*read description first please*

This is Blame, Pasåre Bolnavå, and a little bit of Why? All those ideas and then some are rolled into one, creating this book.

Whether it will be a masterpiece or a monstrosity is yet to be determined...

What would they do without me? Would they miss me?

Probably not.

It's funny really. Sitting in front of these tombstones on a rainy night.

Just like the day of their funeral...

Contemplating the worth of your life where hundreds of others are buried in eternal rest.

Many age ranges. Hmm... I've seen a stone for a man that was 102...

And for a baby girl who was less than four days old.

Who cares if an eighteen year-old was left here? To die.

After all it's been a few hours since I've ran off.

Hmph. Ran off in front of everyone. But it wasn't exactly my fault.

I started coughing and heaving in the Hall of Justice.

Wouldn't have been a big deal... if I wasn't heaving blood.

I might've left a blood stain on the floor...

And still-- no one has bothered calling me. Maybe that answers my earlier question.

No texts either. Whatever. Maybe if I just go home and relax then everything will be fine.

I mean I still have medicine left! Although... not for very long.

I look down into my lap where I'm clenching something with a death grip.

Picture frame. Well actually it's one of those 'collage' things.

Let's see... one of 'Bruce Wayne' and 'Dick Grayson' with Alfred on Christmas. Our first Christmas together.

Ah yes, the YJ teams and the Titans.

Mom and Dad...

Something feels warm on my face despite the bitter cold and I realize I'm crying. I watch in a daze as the crystal tears mingle with the rain drops.

Damn it all...

I knew I was dying. I've known for about a year now. But I've never told anybody.

Whatever. Besides I also knew that the consequences of that decision would be that I would die alone.

I knew that and I accepted it. So... why am I so upset?

Urgh... another damn spasm!

For the past hour there have been spasms all over my body. They've been getting worse by the minute.

I slowly remove my hood and glasses and lay on my back, sprawled over my parents' graves. The glasses and picture scatter to my side.

I can finally feel the full assault of the rain on my face.

It's cold but kinda nice. My body is shivering from the rain and cold... yet my face is burning with fever.

So what now Dick? Just gonna lie in the mud and die?

Well to be honest I don't have much of a choice.

I thought laying down would help the spasms.

It didn't. And now I can't get back up.

The most I can manage is to turn on my side.

At least this way I can... grasp... the picture again...

A painful fire erupts in my abdomen and quickly spreads throughout my body.

It's... paralyzing.

Not even the chilling rain water calms my burning flesh now.

I can't...

I slowly close my eyes. Immediately, I lose my grip on reality.

"Do it again Dick!"

Memories?

I'm training at the Batcave. It's harsh. But I would've been able to take it-- a year ago.

Oh that's right... not long after the League came back from 'court duty'.

"Bruce I-I can't..."

"Pathetic... nearly worthless Dick! Stop fooling around!"

Tim, who was watching, quickly stepped in.

"Bruce I think that's enough... he seems hurt--"

I remember my blood running cold at that. If Tim had somehow found out...

Bruce quickly turned on Tim but the boy held his ground.

"Hurt?! If I ever go off-world like that again I need to know all of you are capable of protecting the world and each other! For crying out loud, Dick is the oldest! The responsibility--"

"BRUCE!!"

The cave went eerily quiet after Tim's shout. And his face was twisted in horror.

I realized there was blood below me... that was actually the day the bleeding began.

"D-Dick are you...?"

Even though he was furious, Bruce quickly turned around.

His face twisted too but I couldn't tell if it was disbelief or irritation.

I quickly clamped a hand over my mouth to hide the blood I could feel was spilling. But some of it still got through my fingers.

Bruce slowly took a step toward me, his demeanor completely changed.

But mine changed to. I suddenly felt like a cornered animal being hunted.

It's a feeling I haven't had in a very long time. And unfortunately, human instinct kicked in.

My brain was telling me to run, to get out.

So I did.

"Dick!!"

I never did go back to the Batcave after that. Or the Manor.

The only reason I would see my 'family' was for missions.

But the last real mission I was actually on was to bring Wally back. And even then, when either Bruce or Tim tried to talk to me about that incident I would brush it off or just walk away.

I thought that... that maybe the end of the invasion would help Wally to understand what I had to do. The others did by now.

But I guess he didn't.

The moment he came back and saw me he turned away with a hateful expression. He turned to the others with a beaming smile though.

So I just left, I clearly wasn't wanted or needed so there was really no point in me staying.

After that I would just coordinate the missions, never going fully on the field. I... honestly didn't think my body would be able to handle it. So of course I had to make up even more excuses.

Then Wally finally confronted me. It was actually yesterday...

I was in the Hall of Justice, waiting for the debriefing on a mission the newbies just finished.

We were the only ones in the room.

I knew he was there before he even made himself known.

"What do you want Wally?"

I slowly stepped away from the monitor. I was trembling with fatigue and Wally was one of the last people I wanted to notice. I kept my back facing him.

"Honestly? I want an explanation. A damn good one. Hearing your excuses from Robin and Batgirl don't count."

After all the explaining before and during the mission and he still doesn't get it!

"Wally for the millionth time, I did what I had to do. To save the world--"

"I'm not talking about that!"

Wally's yell echoed throughout the room and I honestly half expected someone to come running in.

I tightened my grip on the monitor desk. I didn't know how much more I could take.

I slowly turned to face him... I finally got a good look at his face. All I wanted to do was run over and hug my brother, beg him to never leave again.

But I couldn't do that. He wouldn't allow me to and it felt like I've already lost him forever.

I couldn't meet his eyes.

"Why did it just have to be Artemis? Is it because we left the hero gig? Did you want us to just stay forever? Are you that selfish?"

I couldn't take it anymore...

I pushed myself off the monitor and was left in a staggering stance.

I was weak but I was also beyond furious.

"Selfish? Do you know what I've had to go through? I was in charge of Gotham and Wayne Industries while also being leader of the team! You know what? Artemis agreed to it, I constantly told her I would not force her into it but she agreed anyways! How would the team feel if their new leader was murdered by their old leader who recently 'betrayed' them?! They would lose it!"

I had to stop to catch my breath, I still wouldn't look him in the eyes but his mouth was agape.

"Between being Gotham's 'Batman', running Wayne Industries, I was dealing with things at the Mountain! The team's training and missions, the invasion, and the plan! You never once bothered with me! But I did with you. I constantly checked in with you, no matter how busy I was because that's what friends do Wally! But you never... you never... I felt abandoned Wally. I had to drop out of school. I was going to be the valedictorian. But of course... none of that mattered. If I'm ever going to get my diploma I'm going to have to go through another year, do it all over again. But with my diagnosis--"

"What diagnosis?"

I was startled at first and I finally looked into his eyes. I saw so many emotions but the most prevalent was confusion.

Then I realized what I had said.

"Shit..."

"Dick? What's--"

"Nothing."

I stormed past him, time to act all fine and dandy.

"I've got a mission to debrief."

Like I said, that was just yesterday.

Today at the Hall we were going to have a meeting. But I suddenly felt so overwhelmed with naseua that I started gagging out bodily fluids, primarily blood.

I had to leave, that 'endangered animal' instinct kicking in again.

And that's how I ended up here... alone.

What else is new...

"Nnn... ugh..."

My body convulsed inward, my knees curling to meet my stomach.

My hands turned into fists and came under my chin.

It hurts... it hurts so bad.

At least the rain has lightened up some...

"Dick!"

Oh please... please tell me that's an angel and not--

"I've found him!!"

Hell. M-my glasses...

I can't... move my arms anymore.

"Is he still alive?!"

"Cover him in the blanket!"

Something warm and soft suddenly covered my body. It was comforting.

Something landed with a thud near my head. A knee?

"Hey... can you hear me D?"

I can't really see anymore. But that voice...

"T-Timmy?"

"Yeah I'm here bro. So is Artemis, M'gann, Connor, Kaldur... even Wally. Batman's here too... some of the other League members..."

Someone shifted behind me.

What's going on?

"Hey bro we're gonna get you onto a cot okay? It'll be better than the muddy ground alright?"

"Urgh... hngh... ugh..."

I-I can't speak much anymore?

Someone from behind started speaking.

"Carefully grab his shoulders Wally..."

Wally?

Gentle hands grabbed my shoulders.

I know they weren't trying to hurt me but the moment they lifted me up I felt my whole world erupt in blinding pain.

"Ahh!!"

"Sorry... so sorry Dick..."

They set me down on something dry but it didn't ease the pain at all.

"Make room!"

Someone pushed hair out of my face and slowly turned my head towards them.

"Open your eyes Dick."

That sounded like a command...

But I did open them. And nearly had a heart attack.

It was Batman-- no. It was Bruce.

His cowl is down.

"Tim hacked your medical files."

Nice to see you too. Wait... crap.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

Harsh tone is gone. His voice... so soothing. Sounds like he used to when I would have constant nightmares.

I bit my lip, I could feel the blood flowing. But no one made a move to staunch it.

I know why, so does everyone else.

"N-nothing you can d-do..."

Both Wally and Tim came into my field of vision now.

So blurry and dim...

Wally is... crying?

"I'm so sorry... so sorry!"

He held up the picture frame and set it on my chest.

Tim didn't say anything. He didn't need to. Tim's hand on my arm said everything.

'You're my brother. I love you...'

I know what they're doing. They're making sure I'm comfortable for...

"Dick. Son... I'm sorry for everything. I--"

I blinked slowly, trying to speak. So many things I want to say but...

"M'know... love all ngh! I... so tired..."

Bruce rested his hand on my head. It felt so reassuring.

"I know son. Rest easy now. It's okay... go to sleep."

I did. I finally slipped away into darkness.

Mmm. Not light... but darkness...

And because this was originally a one-chapter type thing, the rest of the chapters will probably not be as long as this one.