Eva's POV

I lie in my bed staring up at the ceiling, my head pounding with a dull pain nowhere near as bad as the pain in my heart. I lie completely still thinking of nothing but somehow thinking of everything at the same time, my whole body feeling numb and drained.

It is easier I suppose, the pain just a dull ache but constantly there reminding me. What hurt me more was Shawn, in the few days I knew him he became my rock, the person I could rely on and somehow he broke my heart more than Noah, I expected him to care for me so much more, but I suppose I created my own heartbreak with the expectation of something that would never happen. I just fell for a person who wasn't ready to catch me.

It makes me sick to the stomach though, I fell for their stupid tricks. Both Shawn and Noah. But was Shawn really tricking me? He was with Lauren, of course he was.

Stupid me, thinking I'm in love. Now that I contemplate it, I don't think I even know what love is and maybe its one of those feelings that's so strong that I won't ever really know because it can come differently depending on who you're with and with some a love is more stronger and painful than it is with others. And it confuses me. Maybe I really don't know what love is, yet somehow I've been in love, or what I think is love? All I really know is that there are people I would never get tired of seeing, and hugs I would never get tired of having and smiles I would give anything to see. And that one person who I would give anything to be with, that his absence from my life is too hard to ignore. Shawn.

And by no means do I believe in love at first sight, personally I feel like theres no such thing there is only lust at first sight because the person that you first meet doesn't become the person you know. People change. I disliked Shawn when I first met him but what changed? I guess you just fall for the most unexpected person at the most unexpected time.

A knock on the door makes me jump slightly, but I stay put hoping that whoever it is goes away but they only become more persistent, knocking more frequently and more loudly. I jump off my bed and march over to the door, swinging it open angrily.

Noah. The sight of him only makes me angrier.

"What do you want?" I spit out.

"Oh come on, I flew all the way over just so I could come see you and I don't even deserve a hi?"

"You don't deserve anything from me Noah,"

"I came to fix things,"

"Too bad they're way too broken,"

"But-"

"And I threw them in the bin,"

"Eva stop talking in metaphors, threw what?"

"My feelings for you, my broken heart."

"Sweetheart I'm so sorry,"

"You don't get to call me that,"

"At least give me a chance to explain?"

"Why should I?"

"Because I'm stupid and you know that, and I-I-I never appreciated you enough, now I know I've lost you it made me realise how stupid I am."

"Glad you realised, anything else you want?"

"Please? Let me explain and if I still can't make you want to be my girlfriend then I'll be out of your way. Until then I won't stop bugging you."

I open my door a little further and step aside so he has room to enter which he accepts and perches himself on the end of my bed, everyone should have a chance to explain right? But Noah has had so many.

"For the record, calling me your girlfriend is just a title I don't care about them. I don't care if you're my boyfriend or my best friend Noah, all I really want is for you to love me, but I don't think you can."

"Of course I can love you, and I will. You know that I'm not good at all of this mushy lovey stuff, give me a break."

"I don't need you to be good at it Noah, I don't need to be showered with gifts or compliments thats not what I'm asking for but all I've ever wanted was to be loved, and you broke that when you and Lauren started whatever it was."

"Eva, I'm trying okay? Yes, I know I didn't always have time for you and I wasn't always there for you but I still did the best I could. I missed you, I really did and I'm going to be completely honest with you, I did lie a few times, Lauren came over and she was there so things happened luckily no one caught us and I thought it would be fine like that until you came back but then we were drunk and at the party and we kissed but everyone saw and I didn't realise until whispers started amongst us. I never meant to hurt you, ever."

"I understand," I whisper, the tears rolling down my face, I didn't really understand but it was easier than asking questions that would break me. This is why people walk over me. My kindness is my weakness.

"You do?"

"I guess, but I still have a question, did anything happen when we were together? When I was still at home?" I already knew the answer but I had to hear it for myself.

"Does it even matter?"

"Just answer the damn question,"

"Yes."

I say nothing, I don't care but it feels so painful. The silence lingers with my occasional sniffle being heard, I want him back I do but I can't handle a relationship with him. Mainly for two reasons I couldn't lead him on when I know I have feelings for Shawn, feelings that are much stronger than the ones I have for him and also he lost my trust completely, and it would take a lot of work to get it back.

"I've lost you haven't I?" He asks breaking the silence.

"You had already lost me, but you deserved a chance to explain. And thank you for being honest with me."

"You really are amazing you know that right? Even though you're not mine whoever gets you is damn lucky."

"Thank you, I'm sure you'd make a great boyfriend Noah but when you find the one who's right for you, I wasn't right and I think we both knew that from the very start."

"I didn't want to end it like this, I didn't want to hurt you."

"You can't change the past," I say softly "But change the future, don't do this to another girl please?"

He nods, agreeing with me.

"When did you get so wise?" He says fondly

"Shut up, I've always been the clever one."

"Where does this leave us?" he asks

"Friends?"

"Hell no," he says. Damn he must really dislike me.

"Best friends" he says seconds later, making us burst out into laughter. And just like that the air is cleared between us, easier now that we were friends. We were trying to hard when we were dating, and I guess it's true you should date someone who can be your partner and best friend at the same time.

"What are you doing now? Like when are you heading home?"

"Wanting to get rid of me so soon? I'm staying to watch your next concert and then I'm heading home."

"With Lauren?"

"Wait how do you know she's here?"

"I tried going to the hot tub earlier but things looked pretty heated between her and Shawn," I explain.

"Okay um well you didn't hear this from me but she was hoping that if her and Shawn got back together she would stay on the tour with you guys."

"Fanfuckingtastic," I mutter

"Oh come on, she's not that bad once you get to know her!"

"Of course you would say that,"

"Okay I'm sorry, but give her a chance Eva. She's not a bad person. Also I've gotta run, but I'll see you later yeah? You'll kill it tonight, you always have and always will!"

"Thank you Noah," I say walking him to the door and twisting the handle.

"Hey um I know we're not dating anymore but would it be okay if I still gave you a hug? Would you be okay with it?" he asks his face turning red.

"Don't be stupid, you can always give me a hug."

He steps outside the door and bends down wrapping his arms around me pulling me into an embrace, I look down the hallway as my arms wrap around him and my eyes stop when they land on Shawn and Lauren walking down, his arms wrapped around her waist as she leans up to kiss him. When they pull away Shawn spots me in Noah's arms and his eyes go cold. Noah pulls away and places a quick kiss on my forehead, just like he used to back when we were just friends, it was pretty normal for us. I chuckle to myself as I close the door at the sight of Shawn's face.

Two can play at this game Mendes.

The funny thing is he doesn't even know the reality of it, that I'm head over heels for him.

Feeling slightly better that things were resolved between me and Noah I start tidying up my room getting ready for the show tonight.

--

I step off the stage just as Shawn enters, the adrenaline and excitement of performing making me giddy. Although things were rough between me and Shawn right now I still lingered on the side of the stage listening to him. I had successfully managed to avoid him all day and even got to ride by myself to the venue, arriving much later than anyone else being immediately whisked away to the meet and greets.

As Shawn thanks his fans after his last song I creep away from the side hoping that he doesn't know I was listening to him sing. I join the big huddle that Shawn was stood in, his eyes instantly heading to me when I walk towards them all but I look away ignoring him.

"Boo!" Noah says from behind me, tickling my ribcage "I couldn't find you after you performed, where were you?"

"That doesn't matter, I was just doing stuff."

Listening to Shawn...

"Well, you were amazing! I knew you would be! I'm so proud of you Eva!" He swoops down lifting me off my feet and giving me a hug, it's funny how I saw him as such a proud brotherly figure now but a week ago we were still a couple. Strange yet disturbing.

He puts me down and I turn to the rest of the group, mainly looking at Shawn who was picking at his fingernails ignoring everyone, something was bothering him, but what?

He only looks up when Lauren comes round to him giving him a hug and a disgusting sloppy kiss, but Shawn responds eagerly making me feel sick and sorrowful.

Why was I never anyones number one choice?

We pack up and head back to the hotel, or in my case to the airport to drop Noah and then to some pizza place to grab my dinner, then I head back to the hotel loading up Netflix and thinking about how much I'm dreading the rest of the tour.

♡

Hey guys, hope you're doing well☺️ and hope you enjoyed the update! Let me know what you thought?
I'm pre-writing a lot of chapters so I'll update every Monday, for a little while :)
Also, hope you all have an amazing week! And if you're going back to school this week like me I hope you have an amazing time and an amazing year at school☺️

Lots and lots of love
Etherealmx