WE HAD TO STOP halfway through the journey to let loose of my tourniquet so the vessels wouldn't be cut off completely and I'd lose my leg. The bleeding had stopped its overflow and now was dimmed down to a trickle. Calder bandaged it up the best he could because as he had said the wound needed sterilization and to be stitched up. He certainly couldn't do so out in the open with the possibility of more traitors or creatures getting in our way, so we had to keep moving.

I didn't know how long had passed running through the forest on our horses, but I knew how weak I felt. The trees started to look as though they were swaying back and forth, and the snow flurries that cascaded around us were blurry white dots. With both the motions I was seeing and what was being felt I thought I might be sick.

"Calder. Calder," I breathed out, grabbing his attention. "I don't. . .think I can go any longer. We. . .We have to stop."

My eyes fluttered and I felt myself leaning to the side, Calder quickly stopping his horse and grabbing mine by the reins.

"Whoa, whoa," he said, jumping down from his steed to catch me before I fell off. "Don't pass out on me Eerika, hold on. It's just over the hill, just a ways more."

"I've. . .lost a lot of blood," I reminded him, "Don't. . .be surprised if I do. We've been riding for hours."

"And we won't have to ride any longer after we cross this hill. Just stay with me until then."

"I wanna' sleep, Calder. I just want to sleep," I told him, laying my head on top of the horse's mane and closing my eyes.

"No, you can't go to sleep yet Princess. Hold on Eerika," Calder told me, mounting back onto his horse and slapping mine to get him to move again.

We came over the hill as the mid day sun finally was in full debut without the trees hiding it. The cave was just across from us, and when we reached it Calder went in to inspect if it was empty.

"It's clear," he said as he came back out, "It's big enough to tie our horses inside too, so there's no chance we will be spotted. We'll be perfectly safe here."

I nodded with what little strength I had, and Calder took me off my horse and carried me into the cave. Gently setting me down he brought the horses next and tied their reins to a piece of rock protruding from the ground.

Then taking off his cloak he tried to make it as comfortable for me as possible, also providing a white fur blanket he had packed with him. Calder kneeled down and unwrapped the red bandage to check my wound, and it was the first time I had seen the opening past the blood. It was rather deep, probably forbidding me to walk at least for the night. If Calder hadn't clotted the bleeding back there, I knew I would have bled out in his arms. . .

"I'll stitch you up and you should be able to get your rest, as long as I keep an eye on the wound," Calder said, wrapping it back up. "I've got a full first aid pack in one of my bags, but no morphine to numb the pain. Will you be alright to handle it?"

I gave a dry chuckle, "Do I really have a choice? I'll be fine. I've handled worse since this mess started."

"Alright," Calder nodded, getting up and grabbing a chalice from his satchel. "I'll go fetch some clean water to sterilize the wound the best I can. We have to prevent infection until we get you medical attention. I'll be right back."

He bent down and kissed the top of my head, exiting the cave and leaving me in silence.

It seemed like night had come so quickly as later Calder started a fire and attended to my wound. The water burned like hell and I spat out a curse each time the needle pierced my flesh.

"If Eeira were to hear you now she'd freeze your tongue off," Calder said, though a smirk was evident on his face.

"Yeah yeah, I've heard it before. A princess should not speak so ill mannered, blah-blah-blah," I replied, hissing when the needle pierced once more.

"G-Ah! Dammit!"

"Sorry," Calder apologized with a slight chuckle after. "I'm trying to go as quickly as I can. Don't squirm so much and it might hurt less."

"I never knew how wonderful morphine drugs actually are," I said. "Exactly. . .why didn't you bring any with you?"

"It would have froze out here, no use to us. Things like that must remain at a certain temperature. And I didn't exactly have time to grab it. The first aid kit was already in my chamber."

"Well, I'm just glad you know how to do this. Doctor Hansen has a good ring to it you know. Once this is all over. . .you could work in the medical wing. You wouldn't have to be a knight anymore."

Calder gave a light scoff. "As nice as that sounds, it isn't plausible. I have been branded a knight since birth and that is what I shall remain. And I couldn't protect you as a healer, so it would be pointless to me anyway."

"You protect me enough already just being you," I pointed out. "Your knighthood has nothing to do with it. I don't need you as a knight as long as I have you and who you are."

Calder finished the last stitch without a word and closed the wound up, dabbing it with a wet cloth. I looked down at the finished surgery, surprised of the intricate neatness in each stitch. It wasn't pretty to look at—no wound was—but the fact that there were no open areas and each stitch was perfectly aligned showed how talented Calder was.

"See?" I gestured to it, "This is what I mean. You have the skills that a doctor has practiced six or seven years to achieve. Shouldn't you be proud of yourself just a little for that? You saved my life back there knowing exactly what to do."

"I don't like to be reminded of how I obtained my skills," he replied.

I quickly realized I had brought up a bad place in Calder's mind of his time fixing up Sylvi's wounded men, and I felt awful. Silence swooped in as he smeared that fishy egg oil on the wound and wrapped a clean bandage around it.

"You should be able to walk tomorrow morning," Calder informed. "We'll go slow at first. Tonight you'll sleep and get your strength up. But you need to eat first. Your loss of blood will keep you drained until something is in your system."

He got up and grabbed some bread out of his bag and an apple, bringing it back over to me.

I shook my head, "I'm not hungry. And I don't want to sleep. Not yet. I. . .want to talk to you about something first."

Calder looked confused for a moment, and swallowing hard I continued.

"What did Egil mean back there, when he said you would watch someone you care about die, just like the other one? I didn't understand who he meant. . .Was it your father?"

That thought had been weighing on me since my mind became clear again. Right when Egil said it I questioned what he meant, but didn't have time to think it over in the moment. Calder obviously knew I would question it eventually because I never left anything unknown. He probably hoped I hadn't caught the sentence though, or had forgotten, because his gaze turned to stone and he looked away from me.

"Calder?"

"Please don't make me discuss this, Eerika," his voice wasn't hard, but almost quivering, and it pained me. Calder turned back to me with his fists clenched, eyes distant and swimming with an agony I couldn't determine.

"Please," he begged me once more, and I didn't know what to say next. If this was such a bad memory for him, a traumatic one it seemed, I didn't want to pry. But we both knew the unknown of it would get the best of me later and I'd want to ask again. It always seemed I was the one pressuring him into telling me everything when I still hadn't said about my visions, but the sword was going to change that to where I didn't have to.

Silence fell over again and Calder turned his back to me, running both hands through his hair. My heart pounded nervously unsure of what he was going to do. I wanted to get up and go to him, but I knew it would only anger him at using my leg. Calder didn't move as he spoke again, his back muscles locked and shoulder blades sharp.

"The one Egil spoke of. . .the person I cared about who was taken from me. . .Her name was Runa."

My breath hitched in my throat and my stomach went into a knot. Her. . .?

"It was her family that I spared in the village that day. It was her little brother who looked at me with eyes that were hers, like she was inside him. They were all crying, begging me not to hurt them and cursing me at the same time because of what happened to their daughter."

I swallowed a lump risen in my throat, mouth dry as my voice echoed through the cave. "What happened to her?"

"My mother killed her," he spoke with a sadness, "Because of me. It was my fault."

"Why?" I wondered. I clutched the fur blanket tightly in my fists. I was worried of what he was going to say. Who was this girl to Calder a long time ago? Why hadn't he told me of her. . .

"Because I was kind to her," he said, interrupting my thoughts. "Because I. . .felt things for her as she did me. We were only children, fourteen and still too young to even understand the idea of feelings."

"Calder, you don't have to go on. It's ok," I said, mostly because I wasn't sure I wanted to hear.

"Just let me finish this," Calder spat in a near harshness. "I want to get it out now before you pry on me later which you and I both know you'll do."

I curled in on myself out of embarrassment because of course he was right. Calder sighed and continued.

"I met her in the forest one day when I was alone, training in my patrol. She knew exactly who's side I was on the minute she saw me, and tried to run. I stopped her, assured her it wasn't I she needed to fear. She told me she was looking for frosted plants and berries, some recipe to make a poison that would kill Sylvi. I told her it was preposterous, that there was nothing she could do to destroy her, but she was far more confident than I was. Much like you."

I bit my lip at hearing any comparison to this girl, feeling a prick of jealousy creep around my head even though she was gone and Calder was with me. I knew I shouldn't have felt that way because it was a sad part of his life, but I couldn't help myself.

"I got to know her, felt her fear of my mother and the fate that might happen to the realm if you never returned. Your mother used to teach her when she was little, she loved her. Whenever we'd meet, we would hide out behind the frozen waterfall where you and I did. One day Runa got curious of the nixie hideaway just like you, and I followed her.

When you asked what that was between us in the hideaway, it was because I knew exactly what would please the nixies. My first kiss was with Runa there. The memory sprung up and that is why I lost control of my power, because she was killed after that. We left the cave and Sylvi's knights found us and brought us back to her palace.

They had seen everything and informed her. Sylvi told me I was forbid to love because it only brought weakness and blinded the eye from what you want. So an iron knight grabbed Runa, a few traitors held me back, and the knight broke her spine. I was sent to my chamber and later my mother came in and gave me this."

Calder then pulled up the back of his shirt to reveal the base of his own spine, which was largely burned. I shivered at both the sight and thought.

"A reminder," Calder said, "that it is there because of what I did. That I killed the first girl I cared about without even raising my own hand. Two years later Sylvi killed her family, and I will always remember the looks on their faces at the fear of me—knowing a knight killed their only daughter even though they didn't realize it was me."

There was a moment of pause and then my envy turned into heartbreak for him. It was as if Calder was ashamed to look at me, but I spoke anyway.

"Calder. . .I'm so sorry. But it wasn't you who killed her. It was Sylvi. You can't still blame yourself for that. I understand how you feel because I truly killed Blane, but what happened to Runa wasn't your fault."

Calder didn't respond, his back still to me which was now twitching slightly along with his fists.

"Why didn't you tell me this before?" I asked, hoping not to receive a spat in return.

"It's something I want to forget, Eerika. I have tried to erase it from my memory for years, but it's always in the back of my mind. Even more so now that I have you and what danger you're in trying to find this sword to kill Sylvi. Now do you see why I risk every part of my flesh, every bone in my body to keep you safe?"

He turned around to face me once more, an anguish settled in his gaze. "I cannot let that happen again. Never again. I won't lose you. I would tear my own self limb from limb so you could live, do you finally understand that?"

The shakiness in his voice broke me up into pieces, and I wished now more than ever that I could get up and comfort him. I gestured to have him come to me instead.

"Come here."

Calder hesitated at first, but was then sat down at my side. He leaned his forehead against mine, gently wrapping his arm around my torso. I stroked his face which was glowing from the fire's dancing light, and placed my lips against his.

Calder kissed me back, but instead of hunger I felt sorrow and pain, even fear that I might disappear as soon as our kiss broke. I pulled apart from him and his eyes darted all over my face as if taking a mental picture of it.

"When we get the sword," I began, "you won't have to worry about me anymore. Nothing is going to happen to break us apart. I'm here. I'm safe in your arms. And we're going to defeat your mother once and for all."

Calder's expression was unsure, his fingers slowly caressing my cheek. "When the traitors grabbed you, I didn't know what was going to happen," he mumbled, eyes now far off like he was replaying the events in his head. "I tried to think and act as quickly as I could, kill the iron beast so I could get to you. Every 'what if?' ran through my mind. What if I couldn't get to you in time? What  if. . .I had to watch you die in front of me or bleed out in my arms?"

"But I didn't. You handled the whole situation just like you should have, like I knew you would."

Calder shook his head slowly as he looked me over. "I didn't handle it good enough. I still didn't protect you enough. You got hurt. You need proper medical attention from a healer."

I shook my own head. "I'm fine. You did everything you needed to. I hate when you doubt and put yourself down, not realizing how good you are. Do I have to remind you how many times already you've saved me, protected me from all the crap that's been going on since we met?"

Calder paused before ignoring my words entirely and turning the subject around. "Is there not any way I can change your mind to return to the palace?"

I should have known he would dodge the subject, but I decided just to forget it and go along with him. "Have you ever known me to listen to you most of the time?"

Calder laughed through his nose, a smile peeking onto his face. "No. Never. I'm surprised you actually listened to me when I told you to run."

I didn't want to," I told him. "It took everything in me to leave you there. Obviously I didn't get far, but it kills me to. . .leave you to the wolves, as the expression goes. That's what you made me do."

"I had no choice," Calder defended softly, "I couldn't risk you getting burned or worse. If the traitors hadn't gotten to you the wolf surely would have. I don't understand how my mother is conjuring iron animals now, but I know she programmed it to go after you just as her knights do."

I glanced down to entwine my fingers with Calder's other hand, only to notice a burn in the shape of a bite protruding from his right sleeve. His cry of pain from the fight with the beast resurfaced in my mind.

"But you got burned," I said, lifting up his sleeve to inspect it fully. "Hand me that fishy egg stuff."

Calder dismissed it, "It won't help. I've been burned so many times I've blocked most of the pain from my mind, anyway."

"But it does help with quick healing, doesn't it? I know it's an iron burn, but it might relieve some of the irritation during the scarring process. Just let me take care of you for once. You take care of me enough."

A small smile snaked onto Calder's face, and he chuckled through his nose again. His icy irises pierced into mine as he nodded. "Okay."

I rubbed the substance over the burn as Calder flinched, then secured a bandage over it just as he had done to me.

"There. We might as well both be mummies," I joked though knowing he wouldn't understand the reference.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Runa," Calder said, ignoring my banter. "I know I promised not to keep any more secrets from you."

His hand then did entwine with mine, his soft fingers stroking my skin. "I'm not doing a very good job of it am I?"

A twinge of guilt surfaced in my gut at those words, but I faked a smile and squeezed his hand. "It's ok. I should've realized there. . .have been other girls in your life before me."

"There was only her," Calder informed. "Now there is you. And I wouldn't want that any other way. She had a part of me in the past when I was young, but you have all of me in the present and future. I don't want you to worry of anything less. You have my full heart. . .and my entire existence, Eerika Arnesen."

A small blush rose to my cheeks and I smiled at him, tangling my fingers in the back of his hair to push his lips to mine again.

Two more days. Two more days and it would be over so I could have this without the constant worry of losing it.

Calder broke away from me and held his head close to mine for a moment, caressing my cheek. I breathed in his scent which was the same frosty, lavender musk and pine he always had from the first day I met him.

"Please try to sleep now," he said, kissing my forehead. "I'll keep myself on guard and wake you at dawn. From there we can continue the journey at your own pace."

"'Kay," I surrendered," Just don't go anywhere. Stay with me."

Calder didn't protest either, icing out the fire and making a place on the ground so we could lay. I maneuvered myself on my good side to rest my head on his chest and keep my leg free. Calder pulled the furry blanket over us.

I closed my eyes, feeling his breathing beneath me and his heartbeat lulling me away. The last words I heard were "Goodnight, Princess", and then the darkness pulled me in.