Chapter 29 | Bishop

"Lukan—"

"Anak mo siya?" Eros' father didn't let my mother speak as he asked her right away.

My eyes wondered on the both of them and my heart felt like dying because of the sudden nervousness.

Naguluhan ako sa tungo nila sa isa't isa at kung bakit interesado ang ama ni Eros sa pagiging anak ko ni mama. I wanted to say something to get the answers I needed yet my tongue twisted on its own and I wasn't confident enough to speak.

"Ero, walang kinalaman si Lukan—"

"Anong wala?" Ero Entel's voice boomed the whole living room.

Eros stood up properly as he watched his father's sudden change of mood. I got alerted too and I didn't know what to do. Were we in trouble? Was Ero Entel a threat?

"Isa siyang Fortelleza! He is the one who can save the Fortelleza hospitals—"

"Ayaw ko!" my mother exploded too.

I never seen her shout nor fury yet I knew this was necessary. I didn't know what Ero Entel meant and how it got connected to me.

"Pero kailangan!" sigaw pabalik ng ama ni Eros.

Ano bang mayro'n? I hated how this man shouted back at my mother. It didn't feel right and I felt so weak for not doing anything.

"Hindi niya kailangan ng mga iyon, Ero at oo anak ko siya—"

"Anak natin, kamo?" Ero Entel cut in that shocked everyone.

Ano raw? Anak niya ako?

I looked at Eros to seek for answers yet even him was speechless at his father's sudden choice of words.

"Ano bang pinagsasabi mo, Ero?" Eros' mother asked, confused on the things that happened.

"We once had a relationship. Bago ka pa dumating," Ero Entel answered his wife.

What a total asshole! How could he say that calmly in front of his child and wife as if it wasn't a big deal? How could he suddenly claim me and control my mother's choices after knowing the truth?

I didn't know Ero Entel yet I felt he was a bad guy that I should prevent.

"Wala tayong relasyon, Ero. Baka nakalilimutan mo," my mother sharply said.

"Ero? Ano bang mga pinagsasabi mo? You had a relationship with our maid? Bakit pa siya rito nagtrabaho, kung gano'n?" iritadong tanong ng asawa ni Ero Entel.

I watched my mother as she walked fast toward me. She was all fierce and looked unfriendly yet I understood why. She pulled me away from everyone and together we took the right path to exit.

No one dared to catch nor block our way. I didn't try looking back because it was my mother that only mattered to me.

Mabilis ang aming mga lakad hanggang sa nakalabas na kami ng village. Thankfully, we immediately saw a taxi. Sumakay kami rito ngunit ang bigat ng aking loob at ang kaguluhan sa aking isip ay hindi nawala.

I took a glance of my mother, she looked like her normal self again with the calm beautiful eyes she had. If I didn't know what happened earlier, I might think she was okay like before... pero alam ko ang nangyari.

Hindi ko kayang baliwalain ang nangyari dahil lamang natatakot akong malaman ang totoo. Hindi p'wedeng nanay ko lamang ang naghihirap habang nagpapakahayahay ako.

I somehow regretted those days I chose to be away than being with her. She never mentioned her job, lagi niya lamang sinasabi sa aking maayos at mabuti ang lahat. Alam kong pinagbawalan niya akong lumayo at lumabas ngunit sana pala ay nagpumilit ako upang nalaman ito nang mas maaga.

Paano niya nasikmura si Ero Entel gayong may nangyari pala sa kanila noon? Did she do it all for me... dahil kung oo, nahihiya na ako.

I knew this wasn't the right time to ask because obviously my mother was hurting and furious... pero hindi ako tulad ng iba para maniwalang dadating ang tamang oras upang malaman pa ang aking gusto.

I chose to ask even when the both of us weren't in a good mood.

"Ma? Ano pong ibigsabihin ni Ero Entel?" I politely asked my mother.

She stared at me blankly, I could almost feel my system shiver. She always looked sweet and careful, seeing her serious side was intimidating.

"Mahabang istorya, Lukan," she only said, trying to dismiss the topic.

My eyes trembled as she looked away from me. It was as if she couldn't trust his own son.

"Ma, I'm fourteen. Maiintindihan kita," I insisted my mother.

I needed to know the past not to just feed my curiosity. Gusto kong malaman ang nangyari noon sapagkat gusto kong damayan ang aking ina. She had enough weight on her shoulders and I was growing older too... kaya ko ng umintindi at humusga.

My mother needed someone to talk to about this. Hindi niya kailangan ng ibang mapagsasabihan, she only needed someone who was willing to listen... and I would love to hear everything from her.

"Ma, anak mo ako. Puwede mo 'kong pagsabihan ng problema," I convinced more.

Lumaki ako sa simbahan kasama ang mga taong nagpapalaganap ng kabutihan sa mundo. Tinuruan ako ng tamang asal at ng mga salita sa bibliya... but did I really apply those on my life? I started to get disgusted of myself because of the thought.

I considered myself as someone different and kind yet I didn't even notice nor confronted my mother who suffered.

"S-Sina lolo Veren at lola Sia mo noon ay mga doktor. Magulang ko sila at ako lang ang nag-iisa nilang anak. Their grandparents died in a war kaya kumonti ang mga lahing Fortelleza," my mother spoke.

I put my whole attention on her story.

"Through the years, parang sinumpa ang ating pamilya... dahil tuwing nanganganak ang isang Fortelleza, kung hindi namamatay ang bata, iisang anak lamang ang binibiyaya. Kaya talagang hindi tayo nakararami ng lahi," my mother continued.

I seriously didn't know about this. I knew I should be grateful for living in this world but now, I was beyond grateful than ever.

"Despite of the weak production of family, ganoon naman tayo kasuwerte sa trabaho. We have our own hospital branches around the world," my mother told me.

The memories seemed nostalgic as she tried to remember the good old days. I couldn't help to wonder how it really felt like to be there.

"Ang mga hospital na iyon ay hawak ng aking mga magulang. Since the hospitals were very successful, maraming tao ang nagtangkang bilhin ito sa atin o 'di kaya'y makihati sa pamamahala... but your lolo Veren didn't want it that way. Ang sa Fortelleza ay sa Fortelleza lamang," she added.

Oh... now I knew why I had that attitude.

"Sa opisyal na papel nakasulat ang bawal ipagbili ang mga hospitals natin kaya wala talagang makakukuha. Kahit na bawal at napag-usapan na ng tama, hindi nawala ang mga kontrabida," her mood changed as she get into the next line.

"Isang araw, gumising akong patay na ang mga magulang ko..." my mother said, almost a whisper.

"They were killed because of business matters. The killers kidnapped me since ako lamang ang anak nina lolo Veren at lola Sia mo. Little did I know, ang killers pala ay ang mga Entel," my mother told.

Nanlaki ang aking mga mata sa kanyang sinabi.

Of course, I knew what it meant. Eros' family killed my grandparents. I didn't know what to react but it felt painful knowing that my first best friend was... one of them.

I could make Eros as an exception but really, should I? Hindi naman sa hinuhusgahan ko na rin si Eros ngunit mas mabuti na sigurong umiwas.

"Pinilit nila akong baguhin ang mga nakasulat sa papel at bigyan silang karapatan sa mga hospital. Senior high pa lamang ako noon kaya hindi ko alam ang gagawin... and my course was architecture, kaya anong alam ko sa pagd-doktor?" my mother continued telling me.

"And then their son, Ero, came. Wala kaming relasyon. Pinilit niya akong makipagtalik sa kanya. H-He..."

"Raped me," my mother depressingly said.

Wala akong masabi sa mga nalamang pinagdaanan ng aking ina. I looked down and gulped slowly. Everything was so heavy to accept.

"Tapos nabuo ka... kaya ako ni-rape ni Ero para gawin nilang dahilan ang pagkabuntis ko... para makuha na ang mga hospitals. Gusto nila akong ipakasal kay Ero kapag nabuntis niya ako."

"Ayaw kong mapasakamay ang pinaghirapan ng mga magulang ko sa mga maling tao. Tumakas ako nang nagkaroon ng pagkakataon. Nagpakalayo-layo ako habang dala-dala ka sa sinapupunan. I didn't have the chance to seek for anyone's help because I thought of you first," my mother continued.

I was looking down as I processed her words. I couldn't think straight, I was so focused on the issue.

"Kaya kita dinala sa ampunan, para mamuhay ka ng malayo sa masakit na katotohanan. Gusto kitang lumaking hindi tulad nila o mahirap na tulad ko," she reasoned.

"Pumasok ako bilang kasambahay sa mga Entel pagkatapos kitang isilang para i-frame up na hindi ako nabuntis o anoman. They believed my reasons until today... bigla kang sumulpot sa tahanan nila. Alam na nila..." my mother's voice cracked due of the burst of emotion.

I loved my mother despite of the limited time we spent together and I never questioned her decisions for me... but knowing what she'd been through?

Hindi ko na siguro kaya pang humiwalay sa aking ina. Hindi ko na kaya pang ipagliban ang mga nalaman at magpatuloy na parang wala lamang ito sa akin.

Simula noong araw na iyon, lumaki na ang galit ko sa mga Entel. I ended my friendship with Eros without him knowing, I just started to ignore him like we never met.

The conflict didn't only end my friendship with Eros, it also changed the way I see and think of things.

Sa mga simulang buwan ko sa grade eight, I tried drinking and smoking. I felt like I needed those things to distract myself from the saddness mixed with hatred burning inside me.

Pero natauhan din ako sa bandang gitna ng taon. Inisip ko ang aking ina... matutuwa ba siyang malaman ang mga ito? I was slowly becoming like a jerk, I didn't like it.

I forgot what I really needed to do because of my selfishness. I wanted so much to be happy to the point I tried different things to entertain me.

"Tol, masyado ka ng nagseseryoso sa pag-aaral. Tinalo mo na sina Gierro at Olivver," pansin ni Fred.

"Kaya nga na sa paaralan, 'di ba?" masungit kong wika.

I finally became serious and focused on my studies... dahil inisip ko na rito pa lamang ako makababawi sa aking ina.

I was a scholar of this school and I should spend it wisely. Inisip ko na balang-araw, makakamtan din namin ni mama ang inaasam na kapayapaan.

"Aba naman, bagong buhay na talaga," he commented.

Dulot ng aking biglaang pagbabago, hindi naman sila tanga o bobo para hindi iyon mapansin. They tried asking me about what happened or was something bothering me.

It took some time to open things up to them... since boys were somehow classified by the society as strong and powerful. I didn't want to look weak or to be judged because of being sentimental.

It took a lot of convincing. My friends kept on saying that sharing problems to someone you trusted was normal as a human and it wasn't based on your gender. Babae ka man o lalaki, you should tell your worries to lessen its pressure.

And they were right.

Sinabi ko sa kanila ang totoo noong medyo naka-ahon na ako. I didn't need cigarettes or alcohol as a companion. I needed someone to talk to. I needed someone who would understand my situation... at sila 'yon, ang mga kaibigan ko.

🌹

"Tol, pansin kong hindi na kayo nag-uusap ni Carthage," Fred randomly said.

We were in grade nine and things somehow changed. Napunta si Serin sa mas mataas na section habang kami ay na sa pangalawa. I tried to maintain my excellence for the scholarship.

I only tried last year and it didn't feel enough.

So, I planned to be more better this year.

"Oo nga. Mukhang ayaw mo na rin sa kapatid niya," Gierro joined the conversation.

"Paano mo naman nasabi?" Olivver asked.

"Eh hindi na naghahabol," sagot ni Gierro nang wala sa sarili.

"At gumagaling na sa English itong si Lukan, mga tol!" puri ni Fred.

I smirked because of it.

"Aba, tara mamaya't magpapa-pizza ako!" yaya ni Olivver na aming kinasaya.

Totoong hindi na kami gaanong nag-uusap ni Serin. She focused on herself and I heard rumors of her dominating other students. From what others told, she seemed to be a bully and bad. I didn't mind all of it because I knew Serin better than them.

At kay Mia... I didn't continue pursuing her because I felt ridiculous. Inisip kong baka pansamantalang pagkagusto lamang iyon noon, like an infatuation that I could get over with.

I also had other important things that mattered. I had personal issues to fix. Hindi naman sa distraction si Mia ngunit napagpasiyahan kong unahin muna ang sariling pamilya.

Funny how a problem turned me into someone else. Ayos na ring nalaman ko ang totoo dahil nalinawan ako sa aking dapat asikasuhin. Nalinawan ako sa mga dapat kong atupagin.

I set our problem as an inspiration to go up instead of making it more painful.

Nagpa-alam akong magb-banyo lamang. Kinailangan ko pang daanan ang comfort room ng kababaihan sapagkat galing ako sa west part ng school.

I was silently walking when I heard whispers. Nakarinig ako ng munting sigawan ngunit pabulong.

"I told you not to get too close to me!" boses iyon ni Serin.

Sino ang kausap o kaaway niya? Lumapit ako upang makita. Na sa gilid lamang sila sa labas ng comfort room, sa bandang sulok.

She was with Mia!

"Ate, k-kinailangan ko lang—"

"P'wede namang si Trojan ang utusan mo, 'di ba? Alam ng mga tao rito na pinsan kita at hindi kapatid!"

What? Totoo ba 'to? Bakit niya pinamukhang mag-pinsan lamang sila?

"S-Sorry, ate—"

"Sa susunod, 'wag kang papansin!" sigaw ni Serin at umalis na roon.

Bakit siya ganon sa kanyang kapatid?

I didn't help myself, I followed Serin when dismissal arrived without thinking straight.

"Serin!" tawag ko sa kanya.

Ngiting ngiti siya nang lumapit sa akin.

"Lukan, kumusta?" salubong niya.

So far from the Serin earlier.

"Fine. May gusto lang sana akong itanong sa 'yo," aking panimula.

"Sure," she said and shrugged.

"Bakit hindi mo sinabing kapatid mo si Mia?" I asked.

Nagbago ang kanyang timpla. She didn't answer me for a while.

"Kasi ayaw ko? Hindi naman 'yon big deal—"

"It is. She might feel ashamed-"

"Hindi siya ganoon. Naiintindihan niya ako kaya wala ka na roon," pagsusungit niya.

What?

I started hating Serin because of that. Simula rin noon, naging ugali ko na ang tignan-tignan si Mia mula sa malayo.

She was in grade eight and many tried to bully her because of Serin's lead. Nananahimik lamang siya ngunit ang mga mapanlait na ang lumapit upang siya'y asarin.

Lagi akong nagdadalawang isip kung lalapitan ba siya o hindi. I wanted to comfort her but I was scared that she might think of it wrong.

I compared Mia to a bishop piece: holy and royal, considered as powerful and beautiful.

I couldn't help to question those people. . . Mia was innocent and so kind to be bullied.

"Tol, tapatin mo nga ako, torpe ka ba?" Olivver mocked me, one time when they knew what I was recently doing.

"Gago, hindi!" I defensively said.

Honestly, I didn't know either.

"Ba't ka guilty? Hindi ka lang maka-amin kay Mia, e," tukso ni Fred.

"Gago ka pala, e. Kita mong ang tino ni Mia tapos bigla akong susulpot—"

"Sus! Pwede mo namang gamitin 'yong pagiging banal mo sa kanya! Ipakita mong good boy ka, e 'di papansinin ka niya. Plus, makat-tsansing ka pa—"

Binatukan ko ang nagsalitang si Gierro. His suggestion was disrespectful and no fun.

"Ulol! Hindi ako ganyan," I seriously said.

"O, kaya nga magpaka-banal ka sa kanya. Good boy kuno para mapansin!" pagpatuloy pa ni Gierro.

I swayed my head as a sign of stress, they were all making fun of me.

"Ano yon? May hawak akong Bible habang kinaka-usap siya?" natatawa kong tanong.

"Kung ikaw kaya ang ingudngod ko sa holy water para mabawasan ang kasalanan? Bwisit," I ranted.

Tinawanan lamng nila ako.

Pero... why not?

I couldn't impress Mia in the easiest way. I was still carrying the shame of doing bad things from last year. Sigurado pa akong kumalat iyon sa buong school dahil ang gago ko noon.

Mia would probably be disgusted of me because of my records for a one whole year. She would either ignore or reject me, hindi naman sa takot ako roon ngunit nakatatakot nga naman kung ang inaakala mo ay totoo.

"Mga tol, mukhang alam naman ni Mia na medyo gago ako—"

"Anong medyo? Gago ka talaga!" Fred cut in and laughed.

"Paano mo nasabing alam niya?" Olivver asked.

"Tss, alam naman ng lahat, e," Gierro pointed out.

"Paano na?" I hopelessly asked.

"Teka kasi muna, tanong ka nang tanong, aamin ka ba?" Fred asked in.

They all cheered for me.

"Susubukan ko?" patanong ko ring sagot.

"E, tangina, may problema ka pa sa pamilya mo tapos—"

"Hindi ko naman iyon hahayaan, Gierro. Isa pa, I just want to get close to Mia because I noticed she isn't always around with a friend—"

"Wow, willing mag pa-friend zone," komento ni Olivver.

They all forced themselves not to laugh.

"My point is, I want to get close to her but I can't because my bad doings keep on holding me back," I stated.

"E 'di panagutan mo kung anong alam niya. Bad boy kung bad boy... hindi ba't uso 'yon sa mga babae? 'Di ba, Gierro?" asar ni Fred.

Gierro only made a face and ignored Fred.

"Putangina talaga. Paano na nga?" I asked desperately.

I needed to be sure of this move because as a pawn, I couldn't go back once I decided to step forward.

Once I started to enter Mia's life, there won't be backing out.