My newest son Bryan Casper Davidson.

He was blessed opposite of Eugene. With my hair and complexion, but Casper's eyes and smile. I knew it the second I saw him.

I was screwed.

Eugene has just barely three. Two months separating him and Bryan's birthdays.

The entire hospital trip was a pain.

Luckily, Tyler and Tina were at my place when the contractions began and were by my side when my water broke. They shoved me in black sweatpants and a extra large hoodie before bringing me to the hospital.

I was out of the hospital after a week, and moved into a new house after the second week. While I was in the hospital, Tyler and Tina looked after Eugene.

Everyone helped me move into the new place and set up the new nursery. It wouldn't be used right away since I was keeping the baby in my room so that my son could actually sleep, and so that I could keep an eye on them.

Strangely enough, after Bryan was born, Casper started to appear more often.

He'd offer to look after my kids so I could rest, things like that.

Then he'd take me out for a de-stress day while someone looked after my kids.

When I talked to Tyler about it, he said that I should just go along with it.

So I did.

"You look tired," Casper said calmly as he took a sip of his soda.

I nodded, resting my head in my hand, "Bryan cries non-stop in the middle of the night and I have to tend to him. I managed to get five hours last night though."

"How are you even alive?"

"I don't know."

He leaned back in his seat and looked at me, reading my expressions, taking in the sight of me, "I wish I could've helped you out when it was your first kid."

"It's fine."

Casper narrowed his eyes, "you needed the help. How is it only 'fine!'"

"I can do everything on my own, it's what I'm used to."

"You deserve more than that."

I looked at him with my tired eyes, "Do I? Every man in my life hasn't stayed or tried to get involved when they had sex with me."

"I-" he went quiet, not really sure how to continue. Not that I blame him. He had two drunk nights he didn't remember. I barely remembered our first time, one of two times. I was so drunk out of my mind that it blurred.

"Let's..." There was a pause, "enjoy a nice meal and avoid this."

"Alright."

We managed to have a nice dinner, splitting the bill despite his protests.

It was when we were in his car heading back to my place he was asking more questions, "do you still play piano?"

"Of course!" I responded quickly, "Eugene loves it so i write him songs and play them for him."

"Good."

"Good?"

"You were really good at piano. And singing. I half thought you would take over the spotlight."

I looked at him quizzically, "I don't have the stomach for that. I may have entertained the idea, but I chucked it out the window after I got pregnant."

"Why?"

"How would you feel if you found out your favorite celebrity, who was a male, was able to have gay sex and get pregnant?"

He went silent again. I had a point.

"It's the same reason I don't want to do interviews for my books."

"Ah."

"Glad you seem to understand."

We sat in that car in absolute silence, but Casper was thinking away, something clearly weighing on his mind.

He didn't voice it, whatever it was.

Not in the car at least.

When we got back to my place, he followed me inside and we were met with a tired looking Tyler, "they're asleep, I'm dead inside, goodnight."

Best friends for you.

"Let me make you something to drink," I offered Casper, who shook his head.

"I got it," he then forced me to sit down on the couch, "let me get it."

While I waited, I turned on the tv and decided to watch some news. There wasn't anything interesting besides the usual garbage. You know, politics.

By the time Casper actually came back, I flipped it over to the home improvement channel. It was good TV when you're bored and want to see drastic changes.

"Here, I know you're more of an iced tea kind of guy." He handed me a cold glass of citrus tea. Nice. He had coffee, bleh.

"Thanks. For a lot. I didn't have much relaxation time when Eugene was born, so this is nice."

"Didn't you have Tyler and his girlfriend to help?"

I shook my head, "no, Tina is still a college student and at the time Tyler was in the middle of trade school. I only got time away in the mornings when my mom looked after him so I could take classes. I was tired all the time."

"Yikes," he muttered, "glad I can help."

I smiled kindly, "it's been a big help. Having you all around this time, even when you're all undoubtedly busy."

"You deserve a breather every now and then. You shouldn't have to do this alone anyways."

I sighed, "I'd rather have it that way. I told you why, so I hope you understand."

"I do, but how do you know you won't regret never telling him?"

"I do regret it, every day, but I still won't tell him. It's not the right time and I don't even know if he likes me enough to stick around."

"If it was me, I'd stick around."

My heart clenched painfully and I forced myself to shake my head, "Casper, you don't know that. Besides it's not your problem."

"But I want it to be."

"What do you mean by-"

Then all my senses were alive. Casper had forced my drink back to the coffee table and then leaned in and kissed me. His hands pressed against my chest before sliding to my waist, holding firm and gripping tightly.

I shouldn't have even entertained it, but it was what I craved since I fell for him. I couldn't removed our drunken kisses, but my body remembered, setting my nerves on fire.

I wasn't kissing back, scared to, but... I did when he bit my lip. I couldn't help it. My hands went to his shoulders sliding until I was hugging him too me. This caused me to fall back and both of us went tumbling on the couch, not letting go for a second.

It was wrong

But how it should've been.

His hands were traveling, and I didn't stop them.

I wouldn't have bothered if it weren't for-

The baby monitor going off.

It jolted is apart. Regret pooled into my body and I couldn't look at him, "I should go check on Bryan. You should go home. Thanks for tonight."

I squirmed out of his gaze and bolted towards my room where Bryan was sleeping.

When I had taken care of him and gone back to the living room, my tea was still there, but Casper's coffee was in the sink and he was gone.

It was for the best.