I Want To Be Loved
Derek's POV
It's weird being in Jim's house.
He's acting awkward around me, but sweet nonetheless. He keeps checking it to make sure I'm alright. I don't need him to.
Dumping Matthew was easily the best choice I've made in months. I had already gotten over the fact that he wasn't in love with me. What he gave me wasn't love.
I had once known love. A love so strong that it felt like it was unbreakable. I had once known the feeling of Jim's love, and I missed it.
I don't think the feelings ever faded away. I was angry, I was lost, but I was still madly in love with Jim Harperdale.
But he doesn't want me anymore. I'm only at his house from the goodness of his heart--- However much goodness there is inside it is debatable.
Once I'm ready to talk about my feelings, I bring it up during breakfast. I'm just eating cereal, while he's eating bacon and eggs. He'd offered me some, but I was a hoe for Frosted Flakes, so I declined.
"I'll find another place soon," I promise.
"There's no rush," Jim smiles.
"I just don't want things to be... weird," I confess. "Considering what... happened between us."
When I look up, Jim isn't smiling anymore. "Oh," he murmurs, then clears his throat. "Yeah, um..."
"Is something wrong?" I ask.
For a moment, it looks like he's about to speak up. Speak up about what, I'm not sure.
"No, it's all fine," he eventually says. I'm oddly disappointed.
"Okay," I nod. Then, I add, "Also, I'm going out tonight, just so you know."
"Where?"
"I'm not really sure," I explain. "Kyle invited me to a party. I figure I should just let loose."
Jim nods and keeps eating breakfast. I do as well.
Kyle picks me up later that evening. I had picked up my car from Matthew's the other day, and luckily didn't see him. Even so, I wasn't fond of driving, and Kyle was.
"Let's have some fun tonight," Kyle cheers, as we walk into the party.
"Can you stay with me?" I nervously ask. "Sorry, it's just, I don't really know anyone."
He smiles. "It's no problem, Derek. I love being with you anyway." I smile at him in return.
We talk to some interesting new people, like Jasmine. Jasmine was telling us this story of her girlfriend's violin recital that went wrong. I sipped at my drink as she told the story.
"And then she puked?!" Kyle chuckles, and just the sound of it makes me feel better. I take another sip. My drink's a fruity kind of alcohol, tasting like cherries.
"Yeah," Jasmine laughs. "I felt so bad for her."
Kyle tells a similar story, one from high school. It actually involved Steve, his ex. I was surprised he would bring it up.
I'm glad that it seems like he's over it, over him. It gives me hope for getting over Jim.
A couple minutes later, Jasmine tells us she has to leave, but she gives us her number so we can talk later. "She seemed cool," I say.
"Yeah," Kyle agrees. He turns to look at me. "Hey, you wanna head out for some air?"
"Sure."
The wind feels great. It's gently breezy. I feel light, probably due to the alcohol. It wasn't a strong concentration, but I had several cups, so I guess I'm a little tipsy at this point. This night's been pretty unexpected.
And I never expected I would ever kiss Kyle, but suddenly there's lips on mine and hands in my hair. It's fine with me, I think.
It's all fine, isn't it?
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