Chapter 1 | Arrived

Mula pa kagabi, nagdadalawang isip na ako kung papasok ba ako o hindi. This was the day of the week I'd never wanted to come.

May Physical Education class kasi kami and two hours iyon katagal. Ako lang yata ang gustong mag-solve na lang ng problems kaysa magtatatakbo't exercise. Hindi naman sa tinatamad ako, well, isa ring reason iyon, but the main reason was ayaw kong mapahiya.

Lalo na kapag sa gym kami nag-P.E mamaya, baka nandoon ang basketball team ng school at ang cheering squad para sa gaganaping division competition. Ayaw kong mapahiya dahil hindi ko naman pinapahiya sarili ko. Kahit na magpamalas ako na kaya kong mag-pull ups ng dalawang pung beses, tutuksuhin pa rin nila ako.

Their impressions won't change so I decided quit trying too hard for their attention.

Kung ano na lang ang kaya ko ay iyon na. Hindi ako sumusubok pa muli. S'yempre, masisisi ko ba ang aking sarili kung nac-conscious ako sa P.E?

I tred for my grades and at the same time for their appreciation, na baka kapag nagawa ko rin ang kaya nila, mababawasan ang tukso't pang-aasar.

But this was reality, why did I even expect?

Sa huli, napagpasyahan kong pumasok... like how it should really happen. I couldn't afford to skip a class since I had a clean reputation to maintain... and I didn't want them to know I skipped PE.

Pagkatapos naming kumain, kinausap ko si ate Carthage. Pang-hapon kami dahil sa school na iyon, sa afternoon section ang senior high. I was in grade eleven and ate's graduating this year with my crush, Eros.

"Ate, P.E namin mamaya. Sa gym ba kayo?" I hesitantly asked her.

She was applying one of her expensive collection of lipsticks so she couldn't speak an answer. Instead, she nodded.

"Doon din ba ang basketball team?" tanong ko muli na kanyang tinanguan.

"Uh, ate... p'wede bang iwasan mo muna ang pangangasar sa akin mamaya?" paki-usap ko.

Funny how I needed to beg her not to do it.

Saglit niya akong nilingon nang nakangisi. "Sure, sige bunso," she answered.

Her response eased me a bit yet my mind was still over thinking what would happen later.

When our driver parked the car in front of the school's main gate, I readied myself to go out. I got stunned seeing familiar faces walking toward our car... the basketball team was nearing us!

I secretly stared at my sister, paniguradong siya ang sinusundo ng mga ito. Siguro may pumuporma sa kanya kaya ganoon?

But what happened next proved my hypothesis was wrong. Wala pa lang pumuporma dahil may boyfriend na siya... si Eros.

So, kailan pa? Why wasn't I informed? I bitterly chuckled as I realized what I was saying.

Sino nga ba ako para malaman ang mga iyon?

Hinintay ko na lamang silang makalayo. Nalungkot ako sa aking nasaksihan. Parang kahapon lang ay pinrotektahan pa niya ako sa mga bullies sa cafeteria, ngayon sila na pala ni ate.

Well, it was okay, siguro?

This wasn't the first time my sister became the girlfriend of any of my crushes. Noon pa man, kapag may crush ako ay palihim kong sinasarili iyon tapos kinabukasan malalaman ko na lamang na pinupormahan na pala si ate o hindi kaya minsan ay sila na ni ate.

Sa una, ang sakit kahit crush ko lang. I never wished to be like ate, though. I never wished na sana ako na lamang siya, na sana mag-swap kami. I made myself like this para sa kanya. I let myself be this big para lamang hindi na kami makumpara.

This was my choice and it wasn't her fault. Hindi niya ako pinilit.

Kahit naman noong payat pa ako ay hindi rin ako nagagandahan sa sarili. Ate was beautiful like a goddess. Walang tatalo sa mukha niyang kahit walang make-up. She looked cute and sexy at the same time. She had the body and perfect height for a lady. Her attitude fitted her ways. She was talented and smart.

I may not wish for us to switch but sometimes I couldn't help compare myself to her or even on other beautiful girls at my age.

Huli namin ang PE ngayong araw dahil nga dalawang oras ang konsumo. Istrikta ang guro namin rito kaya naman minsan lang siya magpagawa ng activity na hindi mahirap.

Patatakbuhin niya kami ngayon mula sa baba ng bleachers hanggang sa pinakataas nito. Easy lamang para sa iba pero para sa akin ay hindi! Baka nga unang baba ko pa lang ay hingalin na ako. Eight rounds pa naman... and after ng eight rounds, tatakbuhin naman ang buong court.

Ito ang pinakamalalang narinig ko, warm up pa lang daw iyon.

Tapos malaman-laman kong table tennis lang pala lalaruin namin? Sa sobrang dami ng warm ups na ipapagawa niya, sa huli, table tennis pala ang lalaruin? I couldn't get the logic!

Akala ko naman ay volleyball or any sweaty sports. Hindi naman sa hindi ko gusto ang table tennis, nakapipikon lamang talaga itong warm up na ito.

"Si Mia ang huli!" sigaw ng isa kong kaklase na agad nilang sinang-ayunan.

There they go again. Wala kasi si ma'am kaya nang-aasar na naman. Ipahuhuli nila ako para matukso.

Kinabahan ako nang lumabas ang basketball team na nakapang-practice na. Sumunod naman ang cheering squad at may dala silang sariling speakers. Kahit na malayo sila sa amin, kinabahan pa rin ako.

Sobrang laki nitong gym pero hindi imposibleng hindi mapansin ang isang babaeng ganito ang laki, 'di ba? There, I ended up teasing myself too.

Natapos na sila at ako na ang susubok. Nakalatag na ang form ko sa harap ng magr-record. Panay ang tukso nila sa akin. See, hindi pa ako nagsisimula ay puro asar na ang natanggap ko.

"Oh? Ano na, Mia? Go na!"

Pinagalitan na ako ng magr-record dahil hindi pa ako gumagalaw.

Bumuntong hininga ako.

Hindi ko kaya.

Hindi ko kayang marinig ang mga tukso nila sa akin. Kinuha ko ang aking form at bag saka lumabas ng gym.

When things stab you, the hurt would trigger your eyes to water. Crying over stupid teases was unreasonable, I used to say... yet here I was, doing it.

I hated that I always acted like a damsel in distress.

Sabayan ko man sila sa mga asar nila, hindi pa rin sila titigil. Pagsabihan ko man silang tumigil, hindi rin sila titigil. They couldn't stop teasing me and I couldn't stop from hurting.

Alone, I comforted myself in one of the corners of our senior high school building. I made sure no one would see nor hear me. Wala masyadong dumadaan rito dahil wala namang pagtutunguhan dito.

I wiped my river-like tears. I tried to bend my knees para maka-nap kaso hindi ako nagtagumpay. My fats were distracting. Tamad kong hinayaan ang magkabilang paa na mag-slide para makahiga muli ang mga ito sa sahig. Even this simple thing, hindi ko magawa.

Alam ko namang dapat na hindi ko na ginagawang big deal ang mga sinasabi nila tungkol sa akin. Ilang beses ko na iyang inuulit sa aking sarili. My words would comfort me yet temporarily. I couldn't ignore them consistently because my feelings were too soft and fragile.

Why couldn't they accept me? Why couldn't they treat me like a human and not a pig?

"And there's my princess, crying over those ass hats again."

Nawala ako sa pagkatulala nang narinig iyon.

His smirk was the first detail I noticed when I looked up. I didn't want to see the rest so I rolled my eyes to show dismissal, not wanting his presence.

Sa lahat ng taong pwedeng mag-comfort sa akin, bakit siya pa?

He squatted just equal to my face.

"Want help, princess?"

Oh, how I hated his grins. His eyes were full of confidence and naughtiness, enough to make me irritated.

The playboy arrived and I didn't like it.