin!" Sam remarked with a plasticity.

Abigail chuckled and didn't say anything.

"Oo naman," Kevin agreed and put his left arm on Abi's left shoulder.

Hindi nagtagal ay bumaba ang kamay ni Kevin hanggang sa gilid ni Abi. Hindi nakatakas sa aking paningin ang ginawang pang-tsansing ni Kevin dahil biglang napagalaw si Abigail sa kanyang upuan.

Kevin whispered something to Abi when everyone was talking. Abi being so naive, obeyed and came closer to Kevin and blocked her chest using her bag.

S'yempre, alam ko ang ginawa ni Kevin. Hindi ako naghahanap ng gulo o away ngunit halata namang ayaw ni Abi ang gusto ni Kevin.

I wanted so bad to pull her away from Kevin pero bakit pa kasi sumunod kung ayaw naman? Did Kevin force her o sinusubukan pa rin ni Abi'ng makisabay sa ganitong klase ng tao?

Peke akong nakipag-usap sa kanila tulad nina Gierro at Olivver. Patapos na kami sa pagkain at sinadya kong mauna para mamaya ay diretso alis na.

"Buti na lang talaga hindi natin ka-batch iyong si Thera!" Sam stated and laughed.

All of them laughed except for us and Abi. I got alerted of it na pakiramdam ko ay hindi ko na mapipigilan pa ang galit kung si Thera na ang lalaitin.

"Don't get me wrong, ha, but she's so ugly!" Sam, the bitch, said.

"Walang wala kay Serin, jusko! Kung hindi lang siya maputi ay paniguradong mas pangit pa siya," Alyza bashed as well.

Tangina ng mga 'to.

"But she got the body... laki ng boobs," natatawang sabi ni Patrick.

"Her boobs ain't everything, Pat. Baka puro pawis lang ang maramdaman mo ro'n, ang lagkit at baho!" Sam just won't shut the fuck up.

I felt Gierro tapped my shoulder, maybe to calm me down.

"Wala namang taba si Thera at kung payat 'yon, niligawan ko na," Patrick said even when he was touching Abigail.

Tangina nito!

"Niligawan? As if! She's so a nerd... lakas ng loob magkagusto kay Eros," Alyza ranted.

"Ano kayang bra size niya?" birong tanong ni Kevin ngunit hindi ko na kinaya.

"Tangina mo, Kevin," hindi ko na napigilan.

"Bakit?" natatawa nitong tanong sa akin.

"Ba't ganyan mga tanungan mo, para kang tanga," I harshly said.

He made a questionable look and said, "Ikaw ang parang tanga. Nagbibiruan lang kami rito tapos magmumura ka."

"Hindi naman nakakatawa 'yang pinag-uusapan ninyo, nangbabastos na kayo ng tao, tangina," I irritating said.

"Oh? Paano mo nasabi? Ikaw lang ang nag-iisip ng ganyan, Lukan! Geez, loosen up! Hayaan mo, alam ko namang hindi ka na nakatikim pagkatapos ng alcohol issue mo noong grade eight kaya hahanapan kita ng chics," ani Kevin.

I chuckled with pure sarcasm, inungkat pa ang nakaraan.

"I'm not interested at hindi ako tigang na tulad mo... na dito pa nanghihipo ng babae."

Kevin stares turned dark, Abigail got alerted of my words.

"You sound so gay, ano naman sa 'yo kung hinihipuan ko si Abi?"

"Ikaw ang bakla rito, tanga, nagtatanong pa ng bra size. Bakit? Magsusuot ka?" I irritatingly asked.

"Aba, gago 'to, ha," Kevin said and quickly stood up to grab my collar.

Lahat ng tao sa aming lamesa ay umaawat na ngunit pareho kami ni Kevin na galit sa isa't isa.

He threw a punch yet I didn't even felt it. Sa porma at pananalita ka lang maangas, ungas. Natawa ako sa malamya niyang suntok na kanyang mas ikinagalit.

Akmang susuntok na muli ang gago nang awatin ko ang kanyang kamao at ako ang nagtapon ng suntok.

One punch and I made his nose bleed. Tangina nito, kanina pa ako galit sa 'yo.

I threw another punch on the other side of his face for disrespecting my Mia. Abigail was screaming when I did it.

My friends pulled me away from Kevin who looked like a real shit. His friends helped him stood up. Sam and Alyza were worried of him and Abigail was now crying.

"Abi, tangina, pumapatol ka sa ganyan?" turo ko pa kay Kevin.

"Don't lower yourself on their level, Abigail," I said to her.

"Anong nangyayari rito?" a fucking discipline officer came inside the cafeteria, mukhang nalaman agad ang nangyari.

Tangina talaga.

"Si Lukan, po! He punched Kevin several times!" Sam, the bitch, answered.

Nabaliktad pa nga!

"I was just trying to defend the girls they were disrespecting. Si Kevin ang unang nagbato ng suntok—"

"Napakagalang mo talaga, Mr. Fortelleza!" the officer cut me.

Tangina, iyon pa ang napansin imbis ang problema!

"I'm telling the truth—"

"Ma'am, kailangan na po ni Kevin pumunta sa clinic!" Alyza cut in.

"Dahil ninyo iyan doon, ngayon na!" the officer ordered them.

"At ikaw, Mr. Fortelleza, akala ko ba'y graduate ka na sa guidance? Natapos na ang alcohol issue mo! Ngayon, naging bayolente ka na at suntukan na ang hanap?" the officer ranted and everyone heard it.

Tangina, hindi ko madalas pinapansin ang opinyon ng iba pero bakit sa maraming tao pa niya ako pinahiya? Everyone was judging me of the things they negatively heard and I couldn't fucking clean my name!

I felt so frustrated and hopeless, this officer was so closed minded to even consider the effect of his words toward my life.

"I told you, I only wanted to protect the girls they were disrespecting! I punched back because Kevin did it first!" I shouted back.

"Sumasagot ka pa talaga, sumama ka sa akin sa guidance! Kayong apat!" the officer bursted louder than me.

Of course! Those with power always won arguments even when they were clearly or partly wrong!

I got another violation and a fucking warning. Kung magr-reklamo pa raw ang magulang ni Kevin ay kabahan na ako. Tangina, as if naman kakabahan ako.

"Pasensya na talaga mga tol at nadamay pa kayo," I seriously apologized to my friends.

"Ayos lang 'yon, tol... kahit ako, gusto ko ng sapakin kanina iyong sina Patrick at Kevin," Fred stated.

"Ang gago ang puta. They consider those as jokes but none of it was even funny. It wasn't dark humor, it was clearly unpleasant," Gierro commented.

Hindi nagreklamo ang magulang ni Kevin dahil siguro, alam nilang gago ang anak nila at mas nakahihiya kung dadayo sila sa school upang dipensahan ang maling gawain ng anak.

Hindi talaga ako naghanap ng away ngunit marami pang kaso ng suntukan ang nangyari sa pagitan ko at ng ibang lalaki sa nagdaang linggo.

I couldn't help myself specially when I heard talks insulting Mia. Her fragile face would replay inside my head when I gave her my gifts. It hurt me seeing her in pain because of these people.

Patapos na ang school year nang nawalan na sa akin ng pasensya ang guidance. My friends got involved because of my records, they concluded that they were also into this dahil kaibigan ko sila.

Doon ako natauhan lalo pa't pina-parent call ako upang kausapin si mama... si mama na walang kasalanan sa aking mga nagawa.

Tangina talaga, Lukan. Kailan ka ba aayos?

"Ma, sorry talaga," I came near my mother when she got out of the office.

"Mag-uusap tayo, Lukan. Sa ngayon, tara na at kumain muna tayo," she calmly said to me like what I did was nothing.

Dinala ako ni mama sa isang sikat na fast food chain at doon namin napagpasyahang kumain. I was staring blankly at nowhere nang nagapos si mama sa pag-order, pinanood kong lumapit ang aking ina sa aming lamesa.

"Wala na ang scholarship mo, Lukan," she started.

Napatingin na lamang ako sa ibaba.

"And baka ilipat kayo ng section next school year kahit pa hindi pareho ng chosen TLE subject ninyo ngayong grade nine," mom let me knew.

Hindi ako kumibo sapagkat grabe ang naging epekto sa mga taong na sa paligid ko ng aking ginawa.

"The school told me what they knew but I want to hear things from you, Lukan. Sa lahat ng tao, ikaw lang ang kaya kong paniwalaan. Why did you do those things?" my mother asked me and it was the only thing I wanted.

I only wanted to be heard.

I gulped and composed myself. I knew from myself that the reason was all the same but it was hard converting into words.

"I only wanted to defend someone, ma," I answered shortly because it was the general idea.

"Who?"

"A girl..." sagot ko sa mahinahong boses.

"You like her?" mom asked.

I nodded and said, "Her name is Thera Mia Zorron. I like her since I was a kid from the orphanage. She's a year younger and she often gets bullied because of her appearance."

"One time, I tried giving her gifts but she rejected because she thought I was pranking her like the other boys did. Since then, my... adoration toward her became... stronger," I added.

"Everytime I hear someone bully or insult her, I get furious. Mia is so kind and fragile, she doesn't deserve to be treated badly. Plus, I... often remember you too, mom," I confessed.

"You remember me?" she asked the last words I said.

I nodded.

"You were a victim of rape and I wasn't there to protect you. Mia is not a victim of it but she is still a victim of something else, which is bullying..."

"It isn't as tough as what you experienced but... there's no difference on every victims' stories. Lahat ay nasaktan at nasira. I can't stay still or quiet in situations like this. Kaya kong tumulong at kaya kong magproktekta kaya gagawin ko," I stated.

Mom nodded as she processed my words.

"You're a courageous boy, Lukan..." mom said, I wasn't sure if it was a compliment or what.

Mom continued, "And you'll be such a chivalrous man in the future. You really have our ancestors' blood. The Fortelleza's saying goes as time passes by: In bravery we do with integrity."

I got stunned and warm inside, as if the cold heavy feeling got away from my system. I didn't justify my actions, I totally knew my fault.

Hearing my mother's words was enough to ease the pain and doubts away.

Mom said, "Sometimes, what is true is wrong in the eyes of others. Never use wrong to suppress the truth, Lukan. That's the important."

I nodded and noted it inside my mind.