SEVERAL DAYS PASSED. I didn't tell Calder of the nightmare vision I'd had, and only had that once. I knew if I did it would only stress him out further than he already was, which in turn would cause me to feel the same. I just had to hope because I'd only seen it once that it was in fact just a nightmare, and not something that would soon come to light. . .

Calder had actually been a little more like himself these past few days, not having any of his episodes, at least when I was present. The staff was still unpleasant with him though, which kept him walking around the palace in shadow. But the fog was not as clouded around him as before at least, and I wanted to hope that meant he was now getting past what he went through and was coming back to me.

I needed him to, not only for my sake but for his own, and for the kingdom. If we were going to defeat Sylvi once and for all, he had to be strong and focused again. Now more than ever I was determined to end her reign. Then Calder could finally let go, feel peace and be with me entirely. I just wish we knew how.

I found myself looking through my grandmother's vision book again that morning, wondering if it might give me any answers to the one I had if it was indeed a warning. I read that visions felt as real as touch which I knew from the ones I had of the sword, and Calder in Sylvi's dungeon.

They all felt as if I was right there in the scene, experiencing everything. The visions of the sword turned out to not be as accurate as it was depicted, but Calder's was all but real. I touched my neck, still feeling the constriction in my imagination.

No. That one had to be just a nightmare. Nothing more. Calder would never hurt me intentionally like that. I knew it in my soul.

I was startled by a knock at the door, practically throwing the book back under my bed just as someone came in.

Thorne gave me a puzzled look as I sat on the bed and tried to force an innocent smile.

"Hey, Queenie," he greeted, eyeing me suspiciously and then cracking a joke. "Writing in your diary?"

I rolled my eyes. "I thought you were Calder. I was just reading in my grandmother's book."

"Why, did you have another vision or something?"

As much as I wanted to talk to someone about the anxiety I felt of it, I knew I couldn't even tell Thorne of the nightmare because his big mouth would just get the better of him. Then Calder would find out just as he had from Nilsine about the ones I'd seen of the sword. I had to lie.

"No. I just wanted to finish the pages I hadn't gotten to. I've been so distracted lately with Calder and my duties. He doesn't even know about the book or the library yet."

"I've noticed your distraction," Thorne said. "I've barely seen any sight of you since we got back. I've missed your sassy ass."

I threw him a look that made him laugh. "And yet I can't say that I've missed your cocky attitude."

"Well that's just rude," he replied with playful sarcasm, walking back out the door.

I followed him into the hallway to walk with him wherever he was going, needing lighter company at the moment. I would have to leave shortly of course to check on Calder and attend to my duties I had let slip yesterday, but for now I just wanted to hang out with him like I would with a best friend back home. I missed Jessi and that small enjoyment of her friendship more than I could say.

"How's 'ol lover boy doing?" Thorne asked, lacing his hands behind him. "Brynjar is fully recovered, and as fuming as ever over what happened. I've still got him shoveling up horse shit for starting the fight. Did Bryndis ever say anything to you about it?"

Again I rolled my eyes. "Don't call him that. He's. . .getting better, I think. His episodes haven't been as frequent lately. As for Bryndis, she hasn't said a word actually. She probably doesn't want to offend me with it being Calder."

"What do you mean by Calder having episodes?"

I paused a moment to think of how to explain. "He just. . .has these moments where he goes back to that dungeon in his mind. He forgets where he is and believes he's back there still. I think Sylvi is still in his head, figuratively. He still hears what she said to him and feels the remembrance of her torture. I. . .never thought that such trauma could cause the PTSD he's having. I just want him to remember the person he used to be again."

"He's never going to fully be the same person again, Eerika," Thorne informed. "Trauma like that changes anyone. I haven't been the same since my own of watching Thyra die, and Calder will not be either now that he's suffered what he has. You aren't the same yourself since you've been in this world, right?"

I shook my head. "No. I'll never be the simple girl from Arizona I once was."

"Don't put pressure on Calder to be who he was, because that guy is gone. You just have to accept him for who he is now. He's going to get better in time, but you have to let him at his own pace. I've learned to go on, but I still have my days."

"How long did it take you to find your light again?"

Thorne sighed, running a hand through his raven hair. "Thyra was my light. I can never get that back. But it did take me the five years I was in the human world to come to terms with myself. I had to stop hating myself and learn to go on with a purpose. Thyra would have wanted me to live, so that is my purpose. Calder needs to find his own."

I bit my lip, fiddling with my hands. "Well, I'm his purpose, I know that. At least. . .I want to think that. But with Sylvi still out there I don't think he'll be able to let himself go. You heard what he told you. He won't bind himself to me because of the danger of her. He's so darkened and paranoid now, Thorne, I think more than he was seven years ago. It's because of me, I know it. Until his mother is gone for good he won't be at ease, and neither will I."

"Well then I guess we're just going to have to find a way to defeat her this time."

I chuckled sarcastically. "Yeah, I know that. It's just the "how?" that I can't grasp. We've tried everything. The sword didn't work, every book we've combed through gave us nothing, and the firestone was useless."

"Yeah, we've done those things, but there's still one option we haven't tried."

I stared at him puzzled as if I was supposed to magically know what he meant.

"What are you scheming?" I asked, crossing my arms.

"Just follow me. I have an idea," he finally said.

Thorne suggested I call a meeting with my staff in the throne room to talk with them about any action we could take against Sylvi, together. Now that the Clan was--mostly--under my command and Eeira was gone, I could take better charge as queen without being shackled down. That meant I could discuss these things publicly instead of keeping my staff and my people in the dark, which I felt was better. Now I just needed everyone to take me seriously despite the situation of Calder and I.

I walked up to Father's throne, my mother's still sitting beside it. A few of my stableboys picked it up and carried it off. I felt a pain in my chest at seeing it go, wanting to stop them.

"Where are they taking it?" I asked Thorne, a little bit of anxiety in my tone.

"They're just putting it in her painting room, relax," he said, squeezing my shoulder. "You get the big boy chair."

I threw him another look as I ran a hand across the arm. "Big woman chair, now."

"That's what it's like being a queen now, Queenie. You get all the perks."

I lightly scoffed. "I don't really see how a target on your back from an evil iron-weilding queen is a perk."

"What's going on?" I heard a voice then say from across the room, both Thorne and I spinning around to see Calder by the doorway.

"I'm having a meeting with all of the staff to go over ways of how we can finally defeat Sylvi," I told him as he approached.

"Without my knowledge?" he asked, darting his sunken gray eyes back and forth from me to Thorne.

"No, I was just going to have Thorne come find you."

"I'll go round up the staff," Thorne then mumbled, looking Calder over once before leaving the room.

"Are you ok?" I asked Calder, feeling nervous when he took a moment to respond.

"Yes. I'm fine. What do you think the staff are going to be able to accomplish? They know as little as we do about what can be done."

"I have to ask, regardless of their answers. I know they think I'm doing nothing to save the kingdom. My people in the village do. If I don't show them now then they'll never trust me to save them when the time does come to. Even if this is a waste of time, at least they'll know I'm not just standing by like a coward."

Calder nodded, taking my hand into his. "I hope you are right in doing this. I'll remain by your side either way."

"Thank you," I said, raising my hand up to stroke the fading bruise on his cheek.

The staff then began to pile into the room, their mumbles to each other already making me uneasy. Thorne came in behind them with the maids and few guards that helped gather them, closing the doors. I decided to leave the Clan out of this discussion because I knew it would only cause more tension with their own strict opinions, but I also knew it would get back to them before the day was out. I couldn't worry about that now though. I had to remain focused on the task at hand. Everyone's life that was in this room could depend on what was said here.

Thorne came back up to stand next to Calder as I cleared my throat to silence the room.

"Thank you all for coming to speak with me. I. . .wanted to talk to you about something important."

"What has the frozen prince put into your head this time?" one of the guards called from the back.

"Hey, keep your mouth shut," Thorne ordered him. "Let the queen speak."

I nodded in thanks to Thorne, continuing to the crowd. "As you all are aware, the day Sylvi charged the castle was. . .an absolutely horrible, dark day. We lost wonderful fey to hers and Gulbrand's plan. I never want that to happen again. But to promise it won't, something must be done to end Sylvi's reign once and for all. The sword. . .didn't work, as I had expected. That is my own fault, and I take the blame for it. But there has to be some other way she can be stopped."

"One way is to get that evil son of hers out of here," one of the maids piped up, glaring at Calder.

"I agree," said a male cook, "He's part of the reason we are in danger in the first place!"

"Calder has nothing to do with this," I told them both firmly. "We're here to talk about ways we can kill Sylvi."

"Yeah, if her spawn doesn't kill us all first," said another.

I looked over at Calder to see him tense, not meeting anyone's gaze. He was looking down at his hand that I saw shaking, and he clasped it to get it to stop. I didn't have the moment to ask him what was going on though, Thorne giving his own input to the crowd.

"The only thing that needs to be focused on right now is saving this kingdom. Everyone in this room has the same goal of wanting to do that, yes?"

Mumbles came in return from the crowd, Thorne taking that as an agreement.

"Alright then. For now we must forget blood and only focus on unity. Does anyone have any suggestions, something they know that can help in the frozen queen's defeat?"

"Do you honestly think if we knew how to defeat her we would still be under this shroud of darkness for so long now? We are all doomed to her power, we might as well realize it now!" shouted a guard, making the crowd uproar with fear and Irritation.

I looked at Calder once more, seeing the internal struggle in his gaze. He stretched his neck and dug at the back of it with his shaking hand, then bolted forward.

"This is pointless," he grumbled, walking down the isle as several staff berated him.

"Calder!" I called back for him, but he was already out the door after shoving past the two guards standing by it.

"That right there, everyone, has been exactly my point!" Brynjar echoed from the back, "Calder Hansen is a traitor and he knows it well! He runs away from the truth and shall let us all suffer! You are a fool if I should be so bold, Your Majesty."

Bryndis grasped Brynjar's arm where she stood next to him to get him to hush, but it was too late for that. My staff already had the anger and fear and confusion clear in their minds to where it couldn't change them. I tried to settle them down, glancing at Thorne who shared the same worried look that I did.

"Everyone, please--" I began, but couldn't even get my full plea out.

"Why do you trust him?" a woman asked me, "The both of you do! You have endangered us all by bringing him back here, including yourselves. Our families, our children, what will happen to them? Even if he is on your side, the frozen queen still follows close behind. We just want to be safe again. Can you ever promise us that? Can you?"

I opened my mouth to say something, immediately closing it because there was nothing I could say. I felt my breath catch in my throat, clasping my own shaking hands together. I looked at Thorne once more, my expression telling him this meeting was over.

"You all. . .are free to return to your duties. The meeting is dismissed," I spoke in defeat.

"Dammit!" I cursed, taking a vase made of ice from the hallway table and throwing it against the wall. Shards fell at my feet, crunching under them as I paced back and forth.

Thorne gave me a wide-eyed gaze, looking back and forth from me to the broken property. "Well I hope that wasn't expensive."

"This is no time for jokes right now, Thorne!" I exclaimed back, putting my hands to my forehead.

"Just relax, you're working yourself up."

"How can I not be worked up? There's nothing else left. Nothing to kill Sylvi. No books, no weapons, no. . .potions, whatever, there's just nothing. No hope."

"We don't know that," Thorne reminded, "Don't you dare give up hope, Eerika."

"Any hope I do have left is starting to wear thin. I am constantly on guard, looking over my shoulder wondering if Sylvi is just around the corner. All I do now is worry for Calder's life, now terrified that I can't save his soul from her darkness. I don't sleep well, I can barely swallow down a bite of food.

If there is nothing that can destroy her then what else left is there to do but wait for her to finish what she started? To kill me and be queen of all the realm, just as she's always wanted. In all honesty, if I didn't care for my people, you, Calder, or my family's lineage, I would let her have the damn crown. At least she has the strength to carry it."

"You have more strength than she ever will," Thorne declared. "Your power is the strongest of all of ours and hers, remember? You just have to find it down inside you."

I lightly scoffed, leaning my back agaisnt the corridor wall and staring down at the shiny marble.

"I'm starting to think I was over exaggerated in that prophecy. I couldn't even calm down my own staff. Even now that Eeira is gone I still have no physical power under my reign. I am queen, for goodness sake, why do I have no control?"

"You have to speak up for yourself. Be stern with them. I understand you don't want to be a harsh queen like Sylvi, but playing the white queen isn't always best for certain situations. You have to give the orders and show discipline. You show it to the Clan, now do the same for your subjects. Use that sassy attitude to good use besides throwing it at me and the old prudes. They won't hate you for it. You'll be more respected, actually, which is what you want."

Sighing I knew he was right, running my hands over my face. "I actually think I've already surpassed the hate bar after today, but it's something to work on later. Right now I need to go find Calder and try to work on him. Something just isn't right with him, Thorne, I can feel it. He never would have left me standing there like that and not defend himself unless something was going on that he couldn't stay. Whatever it is, it's much deeper than his trauma. I've got to find out."

Thorne nodded and I quickly took my leave, my stomach pitting to the very bottom at the fear of what conversation with Calder I may have next.