I FOUND MYSELF INSIDE the barn without really remembering how I got there. It was just the first place my mind wandered to after my talk with Eeira. It was the only place I could be truly alone without anyone finding me. It was also the one place that reminded me the most of Calder.

Running through the snow and hoping my footprints would be covered in the downpour, I bursted into the barn and closed the doors behind me. I knew it wouldn't be very long until someone noticed I was missing and came looking for me, so I had to make my time here as valued as I could. I needed to think, and I couldn't do so in the suffocating walls of the palace. If I tried I was sure my brain would burst.

Sighing in relief of the quiet I took a moment to look around the barn. The memories quickly came flooding back of mine and Calder's first kiss here, and the way he had touched me and how I'd seen his scars. I could still feel his lips on mine that last time as I took in his powers. They were still lingering inside me, washing its last remnants through my veins like boiling water and burning me to the bone. I couldn't get him out.

The flashes of my vision quickly shoved the memories aside, and they stabbed at my temples and my chest. The red of his blood glazed over my vision, and when I closed my eyes all I could see was his beaten face. I slid down the door and sat on my legs, tightly grasping the stray straw next to me as tears slipped down my face.

I hated this. I hated that my life had come to this in just the span of a few months. I wanted all of the pain, suffering, fear and hardship to be over. All I wanted was to be back in Phoenix with my real parents and my sisters, and Calder by my side as if we were all normal. But normal was the furthest thing Calder and I could ever be.

A couple of the horses huffed and brought me out of my state, shakily pulling me to my feet. I walked over to Calder's white steed who had somehow become mine, standing in his stall right next to Calder's black horse. I ran my hand over the white mane of my horse and he nickered in response, turning his head to nudge my hand. It was if he could feel the turmoil I was experiencing, and through his eyes I almost saw it in him too. He missed his master. I missed the man my heart pounded so effortlessly for.

"I know," I whispered to him, his ear flicking towards me in attention. "I know. He's gone. He's gone and I don't know if he's ever coming back. And I can barely say his name myself anymore without tearing a piece of my heart out with it. I wish we could ease each other's pain."

The horse then turned his head to nest in the crook of my shoulder as if hugging me, his cool breath puffing out his nose. I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him back, pressing my face into his soft mane as I felt yet another hole sink into my chest.

I brushed him for a while after that and fed him and the other horses some frosted apples like they enjoyed, feeling a little less weighted for just the moment at least. I knew the stablemen didn't give them the attention they needed, not like Calder did, so it felt peaceful to do so and see how happy it made them.

My peace was short lived as I expected though when the barn doors suddenly flew open and there stood a flustered Thorne.

"Finally!" he groaned, throwing up his hands. "I've found not the lost princess, but the missing one. Do you realize the whole palace has been in a panic looking for your ass? I've been across the entire grounds and through every room and corridor of the castle twice already. What the hell are you doing in here?"

Staring at him a moment without a word I simply shrugged and turned back to brushing my horse.

Thorne, out of breath, replied, "A shrug. Really. Ok then."

He walked over to me and then noticed the tear stains on my cheeks, and his annoyed demeanor changed. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"I had a talk with Eeira today. I'm sure you heard since the whole palace was supposedly in a buzz about the topic. My coronation is in three days. On Sunday I'll be queen."

Thorne furrowed his brows. "And. . .that's why you're in a smelly barn brushing a horse?"

I jerked away from my horse to face Thorne directly, his previous annoyance now flushing me. "I can't do this, Thorne. I won't. I told Eeira I wouldn't be crowned until Calder was rescued and let back into the palace, and my mind is made up on that. I'm an Arnesen, my father's daughter, and everyone should know by now that no one can force us to do anything."

"You're being irrational, you know that right?" Thorne asked, "How long do you think you can keep this going? You have to become queen Eerika. There's literally no other way around it besides death, and I'll be damned if I let you 'Romeo and Juliet' this situation."

I blinked a few times in surprise at Thorne knowing who Romeo and Juliet were when Calder knew nothing about the Shakespeare tale, but I shrugged it off for now.

"You don't get it. I'm not a queen, Thorne. I don't even feel like a princess half the time. I don't have my parents or Calder to tell me how to handle any of this. I still have a threat to my life with Sylvi out there. Calder may die because of me. It's too much. I'm not ready for this."

"Actually Princess, I think you're the one who doesn't get it. I told you last night that your people and your kingdom was what was important and that you needed to do this not for yourself but for them. And if you're waiting for someone else to tell you how to do everything then you're wasting your time because that's not how the world works, even in this one. You're being a spoiled brat only thinking about your needs and not your responsibilities. Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do for the sake of what's right, Eerika!"

"Ok first of all Thorne Halvorsen, I'm sick of you speaking down to me as if I'm a child-"

"Then stop acting like one!" he interrupted, making my blood boil.

"I'm not finished," I gritted back at him. "Secondly, who are you to decide what is right in all of this? Do you think this is easy having to make this kind of decision? Because having to decide between the fate of the man I care about and the fate of my kingdom isn't. Easy."

"Of course it isn't easy, that's life! If there was never any bad in the world you live in and you had everything handed to you it wouldn't be real. This may be a fantasy world to the humans, but to us this is as real as it gets. Take off your damn rose colored glasses, Eerika. This is the world you live in now, these are your problems, and you can't run away from either anymore. Becoming queen is what's right for everyone."

"Is it right for Calder?" I castigated, "Because you remember what I told you last night. Sylvi will kill him if I become queen. She's only keeping him alive now because she thinks I'll come to his rescue unarmed and unprepared, and then that would be her chance to kill me. She wants Calder to watch me die before she ends his life too. If I become queen I'd have the power to form and command armies against her, and that I could also banish her should she not be destroyed. She has the ultimate leverage against me and she knows it."

"But what if she doesn't kill him? What if becoming queen is the only way you can rescue Calder?" Thorne pointed.

"I can't take the risk, Thorne. I won't put Calder's life on the line anymore. Until he's back here safely I have to tiptoe on broken glass and hope neither of us get cut."

I then stepped around Thorne to leave the barn and be done with this whole conversation, but his words quickly stopped me.

"The risk is worth the reward," he said, but it sounded more like he was quoting it than saying it.

I turned back around to face him. "What?"

"You know the saying, the risk is worth the reward. What if risk is exactly what needs to be the forefront here?"

"You mean deliberately risking Calder's life? Are you out of your mind?"

"No, that's not what I mean. Well, it's kind of what I mean, but just hear me out. You said Sylvi wants you to come for Calder so she can get her hands on you. But she isn't going to wait forever for that to happen. Eventually she's going to get so antsy in waiting that she isn't going to wait anymore, and will probably just come for you herself again."

"Why would she do that? She risked her life enough coming here the first time, she wouldn't bring the fight to me again," I reminded. "She wants me to march to my own death."

"She was just overly confident the last time. Now it's different. She knows all the force you had before is gone and you're outnumbered against her. She killed most of your trained knights and staff, all you have now are rookies. And now she has Calder too, the one who knows every move her knights make with his eyes closed, who could protect you the most and give you his powers. There's nothing stopping her from coming back here and finishing the job."

"Then why hasn't she done it yet? It doesn't make sense."

"She hasn't done it because she wants you to do all the work," Thorne explained. "She wants you to come to her so she doesn't have to get her hands dirty and fool with more casualties. But eventually she's going to get tired of waiting, and it'll eat her up inside so much she can't take it any longer."

"I'm still not following you," I said, running my hands over my face and feeling overwhelmed.

"Think about it, Eerika. Sylvi loves a show. She wants everyone to see you fall and know she was the cause of it. She wants this entire realm to know she's won. What would be the best time and place for her to do that where every fey in the realm would be present?"

"My coronation," I concluded, dizziness now coming over me and the need to sit down.

"Exactly," Thorne nodded, "She probably expected you to come for Calder weeks ago, and you haven't yet. So she's been up there in that castle of hers with just her thoughts eating at her, waiting and waiting and nothing happening. Her bloodlust and revenge isn't being quenched, not even Calder's torture is fulfilling her. It's just going to keep building until she can't take it anymore. Then she'll hear of the coronation announcement, which I'm sure is already being proclaimed everywhere."

"But wouldn't Eeira or the Clan think of the possibility of Sylvi crashing the coronation that they'd keep things low profile?" I wondered.

"Yes, but everyone in the village has to be informed because they're required to attend and pay respect to their queen. And I know for a fact there's always someone down there who's secret allegiance is to Sylvi. More and more join her side every week because of the false promises she gives them. Word will get to her, and she'll make a plan of action. She'll want it to be final this time, so she's going to bring every single one of her forces with her. The castle will be empty with no one guarding it."

"Which means no one would be there to guard Calder. Someone can go in and get him out!" I exclaimed, thinking there was actually hope for the first time in ages.

"Exactly. It's the perfect plan."

I felt a giant release from my shoulders for a moment, only until I realized the plan wasn't as perfect as Thorne thought.

"But what happens when Sylvi does come here? We don't even know how to defeat her yet. I had so much confidence in the iron sword and you know what happened to it. She could end up causing so much more damage than she did before, and even accomplish killing me. And if she does finish the job here there would be no use for Calder anymore, therefore she might kill him beforehand. That can't happen, Thorne. It puts both Calder and I in danger, as well as you and everyone else."

"She won't get that far. No one was prepared for her arrival before and that's how she was able to worm her way into the castle grounds. We could make plans this time. An ice wall could be formed around the perimeter and continually held up by the staff, and I could command most of the knight to be on guard. When Sylvi arrives she won't be able to break the wall just as she couldn't Calder's when he saved you. And what knights aren't on guard can go with me to rescue him."

His words took me by surprise. "You would actually do that for me? Risk your life to save his? When I first met you you called Calder a traitor."

"I'm not saying he isn't," Thorne defended before shrugging, "But for how much I see you care about him, maybe he isn't that bad a guy."

I let out a small breath and looked away from Thorne in thought. "I don't know if any of the other men will think so. Eeira and the Clan certainly won't approve of this."

"My men have to do what I say, I am their Captain after all," Thorne smirked. "And who says anyone else has to know?"

I lightly scoffed, "You don't think a giant ice wall would be suspicious?"

"I'll make a suggestion to Eeira and the Clan of putting extra caution on the coronation knowing the possibility of Sylvi crashing it, and they'll agree. Just leave it all to me. I have my way with words."

I felt a pit already forming in my stomach of this whole risky situation. There was so much uncertainty, so many things that could go wrong. There were still parts of this plan that could have holes poked through and cause everything to come crashing down.

"What about once Sylvi is here? She won't give up trying to get to me, and the staff can't hold the walls up forever. There's only so much strength we have to use our powers, you and I both know that."

"And so does Sylvi with her own," Thorne said, "She may be stronger with her iron power, but even she only has so much. She'll eventually get tired and have to retreat. All we need is her gone from her palace just long enough to get Calder out. I know where it is, so I can make a portal to get there. Once she's here my men and I will go through the portal and into the castle until we find Calder and bring him out. No risks, and no casualties. This can work if you trust me, Eerika."

I paused and swallowed down the hard lump risen in my throat. I had a bad feeling about this plan already, but I didn't want to rule it out. At this point I didn't think anything else would work to bring Calder home.

"And if it doesn't?" I asked him hesitantly.

"Then we'll keep working on it until it does. I can at least promise you that."

"You know Eeira could have you demoted for this, the Clan even banishing you. Are you willing to jeopardize yourself just to help me?"

Thorne shrugged with a smirk once more. "Eh, I'm not scared of them. I haven't had any rebellion in a while anyway, so this will regain my reputation. And who says they have to know the truth before your coronation is finished? Because if I'm right, once you become queen it's solely your decision on who's demoted and who's banished. Your father let the Clan and Gulbrand decide before, but I doubt things will be quite the same with your sassy ass running the show. No one will know I'm gone, trust me. I'm a stealthy one. All the focus will be on Sylvi when she arrives anyway, no one will even see me and my men leave. So now I ask you, Princess. . .are you in?"

My chest tightened slightly, my mind racing with worried thoughts and 'what if's. If this was to go wrong, everyone's life including Calder's and my own would be jeopardized, and it would be my fault. Could I take this chance, the biggest risk I will have ever taken, just to save the man who held my heart?

I took in a deep breath as I stood, nodding my head and only hoping I wouldn't regret what I was about to do.

"Okay. I'm in. Let's get Calder back."