Chapter 22 | Ten

"Belle has her own beast. I have my own behemoth," I captioned.

Gumawa ako noon ng bago and private Instagram account. Wala akong followers upang walang maka-alam. I created this exclusively mine. Lahat ng nandito sa account na ito ay mga larawan namin ni Lukan. Mahalaga kasi sa akin ang mga litrato, lalo na kung kasama ko ang mga taong mahal ko.

I posted Lukan's picture last night while holding the glass rose at iyon nga ang aking caption. I got curious of his name so, I searched it up on the internet. His first name came from the word and name "Lucas" that was related to Luke. The word "behemoth" was his second name, defined as powerful.

I couldn't help but to think what he said that night. He wanted us to be legal or at least tell my parents the truth. Gusto ko rin naman iyon upang maglaho na ang takot sa aking sistema. I knew Lukan was also having a tough time because of our situation.

I wanted to clear things because honestly, hiding was tiring... and I was the one at fault.

Last night, I encouraged myself na sabihin na ang totoo sa aking mga magulang. Mukha rin naman silang naka-get over na kay Lukan dahil kumonti na ang mga sumunod na bodyguards sa akin. Kagabi, I was really confident dahil may tiwala ako sa sarili na maiintindihan na nila, especially ni papa, ako.

But now, we were at the same dining table with Eros.

Wala namang nagbago sa pakikitungo ko kay Eros. I treated him as a friend at siguro ganoon nga rin siya sa akin. We were cool... pero itong si papa, boto talaga kay Eros kahit naging ex na ni ate. May respeto ako sa aking kapatid kaya hindi ko papatulan si Eros at isa pa... masaya na ako kay Lukan.

Natapos ang breakfast nang kasama si Eros, ang aga pa nga para pumunta siya rito. Ang dahilan niya, sasamahan niya raw ako sa pagg-gym. I couldn't refuse because of papa.

"Ayos ka lang?" madalas na tanong sa 'kin ni Eros.

Mukha ba akong hindi okay?

"Oo," sagot ko naman lagi.

"Para kasing ayaw mo akong kausapin. Is it because tito is pressuring you to be close to me?" he asked calmly.

"Hindi naman sa ganon, Eros," I answered.

"Look, we're now friends like how you wanted. Hindi mo kailangang ma-pressure," nakangiting wika ni Eros sa akin.

I only nodded because it didn't comfort me at all.

"Hihintayin ko ang tamang panahong magpapaligaw ka na," he said.

Napalunok ako ng matindi. Hindi pa nga ako nagsimula mag-exercise, pinagpawisan na agad ako dahil sa narinig. His words made me tensed and frustrated at the same time.

Alam ko sa aking sarili na wala siyang chance sa akin ngunit bakit siya umaasang mayroon? I already told him my answer before but his consistency was annoying.

Tatlong oras lamang ang binigay kong oras sa pag-gym. Eros offered me to go to the mall to lessen the heaviness I'd been feeling. I unconsciously said yes to it. I was silent on the way to the mall and Eros remained quiet too. He would only speak when necessary.

My mind wasn't in the right state to process. I felt like two cymbals banged both sides of my head. Lukan, wanting us to be legal... Eros, hoping for his chance.

Why did I come to this part?

I didn't know it was this kind of difficult to be in the middle of two people. I never thought it would be so hard to adore someone. Liking Lukan was easy yet the people around us were making the situation woeful.

I never thought to be in a relationship with someone. Wala pa sa aking isip 'yon at kailanman ay hindi sumagi... kahit pa noong nagustuhan ko na si Lukan. I had no plans to this kind of thing. Lukan had been a part of my days. Naging importante siya sa akin at importante siya sa akin.

I liked him... but now, I questioned myself: was that enough reason to continue?

Hindi lamang si Eros ang nakap-pressure, si Lukan rin.

It was like reality kept on slapping me yet I tried to ignore every hit of it to avoid getting hurt.

"Tulala lang sa 'king kwarto..." kanta ni Trojan sa tabi ko.

I didn't even notice his presence. When did he come here?

"Anong ginagawa mo rito?" I asked Trojan.

He just shrugged.

"Anong iniisip mo?" he asked instead.

I sighed. Alam niya talaga tuwing may bumabagabag sa akin.

"Si Lukan lang," tipid kong sagot.

"Na saan si Eros?" tanong niya muli.

"Buying popcorn... we decided to watch a movie," I answered.

"What did Lukan do this time?" Trojan asked, back to the topic.

"Last night... sinabi niyang gusto na niya kaming maging legal, you know, ipaalam kina mom at dad na nagkikita kami," I answered.

"Sasabihin ko na sana kanina kaso kusang umurong ang dila ko. I know reality is tough... pakiramdam ko tuloy ay mali ang aking ginawa sapagkat hindi ko kayang panindigan ang aking sinimulan," I added.

"I want to tell them the truth so bad, to lessen Lukan's worries and for us to be accepted... but it seems like I am not brave enough to face it," I said sadly.

Trojan sighed and looked away.

"That's why Lukan asked you several times, 'di ba?" he pointed out.

"I know, I realized it now... I made a decision out of my will that time which I thought was good for me... I couldn't blame Lukan for it, he didn't force me—"

"Kayong dalawa dapat ang lumutas niyan, Mia. Oo, ikaw ang nagpasya ngunit nang umo-o si Lukan, kasama na siya. You shall resolve this conflict with him and stop blaming yourself for it," Trojan said.

"Nangyari na Mia, you can't turn back now. I may hate Lukan but I like that he's serious about this," he added.

May sasabihin pa sana ako kaso umalis na si Trojan at maya-maya ay dumating na si Eros. I helped him with the popcorns. We both entered the cinema and prepared for the film.

I enjoyed the movie kahit first time kong manood ng ganitong klase. It somehow diverted my thoughts and it entertained me well. After watching, I invited Eros for lunch. He immediately agreed yet he paid for the both of us. I couldn't argue more because his persistency was beyond this world.

While waiting, I decided to talk to him.

"Are you still close to Lukan?" I randomly asked.

"No," Eros immediately replied.

"Why?"

He shrugged and said, "Shit happens, Thera."

"Bakit hindi ka nakipag-ayos?" I asked again.

Eros weakly smiled.

"Okay naman kami—"

"Okay? Pero nilaglag mo siya kay papa..." I pointed out, "I don't hate you but what you did was wrong."

He nodded and didn't say anything.

"Do you like him?" he asked me, "hindi na kayo nagkikita pero parang... gusto mo na siya."

I sighed.

"He's a good friend," I only answered to avoid getting caught.

Eros took me home after our lunch. Wala pa sina mama't papa dahil sa trabaho. Naabutan kong na sa sala si ate Serin nang umuwi. I saw how she turned off the television when I entered.

She stood up and walked toward me. I faked a smile yet her face remained blank.

"Saan ka nanggaling kagabi?" she asked with authority, demanding for the right answer.

"Kasama ko si Trojan, 'di ba?" pagsisinungaling ko.

She nodded pero halatang hindi siya naniwala.

"Mukhang lagi na kayong magkasama ni Trojan... at halos araw-araw," puna niya.

"Lagi naman kaming ganon—"

"Kahit uwian?" singit niya.

"Oo," I confidently answered to cover the truth.

Goodness, nagiging best in lying na ako nito.

"Okay pero hindi pa rin ako kumbinsido," she whispered.

"Kagabi, na sa isang club kami at nakita ko si Trojan doon. Same time noong wala ka pa sa bahay... na saan ka kaya?" ate Serin asked me with a mocking tone.

What? Akala ko ba hindi lalabas si Trojan para mag-play na kasama ko?

"Baka hindi si Trojan—"

"It was him. Sinundan ko siya hanggang sa kanyang kotse," she insisted.

"Alam mo naman ang mangyayari kapag nalaman ni papa ang ginagawa mo, 'di ba?" she asked when I stayed silent.

Hindi pa rin ako umimik.

"Ayaw niya kay Lukan. Alam mo 'yan. Hindi ka naman ganyan noon, ha? Hindi ka sinungaling. Hindi ka nagtatago," she kept pointing out.

"At wala ka pang balak sabihin sa ami-"

"Mayroon, ate! Humahanap lang ako ng tamang oras—"

"Oh, don't worry!" Serin chuckled.

"Ako lang ang nakaa-alam sa bahay na ito... and since I don't want to ruin your silly love story," she hissed.

"I'll give you ten days from now bago ko sabihin ang totoo kina mama at papa," she announced.

"Ate! Ako ang magsasabi!" hindi ko na napigilang hindi taasan ang tono.

"Fine! E 'di ikaw!" she screamed louder than me.

I felt like I shrank because of it.

"Ten days, Thera. Ten days!" she reminded me with a warning tone.

She walked away from me. I felt my tears forming on the side of my eyes. I couldn't tolerate her actions anymore. Who was she to dictate this to me? Bakit ba siya sumasawsaw sa problemang hindi naman kanya?

went upstairs with a heavy feeling. I locked my room and I sat on the floor, hindi na naka-abot pa sa kama o banyo.

Once the first tear broke free, the rest followed in an unbroken stream. I cried hard, not just because of my problem, but also because of my sister's action.

Trojan was right... she never really cared.