Not from the personal narration of Thomas Dale

By some stroke of luck, Xavier reached the refuge days later, teeth rotting, hair drooping, fingernails turning into claws, and nearly half-dead. 

But he didn't feel it.

There was already enough pain in his mind. There was Anna's look of pure insanity as she turned to see the silverware-backpack go swinging at her head. There was Lise's frightened eyes as she held onto his hand and whimpered: "I don't want to go." There was the blinding, searing guilt as Xavier realized, only now, how small the world had become. In a matter of weeks, how many people had died? And how many more people had died inside, their hearts turned to jelly as they mourned for their lost ones?

I didn't even know them that well, Xavier thought bitterly. But is it my fault that they're dead? Would it have been better to stand down and watch as Anna murdered someone? Does a death count for another death? Two deaths? If Anna had just killed Lise, would she have also died?

Thoughts spun around Xavier's head as he staggered towards the refuge door, finally giving in to his exhaustion and leaning on the cold metal. Death was an escape now, for him. He wanted to die - what had Hamlet said? To die, to sleep - to sleep, perchance to dream... for in this sleep of death what dreams may come true.

Death wasn't there, though. Pain, agony, sadness, torment was there. But death wasn't. The Heads of the refuge would let him in and feed him. They would shove him into a suit and give him lessons, just like before. He would find friends - a new life, but the ghost of what had happened before would still be there, and no matter how happy he would be, Lise would always haunt him in his sleep.

I don't want to go. Xavier shook his head and looked with expressionless eyes as the gate opened. He tried to step forward... to embrace his new life, but he couldn't. Not only because of his sadness but because he simply couldn't. Now that he knew that his salvation was at hand - or perhaps it was only another thorn to bury deeper into his skin - Xavier gave one last moan and looked desperately at the two people on the other side of the gate... and then gave in to his exhaustion and fell onto the ground.

*     *     *

Xavier woke up later, though he had no idea when, and found himself strapped down onto a cot in a place that he was almost certain was an infirmary. Struggling to move, he finally gave in to his current predicament and studied his surroundings. The infirmary was a small place, with two cots beside him, both vacant. In the corner, a set of two computers - the ancient kind, stuck to the desk with dozens of wires, was placed on a metal table, with two people typing away on them.

Xavier squinted, trying to make out what the computers read, but his vision blurred. Giving out a faint moan, he closed his eyes and tried not to think about the clicking of the keyboards - and the fear of what the two people might've been doing.

I don't trust them, Xavier thought, squeezing his eyes even tighter. Do I trust them? They've done nothing wrong, but trusting people... I trusted Anna, didn't I? Holland, Lise, Anna... I trusted all of them and now look. I'm the only survivor. What good will trust do anyway? Trust isn't some magical thing that makes people friends. Everyone has their secrets, and everyone has their dark shadows. I can trust the nicest person in the world and they can still be an...

Xavier suddenly shook his head. He wouldn't think about that - he knew too much already. He was a threat to everyone, and trust would only lower his guard. He was a lone wolf now, and the only person Xavier knew he could trust was-

Thomas.

He trusted Thomas - clever, witty Thomas, who he always looked up to. Thomas, who was like an older brother to him, who Xavier knew would never betray him. Thomas would be the one to rise up, and he would be by his side as he watched the world rewind before him. If Xavier was to die, at least he had to pass the knowledge he was cursed to bear to his friend... and then whatever anyone desired to do to him would be allowed to do.

I can't die, Xavier thought. Not yet.

Thomas.

Thomas couldn't have died, couldn't he? Xavier shuddered again. If Thomas was dead... where would he go to? Jinks? He was dead. The Heads? They couldn't be trusted. Even the lowest dog might've been a spy, and there was no way of telling. If Thomas was truly dead, then all that Xavier knew would fade away. He was not Thomas, and he couldn't do the things his friend could. And as Xavier turned his head to look at one of the two people walking over to him with a syringe-

(a syringe? this can't be good)

-He found himself bursting with newfound determination. He had to find Thomas. Had to.

"Are you okay?" the person asked, stroking the needle as if it were a plaything. Up close, she was even more intimidating, with the blue mask covering her mouth and the white lab coat. Do they still dress up in those things? Xavier thought. We're in the apocalypse now, so I don't really see the point in keeping that kind of fashion alive for doctors and scientists and whatnot.

Snapping out of his thoughts, Xavier answered: "I'm... fine. How long was I out?"

"A few hours." The nurse looked at the syringe she was holding, then said: "We're giving you a shot, just in case. You don't have any signs of the Green Plague, but better safe than sorry, as they used to say."

Xavier winced as the doctor-woman lowered the needle, the tip of it touching his shoulder. He had a vaccination for it several weeks ago, a while after the Plague first came out. The Green Plague death toll didn't seem to dwindle even after than, but perhaps the false sense of safety was better than fear, in a way.

"Close your eyes," the nurse crooned, and then squeezed the needle into Xavier's arm. He winced, fighting the urge to scream, as endless seconds passed and the needle went even deeper into his arm, never seeming to end.

Burning, searing pain. Numbness and jolting pain mixed, and, mercifully, the nurse finally took the needle out of his arm and said: "We're going to unstrap you, okay? Don't overwork yourself too much yet, but shake your arm around. Get the feeling back into it."

Xavier nodded and, the moment he was completely unstrapped from the cot, shook his arm violently until the buzzing receded. Turning to look at the nurse, he asked: "What time is it exactly?"

Not even bothering to look, the nurse replied: "Dinner's in a few minutes. Rest up and I'll tell you when it starts. We'll give a tour of the place afterward - I think we still have a few spare dorms, and then try to sort out some of the technical things that we need to plug into the database. What's your name?"

"Xavier."

The nurse smiled and walked over to the other doctor, who stayed positioned in front of the computer the entire time. Straining his ears, Xavier could only make out several faint words, but it was complete nonsense to him anyway.

Standing up, the doctor typed in a few final keywords into the computer and then asked: "Do I have this right? Xavier Kvigr, age fourteen, male, no disabilities, good past record, perfect health, belongs to a neighboring refuge."

Xavier nodded. "Right."

"Why did you leave your previous refuge, may I ask?"

Xavier felt that suicidal urge again as memories slapped him in the face. Strangely, it was comforting this time, and though it was painful, the memory seemed to be a reminder of what he had gone through and the price of how he was still alive. It shaped him, in a way, and comforted him, telling him that the darkest days were over.

Are they? Giving out an audible sigh, Xavier retold the drama that he had been through, making constant clarification with every question the two people asked. At last, the nurse walked over to Xavier, gave a sympathetic smile, and patted him on the back.

"You've been through a lot," she said and ushered him out the door. "Rest up. You'll need it."

Down the hallways, the sounds of people yelling and chattering signaled that dinner had finally begun. Taking one last deep breath, Xavier blocked away the memories piercing his mind... and followed the sound.

Though the hallway was dimly light, Xavier couldn't help but flinch as he stepped into the cafeteria and was instantly greeted by blinding lights. The noise was deafening - a mix of joyous screaming and raucous yelling as people conferred with each other, clearly not bothering to be discreet.

"You're the new boy, aren't you?" someone behind him suddenly said. Xavier spun around and instantly tensed as he came face to face with someone far taller than him with muscles bulging out of his arms and legs.

Xavier fidgeted. "Um... yeah. That's me."

The man nodded and extended a hand. "Well, pleased to meet you. I'm Head Gerald, and the others told me to meet with you after dinner. Go to the entrance gate at around seven-thirty or so, and I'll be there. Capisce?"

Eyeing the hand that Gerald was holding out, Xavier reluctantly shook it and said: "What time is it right now?"

The Head pointed to a clock by the other side of the cafeteria and smiled. "A bit over six. You'll have plenty of time."

Before Xavier could say anything else, Head Gerald left.

Quickly scrutinizing his surroundings, Xavier walked over to the table with the least amount of people sitting beside, trying to ward off the feeling that everyone was watching him. He wanted to be alone - and the others weren't exactly friendly either. Perhaps he was overreacting, but Xavier couldn't help but feel that everyone had some ulterior motive that they were hiding.

Find Thomas. That was his one goal now. Find Thomas, and then his life would be complete. Thomas would've known what to do with the knowledge he possessed.

Thomas. Another twinge of sadness passed through him. What was Thomas thinking, running off like that when the alarm sounded? If he was still alive, Xavier couldn't help but question his friend's mind. Had Thomas somehow knew the fate of the entire group, and wisely stayed behind to spare his own life? 

Don't think about Lise. Don't think about Lise. Don't think about-

Xavier winced and clutched his forehead as the ghost of Lise in his mind yelled: I don't want to go, Xavier. I don't want to go!

"You okay?" someone asked, scootching over to sit beside him. "You should probably get something to eat."

The voices instantly went away, and Xavier turned pink. How did the others feel towards him, now that he acted like he was mental? Maybe I am mental, Xavier thought bitterly as he joined the cafeteria line and finally, after several moments, received a bowlful of mystery-soup from the people who were serving food.

"What was that all about?" the same person asked as Xavier sat back down.

Choking down a spoonful of the soup, Xavier replied: "Oh, nothing."

The person eyed him suspiciously and didn't say anything else.

Xavier sighed. He was alone. Again. Before, he had no trouble with it, but now, with someone trying to extend friendship to him... I wasn't always like this, Xavier scolded himself. What are you doing, Xavier? All this mess about crazy earthquakes and hungry people murdering each other over food 

(find Thomas)

(I don't want to go)

is driving you off the brink of sanity.

He ate the entire bowlful of soup without even tasting it, and then checked the clock. Six forty-five. Oh, how he missed Thomas! Hours could've passed with him, but now that he was alone...

An idea suddenly flashed through Xavier's head. Tapping the person beside him, he asked, slightly over-anxiously: "Do you know where the Simulation room is?"

A flash of fear suddenly crossed Xavier's mind. Did he look older than he was? If the person called him out and said that he wasn't old enough to go into the Simulation anyway... as if he hadn't aroused enough suspicion already.

But gratefully, the person only looked at him, shrugged after a while, and said: "Go down the main hallway and turn left, and then once you reach the stairs that lead down into the basement, turn left again. There's only one room, so you can't miss it."

Xavier nodded and left with several final words of thanks. Several people were also cleaning up their meals and leaving, though none of them went the same direction as he did. Breaking into a jog, Xavier looked around every time he turned a corner, and finally gave a sigh of relief once he stepped into the Simulation room, easily recognizable by the array of computers and virtual reality sets.

Thinking over his plan, Xavier closed the door nearly all the way and then stepped over to a set in the corner. He shouldn't have known how to control the Simulation so well, but he knew too much already, and to forget all of it would've been a bliss.

Making sure that he would've left no traces on the computer, Xavier took a sharp breath and strapped himself into the Simulation. He could feel the clock on the wall ticking by, second after second, with complete darkness in front of his eyes. The clocked ticked and beads of sweat broke out on Xavier's forehead, but just a moment before he was sure he'd done something wrong, the timer on the Simulation went down to zero and before he knew it the world around him collapsed into

*     *     *

something else. Stretching his hands and adapting to the virtual-body he was in, Xavier looked around, admiring the sights of what the world once was. The world before droughts and plagues ravaged every continent and sea... before freak accidents became a way of life and outlandishly unspeakable tragedies roamed far and wide. When trees were still trees and when towers still stood in all its glory. This was the world that once was, as Thomas would call it. But Xavier saw it as something else.

This was what the world had to be.

His father had told him the knowledge Xavier was now cursed to know years ago, but he still remembered it as if it were told just yesterday. Looking around, Xavier saw that he was in the middle of some busy city, with cars rushing about. He was on the sidewalk, with men and women gossiping around him and going their own ways. 

Though the Simulation was supposedly an algorithm of randomly generated buildings that replicated the before-world, Xavier knew it had a much darker, deeper path. Nobody seemed to notice, but always - always, on the other side of the street, there would be a building of some height or size, though it didn't matter. What did matter was that there was a building directly from him and that every time, someplace on the building, the words GRAILCORP. would be labeled.

Bingo. Xavier spotted it instantly. 

Crossing the street, Xavier felt a twinge of nostalgia as he thought about life before the disasters. Oh, how people's everyday squabbles seemed so inferior in the face of death and danger! It was almost laughable, in a way. And if everybody decided to move into the Simulation and leave the old world behind, would they just forget everything that had happened before? People forgot things easily, and Xavier knew too well. They fought, they said they learned valuable lessons, and then they moved on. It would be a thing of the past again - another World War II that would only be discussed in history textbooks or even joked about.

Opening the door that led into the GRAILCORP building, Xavier flicked on a light switched and looked around. It was empty, as usual. It had been long since people stayed here, and even the lifeless bodies on the floor rotted and decayed like never before. 

Something happened here, Xavier thought. But what, exactly?

It wasn't the time for questions anyway, with nobody to answer them. On the other side of the massive warehouse-room, a single computer emitted light as the bulb hanging naked from the wooden flickered. It was a spooky feeling being in the building. From the outside, it seemed grand and majestic, but from the inside, at least the first floor was like a haunted house.

Now, all we need is the bodies to come alive and start screaming at us. Xavier contemplated kicking one of the corpses and then decided otherwise. Perhaps that would happen, somehow.

Finally reaching the other end of the room, Xavier was glad to find exactly what he wanted. Rows and rows of people's names, with everything about them and every shred of their past written in meticulous detail, was there in that massive database on the computer, person after person. Many of them were seemingly eliminated, all their information replaced with one massive red blotch. But the ones that remained was frightening - the faces of the people grinning at him like they knew he was there.

Where are you, Thomas? Xavier thought as he gritted his teeth and scrolled through the database. Where are you?

*     *     *

Head Gerald looked around the entrance gate, though there was nothing interesting to see other than the metal walls that eventually turned into one thin hallway. Frowning, he checked his watch. Seven-thirty. Xavier should've been here any moment now.

Give the kid some more time, he thought but continued to frown. He's probably gotten himself lost in the refuge or's finding some new friends. Guy just came here, after all.

Tapping his foot impatiently, Gerald continued to wait.

*     *     *

Row after row of people soared through his eyes as he continued to scroll down. Many of them he didn't recognize, and though many of them he also did, now they were all overtaken by the Red Blotch of Death.

And there Thomas was, sandwiched between two more ugly blotches. A stab of nostalgia went through Xavier, quickly countered by newfound determination. Opening the details box, Xavier felt the temptation to read through all of his friend's life, then decided that not only would Thomas likely not appreciate it, but he didn't have the time either.

"The hell are you doing?" Xavier muttered as he read his friend's location. Nobody he recognized was with Thomas, though dozens of strangers flocked around him. Curiosity finally got the better of him, and he quickly skimmed the last few paragraphs, eyes widening with every word.

At last, Xavier sighed and slouched on the table the computer sat on. Thomas was nearly always moving, which meant that by the time he went to his friend's current location, he would be somewhere else already.

But that's the best chance I have, Xavier thought and straightened again. Could he have somehow sent a message to Thomas? 

Continuing to scroll down the long list of people, Xavier had another plan.

*     *     *

Head Gerald checked his watch again and gave a sigh of impatience as he began walking down the hallway.

"Have you seen Xavier?" he asked, stopping by the Head's dorms. The others shook their heads.

"Is he missing?" another Head asked.

Gerald clenched his fists. "Well, he was supposed to meet me by the entrance gate nearly half an hour ago."

"Well, he needs to be somewhere," a Head muttered, and stood up. "I'll help you find him."

Stepping out of the dorms, they began their search.

*     *     *

Through careful, strategic planning, Xavier managed to anticipate where Thomas' nearest refuge was, and sent a message to the Heads who lived there.

My friend is in danger, he typed, clicking away at the keyboard. He's heading towards your refuge and is surrounded by possibly dangerous people. You need to rescue him. He's alone.

Xavier put his finger above the ENTER button and then stopped. The message would go directly to the admins of the refuge's Simulation set. If the message fell into the wrong hands... if one of the spies read it, would he be signing Thomas' death contract?

Taking a deep breath, Xavier saw no other option. The message was quickly sent to the refuge and Xavier was tempted to shut the computer when even another idea floated through his head.

Stop it, he told himself. You're going to get yourself killed if you don't leave this place.

It'll just take a minute.

Xavier turned on the search engine and typed in GERALD- HEAD, fearing what he would find. Tense seconds passed, and he waited, hoping that something would pop up.

But then it finished loading, and he gasped.

There was no Head Gerald registered anywhere in the database, with trillions of trillions of people inside. Xavier gritted his teeth. If the entire place was more compromised than he ever believed...

Xavier slammed the laptop shut and logged out of the Simulation.

*     *     *

"He's not in the cafeteria, no."

The two Heads looked at each other and sighed. 

"Just go back to the entrance gate, Gerald. Keep waiting, I'm sure he'll come unless that boy really forgot."

Seeing no other option, Gerald complied and began walking down the long hallway that led to the gate, only to find Xavier waiting for him there.

"Took you long enough."

*     *     *

Xavier barely remembered any of the conversations. He answered with 'yes' and 'no' and occasionally a quick explanation, but he was most often immersed in his own thoughts.

Thomas. The refuge Heads would find Thomas, but how would they treat him? Who would receive the message? Had Xavier just saved him or killed him?

Head Gerald. If someone went into the Simulation, even only once, all their information would be recorded in there. They would be stalked forever by that blasted machine. But Head Gerald... Xavier couldn't believe that a Head had never stepped into the Simulation. Which resulted in only one explanation for the Head's absence in the database.

But in the end, everything could be summarized into one simple sentence - they were all in danger now, and they couldn't trust anyone.