~ DISCLAIMER~

Heya, everyone! I'm back😂 (ironic) but I hope you'll appreciate this. High School is fucking terrible, and so it is. I'm sorry for making you all wait for so long. This isn't the continuation of the last part because damn, I'm stuck in between. I have only written About 3000 words for it and I'm stuck.

Anyways enough of my sob story. Here is a short shot about something we all have gone through at some point in our life once or on a daily basis (in a different scenario of course). Like the voice which we hear at the back of our heads can be a bit complicated at times (most of the time in my case) and it surely have that capability to make everything worse even though it shouldn't have been. So I hope it doesn't trigger something.

So here you Go. Happy Reading ❤️

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Shivaay groaned as he turned in his sleep; his hands flying all the way towards the other side of the bed in order to get hold of his beautiful wife, when all it met was the cold surface of the mattress. It was cold like no one hasn't slept there for weeks and his eyes flew open in curiosity. He squinted his eyes in order to get familiar to the darkness in his room while the blue hue of the pool made the darkness a bit ethereal and calm. It's not like darkness isn't calm but sometimes darkness can be unnerving - when he woke up in cold sweat - and the blue shimmering hue just acts like a fussing air of warmness contrasting to the blue wallpapers of his room.

Since he was the eldest, he got the privilege to choose his room first and trust him for the first time ever, he wanted to be selfish, and so he choose the best of them - A room facing the pool - the sound of the rippling water giving a sense of sincerity to his mind when he was stressed. All of them envy him for having this room for himself (No heat though) and he just used to smirk and shrug it off. He was the eldest, he deserves it.

Shifting he sat up and his hands instantly went for the side lamp, switching it on, he blinked a few times just to get rid of the black spots in his vision and looked around the room. It was empty and silent. He doesn't know how he stayed in this room alone for god knows how many years because once she entered his life, this room became a part of her and when she wasn't there it seems a part of it was pulled out from his room making it seems distant and vulnerable.

She was the light to his troubled soul and he wished he could be the same for her but alas, it seems it will take some more time for being in that position. Sighing he stood up, slipping his warm feet into his slippers he started walking out of the room, not before getting hold of her shawl from the chair on which it was left unbothered.

It was the middle of January and he knew how harsh the winds could be at times and he also knows that she hadn't taken anything with her as she walked up to the small open terrace just above their room. It was a pretty small terrace/balcony thing. The projected area just above his poolside was constructed as a small balcony for the little ones to play since the main terrace was high and a bit dangerous. so in order to provide an open area, Janvi had proposed this Idea which was favoured by everyone.

His Parents; being the helicopter parents as they could be called, this was to be done. And as they grew up, that place was soon renovated with a shelf of books and a cosy couch with a coffee table - courtesy Priyanka who occupied the area all for her own.

Rudra was the hardest one to agree for this but eventually, he gave in. It's not like he was being a brat, it was just that they all have to spend a lot of their childhood there and seeing someone occupying your place and making changes to it felt terrible to him. Shaking his head at that thought, Shivaay took the stairs and skipped them two at a time as he made his way up to his wife.

As he turned the corner, he could see the black sky through the floor to ceiling glass windows. Since it was past two in the morning he hardly made any noise while coming there. He knew that most of his family members are light sleepers and even a screeching of a person's feet woke one of them (He knows he is exasperating it but most of his words are true). Taking the piece of cloth in his other hand, he turned the knob - the cold winds strike his face making him aware that it was really cold - and entered the balcony, his footfalls as silent as the night.

He could see the small figure curled up in the couch, hands encircling her small frame while her head is rested over the pillow as she gazed up at the sky full of stars. She loved stargazing, he knew and he really adores seeing her watching the stars with a fond expression of a child on her face, her eyes twinkling just like the stars in the sky but today it was different. He could see the tears glistening in her eyes, the redness on her nose and the dry trails of tears on her rosy cheeks.

He sighed.

This had been a common occurrence and this thought itself hurt him - like each layer of his heart had been peeled off one by one, brutally - because nothing of this is normal yet he is forced to believe it to be as such. Seeing your wife crying in the middle of the night away from him is not normal. No. But if the same situation is played over and over again, it kind of become normal, isn't it? Doesn't your laughter get less and less as you hear the same joke over and over again and after some times it just leaves you with a blank expression? but as 'this' thing converts to normalcy, the pain gets brutal and sometimes it gets so much that everything becomes numb and unresponsive.

Earlier, he realized, he should give her some time to come to him and share her problems. Maybe coaxing wasn't the right thing to do at that time and he waited. He waited for so long but nothing happened. And now he is minutes before he walked up to her and shook her until she tells him what is bothering her but even though, it felt wrong. Their relationship was formed on the pillars of trust and he trusted her to come to him and tell him what's wrong. Even after all these days.

He knows, it's hard to relive your nightmares and it's harder to put them into words but he just wants to share her fears and insecurities and lessen them for her. He wants her to know that he is there for her. There to hold her when she is breaking down, when she felt like there's no one who loved her. He loves her, he always will and he is sure that she knows about it too but he knows how anxiety can sometimes be. It just snatched you away from yourself and others and makes you feel like you are nothing.

He is glad that he is there for her because when something like this happened with him, he had no one. He couldn't share his darkest fears with anyone. He was worried. He feared that it might make them feel like he is pathetic and useless. Perhaps this is exactly what she might be feeling? Maybe? so he always reminds her that he is there with her. He reminds her that even though she had no one in her past, he is there with her in her present as well in the future.

His thoughts evaporated when her eyes met his. He wonder for how long he'd been standing near the window as he leaned over it and looked at her lost in his thoughts. Blinking, he smiled, a small reassuring smile while she did the same but he could see the pain in her eyes. Walking towards her, she again lifted her gaze towards the sky and scooted a bit to make someplace for him to sit. He wrapped the shawl around her petite form and sat beside her while wrapping her in his arms as she snuggled into his warm embrace - still looking up at the sky.

"You wanna talk about it?" he whispered after a bit as he kissed the side of her head - his finger drawing pattern over the side of her shoulder. He wanted her to tell him but he knew what was yet to come. Annika just shook her head like a stubborn child and wrapped her arms around his torso making him sigh in defeat. Maybe today isn't the day as well. "At least you should have woken me up" he squeezed her to him even more. "You needed your sleep, I didn't want to disturb you" she mumbled in his chest while his heartache to hear this from her.

"You know, it will never disturb me, right?" he mumbled as he looked up at the sky as well, "But you sneaking up here at night after a nightmare, that's disturbing" He knew he was pushing her over the edge but he couldn't help. It's been a long time for his patience and for her to suffer alone.

She had learned all these years - that however deep you bury your past demons, they claw their way out, no matter what.

"I Know" she replied. A beat, "I'm sorry" she looked at him while he looked back at her, her eyes were misty and knew his were seconds before to have the same effect. Those nightmares are a part of her, even though as much as she wants them to disappear she couldn't do it, because, without them, she is not who she is right now, she is not the Annika her husband love and she is just too ashamed for it; Repentant that those are the terrible thing which turned her into something like this - scared, insecure. She knew her vulnerability are screaming all of this at her, and she couldn't deny them, because all her life she had been told this by others and now since she herself is saying this to her, how can she not listen to it? Her thoughts were interrupted by his voice.

"I need you to trust me" he replied in anguish, as he stroked her cheeks endearingly with his thumb. "I trust you," she said almost immediately - scared - but the thought that she isn't doing anything good in proving her words forced her to drop her eyelids to her lap being shamefaced. She knew she is hurting him for behaving like this and he has every right to be angry with her but him being this gentle with her just increased the guilt in her heart. She is a terrible wife. He really deserves someone much better than her. Instinctively, her hand fisted his shirt and she felt her lips tremble yet again. Oh, she is pathetic, despicable, a coward and everything else which he doesn't deserve.

As if reading her thoughts, he lifted her chin with two fingers and leaned in to kiss her forehead gently - the almost undetectable shaking of her hands increased a beat as she closed her eyes - and he pulled away a little to whisper a 'Love you' against her lips, "I know it is hard to explain from what you are going through, and I know, I know you think that you are worthless, that I don't deserve you, that everything is wrong, but- trust me sweetheart, nothing of this will change the Love I have for you. I will be here for you no matter what, please, give me a chance, Love." he was saying it so softly that not even a darn soul could decipher it but Annika heard each of that, Each word. Every little emotion. The pain. The desperation to make her understand. An underlying assurance which she needed more than anything. The eyes which change colour according to the light reflected on it - glowed in warm honey painted with brown strikes - as he stared at her - the creases on his forehead almost negligible - with a tired smile.

She gulped, her voice hoarse with the overwhelming feelings, "Promise?" her voice was so small, so unsure that Shivaay felt the sudden urge to protect this girl from everything and anything - her tears finally giving away the weight of holding it so long - as she practically felt like a small child bundled up against someone in need of protection.

"Promise" his voice was firm yet soft, like nursing a wounded puppy, as he rubbed off her tears with the pad of his thumb.

A relatively comfortable silence passed between them as they stayed there just in the presence of each other's heartbeat thumping in their ear. "You know," Annika started, her voice watery, "For the time I have regained my consciousness, I have lost more then I have gained all my life" her body was stiff, as if any moment she will leap off his arms and run and never come back, but Shivaay knows better to make a move. He was afraid, thinking that she might stop talking if he even takes a long breath so he just listened.

"People used to taunt me that I am a disgrace to my family. That it was good if my parents have never bought me to this world" she took a deep breath as she relaxed a bit, taking the cue Shivaay tightened his hold on her, encouraging her to continue, "One way or the other, everyone I loved, left me. I was alone. I accepted that because I knew that was my fate. I know, you might be thinking that I was being a coward, but I was just too tired to fight for everything I thought was mine." Her voice was laced with so much grieve that Shivaay felt suffocated by the weight of it, and wonders how much this precious girl had suffered to be what she is right now.

He knew she had a hard life but he never imagined it to be this Cruel. Life had never been fair to anyone. He knew. But right now he just felt the sting of raw remorse spread through his veins for his wife. She deserved nothing of this. Nothing. At-least not at such a tender age. Yet, he could do nothing but hold her and wish that he could take away all her pain.

She stopped, her throat constricted as it felt harder to utter a word, but she just couldn't stop here, she needs this out of her system and she'll do it, "t-then you came" she whispered and looked up to meet his gentle eyes, leaning down he kissed her lips and she smiled softly. "I know this might sound stupid and it might feel like bullshit, but I always felt like you'll also leave me the way everyone did. This feeling - it's like I'm always in deep water, like how harder I try to call for you or try to get to you, I couldn't get out of it and just whiter as my lungs fill with water and I couldn't breathe an-anymore" her lips wobbled and she didn't stop the sob that escaped her lips. Shivaay just felt his inside broke. Oh, she was scared. Scared to lose him.

"I will be always there for you Ann. You know that"

"They said the same"

"I'm not them. Believe me"

"I want to believe you but this voice, this voice inside my head, it never stops" her voice cracked, "Sometimes it gets just too loud that I just want to end my—"

"Don't" he whispered - voice firm and somewhat scared - scared that if she'll finish that sentence, something will happen. "Don't you dare finish that sentence" there was this silent plea in his voice that Annika didn't have the heart to argue.

"I won't"

"Better" he smiled, then continued, "And just believe me once, I know it will be hard to forget all of that but I will make sure that there will be so many good memories for you to remember that you will not have time for the old ones"

She didn't respond, just snuggled closer to his chest as he held her until her breath evened - indicating that she is asleep - and he promised himself that he will always take care of her no matter what.

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