Chapter 17 | Leave

I didn't see Lukan the whole week, not even once. I sent him messages asking if he was doing fine or did something happened.

I was worrying like crazy because it wasn't like Lukan to just disappear. Hindi rin siya sumagot sa lahat ng aking text.

I tried to calm down and thought that maybe... he was just busy.

Dumating sa puntong ginusto ko ng pumunta kina Gierro upang magtanong sa kalagayan ni Lukan. I couldn't check him at their section because I was afraid to interact with people I didn't know.

Friday nang nilakasan ko ang aking loob pumunta kina Gierro. ABM ang kanilang strand at hindi gano'n kalayo ang kanilang room mula sa aming building. Lukan was the only one among them who was in STEM yet tulad ng sabi ni Lukan noon, they were like the least prioritized one among all sections.

Hindi ako nabigo sa aking pagdating. Sa unang silip pa lamang ay nakita ko na sina Gierro, Fred at Olivver. The two were laughing loud while Gierro looked grumpy.

Ang problema ko na lamang ay paano ko sila tatawagin.

"Ano 'yon, Zorron?" a woman from their section asked me.

"A-Ah... kauusapin ko lang sana sina... uh, Gierro," I shyly said.

"Oh, okay, tawagin ko lang," she said and went inside.

The girl pointed at me na nakatingin sa kanila sa window. The three immediately stood up and thanked the girl for saying. They went outside to come near me.

"Hi, Mia," bati ni Fred.

"Napadalaw ka?" puna ni Gierro.

"May itatanong lang sana..." I trailed off.

"Lukan?" hula ni Olivver.

I nodded. I thought they were going to tease me about it but they didn't. They were all serious at tila pa nagtuturuan gamit ang mga mata kung sino ang sasagot.

"I'm just worried because he isn't texting me back... and days passed hindi rin nagpakita." I explained.

"Ah... ano kasi," salita ni Fred.

"May... ano lang," dagdag ni Olivver.

"May inasikaso lang si Lukan ngayong lingo kaya hindi masyadong nagparamdam," pagtatapos ni Gierro.

"Are you lying to me?" I asked innocently.

"No!" agap na sagot nina Fred at Olivver.

"Definitely not," Gierro said.

"Is he doing fine?" I asked again.

"Oo naman," sagot ni Gierro.

"Walang galos," Fred insisted.

"Okay na okay," Olivver even did a thumbs up.

Nang Linggo, hindi ako nakapagsimba dahil napagod ako sa gym kahapon. Imbis na limang oras lang ay nag-half day ako sa pag-gym.

"Nandyan na si Thera,"anunsyon ng isang madre.

"Hello po. Pasensya na po at hindi ako napaaga," I apologized.

"Ayos lang iyon, hija. Kanina ka pa hinihintay ng mga bata. Excited silang mag-paint," she said.

"Sige po. Ihahanda ko lang po ang mga gamit ko," I stated.

I walked the right path toward the room yet something took my attention. Agad kong napansin ang mga nagpipintura ng bagong kulay sa ibang silid. Nakita ko si Olivver sa loob na katatapos lamang pinturahan ang isang side.

"Olivver?" I called him.

Maligaya niya akong binati, "Oh, Thera, ikaw pala."

"Tapos mo na?" tanong ko at tumuro sa pader.

"Yes... sa isa naman akong silid magpipintura," he answered.

"Oh? Volunteer ka?" I asked.

"Parang ganoon na nga siguro. Pinilit lang kami ni Lukan. Baliw 'yon, e," aniya na parang sinisi pa si Lukan.

"Speaking of Lukan... na saan siya? Hindi niya talaga ako kinibo sa buong weekday pati kahapon." I asked, trying to hide whatever emotions that would make my statement more meaningful.

His face turned serious. Bumuntong hininga si Olivver bago nagsalita.

"Thera, hindi nakakatalino ang pagiging manhid," he stated.

He totally made me confused. What was he talking about na tila ba kasalanan ko? I didn't want to shrug his words like it was nothing yet he immediately walked away after that.

I continued walking toward the right room and started arranging the needed things. Buong oras ay inabala ko ang sarili sa mga bata. May karamihan sila ay halos lahat ay kinailangan ng gabay. Thank goodness my co-guardians were patient and enjoyed the session.

Parang ang bilis ng araw ngayon. Tinext ako ng aming driver na sasabay si Lukan sa amin sa bahay. Baka inimbitahan siya muli ni mama?

I guessed, tama lamang iyon, para na rin maka-usap ko na siya.

I saw the door of our car and windows open, the car itself was not started yet. Bukas ang back door, buti na lamang at doon ko ilalagay ang mga kagamitang dala. Dahan-dahan akong pumunta sa likod ng aming sasakyan upang ibaba na ang mga dala.

Saka ko lamang napansing may tao nang naka-upo sa middle seat at si Lukan iyon! Babatiin ko na sana siya ngunit hindi natuloy 'pagkat nakita kong naka-earphones siya at nagsimula pa siyang mag-beat sa hita sabay kumanta.

Isn't she lovely
Isn't she wonderful
Isn't she precious
Less than one minute old

Nagsitayuan ang aking mga balahibo na tila ba pinalakpakan siya. His voice was rough yet sweet to hear. If I knew before he could sing like this, I would've liked him earlier... but what was the difference?

I liked him now.

I never thought through love we'd be
Making one as lovely as she
But isn't she lovely made from love

Hindi na niya kinanta ang mga sumunod na liriko. Doon ko na rin napagdesisyunang magpakita. Sinarado ko ang back door at pumunta na sa pintuan sa gitna. Tinanggal ni Lukan ang kanyang earphones nang nakita ako.

Bago ko pa siya batiin ay nakuha na ng atensyon ko ang iilang mga pasa sa kanyang mukha. May mga band aids rin na nakadikit sa tila mga sugat. Maayos naman na ang kanyang lagay dahil mukhang ginamot na ang mga ito pero...

Dahan-dahan kong hinawakan ang pasa sa gilid ng kanyang labi. Iniwas niya ang mukha na tila ba nasaktan sa aking paghawak.

"Anong nangyari?" I asked.

His friends told me he was doing fine. I knew they were lying but I let myself believe.

So naive!

He didn't answer me. Nakasalubong ang kanyang mga kilay at nakatingin sa akin. He looked tired yet he tried his best not to express it by being serious.

"Napaaway ka? Bakit?" tanong ko muli.

Hindi pa rin sinagot.

"Okay na ba?" panibago kong tanong.

Wala pa ring sagot.

Pinantayan ko ang kanyang mga titig ngunit nag-iwas rin ng tingin kalaunan. He was so competitive and I couldn't go with it.

"Why are you concerned?" he suddenly asked.

"Kasi nabugbog ka... at hindi ka nagpakita sa akin buong linggo! S'yempre, nag-alala ako," sagot ko.

He chuckled, sarcasm was evident, "Nag-alala ka pa sa lagay na 'yon? Araw-araw mong kasama si Eros. Araw-araw ka niyang hinatid gamit ang sasakyan niya. Nag-alala ka pa pala sa akin?"

"I'm sorry. I know it's a bad shot to be with your brother-"

"Then bakit hindi ka tumanggi?" he cut.

"Sinubukan kong tanggihan pero mapilit siya kaya-"

"Kaya hinayaan mo na lang?" pagputol niya muli.

"I can't ignore his persistence, masyado siyang makulit-"

"You didn't try hard enough," sabi niya.

"I tried!" I exclaimed.

"Bakit kapag si Eros, pwede? Bakit kapag si Eros nahihirapan kang tanggihan?" natatawa niyang tanong.

He added, "I know I probably sound childish, being jealous and all, but it sucks when your girl is with someone you are insecure of."

What? I never imagined him being... or feeling that way toward Eros. I only entertained Eros because he was seeking for attention. I hang out with Lukan because I wanted to spend time with him.

I couldn't blame this man acting like this. I probably lacked things that made him feel like this. I may have failed to show him my true feelings that made him doubt me. I was at fault.

"I know love shouldn't be selfish but if being selfless means you'd be with someone else... hindi ko kaya," he whispered in a down tone.

He finally looked away.

"Lukan, wala namang iba e," I whispered, trying to calm him down.

Tinuon niya ang atensyon sa akin.

"I mean-"

Nakita kong pumasok na si manong at ni-start ang sasakyan kaya umakyat na rin ako at sinarado ang pinto.

"Lukan, sorry kung manhid ako," I apologized.

I didn't care if our driver heard it.

"Pero sana huwag kang lumayo kasi hindi ko kaya. I mean, naging parte ka na ng araw ko. Ayaw kong mawalan ng kaibigan. Ayaw kong lumayo ka," nahihiya man ay sinabi ko na.

"Hindi ako lalayo," sagot niya agad.

"I'm sorry. Tatanggihan ko si Eros-"

"Don't take the blame fully, Mia. I am aware of my own mistakes. It just happened that I had some personal issues to work on. I didn't mean to pass the blame on you," Lukan explained.

He added, "Kung gusto mo siya, sige lang. Huwag mo na akong intindihin."

"Hindi. Tatanggihan ko siya kasi ayaw ko naman talaga. I waited for you days ago to pop out para may kasama ako sa pagtaboy kay Eros but sadly..." pigil ko sa kanyang sinabi.

"At saka, pakiramdam ko, pinipilit niya lang-"

"Mabuti't naramdaman mo," he quickly said.

Nginitian ko siya, "Hindi siya tulad mo, e. Ikaw, hindi mo 'ko pinaplastik. Ang honest mo, Lukan. Iyon ay isa sa mga mabubuting gawain ng isang kaibigan," I stated.

Ngumuso siya. Batid kong nagtago ng ngiti.

He whispered yet enough for me to hear, "Kaibigan... naka-iirita na 'yan, ha."

I couldn't help but laugh.

"I'm sorry for making you worry... and I'm sorry for what I acted earlier. I'm trying my best to be better for you-"

"Lukan, you must be better for yourself," I said.

"I know... I'm working on myself... and I hope you'd stay." He drawled.

"I don't leave people, Lukan, unless if necessary," I told him.

He only nodded and went back to being silent.