Chapter 16 | Mad

Ang mga sumunod na araw na kasama si Lukan ay naging magaan sa akin. We were no longer awkward around each other and I could say that we were getting close day by day.

He let me interact with his friends which I was grateful for. His friends were witty, fun to be with and honest. They weren't like other modern boys who were carefree and vulgar. They only teased Lukan whenever they find us sweet. Wala akong naging problema roon sapagkat hindi naman masama ang kanilang intensyon.

Sa loob ng eskwelahan, hindi kami masyadong nagtatagpo. Grade twelve si Lukan na tulad ng iba ay maraming ginagawa at grade eleven naman ako. He would sometimes come to me to ask me about my day or how was it going. He wasn't clingy or demanding which I liked more about him.

"May player ba rito sa section ninyo ng chess?" tanong ng aming guro sa matematika.

She was my favorite teacher among all because her way of explaining such complicated subject was creative. Napadali ang mathematics because of her teaching style. She would also joke around and interact normally with the class, kaya siguro walang student na ayaw siya.

"Wala pa po," we answered.

"Oh? Thera, ikaw na lang."

Ako na naman ang nakita ni ma'am.

"A-Ako? Hindi po ako magaling sa chess," nahihiya kong sabi.

She looked at me and said, "It-train naman kita."

"Sa district ninyo po siya ilalaban, ma'am?" one of my classmates asked.

"Oo. Para makapasok sana sa division. Iilan lang kasi ang sumali sa chess kaya naghahanap kami ng players," anunsyo ni ma'am.

"Subukan mo lang, Thera. Magaling ka naman do'n," bulong ni Trojan sa akin.

I looked at my cousin and his eyes met mine, convincing me more to try this opportunity. He always cheered me up and pushed me to take risks. I was the kind of person kasi na hindi pa nasubukan ay umayaw na.

Trojan knew how to persuade me.

"S-Sige po, ma'am. Kailan po ang unang training?" I asked.

Our teacher walked toward me to explain everything I needed to know, from the basics up to the most important things to remember. I silently listened to understand each of it.

The next subject became a talk about the upcoming school fair this Saturday. They were talking about it including our teacher.

"Kahit benteng tao lang ang pumunta sa fair sa Sabado galing sa section ninyo, pwede na," sabi ng aming guro.

"Ma'am, para saan?" anong ng isa kong kaklase.

"Para sa English, oo. English month kasi," pambabara ng aming guro.

Nagsitawanan sila, nangiti lamang ako.

Our teacher left us a small activity, essay writing lang about a current topic and I immediately done it earlier than expected. Pinasa ko ang akin nang natapos at hinintay ang oras lumipas.

I secretly looked at my cousin who I saw kind of frustrated.

"Galit na galit ka riyan, ha?" I teased.

He didn't look back yet answered, "Lumabas emosyon ko, huwag kang judgemental."

I chuckled. Trojan always looked funny whenever he expressed his emotions, especially anger and I couldn't explain why. I could even laugh by just staring at him.

Nauna akong lumabas nang nag-break time. I didn't want to catch their attentions again kaya mas mabuting nang mas maaga pumunta sa cafeteria.

I was walking alone when someone tapped my shoulders and made me stop.

"Thera, lunch?" yaya ni Eros sa akin.

Sa akin! Bakit ako niyaya nito?

Batid ko ang mga matang nakamasid sa amin at ang mga bulong-bulungan. Nakaramdam ako agad ng kaba at halos tumakbo na lamang palayo sa kanila.

"Ah... thank you but—"

"Tara na!" nakangiti niyang sabi at hinila ako kasama niya.

I thought we were going at the cafeteria not until I noticed we took another way. I saw a reserved table and there were foods served. I didn't know what to feel as we walked toward it.

"Ang dami naman?" I noticed.

Pakiramdam ko, hindi na sanay ang aking tiyan na kumain ng ganito. Halos isang buwan na rin mula nang nagsimula akong mag-diet.

He responded, "Yeah. Pansin ko kasing namamayat ka na. Hindi naman sa hindi maganda iyon ha, better pa nga dahil gumagaan ka na. It's just that, you know, bonding."

"A-Ah, okay lang. Nabigla lang ako kasi nagyaya ka. Bakit hindi si ate ang—"

"We broke up," he simply said that it was like nothing.

"A-Ano? Kailan pa?" I asked.

"Last week?" hindi siguradong sagot niya.

"Kaya ako ang pinupuntirya mo?" I joked.

"Wala namang masama kung makipagkaibigan ako, hindi ba? Wala ring masama kung manliligaw ako," he stated like it everything was fine.

Bigla akong na-ubo sa huli niyang sinabi. Ano raw? Ligaw? I wanted to laugh at it, not because it was funny but because his plan was unacceptable. He was my sister's ex for heaven's sake and even if he wasn't my sister's ex... I would not still let him.

"Ano?" I asked to confirm it again.

Eros shrugged before answering.

"What? Wala namang masama—"

"Maybe in your beliefs, wala... but it will be really awkward kung ex mo ang aking kapatid ay liligawan mo ako. Wala pang buwan ang lumipas and yet... you are already looking for someone else." I cut in.

"I'm sorry but I respect my sister more than you. If you want someone as a rebound or something, then I am not the right girl to drag in," I said.

"You don't get it, Thera. Just give me a chance and I'll prove it," determinadong wika niya.

For once, I wanted to punch him straight.

I admired this man for quite a long time and it took me a month to fell out of it, hindi lamang dahil kay Lukan... kung hindi'y personal ko iyong desisyon. Something deep inside told me that we were parallel. Something told me that it was already off for the both of us and I was fine with it.

Hearing him like this kind of ruined his long time image inside my mind.

"No. Sasayangin mo lang ang oras mo, Eros."

"Then, I'll wait," he persistently said.

"Why?" I asked.

"What why?" gulo niyang tanong.

"Bakit... ka ganyan? Bakit mo ako gusto?" naguguluhan kong tanong.

"You'll know, eventually," he answered.

"Still a no. I won't accept you, I'm sorry." I said.

"I'll... still try," pamimilit niya.

I wanted to scream in frustration dahil tila ba hindi niya ako naintindihan.

"Try and I will ignore you," I warned.

He sighed.

"May iba pa bang rason kung bakit bawal?" he asked me.

I arched my brows, "Mayroon at hindi mo na iyon kailangang malaman."

He nodded yet at the end, he said, "I will still try."

I could tell that he really wanted to try hard. Ilang minuto niya akong kinumbisi noong uwian na sumabay sa kanya pa-uwi. I rejected his offer because I simply didn't like the idea.

I made a deal na ngayon lamang ako papayag at sa susunod ay hindi na nang hindi niya talaga ako tinigilan. I couldn't stand his attitude so, I said yes.

The people around who saw us whispered offensive words. Some were too brave to bash me aloud. I sighed as I listened to their opinions. I wasn't sure if Eros noticed them too but he looked unbothered.

I regretted that I said yes. I expected them to judge me yet it still affected me differently.

"Bakit sila ang magkasama? Carthage was a lot better."

"I heard they broke up, e."

"Ang pangit ng pamalit ni Eros, ha. For sure he's using her because siya ang kapatid... and may gusto sa kanya si Mia."

"Poor Mia, tira-tira na lang ang nakukuha."

"Good thing Carthage broke up with him. She is not for men like him."

"Pero ang balita, kaya sila naghiwalay ay dahil nakita si Carthage na may kasamang iba..."

"Let Carthage do what she likes. A woman won't let her man go for a cheap price."

Funny how others idolized and looked up on my cousins while they treated me differently. Funny how they respected my relatives while they continue judging me.

Alam kong hindi dapat ito ginagawang big deal. I should not think of others' opinions. I should not be saddened by their treatment. But, what could I do? I ended still affected because I had feelings too.

No matter how hard I convince myself, depressing nights would still come and I'd dive into my own dark thoughts. Encouraging myself that they would eventually accept me was too tiring.

For some, they thought I was the matured one among us... pero gawain ba iyon ng matured na tao? Gawain ba ng isang matured ang hindi pagpatol sa mga masasakit na salita at iiyak na lamang tuwing mag-isa? Gawain ba ng isang matured na tao ang pakikipag-usap sa sarili dahil wala siyang masabihang iba?

Suffering this kind of feeling sucked.

Buong biyahe ay ang radyo lamang ng kanyang sasakyan ang maingay. Tumugtog ang kantang Perfect Two at bahagya akong napangiti. Nagpaturo pa ako kay Trojan noon kung paano ito tugtugin sa gitara. Theme song ko ito kuno kay Eros. Perfect two kuno raw kami.

"Salamat sa paghahatid," I said as I stepped out his car.

"Always welcome, Thera," he answered.

I weakly smiled at him before turning around to get inside. Tahimik akong naglakad at nagulat nang may nagsalita.

"Una, si Lukan. Ngayon, si Eros. Thera, may balak ka bang maging pokpok?" salubong niya sa akin.

I looked at my sister who didn't seemed fine. What she stated was too sensitive to even accept.

"Ah, ate, hinatid lang ako ni—"

"At willing siyang manligaw sa 'yo, 'di ba?"

"Sabi niya 'yon—"

"At tuwang tuwa ka naman?" tumaas ang kanyang tono.

Hindi ako nakasagot. I felt... offended even if Serin's assumption was wrong.

"Anong balak mo sa dalawa, ha? Porket pumapayat ka na, lalandi ka na?" she harshly asked.

"Ate, magkaibigan kami ni Lukan. Si Eros, ewan ko—"

"Ewan ko rin sa 'yo! You think too shallow for your age. Kaibigan mo lang si Lukan, sinong niloloko mo? His brother is obviously hitting on you and you let him drive you home. Lukan is untrustworthy-"

"Ate, hindi ka niloko ni Lukan—"

"At naniwala ka naman sa mga rason niya?" she asked.

"Oo," maliit na boses kong sagot.

"See? Nakuha niya agad ang tiwala mo! Ganyan ka kababaw na tao! Ganyan ka kadesperado sa atensyon ng iba na pati si Eros ay pinatulan mo!" Serin was so vivid.

Desperado sa atensyon ng iba?

"Ate, kung nagmumukha akong desperado sa iyong paningin, pasensya na dahil mali ka," I only said and walked inside the house.

Obviously, my sister was mad of what Eros did and I understood it. She probably carried enough things to burst at me like that. I wanted to get mad at her for saying such things at me... but I was tired to even recall what happened.