2020 A/N: Some crappy writing down there.

2015 A/N:

HELP!

Should this be the epilogue? This is too serious and long for an epilogue but then, if it's not the epilogue, it's just... sticking out. Just tell me :D

In my place, first it's Kindergarten, 1st to 5th grade is primary, 6th to 10th grade is secondary and 11th and 12th grade are high school. I know in America and many places, high school is 9th to 12th grade and in places like Japan, it's 10th to 12th grade but yeah. Enjoy reading.

Song attached: I'm only me when I'm with you ~ Taylor Swift

Prologue

6 years later.

Uthra was dead.

Okay, before you all go and end in the emergency hall because of a heart attack- went too much? Okay, let me rephrase it. Before you all get shocked, let me clear it up.

The Uthra, who attended an all boys school, was dead. Officially dead.

He died about 4 years ago.

In a freaky motorcycle accident.

And his parents wanted his funeral to be a private one with only family members that they didn't call his school friends.

Or that's what we've been telling to people who didn't know Uthra was actually a girl.

When I returned from my favourite place in the world, I didn't tell to my favourite people in the world that I was indeed a girl. And to avoid further problems, my appa and Uncle created this story to erase my fraud records completely.

Hrithik anna who was at college that time told me that it created quite a roar among my friends and for a moment, even Rohan lost it. Seems like that kid forgot that I don't even know how to ride a 'motorcycle.'

At that time, I was just relieved that I didn't have to lie anymore. The guy who lived with them was gone and now, even when I come across them somewhere, I can face them without looking like a guilty criminal. To them, I would be some girl with a somewhat familiar face. Nothing more.

But then, the guilt turned even bigger and I knew it was wrong.

So here I was.

In front of my old school's gates (which was now a co-ed one) where the get-together for the high school batches 2014-2016 and 2015-2017 was being conducted, sweating like crazy.

Just woman up, Uthra and go spit it out!

Easy for you to say.

"Um, can I help you, ma'am?" The watchman finally asked when he saw that my car won't get any more near to the gate.

"Er, can you tell me where the get-together for 2015-17 is being held?"

"It's in block B, ma'am."

The already awkward smile on my face froze when I heard the name of the block.

Great, just the block where I studied with them.

Just great.

Not.

"Thanks," I muttered before starting the car.

After I left the school, my grandpa (mother's father) came to know about our situation. It seemed like the stone heart which couldn't be melted even to the slightest degree when both my sister and I were born, totally turned gooey when he heard that his only daughter was 'suffering' as a normal woman and not an empress (sarcasm of course).

My father didn't want the help of a man who had been selfish for such a long time but then, my mom made up with her father and well, everything turned out good. I took Civil Engineering for my undergraduate course since my father had once again regained his position in the world of Business so that I could take over once he retired.

As I drove inside, I noticed how everything still looked the same.

My heart was beating so fast that it started getting painful as I parked my car and started towards the building.

I remembered how I walked through these same corridors with my head hung so low while all the big, burly guys looked at me as if I was some new alien creature. I remembered how I was interrogated by Snape's doppelganger during my first day at school and how I made a fool of myself. I remembered the time Hrithik anna took me through the dorm since I didn't know where the dining hall was or how I embarrassed myself by being a 'one man circus' like how Karan anna so lightly put.

I felt my eyes getting wet when I realised that these things could never happen ever again.

For them, Uthra was dead. And when I say after all these years that from the start the Uthra they knew was a girl, they'd get angry at me and that's it. They wouldn't even want to see my face again.

Needing some physical and mental support, I dialled Rohan's number but he didn't seem to pick it up.

Damn.

"Hey, you!" a voice called, pulling me back from my inner turmoil.

My blood froze when I recognised the older version of a very familiar voice.

Double damn.

And just like the stupid, I was, I turned around.

Rohit sort of still looked the same.

The same old medium built, the same old friendly face, the same old messy hair and everything. But right then, he looked like he had just seen a ghost. Well, technically I could be considered a ghost since I was officially dead but I was dressed in girl clothes so yeah...

"Uthra..?" he whispered. "How.."

"Uh..." I could feel my finger point at myself. And I did the only desperate thing I could.

"I'm sorry. I don't know who you are."

"Stop lying, Uthra," Rohit said, a bitter smile on his face slightly peppered by facial hairs.

"What?"

Rohit shook his head at how pathetic I sounded.

"The way your hands are wide spread trying to make a point, the way you make so many hand gestures when you're nervous, the way your eyes are looking everywhere as you lie... sometimes it really sucks that we know someone this much. Otherwise I wouldn't care that my dead best friend is standing here as a... girl."

Dead best friend...

Suddenly the cruel idea of how we erased male Uthra seemed very bad. We had hurt him so much. I had hurt him so much.

"Rohit, let me explain," I said stepping forward but Rohit took a quick step back.

"Don't!" he yelled angrily, wiping a single tear that rolled down his cheek. "Don't you say anything. I knew something was wrong when Rohan and Hrithik didn't react as much but to thing this was what was wrong, I hate you, Uthra."

Automatically I took a step back.

And it hurt so much.

So freaking much.

"Hey bud, who's this girl? Flirting already?" another familiar voice asked teasingly from behind and I groaned mentally.

It's going to hurt more.

"A ghost," Rohit sneered which seemed to make Ryan, who by now was standing beside Rohit, surprised.

Looking confused, he glanced at me and just like that, all the colour on his face drained.

Ryan staggered backwards and Rohit had to hold him so that he wouldn't fall down.

"Uthra? How..?"

I hung my head down as both the guys who were my close friends when I was still a teenager, scrutinised me.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Shove your sorry-"

"That's enough Rohit."

We all turned sideways to look at Rohan who was walking towards the corner were we were standing.

Dressed in a simple white unbleached T shirt and denims, Rohan looked absolutely handsome.

After I left the school, we weren't that much in contact but Hrithik anna helped as much as he could. And when I joined uni, we continued it with phone calls, text messages and skype sessions. The first and last time I saw Rohan in person was during my college graduation, when he had travelled all the way from his college in another state to mine.

We both agreed that we would start the talk for marriage only when I let our friends know about my secret.

Rohit looked taken aback at Rohan's harsh tone while Ryan still looked angry and confused.

"Are you okay?" Rohan asked once he came near us, "how have you been?"

"Terrible," I muttered and gestured between me and Rohit and Ryan.

"Why is he alive?" Rohit asked Rohan, "wait, scratch that, why is he dressed as a girl?"

"Because she is a girl, buddy," Rohan whispered, "it's a long story."

"No," Rohit mumbled, his eyes looking distant. That's when I realised how much I meant to him. For me, it was Rohan first. Then it was my other friends. But it's crystal clear that for him, all of us were first place.

"No no no," he kept mumbling, "Uthra is a guy. He studied in an all boys school and lived with us! How could a girl do that?"

I glanced at Ryan who had dragged two chairs. He made Rohit sit on one and sat on the other chair.

"Rohan, if it's a long story, you explain. Otherwise I'll get crazy. I don't want this... betrayer in front of me," Ryan said looking at Rohan, not sparing a look at me.

Second blow.

Wow, it really hurts than the first one.

"Ryan, shut up man! She's still human and you frien-"

And before I knew what I was doing, my legs started to run and I fled the area while all the people assembled inside looked at me like I was some sort of a mad woman.

I heard Rohan call me saying 'stop' and not by my name since we still didn't want the other students to know that I was a girl, but I didn't stop.

My legs took me to the only place that would always comfort me no matter what.

I looked up at the shiny symbol of 236 as I opened the unlocked door to my old room.

Since it was summer holidays and since it was being repainted, the place was unlocked and empty.

Two barren beds stood at one corner just like it used to though there was now an extra ceiling fan.

I slowly made my way to what used to be my bed and sat down.

Suddenly the empty room seemed to be flooded with light and warmth as the images of Rohan and I doing Trig homework together, laughing played in front of my eyes.

"How can you solve everything just like that? Argh, just give me your brain."

"You just gotta try more, buddy."

My eyes clouded as I imagined the floor littered with tins and chips packets.

"Hello?"

"Y-yeah?"

"I said I'm Rohit. Ryan's roommate."

I've never seen such a beautiful or cute guy ever before.

Tears started flowing down as I let the most simplest yet the most impacted memories of mine hit me.

"Just because, you, Ryan is asking... I don't think it's a bad ide-"

"THANK YOU SO MUCH, BUD!"

It was these guys who made me feel welcome even before Rohan warmed up to me.

"What's her score?"

God, I ruined everything. If I had revealed my gender when I left the school, it would've been different. Good different or bad different, I don't know. But it seriously would've been different. Now... it's just a total mess.

"My room is not a motel."

"Just reply, you dumbshit!"

"Your room is not a motel. Happy?"

I'm so so stupid.

Even now, I should've stayed back clearing the mess I made instead of letting Rohan handle them.

What will you do in their place?

To think that both my best friends are dead and to see them after all those years in opposite gender's clothes... I--I wouldn't even let them explain themselves. I would be so angry at them that I... would've gone violent.

Yet... they didn't do that.

Because they are good guys.

And I just lost them.

A sudden creak pulled me from my thoughts and I glanced up to look a defensive looking Ryan come in, a paper bag on one hand.

"Ryan, I'm sorr-"

"Mate, just shut up," he said as he started emptying the bag.

Tins, snacks, water... what?

I looked confused as Rohit, Rohan, Hrithik anna and- wait. Was that Karan anna who just entered along with them?

"What is he doing here?!" I shrieked looking at Karan anna.

"You think I'm happy to see your ugly face too?" He scoffed but then, he groaned rubbing his eyes.

"Bruv, this is mega disturbing. I can't bully him if he's dressed like... that!"

"Of all the things you could say, for example, a girly screech with a 'Is he a she?!' you ask this?" Hrithik anna replied, shaking his head in amusement.

Once everyone quieted down, Rohit talked.

"This is sort of a welcome party," he said slowly, looking at me, still a little reluctant, "for you."

My breath hitched and I felt my eyes stinging, indicating the start of the water works again.

"But I'm not the new kid anymore..."

My voice broke and that made Rohit come to me.

He gave a gentle, angelic smile similar to the smile he gave me the first time I talked to him in the similar 'welcome party' seven years ago.

"Well, it's for welcoming you into our gang again, but this time, as a girl."

"Give me the knife already," Karan anna said, faking gagging faces, "I want to claw my eyes out."

"Here," Rohan said, actually tossing the knife to him, "be my guest."

"Brat," Karan anna muttered throwing it at Rohan which made Hrithik anna laugh.

"So, you aren't angry?" I asked once everyone started to act normal.

"Of course, I'm angry!" Ryan said with a glare, "but more than that, I'm relieved."

Rohit nodded in the background while Karan anna stuck his tongue out, looking totally grossed out.

"Your matters doesn't bother me," he said, earning him a mocking pat on the shoulders from Hrithik anna.

"Yeah, that's why you bawled your eyes out when you heard the fake news of Uthra's death."

"Well, for me, he was my best entertainment..."

"In other friends, your favourite junior?" Rohit asked winking and they continued to banter.

We talked and talked that I lost track of the time. It was weird how they all were still the same. Six years did nothing to change them. Life didn't harden then. Adulthood didn't pry their warmth and uniqueness from them. Distance didn't steal their love for each other. And I was damn proud that I had such cool friends.

I smiled, leaning a little on Rohan.

Just a few hours ago, I cried because I thought that I've lost the best things in my life.

It's still true that I can't recreate the old memories with them because that phase was gone. We weren't students anymore. We didn't live in the same places anymore. We all were busy with our lives.

But I was really happy that I could create new ones with them. I was happy that even if we grew up, even if we are adults, we were still the same.

Just few teenagers who love to fool around with the lamest things ever.

The room wasn't lighted. It wasn't warm. It wasn't looking anything like the home it was to me all those years back. But thinking about it now, my home wasn't just the room. It was them that made the room homely. It was with them, in this room, I made some of my best memories though they are pretty ordinary.

And right then, I realised one thing and it brought a huge smile on my face.

If I'm with these guys, then I'm home.

•••

Almost 0 Rohan in this chapter. But it was to have a closure among Uthra and her friends.

Sucky?

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With love,
Kai.