Hermione thought that she had made her desires clear. She didn't want a hen party, or bachelorette night, or whatever the hell you wanted to call it! 

Of the (admittedly limited) hen parties Hermione had attended, all had been an excuse to partake in an evening of unbridled debauchery. Contemporary muggle celebrations often involved lots of alcohol, male strippers, and fallic-shaped paraphernalia - all of which made Hermione feel very uncomfortable. Drunk women would ply the bride-to-be with alcohol, and joke about how this was her "last night of freedom!", as though entering into a marriage was akin to a prison sentence. 

Although traditionally held the night before the wedding, as a method to keep the bride separate from the groom to honor superstition, hen parties were more commonly held weeks before the ceremony in modern muggle culture. This would allow muggle women to recover from the event, and prevent the bride from looking rat-arsed on her big day. 

Hermione hated the custom, and she had told her friends exactly so. 

Katie's makeshift hen-party had been the most tolerable one she had attended. A small group of girls, camped out on couches in their pyjamas, swapping stories about their school-time trysts encouraged by a few bottles of wine. There had been no neon pink feather boas, cowgirl hats or scantily dressed false-policemen in sight. Hermione had admittedly enjoyed the evening greatly. 

Typically, a stag-do (or bachelor party) was held on the same evening as the hen-do. Historically, the stag party was a dinner party for the hen's male counterparts, hosted by the groom. Of course, things had changed in recent years, and the tradition of alcohol and strippers had taken over. 

On his stag night, Charlie had been stolen by his brothers and friends to play a game of strip Quidditch under the moonlight (or so Katie had told Hermione later). It was exactly as it sounded. The players, armed with bottles of tequila, would compete against each other and would be forced to remove an item of clothing should the opposite team score. 

Hermione was surprised that none of the men had been waddling around the wedding ceremony, complaining of splinters in delicate places. Perhaps they had healed themselves prior to arriving at The Burrow. 

There had been no mention of Severus's plans for his stag night. Hermione wasn't exactly sure whether he had enough friends to constitute a party, nevertheless would he actually want one. Part of her felt guilty when thinking that he might be alone in his house, just like any other non-descript evening, while she might be out celebrating her "freedom."

Above all, the thought of celebrating a forced marriage seemed silly. Hermione had marched in protest when The Postwar Population Planning Act had been announced. Hundreds of witches and wizards had done the same. The sad reality was, most of the people whom Hermione had met during the protests had also succumbed to the law. After it had become apparent that The Ministry's stance was immovable, her comrades had reluctantly married shortly after. 

She was a hypercrite, Hermione thought, planning to get married after she fought so hard to have the Law abolished. It had taken a lot of reasoning for Hermione to realise that she probably wasn't going to get married a second time. Even if The Ministry backed-down, and she was able to divorce Severus, Hermione doubted that the trauma of the event would ever allow her to marry again. Why not plan the wedding of her dreams?

If she was to give in to this Merlin-damned marriage law, then she would, but she would fight tooth-and-nail to keep her dignity intact. So it was decided, no hen-party. 

Hermione's friends, however, took no notice. 

_____

The Three Broomsticks was the chosen location - not one Hermione would have picked, mind you, but it worked out well all the same. Rosmerta had been kind enough to host the girls (and guys), given that it was a weeknight, and very few of her 'regulars' actually attended during the week. She had graciously offered to close later than usual for the occasion, and had even gone so far as to throw up some decorations.

Katie and Ginny had turned up at Hermione's flat some time earlier bolstered by a bottle of champagne, a makeup kit and a brand-new dress for her to wear. Sensing danger, Hermione had been defensive and argumentative. 

"It's not a Hen party!" Ginny had argued, excitedly patting a powder puff against Hermione's skin. "Just think of it as a night out with friends before your big day!"

"Plus, we invited the boys." Katie said, as though it would solve everything. 

Arguing was futile, Hermione realised. Pregnant Ginny was a force to be reckoned with, and the more she disagreed, the more likely it was that Hermione would be on the receiving end of one of her hexes. It seemed wise to avoid a bat bogey hex on the night before her wedding. Once Katie and Ginny were satisfied with Hermione's appearance, they had blindfolded her, and apparated her (a sensation that almost made the bride-to-be vomit on the village cobblestones) to Hogsmeade. The blindfold was removed, and all of Hermione's friends yelled "surprise!" in unison, on her arrival. 

A large glass of wine had been forced into her hand by Harry, who had appeared with an apologetic frown. "I tried to stop them, but you know what Ginny is like when she gets an idea in her head."

Hermione gave Harry an awkward, one-armed hug, holding her glass of wine out of the way. The dress that Ginny and Katie had stuffed Hermione into was a stunning cream-coloured, v-necked mini-dress. Even with magic to remove the stain, she had no doubt that Ginny would be furious should she spill wine down her front.

"I appreciate your efforts." Hermione said, looking around the room, unable to hide her excitement. "But, I am rather surprised. This isn't as awful as I thought it was going to be." 

There was no loud music, penis-shaped decorations or life-sized cardboard cut-outs of half-naked men. Rather, there were plenty of fresh pink flowers, pink bunting and a rather beautiful array of floating gold lights that hovered above their heads. A group of tables had been pulled together for Hermione's guests, featuring plates of sweet treats like pink and gold macrons, tiny frosted cupcakes and miniature tarts with mixed berries. 

Hermione was relieved to see that Harry and Ron had made the guest list. She would have walked straight back out of the door, had they not. Katie and Ginny were joined by the usual suspects, Lavender, Angelina and Fleur. Penelope (Percy's wife who was rarely seen without him), was also perched at the very end of the table, looking increasingly uncomfortable. She was sat next to Neville, who appeared to be feeling similarly out-of-place.

"I have something for you." Harry said, digging into his pocket. "We invited your husband-to-be, but he declined and sent you this." 

A rather battered looking scroll was pressed into Hermione's free hand, it looked as though Harry had carried it upon his person since its arrival. He gave her an apologetic shrug, and disappeared off into the crowd. 

Hermione, 

I'm afraid that nothing I could say was powerful enough to deter your friends from arranging a Bachelorette night (or whatever they wish to call it) for you. I have been informed by Mr Potter that his wife was sensible enough to adhere to some of the guidance I offered, in regards to the tone of the evening. I'll admit, I was sceptical that some of your more loud-mouthed acquaintances would be able to keep their plans concealed from you. However, as they have successfully managed to keep their secret from becoming common knowledge, I have only one thing to say;

Surprise. 

Your friends were curteous enough to send me an invitation, nevertheless, I shall be forced to respectfully decline. You may have your fun, without having to worry about embarrassing yourself in front of your almost-husband. That being said, you and I both know what happened the last time you were intoxicated around me. I'm afraid, that if you offered yourself to me once again in a drunken stupor, I would be unable to say no. They say that seeing the bride the day of the wedding is unlucky. I can only begin to imagine the kind of misfortune we would bring upon ourselves by sleeping together the night before the wedding. 

I am told that Draco has made plans to keep me distracted this evening. I can assure you, I have no intentions of engaging in any of the standard libinous behaviours often associated with stag events. 

I look forward to seeing you tomorrow, my beautiful bride. 

Severus. 

P.s I have provided each of your hen's (and cocks) with a vial of Hangover Relief and Pepper-up potion to counter the affect effects of your celebrations. 

Hermione couldn't help but smile at Severus's thoughtfulness. She folded the letter with some difficulty, stuffing it into her clutch with one hand. What had once been dread and fear at the prospect of having a hen party, had now turned into excitement. That fact that Severus was also marking the occasion, with Draco of all people, made her feel better (although the irony was not lost on her). It all seemed rather normal, as though they weren't getting married to satisfy some grotesque Marriage Law.

In anticipation of the night's events, Hermione took a large gulp of her wine, and made her way over to join her friends. The prospect of being forced to get married was an odd one. Hermione should feel as though she was preparing to be led to the gallows, but she didn't. The pressure of being forced to marry a man whom she hardly knew was a lot less daunting than she had expected. Perhaps it was because she had been given the opportunity to get to know the man she was about to spend the rest of her life with. She wasn't going into this union as blind as she might have initially felt. Having them blind date (literally), had been a sick social experiment on the Ministry's behalf, but Hermione could hardly deny that it didn't work. 

"There she is!" Katie exclaimed, as Hermione drew nearer. Her friends cheered loudly, as Hermione took her seat at the head of the table, setting her wine glass down.

"What an unexpected surprise!" Hermione addressed her guests. "Thank you all for coming!"

"Let the debauchery begin!" Ginny announced, earning more shouts of encouragement from the table. 

____

Three large glasses of wine later, Hermione was feeling pleasantly tipsy. She felt addictively numb, and it was exciting. The alcohol had snuffed out all of Hermione's instincts, but a dampener on her sense of danger and extinguished her anxieties. She was going to get married tomorrow!

Ever the clingy drunk, Hermione wished that Severus could be there to celebrate with her. She wanted to be close to him, hold his hand under the table and rest her head on his shoulder. Hermione also wanted to sneak off with Severus to share kisses where nobody could see them. She couldn't quite remember why the aforementioned was a bad idea, she just knew that she missed him. 

"Hermione! Truth or Dare?" Ron interrupted her thoughts. 

Quite how Ron, Harry, Lavender, Ginny and Katie had talked her into playing truth or dare, Hermione couldn't recall. There was something rather appealing about childish games when there was alcohol involved. Usually Hermione would roll her eyes and refuse to entertain the boys, and their perverse questions, but tonight she would make an exception. With the absence of George, the truths were bound to be less revealing, and the dares less forbidden. 

"Truth." Hermione selected. 

"Wuss." Katie shouted, fixing her lipstick after being dared to kiss Angelina. The two girls had been awfully enthusiastic, despite the fact that Angie wasn't even playing. 

Ron pretended to think, like he hadn't had that question lined up since the beginning of the game. "Of the guys you've kissed, who was the best?" 

Ginny snorted loudly. "What do you want her to say?"

"It isn't you, if that's what you're asking." Hermione said, without hesitation. Lavender looked momentarily relieved. Hermione chose to ignore her reaction. 

Katie gasped. "Have you even kissed Severus yet?"

It was ridiculous to be embarrassed, Hermione realised, but she couldn't fight the blush that heated up her cheeks. Her silence was answered enough, as the three other women in the circle let out high-pitched squeals, garnering the attention of everyone else in the bar.

"What was it like?!" Katie insisted. 

"That's none of your buisness!" Hermione pointed out. "But, it was the best kiss I've ever had."

Ron remained silent, but Hermione didn't miss the disappointed frown that he made absolutely no effort to conceal. Harry looked mildly uncomfortable at the knowledge, but looked glad to hear that his friend was happy. Hermione was relieved to have atleast one friend that wasn't overly involved in her sex-life. 

Her kiss with Severus had been better than anything else she had ever experienced, by an English mile. Her first kiss with Viktor, had been clumsy and awkward and wrong. Hermione suspected she had kissed him because it was expected of her, not because she actually wanted to do it. That was how it happened in fairy tales, right? The handsome man took the unsuspecting lady to the ball, and they shared a true-loves-kiss. The kiss that she and Viktor shared that evening could be described as more of a deterrent, a massive red flag, than anything. In hindsight, Hermione realised that she had been 14 years old at the time, and wasn't exactly one to frequently neck-off with boys behind the owlery. 

Hermione had shared plenty of kisses with Ron while they had dated. She would describe the feeling as comfortable, whereas sharing a kiss with Severus had been daring. Hermione was only human. The distinction was rather clear. She would much rather snog a man who made her feel as though her whole body had been ignited in flame, than a man who was about as spicy as a tin of mushroom soup. 

"Harry, Truth or Dare?" Hermione said, in an attempt to draw the attention away from herself.

"Dare." He said, his eyes begging Hermione to do her worst. 

Hermione grinned - challenge accepted. 

"I dare you to go up to the bar, and flirt with madame Rosemerta until she gives you a free drink." She said in a low voice, so that the land-lady couldn't hear. 

Ginny cackled.

Harry groaned. "I'm happily married. Theres no way she'll believe i'm actually flirting with her." 

"Madame Rosmerta flirts with everybody." Ginny insisted. "Besides, you're a bit of a celebrity around here. She'll probably be glad for the attention." 

Hermione never considered herself to be manipulative, she was far too socially awkward. Perhaps she was beginning to pick up some of Severus's slytherin traits because, she had to admit, she was rather enjoying watching Harry squirm. Maybe it was the alcohol that was fighting against her better nature, or perhaps the game was taking her back to her rebellious years at Hogwarts. Either way, Hermione decided that her life had been far too mundane recently, and she ought to enjoy it, even if it meant instigating her friends. 

"I'll make you a counter offer." Hermione smiled at Harry. "I dare you to be a bridesmaid at my wedding, tomorrow. I'm sure I can find a dress and heels for you to wear." 

Harry gave Hermione a withering look. Ron clapped his friend on the shoulder, a large grin spread across his face. He indicated towards Hermione. "She's a bloody menace, that one. They say it's always the quite ones you need to look out for."

"What will it be, Harry?" Hermione prompted. 

 Letting out a large, resignated sigh, Harry got to his feet. The whole table cheered in unison, grabbing the attention of the handful of patrons that weren't included in the bridal party. With one last hopeful glance towards his wife, who showed no inclination of wanting to release Harry from the situation, he edged around the table in the direction of the bar. 

The game progressed in Harry's absence. Katie dared Ginny to serenade Percy, and she did so with gusto. Ginny asked Lavender what she thought Ron's most unattractive habit was, to which she unsurprisingly revealed that his inability to chew with his mouth closed often put her off her own dinner. Hermione was very familiar with that particular habit, and was able to summon a few more things that she found intolerable about dating Ron with minimal effort at all. 

When it fell to her turn to ask the fateful question of "truth or dare", Lavender predictably took it too far. "I dare everybody at the table to reveal the most inappropriate person that they've been attracted to." 

"You can't dare the whole table, Lav. That's not how this game works." Ron had argued. 

"Said who?" 

"It's just the rules!"

Lavender stared at her husband. "You're just too embarrassed to share your answer." 

"I am not!" Ron defended. 

Mercifully, Ginny spoke up before the pair could get out of control. "Hermione and I used to have a massive crush on Professor Lockheart. Do you guys remember Professor Lockheart?" 

There was a collective groan from around the table, Hermione included. "Why did you have to bring him up!?"

In truth, Hermione had forgotten about her obsession with their former Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor. She had gone to such efforts to purge him from her memory. The vain fool was still a resident of the Janus Thickey ward in St Mungoes as far as Hermione was aware, after his attempt at an obliviate charm backfired because of Ron's dodgy wand. 

Ron stuttered. "He was awful!" 

"Yeah but he was dreamy." Katie said. "He was so handsome." 

"Until he turned out to be a massive fraud." Hermione reminded them all. 

None of them particularly noticed Harry's return to the table, they were all too engrossed in their childish game. It was only when he set a glass of red wine down in front of Hermione did she even notice that he was back. Hermione whipped round in her seat, to see him wearing a very smug look on his face while he carefully levitated a whole tray of drinks in front of himself. 

"You did it?" Hermione grinned. 

"Not only did I manage to charm Madame Rosmerta out of a free drink. I managed to get a whole round off of her!" 

A loud cheer once again erupted from the table. Harry was welcomed back to the group like the absolute hero that was, retelling his brave tale of seduction. Ginny looked at her husband like she had never been prouder. Ron gave Harry a manly nod of respect that communicated his sentiments appropriately. Lavender and Katie both eagerly took swigs of their drinks, confirming that they were in fact the real deal. 

Hermione looked around at her friends in awe, grateful that they had dragged her out of the house that evening. Although she hated Hen parties, even Hermione was forced to admit, she was very much enjoying herself.