Shaws POV (part 3) 

A few moments later my conscious kicks in, telling me this is wrong. I'm taking advantage of her, so I pull away instantaneously wanting our lips to collide again. 

"I'm sorry," I whisper, because its the only thing I can think of, holding onto her our foreheads still touching, not able to pull away yet. 

"Don't be, I liked that." She says, making me momentarily elated until I realise reality, she's vulnerable. Confused. When she gathered her thoughts and feelings this would only end in heartbreak. 

Just push her away Shawn, it's better for both of you. My conscious informs me, controlling me and taking in a deep breath I tell Eva, 

"Of course you did, you're vulnerable and confused and I took advantage of that. I'm sorry, we should just go." I remove my arms from her and stand up, any space we had between us now vanished only leaving me craving for it to come back. 

"Shawn," she says gazing up at me "I know I was upset, I mean I still am but I'm most definitely not confused. I've never been so sure of anything, ever."

She stands up and I turn my back to her, not because I can't stand to see her, I could look at her all day but I know that if I watch her everything inside me would break. I don't deserve her, and I never will. I start picking up the very little amounts of litter scattered on the floor, getting lost in my thoughts, I know she's doing the same but I still can't bring myself to acknowledge her presence, and for once thought the night a heavy awkward silence hangs amongst us. As I continue to think, I realise that she would go running back to Noah, like she has done every time so far, every time when I thought I was getting so close to getting her she would fall for him again  and forgive him. The thought stays in my head, bitter and hurtful.   

"This was a mistake, please forget it happened." I say with my voice tight, I can bet you tomorrow her and Noah would sort everything out. And I would be pushed aside, stupidly ready to comfort her when he hurts Eva again. 

"What do you mean forget it happened?" I see the tears build up in my eyes, and all I want to do is wipe them away. But I can't. 

"Lets just head back,"

"I don't want to" God, why is she so stubborn? 

"Eva, don't make this more difficult than it needs to be," I state, wanting nothing else than to get back and bury myself in my guitar, in my music and of course Eva's arms but I dismiss that thought as quickly as it comes. 

"How am I making this difficult? God you're so confusing," Oh, I'm confusing? This girl has my thoughts in a mess and has done since the day I met her yet I'm the one that's confusing? 

Turning on my heel, I walk to the car ever so silently. Hoping Eva would follow behind me, because either way I would wait for her, I would never leave her stranded. As I sit in the car I throw my head into my hands which rest on the steering wheel, taking deep breaths to stop myself from crying and screaming out in anger. It's so overwhelming.  

I just want mercy. Please. 

Eva gets into the car slamming the door, making me jump and moreover making me look at her bewildered at where all this anger is coming from but she looks away from me, out the window so I start the car up and start the route back to the hotel. 

"I'm sorry," She whispers. For what? The problem is, I don't know why I'm so angry and upset with her, the problem is she hasn't done anything. God I'm such a shitty person. 

I nod mutely letting her know that I heard her but keep my eyes focused on the road.

"Me too," I say after a lot of thinking, because I truly am. About everything. 

"I know," she replies with a smile, one that is filled with sadness. 

"You know, you look much prettier when your smile is happy," I say without thinking, the words leaving my mouth without me wanting them to. I meant it, but I just didn't want to say it. 

"I thought all smiles were happy?"

"No, I can see your sadness in yours, your confusion, your anger, your helplessness and most of all your heartbreak. I'm sorry Noah did that to you,"

"It wasn't just him," she mutters, making me even sadder and angrier with myself. 

"That's why I'm sorry, I don't know how I've made you feel but I know that it's not a positive feeling and I'm sorry for that," I really wouldn't be surprised if she hated me. 

"I'm angry, not with anyone but myself for letting myself be affected by you and let Noah fool me like that. I'm angry because I'm so damn helpless, because I don't know what the hell to do but yeah you're right about what you said earlier, you confused me because I thought the electricity was there when I kissed Noah and then you came and I barely know you but you kissed me and I realised any kiss I had with Noah was like being given a star but being with you felt like I was given the whole universe, and I know it's cheesy but that's how you made me feel and I can't help it." 

"I-I-Eva,- I'm sorry," Is all I say because as usual I can't fathom my thoughts in a coherent sentence. Her revelation makes me happy, beyond happy but at the same time extremely sad. She's confused, she can't mean it. Especially not to me.  

"Just stop saying sorry. Stop it."

"Just listen to me, if I could I would do my best to help and I will, no matter when I'll do my best. I'll try my best to cheer you up and get you through this, I'll be here for you throughout this entire tour but there's only one thing I can't do for you Eva," I stop the car as we pull up outside the hotel sighing in relief no press or fans were around. It would only cause more problems. 

"What can't you do?" she says in a voice barely audible, refusing to look at me. 

"I can't be there for you on a romantic scale," I can, I want to scream but I'm only protecting us. Theres nothing more I want than that. 

"Then why did you do it?" her voice heavy with sadness, like she is about to cry.

"Do what?"

"Kiss me," She says it with such anger only confirming my earlier thoughts, she would leave me for Noah by tomorrow and I'm sure of it. 

"I told you it was a mistake," I say trying to control my anger, clenching and unclenching my fists. 

"I didn't know gravity accidentally pulled you towards my face," I didn't. My love for you did. 

"Look I got caught up in the moment, I don't feel the same way and I don't think I ever will, I'm sorry." Lies. All lies. 

"Is it me?"

"What do you mean?"

"The reason you don't feel the same way, is it me?"

"I still don't understand, what about you?" This girl is so confusing! 

"Why don't you feel the same way? What's wrong with me?"

"We barely know each other." I say, trying to think of a reasonable answer. 

"That doesn't answer my question," Nothing comes to mind, nothing that makes sense or is rational. 

"Fine it's you. Happy now?" I take the easy way out. I'm a coward, I know and I hate myself for it. 

"Bullshit," I mutter "everything you said about Noah not seeing perfection was utter bullshit, and you know what? You're exactly like him, a damn player. So well done Shawn another person ticked off your list, I hope you're happy now."

I hate this, why the hell am I pretending? That isn't the real me, and I want her to know I are about her so in the spur of the moment I decide to end this faking. I call her name out to tell her the truth, to fix things but its too late, she's already inside the hotel and instead of doing the sane thing and running after her I slump in my chair and cry. Well done Shawn, you've really messed up. 

I sit there for god knows how long until I see the sun coming up, but for some reason I don't feel tired. I just feel drained, and no amount of sleep could fix that. I exit my car, and head up into my room changing into some gym clothes, and once I am changed into them I head to the gym and run on the treadmill, lift weights and do push ups like theres no tomorrow and it all makes me feel better, its like I'm pushing all the anger hurt and hate out. Looking at the time I realise that I've been in here for a couple of hours and I'm a sweaty mess, so I head back up to get a shower. 

After my shower I had some breakfast, but no amount of muffins seemed to comfort me and I desperately wanted to relax so I decide to head down to the jacuzzi. When I get down there I stop dead in my tracks, not expecting to see the person who is sat in there. What the hell is she doing in here?

I know I should have taken my chance to run but then she spots me, and smiles brightly and motions me to come join her. I don't know what possesses me but I slowly ease in next to her. 

"What are you doing here?" I question, my voice monotone from the events of the previous 24 hours. 

"Aren't you glad to see me?" Lauren asks

"Just answer the damn question,"

"Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed," Funny thing is, I haven't even slept at all. "Fine, Shawn, I'm here because Noah wanted to see his precious little Eva and I was dying to see you." My blood starts to boil and my heart breaks even more, Eva was bound to take him back now. 

"We broke up Lauren,"

"Well I want us to get back together?" 

"I don't want to, you cheated on me and literally last night you were with Noah, I don't want to go through that again."

"I was drunk, both times. I love you." Three. Empty. Words. I close my eyes tight wanting to escape everything. 

"Don't overthink this Shawn, look at me." 

I look into her eyes, but I feel nothing. Emptiness. 

"You know we're mean to be together Shawn. You know I love you." She whispers and without giving me a chance to reply she sits up and swings her legs across so she is sat on my lap, straddling me in an awkward position and crashes her lips onto mine. In my moment of confusion I respond to her, throwing in all my feelings into this one kiss, giving it everything I have. 

All I can think right now is how much I wish this was Eva. 

♡

Hiiii guys :) this was the final part to all three of Shawn's POV's and this is actually the longest chapter I've written!! I didn't want to drag on all the Shawn's POV's so after this chapter its going to be back to Eva and back to the story :)

Hope you all enjoyed! Thank you once again for your lovely comments! I love you all!!

See you in the next update Xxx