For the next few years, Casper and I remained as only friends. I was able to get both my sons to kindergarten. Meaning I hid who the baby daddy was for nine fucking years against all odds.

"Eugene, I'm having friends over this weekend, so you and your brother are staying with grandma and grandpa, is that okay?"

"Is dad going to be there?" Eugene mumbled.

I swear that boy hated Casper more than anyone else, "he is. He's been around a lot, he's trying."

"he know me and Bryan are his sons?"

"No, I haven't told him."

"Why?"

"Reasons."

"Sounds stupid."

And it was.

Everyone was over to celebrate my birthday. November 11, I turned 28 that year.

It was a two day celebration. Three days if you counted the family celebration we had.

But that Saturday, it was a good day. Everyone came to my house and we all relaxed with some lite beers and some party foods.

"Happy birthday Gavin! good to see you're still you at twenty eight!" Tyler joked, shrugging an arm around me.

"That's the fifth time you've said that," Issac joked, "how drunk are you?"

"Very."

I laughed and shrugged off Tyler's arm, grabbing a soda substitute and flopping onto my couch between Tina and Casper. As I flipped, Tina shoved me into Casper.

"I've been betrayed!"

Honestly, the entire night was fun. A mess of everyone.

I'd say the part held interesting events, but it was really more in the after party.

After almost everyone left, carpooling with Tina, promising another fun night the next day,  Casper and I were get at my place, cleaning up.

In the years after we decided that nothing should be done, we still had some sort of passion for each other that showed when we were alone. His hands would linger on my body, or his gaze would last too long. Sometimes he'd stay over and we'd watch movies, falling asleep on each other.

I couldn't say that I wasn't warming up to the idea of telling him. I knew I had too eventually. Yet... I knew things would change.

It's not like I'm worried anymore about his status, he made a name for himself and no one could take it. No scandal would shake what he built.

So it should've been fine.

Still, I was afraid.

Not that night.

Not of him at least.

"I'm surprised you didn't drink much," he joked as he collected up all the cans in a white trash bag.

"I have two kids and a low alcohol tolerance. I'm sure three beers would've killed me."

He laughed but agreed, "So, how long are the kids with your parents?"

"Until Monday."

"I bet they miss you like crazy."

"Well, Bryan does," I agreed, "but recently, Eugene has been colder to me lately."

"Any idea why?"

I looked at him, grabbing a plate from the table, "daddy issues. He knows I haven't told the father and... he's upset. He doesn't like his father because of my actions."

"You can't blame yourself. He'll forgive you."

I wasn't so sure. He knew full well Casper was his father. He wouldn't forgive me if i never told him. Didn't matter then, I needed to clean up.

When everything was cleaned up, Casper gathered his things. I honestly should've just let him go, but I... I needed the company.

"Hey Casper..." he turned around, "why don't you stay the night? it's lonely without the kids."

His eyes fluttered through emotions, but he smiled softly and dropped his things, "I don't see why not."

Things were innocent at first. We played some games on my PlayStation and we sang along to older music and danced. And that was fine. Then, while we somehow ended up slow dancing....

"Could you play piano for me? Write me a song? I don't care how silly it is."

"why the sudden request?"

"I just realized I wanted to hear it since I haven't since high school."

I sighed against his chest, but nodded, moving away. We made our way to my piano, and I felt my natural shift to the keys. I could feel his eyes trained on me, and a feeling I hadn't felt in awhile burned in my body as I warmed up.

I thought for a moment before my fingers went to the keys, started slow, but ready to speed up.

"I didn't mean to make you mad and now I really want you to stay. So stay with me, even if only for tonight. We can blame it on our memories or the scattered beers and wine. We can blame it on the night. All of it when it's you and I. I don't care if you leave me broken, because it's been far too long. My brain is all scattered, scrambling the words where it all went wrong. Maybe you can fix my broken pieces. Maybe you can mend my heart. I don't care what you give me, so long as we don't fall apart. So stay the night, stay for life. Choose what would make everything feel so right. Emotions turn to passion. Passion turns to love. Love turns to what could've been us. So..." my eyes flicked sideways to him, meeting his gaze, "will you stay tonight? We can decide in the morning. We can choose our path. Pretend it never happened. Cause now you're all I have. And we have nothing, yet everything is in our hands. If you want this, just say yes and take my hand."

When my fingers left the keys, Casper pulled me to my feet, and pulled my flush with him. I leaned into his warmth and we met in the middle. We didn't need words as I grabbed his hand and led him down the hall towards my room. Towards where mistakes could happen and most certainly would happen.

Did I regret it?

Honestly, no.

After years of barely remembering what our drunken nights felt like, it was a whole different thing recall it all.

Recall him holding me in place and kissing every inch of bare skin I had. Recall his grunts and my white knuckles grips. Recall how nice my name sounded rolling off his tongue. Recall how much affection he showered me with.

The best thing to come from it though...

Was after it all.

Our bodies pressed together, legs tangled and panting into each other. Laughing and smiling because that moment, what we did, was the best thing in our lives in years that wasn't my kids.

That made everything worth it.

Made me forget the way I was