Chapter 1
Misha woke up from someone closing the door with a loud bang. He got out of bed, looking at his watch.
2:23am
He walked slowly to the sound to find Jensen leaning against the wall trying to get his boots off.
"Do you know what time it is?" Misha asked in a tired voice.
"Yeah.." Jensen smiled and looked at Misha with drunk, half open eyes.
Misha let out a long breath and helped Jensen to get out of his boots.
"Come. Let's go to bed." Misha tried to pull Jensen to the bedroom.
Jensen wrapped his arms around Misha's waist and pulled him against the wall.
"Nah. I'm good here. With you." Jensen slurred out and started kissing Misha's neck.
"Jen, I'm tired. Lets go to sleep. You're drunk." Misha sighed, annoyed and tired.
Again he finished his sentence in his head.
Jensen had drinking problems. But that wasn't the biggest problem. The biggest problem was that Jensen doesn't think he has a problem. Not at all.
"I don't wanna sleep. I wanna fuck." Jensen moved his hips against Misha's and kissed him deep and hungrily.
Misha let him. He knew Jensen wasn't going to listen either way.
Jensen deepened the kiss and started to pull Misha's shirt off.
"Let's take this to bed.." Misha tried.
"No. It's sexier against the wall." Jensen said with a lazy smile and pulled Misha's shirt off.
Jensen was already hard. He sucked Misha's bottom lip and then pulled away, an evil smirk spreading to his lips.
Jensen turned Misha around and pushed him against the wall. He pulled off Misha's boxers and spread his legs. Within seconds he pushed his dick inside Misha.
Misha gasped in a breath and bit his lip to stop a painful scream from slipping through his lips. Tears started to burn in his eyes.
Jensen started moving. He held Misha's hands against the wall. He let out pleasured moans while Misha tried to keep his sobs inside himself.
Jensen sucked on his neck, making the pain a little less painful.
Misha tried to concentrate on his breathing. And soon Jensen moaned out while going over the edge. A little bit after he moaned once and pulled out of Misha, hugging him close to his chest.
Misha didn't dare to look inside Jensen's eyes. He didn't want him to see tears running down his cheeks.
"Let's go to bed." Misha tried and failed to keep the stutter from his voice, but Jensen was too drunk to notice.
"Okay, babe." Jensen kissed the back of Misha's neck and went to bed.
Misha slowly made his way to his bathroom.
It hurt like hell to walk.
He hopped into the shower and let the water wash away all his pains.
Misha keep looking down and saw blood coloring the clear water rose red.
Misha let all his tears run free.
Why should he keep them in when he knows that Jensen is sleeping in their bed?
A bed that no longer felt warm and comfortable.
Misha let it all out. He know that Jensen would not hear him breaking down. The flowing water will mask all sounds.
After 15 minutes he turned off the water and put a towel around himself.
He looked into the miror. He didn't recognize the man looking back at him. Tired, old man with pale blue eyes. Broken man.
Misha looked away and slowly made his way to the bedroom. He put on clean boxers and slowly tried to lay down in bed without causing to much pain for himself.
He bit his lip when Jensen cuddled against his back, pushing his hips so close to Misha's sore ass that it made it burn with new pains.
Jensen put his arms around Misha and took in deep breath. And with that Jensen kept sleeping in a deep sleep.
Jensen always slept better when he felt Misha against himself.
Misha closed his eyes and listened to Jensen's breathing. He could hear Jensen's heartbeat against his own back. And he tried to remember how good it all was in the start. In the start when Jensen could hold his drinking problem under control.
And with sweet memories in his mind, Misha fall asleep.
Misha woke up after just 2 hours of sleep. Everything just hurt so much that he couldn't sleep anymore. And the hot air was radiating from Jensen's body next to him wasn't helping.
Misha dressed for work and started to make breakfast. He wasn't hungry at all. And he didn't know why he keep making breakfasts for Jensen after all this. But he always did.
Misha put everything on the desk and left. No work out for him. Everything hurt too much.
Misha needed to film some episode as a guest on a TV show he was on.
No one asked him what was wrong and why he wasn't as smiley as always.
His day went in rush. But Misha liked it 'cause then he didn't have any time to rethink about last night.
"Hey Mish, we are going to get some drinks, do you want to join?" Some girl from set asked him with a kind smile.
"Yeah. That would be cool." Misha smiled softly at her and she beamed at him.
He got his stuff and followed the other actors.
Misha didn't look in his phone. He knew that there would be messages from Jensen.
Misha just didn't want to talk with him.
Not now.
It was just a little too much.
And hell, who is he trying to lie to?
Since Jensen started drinking it was too much. Not just a little. A hell of a lot.
How many times had Jensen fucked him when Misha didn't even want it?
Too many times to count.
And what did Misha do?
Nothing.
He did nothing.
Said nothing.
He let it all happen.
Just because he loved him a little too much to think about himself.
Misha shrugged all thoughts off and sat down with the rest of cast.
And when they offered him shots he accepted them without thinking.
After some hours Misha was so wasted.
He just drank all his problem's away.
For once it is him that is sitting in a bar drinking.
Without thinking.
And finally he looked at his phone.
It said that it was already 3:37 am.
It felt weird that Misha didn't care.
He had 9 missed calls from Jensen and 24 messages.
Misha just put his phone back in his pocket and stood up.
"Alrighty. I'm going hooome. Thanks for this evening guys. It was fun." Misha was slightly slurring as he smiled and hugged everyone.
When he was outside the bar he breathed in cold night air.
And it made him feel so good.
He didn't call a taxi.
He just walked home though it would take him a long time.
Around 5 he finally locked his apartments doors.
Sorry his and Jensen's apartment door.
He stood waiting.
Nothing.
Misha always came to great Jensen no matter how late he came, but Jensen didn't come.
Misha huffed out a breath and went to their bedroom.
Jensen was sleeping in bed.
The small room smelled of alcohole. Misha opened the window and just looked out.
Little whispers came to his mind.
It whispered that only if he would put his legs outside and than with a little push with his hands he would end all his pains, all his problems. He would end all.
Misha let one hot tear run down his left cheek.
He went to his bed and slowly removed his clothes. He looked at a sleeping Jensen, wondering when it all went this wrong.
When Misha stopped being good enough for him.
Misha let out a long breath and laid down in bed.
He let sleep take over him.
Take him to sweet darkness.
His old friend.
When he woke up he was alone in his apartment.
Jensen didn't leave a note or wake him.
Misha sat down on the sofa and let a break down take over him.
He didn't know what to do.
He felt sick even after he remembered he had not eaten anything in two days.
He rushed to the bathroom and let all his muscle cramps take over his stomach.
Cold tiles calmed him down a bit.
A little whisper came in his mind telling that he could end it all. He would need to take all pills and then go to a roof and jump. Easy as that.
It felt so welcoming to wish.
Misha let sobs take over him.
"Why the hell am i like this!?" He cried out loud.
He wanted Jensen to come and hug him.
Tell him that everything was alright.
That all this was just a nightmare.
But Jensen never came.
He never told Misha words like that.
All he did when he came home was make Misha bleed. Again.
And again Misha was left in his shower, crying and staring at the blood.
He wished he could be brave enough to end all this.
He didn't even remember the last time when Jensen was gentle with him. And it fucking hurt.
Misha was broken.
And he didn't know how to fix it all.
He had no idea.
Bạn đang đọc truyện trên: AzTruyen.Top