Chapter 26 | Run

I woke up earlier than the usual time. I even set an alarm last night just to woke myself this morning.

Ngayon ang aking kaarawan, September nine. May celebration mamaya kasama ang buong Zorron at iilang mga malalapit sa aming tao. I told my parents that a simple celebration would do yet at first, they declined.

My sister's debut last August got cancelled due to ate Serin's favor which saddened them. They wanted my birthday to be grand like the previous birthdays I celebrated but I insisted it to be simple this time.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit excited akong makita ang loob ng binigay ni Lukan. I knew this was one of his cheesy surprises yet I fell for it.

Kinuha ko ang aking laptop at ang flashdrive. I plugged the flash drive and I opened its files. Actually, isa lang ang file roon at iyon siguro ang sinasabi ni Lukan kagabi. It was a video and I got more hyped.

I played the video.

There, I saw Lukan sitting on a bed. He was alone in the room and he looked confused in front of the camera.

"Uh, hi!" awkward niyang bati sa camera.

I chuckled.

Narinig kong may bumukas ng pinto mula sa kanyang gilid at sinigaw, "Ano ba 'yan! Ang bakla!"

Natawa ako dahil sa biglang pagsimangot ni Lukan at binigyan ng nakamamatay na tingin ang pumasok na si Gierro.

"Die hard, Gierro! Labas!"

I couldn't control my laughter. These two were always fighting yet it was the kind of fight everyone wanted to watch. Grabe, one minute na ang video pero ayaw pa ring lumabas ni Gierro. Ipinaglaban kasi ni Gierro na kanyang kwarto raw 'yong ginagamit.

"Mabilis lang 'to. Kung hindi ka umepal at pumasok, e 'di sana tapos na," Lukan hissed.

"Dami mong alam, Lukan. Bilisan mo na," natatawang sabi ni Gierro at lumabas na muli ng silid.

"Ayon, hello ulit, Mia. Birthday mo na pero hindi mo pa rin pinaniniwalaang gusto kita. Itong video'ng 'to ay ni-record ko ngayong grade ten ako. Last year pa kita hinahabol pero tinataboy mo ako... kaya gumawa na lang ako ng video para sa 'yo."

Oh? Ang akala ko ay ngayong year lamang itong video, iyon pala ay noon pa. Bakit ngayon niya lamang binigay?

"Hindi ko nga alam kung makararating ba sa 'yo 'tong video pero sana oo at sana magbago na ang tingin mo sa 'kin. Hindi naman ako masama, g'wapo lang," bahagya siyang tumawa.

"Ang korni nito pero wala, e..." he trailed off.

"Ito na. Sana magustuhan mo... ako," nakangiti niyang sabi.

Sinimulan na niyang kapain ang gitara at kumanta.

Kumanta siya!

Wala akong pera
Walang magarang sasakyan
At kung sasabihin
Ako ay simpleng tao lang

This song was familiar to me. Ang boses niya ay mababa ngunit ang sarap pakinggan sa tainga. Marunong din siyang kumulot at magbigay ng style sa kanta pero hindi ganoon ka-exaggerated ang dating. He was this talented ever since, huh?

Araw, gabi kaya kitang pagsilbihan
Hatid at sundo ako ay lagi lang nandiyan

At nagsitayuan ang mga balahibo ko nang nag-chorus na.

Mahal kitang labis
Susubukan ko kahit
Wala akong palasyo na abot hanggang langit
At sa bawat araw na tayo'y magkasama
Dala ko ay ligaya
O, aking prinsesa

His sincerity was very evident and to think he filmed this back then. Tila ba ibang tao ang pinanood ko. I felt touched and soft as I thought na matagal na itong video, two years ago pa... ngunit hanggang ngayon ay nandito pa rin siya.

He finally gave me the video and I watched all of its minutes. He made me experience every lyrics of the song, I smiled and chuckled as I recall every moment we've shared.

I didn't notice that we already spent months after all that happened. I never expected him to stay nor to pursue me this consistently... and I didn't expect myself too to like him.

Hindi siya sumuko. Hindi niya ako tinigilan kahit ilang beses ko na siyang tinaboy.

Paano kaya kung hindi ko pa rin siya pinagbigyan ngayon? Hindi rin ba siya magsasawa? Paano kung hanggang ngayon, hindi pa rin kami close at nilalayuan pa? Titigil ba siya at susuko na?

Naluha na ako sa mga inisip. What a life, huh?

At least I gave him the chance to prove everything to me and I didn't regret any of it. He was so sure and ready that I wished I was too.

I texted him even if it wasn't the right thing to do.

Thera Mia:
Thank you for your gift, Lukan. I'll see you soon :)

Magkikita pa kami dahil mamaya na namin napagpasyahang umamin. Mamaya ko na sasabihin ang totoo. Ngayon, nasisigurado kong kaya ko na dahil may pinaninindigan na ako.

My feelings toward Lukan couldn't be described by the simple word like... and I was willing to take the slow path of love with only him. Hindi naman kailangang madaliin, kailangan lamang patibayin.

Nang bumaba ako ay busy ang lahat para sa mga handa mamaya. After breakfast, pumunta kami nina mama at ate sa spa. We did natural girly things that we all enjoyed.

"Mom," I called my mother as we walked toward the exit.

Mom looked at me.

"Sasabihin na po namin mamaya ni Lukan," I informed her.

Mom smiled, "I'm just here by your side if things go wrong."

"Things will really go wrong," my sister commented.

Mom sighed and reached out for my sister, "Don't be too bitter, Serin."

"I am not bitter, mom, I am just stating the truth. Dad's health isn't stable as of this moment and you planned telling him something shocking? Did you even consider him?" Serin snapped it out.

I exhaled and answered my sister, "Oo, ate, I considered dad and even you in this decision. This is the right thing we can do-"

"The right thing is to stop," my sister cut in.

"I won't stop what my heart wants—"

Serin chuckled with thick sarcasm and looked at me.

"You just don't want to lose Lukan because he is the first guy that ever liked you. Akala mo ba ay hindi iyon nasasaktan sa ginagawa mo? You want to keep him yet you are hurting him by your unsure mind set," Serin pointed out.

"Halata namang hindi ka handa at hindi ka pa sigurado pero pinipilit mo... para lang hindi mawala si Lukan sa 'yo," she added.

"Paano mo nasabi iyan? Hindi ikaw si Lukan—"

"Oh, I am far from him, Mia but I'm also a human who can feel things," Serin answered.

"Tama na, puwede ba?" mom cut us off, "Serin, you are thinking of this too much. Let Mia and Lukan take care of their decisions."

"I am concerned of dad—"

"We all are, Serin but the truth must be told," mom hissed that made us both silent.

Nang umuwi kami, nadatnan ko ang mga pinsan naming bukod kay Contessa sapagkat na sa probinsya siya.

"Happy birthday, Thera!" aabay-sabay nilang bati nang pumasok ako.

Nginitian ko sila at nagpasalamat na akala mo ay hindi magulo ang isipan. My sister's words got me and I worried that what if she was right? I sighed and tried to erase her on my mind. She gave me doubt when I finally had the courage to say it.

Nanood kami saglit ng movie sa guess room. Inasar pa kami ng boys kasi ang korni daw ng aming plano ngunit sa huli ay nakisama sila. We watched a horror film ngunit imbis na matakot ay ginawang comedy nina Trojan at kuya Armagidon ang lahat.

"Oh, I want to do that scene with kuya Trojan," biglang komento ni Lierre.

It was a scene where the mother of death slapped hard her son, Parker, because he said his real name.

"Dali, gawin natin, kuya. Ako 'yong baliw na nanay tapos sasampalin kita ng malakas," Lierre said to Trojan.

We all laughed except for Trojan.

"Ako na naman ang nakita," he commented.

"Babawi lang ako, e," tunog nagtatampo si Lierre.

Naging masaya naman ang buong oras at tinawag na kami nang dinner na.

Ngayon lamang naging ganito ka-ingay ang buong bahay. I only laughed at their jokes when needed. Lagi pang nagbabarahan sina kuya Armagidon at Lierre kung hindi si Trojan ang nakikita.

This was the reason why I wanted a simple party. Kapag enggrande ang party, madalas ay hindi kami nagtutugmang mga magpinsan.

Masaya ang naging kainan namin. Naputol ang aming munting tawanan nang tinawag ako ni mama dahil may bago raw na bisita.

Nang pumunta ako sa sala, nakita ko ang family ni Eros... kasama si Lukan.

"Magandang gabi! Happy birthday, Thera!" bati ni tita Merlys, Eros' mother.

"Happy birthday, hija," tito Ero greeted me too.

"Happy birthday," Eros said and gave me his gift.

Pasimple kong tinignan si Lukan, babatiin ba niya ako? On the other thought... siya nga ang unang bumati sa 'kin.

"Nagustuhan mo ba ang regalo ko?" tanong ni Lukan sa malakas na boses.

I was sure narinig iyon ni papa!

"A-Ah, oo naman," I tried to smile upang itago ang kaba.

"Bakit? Nagkikita ba kayo at nagawa ka pa niyang bigyan ng regalo?" my father asked.

I wanted to answer yet I didn't know what to say!

"Pinabigay po sa 'kin ni Lukan ang regalo niya para kay Thera," Eros butted in.

Oh, god, why did Eros cover us up?

"Ganoon ba? Oh siya, maaari na kayong kumain. Halika," yaya nina mama't papa sa kanila.

Sumunod sila ngunit naiwan si Lukan sa aking harap.

"Happy birthday," bati niya ngunit wala man lang bahid ng tuwa.

"Okay ka lang?" I asked.

Tumango siya ngunit alam kong kasalungat iyon.

"A-Anong problema?" I asked again.

"Wala," he drawled.

Nakatataas ng tensyon. Nag-uusap kami ngayon sa loob ng aming tahanan ngunit... wala naman sigurong malisya ito sa kanila, 'di ba?

"Nasabi sa akin ni Serin na mataas ang dugo ng iyong ama. Nasabi niya rin sa akin na lalayuan mo na ako mula sa araw na 'to. Totoo ba?" he asked me directly.

Hindi ako nakapagsalita. Why would my sister make up things like that? Was she crazy?

"Alam mong kaya kong ipaglaban 'to," Lukan whispered.

"T-Totoo 'yong tungkol kay papa—"

"Kaya hindi mo na naman sasabihin ang totoo sa kanila?" he cut.

Was he being impatient?

"Bakit parang naiinip ka na? Kung ayaw mo na ng ganito, p'wede ka namang umalis sa buhay ko—"

"So, mas gusto mong ganito tayo kaysa alam nila?" pagbali-wala niya sa mga sinabi ko.

"Hindi sa ganoon—"

"At hindi ako naiinip. I am just confused if you are still up on telling your father the truth. I am so ready, Mia, huwag ka na sanang mag-back out ngayon," he continued.

"I am tired of this secret game we've been playing," he fretted.

Nagulat ako roon. Hindi agad ako nakabawi ng salita.

"S-Sorry, hindi naman ganoon ang gusto kong iparamdam sa 'yo. Sa sitwasyon natin ngayon, kailangan lang talaga nating gawin iyon—"

"P'wede tayong maging legal kung magiging matatag ka lang, Mia," he cut me again.

I reached for his glares, he looked in pain. The serious Lukan was scary yet the agony in his eyes was melting. Maybe, I really did hurt him by keeping him for myself.

"Itutuloy ba natin o hindi?" he asked me.

I looked down and didn't answer anything. He sighed. A very tired one, a very deep one. Ganito na ba ako naging kasakit sa kanya?

"Anong pinag-uusapan ninyo?" my father interrupted.

Nataas ko ang aking ulo at napatingin sa aking ama na papalapit na sa amin. Na sa likod niya si mama at ang mga pinsan ko, pati na rin ang parents ni Eros. Lahat sila, mukhang naguluhan.

"Pa—"

"What is this all about, huh?" my father asked.

We both didn't speak.

"Nagkikita ba kayo ng patago!" my father's voice thundered the whole place.

Hindi ko alam kung tatanggi ba ako o hindi! Yes, I wanted to tell the truth but he looked livid and mad, I didn't want him to react this way when I confessed.

"Opo," si Lukan na ang sumagot.

Papa was stunned, then turned his eyes to me.

"Totoo ba, Thera?" he asked me for assurance.

Kapag umamin ako, baka atakihin na siya... he wasn't fooling around and he took Lukan's answer seriously... gusto kong umamin pero hindi ko pa rin pala kaya.

Tinignan ko si Lukan na may mukhang nagpapahiwatig ng, "Sabihin mo na ang totoo."

Umiling ako, para sa kanya, saka ako lumuha.

"H-Hindi po," bulong kong sagot.

"Tignan mo!" my father bursted out.

"Idadamay mo pa itong si Thera sa kagaguhan mo!" he added.

"Mia! Hindi 'yan totoo! Sabihin mo!" napatalon ako sa lakas ng boses ni Lukan.

"Huwag mong sinisigawan ang anak ko—"

"Totoong nagkikita kami! Totoong may namamagitan sa amin! Mia, bakit hindi mo sabihin?" Lukan leveled my father's voice.

Lukan wanted me to say the truth but like before... it was fear that consumed me and pulled my words from going out.

Nakayuko na lamang ako, nagdasal na sana matapos na ito. My mind was out of words and it couldn't keep up anymore.

Mali kasi ang lahat. Mali ang panahon. Mali ang oras... mali ako.

Nabalik ako sa reyalidad nang may humila sa akin. Ang sumunod na lamang na alam ko, na sa loob na kami ng isang sasakyan na ngayo'y mabilis na umandar palayo sa aming tahanan.

"Lukan! Anong ginagawa mo!" pasigaw kong tanong.

"Bakit hindi ka nagsabi ng totoo—"

"Kasi nga mali!" I hissed.

"Pwede natin 'tong itama!" pamimilit niya.

"Hindi nga sabi!" paninindigan ko.

Natahimik siya at inutusan niyang itigil ang sasakyan. Sa malayong parte ay narinig ko na ang mga sasakyang gamit ng pulisya. They followed us and if this car won't move, we would be caught.

"Are you willing to run away with me, then?" Lukan asked me.

What?

"No!" sagot ko agad.

This was too fast to happen!

Kumurap-kurap lamang siya at hindi nagsalita ng ilang segundo.

"Bumaba ka na," utos niya.

"Lukan... I'm sorry," I apologized though I wasn't sure if it was enough.

It was my fault after all.

"Bumaba ka na," he ordered me again and distanced himself far from me.

Wala akong nagawa kung hindi bumaba at salubungin ang mga taong hinanap at sinundan kami. My tears never felt this heavy and my heart never felt this empty.

I looked back to see what happened next yet their car wasn't there when I blinked.

Wala na siya sa akin.

I thought of him giving up on me yet in the end, I was the one who let him down because I couldn't hold onto us tight. 

To answer my question, yes, my feeling for Lukan wasn't enough to continue.

Everything was almost in our hands... yet almost was something near but not exactly. Almost but not absolutely.