I DIDN'T LEAVE MY room for the rest of the day that lead into the night. I couldn't eat or drink anything that Astrid brought to me, both lunch and dinner going untouched. Calder tried his best to get me to talk about what was wrong with me, but I was mentally drained beyond the point of any conversation. Finally he spoke with Eeira about what went on in our meeting and then he understood my actions, but not the underlying truth of them.

I knew what he didn't. My people might soon be slaughtered with the frozen queen's pending attack. I was the only one carrying this turmoil inside me of keeping up what I felt was a lie. I was lying to them. All of them I was keeping in the dark of what may or may not become.

But how could it not come to pass? Each day that went by more and more familarities were arrising that could fit the vision puzzle. It was Calder's words, the knights' threats, and now I was soon to be queen. Everything was beginning to add up and I could do nothing but scream on the inside and feel pieces of me starting to crack.

When all of the castle residents had settled down to sleep Calder snuck himself back into my chamber after changing into regular clothes. I of course couldn't sleep no matter how tired I felt because of everything on my mind.

"Hey," Calder addressed me in a whisper, and I tried to smile at him the best I knew how. It was getting harder and harder to look at him the longer I was being weighted by the nightmare visions.

"Can't sleep?" he asked me as he walked over to the bed where I sat, taking off his boots.

I gave a light scoff. "No. Of course not."

"Is it because of what you and Eeira talked about today?"

I hesitated with my answer, looking down to my lap and fiddling with my fingers. "Yeah. . .Among other things."

"I know it's a lot to take in during such a short amount of time. No one expects you to go along with it the minute you're told. It's alright to be hesitant at first," Calder said, sitting down beside me.

"It's more than a lot," I huffed out a shallow breath, "It's. . .worth that of an explosion. It feels like everything has come tumbling down around me since the day I froze Blane and my protectors died. All this pressure for me to do this, be this, I-I can't, I can't-"

"Hey, calm down. Just breathe," Calder interrupted, placing his hands on my cheeks so I would focus on him. "Close your eyes."

I didn't want to close them because every time I did I saw the vision flicker behind my eyelids, but I did so for Calder's sake. I had seen masked all over his features his worry for me. Little did he know it was himself who he should have been worried about, who I was fearful for. I sucked in a deep breath and let it out, though it did nothing to help the tightness I felt in my chest.

"Eeira is not pressuring you into doing this right away," Calder informed. "No one is. You do not have to become queen tomorrow, or the next day, or even the next week. Only when you are ready."

I supposed he was right on that part. But this would happen eventually. Eventually I would have to put on the crown for my people, all while possibly risking their lives and Calder's because of it. . .

"That wasn't how Eeira put it. She said there was no time, that I basically had to do this now, for the sake of the kingdom to bring down the frozen queen," I mumbled.

"Well as you know I spoke to Eeira earlier, and she understands what you're feeling, and is apologetic for throwing all this upon you so drastically."

"You didn't. . .tell her about us, did you?"

"No. I'm with you most of the day so she knew I'd see something was the matter. I advised her to let you process, and she said she'll discuss with Gulbrand and the Clan of a proper time to do this."

I scoffed once more, "Gulbrand hates my guts anyway. He'll probably push the crowning to as soon as possible just to see me struggle. And the Clan seems so far up his colon that they'd agree to anything he says."

"It doesn't have to be a struggle," Calder said. "I have witnessed how strong minded you are, Eerika. You're fearce, capable of power beyond any of us. You have the strength, the blood, to be an amazing queen. I don't understand why you're being so unreceptive to your destiny."

"I'm not fit to be a queen, Calder. I'm a small girl from Arizona. I'm not what everyone wants and expects me to be. I can't lead them, I can't protect them. My parents, they were cut out for this, not me."

"But you are a part of them, Eerika. Your mother and father's blood courses through your veins. You are an Arnesen. All past generations of your family who took the throne are inside of you, too. And now you are the last of that generation. I know it's not the life you wanted for yourself. If it were my choice do you think I would have been heir to the frozen queen and forced to live with a human soul? Our legacy is chosen for us when we are born, and that legacy has to be tolerated at the least. It isn't something that can be changed."

Calder kissed my forehead and I brought my hand up to touch his scarred collar bone exposed from his shirt; tracing the pattern.

"Why didn't you run away, before your mother tried to kill you?" I asked. "All those years you just. . .put up with her torture when you could've got out."

"I had no choice," he mumbled. "If I fled she would have killed me. Anyone who tried to break their allegiance to her was murdered. It didn't matter that I'm her blood because all she's ever wanted is power. In her eyes I wasn't only the disgraceful son, I was a soldier she couldn't lose because I was faster and better skilled than the others.

I remember the first time one of her men defied her and she decided to let me be witness to his consequence. I was six at the time, almost seven. He informed her that you had been born as prophecy predicted, and she commanded him to begin training her army to attack the castle and kill you and your family. He refused to kill a child, so she drove an iron spike through his throat. She told me that if I ever contravened her she would do the same to me. It was the first rule she taught me, the one that scared the hell out of me at such a young age."

I paused a moment as the thought of Calder enduring the same fate as that soldier crossed my mind. I shivered.

"Well, I'm glad she still thinks you're dead, as awful as that sounds. I honestly can't imagine someone ever hurting you. It would kill me."

Calder gave a small smile and brought his thumb up to stroke my cheek. "I won't let it come to that. I promised to protect you with my life. If I no longer have one then I can't do that. But if I have to throw myself in front of danger to keep it away from you, I gladly will."

"You can't do that," I quickly refused, gripping his hand. "Not for me. You can't cause yourself to get hurt just for my safety. No."

"Eerika-"

"No, Calder. If. . .If something ever happens, that forces you to choose your own protection or mine, you have to save yourself."

"Eerika you're talking crazy, why would you even say that? I will always choose to protect you over myself. Not only because of my feelings for you but because of my duties to the crown. It is my job to keep you safe. Why has all this come up so suddenly?"

"It doesn't matter. You just have to promise me. This is an order from your princess and your future queen. If something happens that puts us in danger, you won't let yourself get hurt or even worse killed, for me. I won't ever forgive you if you do."

"I-I can't promise that. I could never forgive myself if I didn't and you were the one injured. Eerika, I-"

"Promise me," I pleaded, fisting his shirt with my stomach in knots, tears pricking my eyes. "Calder, this is tearing me apart right now. Please. Promise me."

I couldn't read the expression now on Calder's face, but his eyes were swirling with confusion, worry, and pain for me all together. He clutched my face and stared into my own eyes as if trying to read me himself.

"Okay. I promise," he spoke softly, a small amount of relief washing over me. I stretched my neck up to reach his lips, and he met me halfway with a deep, open kiss. I wrapped my arms around his neck to pull his head down to my level, entwining our fingers in each other's hair.

Calder parted our lips and laid down, opening his arms for me. "Come here."

I didn't hesitate, shaping myself against his side and placing my head on his chest. His heartbeat echoed in my ear and soothed me. I wanted to melt into the sound of it forever.

That night I had not my vision dream but a worse nightmare. It was as if I was seeing through the young eyes of Calder, watching the frozen queen murder that man of her army. Only in my version, that man was the grown Calder. I watched helplessly as he stood there with his mother before him, a devilish smile on her cold face. I screamed, begging her to stop, but it was as if no one could hear me at all.

"No! Get away from him! Stop it!"

She slowly raised her hand and I felt my heart crashing into my ribs and my airway closing off. Sylvi flung an iron spike conjured from her palm and lodged it through Calder's throat. I screamed his name, tears rolling down my face as his garbles pearced my ears. Blood spurting from his mouth he dropped to his knees, dead before his body hit the ground.

Jolting awake I sucked in a sharp breath, sitting up and being relieved to see Calder sleeping peacefully beside me. Running my hands over my face I laid back down on his chest, hearing his steady heartbeat once more.

All these dreams, wether warnings or simply my fears taking on visual form, I didn't know. But the promise Calder made that he would protect himself I would make sure was upheld. There were two things I knew now that I had to do.

I was going to defeat the frozen queen, and keep Calder's heart beating even if I had to force it to.