I sit on my bloody sheets, staring off into space as Marie once again brings me lunch and takes my uneaten food away.

It's been two weeks since it happened.

And two weeks since I've spoken.

No matter how hard I try I can get the feeling of his hands, touching me in a way I never wanted, to go away.

How could he? I trusted him, I thought he was kind and sweet.

I was wrong. There is nothing good about him.

Marie looks at me in a way I can tell she is asking if I need anything.

I ignore her. It doesn't matter. She doesn't matter.

I don't matter.

The door clicks as it shuts behind her.

~

I close my eyes as I remember the pain I felt and he punched me to keep me from screaming.

I shiver even though the room is too warm already.

I remember the burning sensation where his breath met my skin.

I can still feel his hands around my wrists, and I can see the bruises.

I can't. I can't do it.

I reach over to my plate of steaming food and grab the knife.

It will take the pain away. The pain of the memory of what he has done. What I did.

I trace my wrist with the blade. It will take away the pain. I tell myself.

Ember... A quiet voices warns me.

I push down and cut a small line about halfway down my arm.

I gasp at the sudden pain and then sink into it.

The blood drips onto my sheets. The same sheets that have the blood from yesterday, and the day before. Five jagged lines mark my arms, showing my misery to the world.

I go to extend the line as the door opens and Bennet steps in.

"H- Ember!!" He yells, seeing the blood drizzle from my arm.

He grabs my arm with the knife and I shrink away in fear. My breathing quickens and I start to squirm.

"What are you doing? Stop." Bennet says, his eyes full of worry. "I'm not going to hurt you!"

"Let go of me." My voice is scratchy but full of desperation.

He lets go, hurt in his eyes, but he takes the knife. "What were you thinking?" He demands. "You can't just cut yourself, I'm sorry that what happened happened but this isn't okay!"

I flinch. Sorry. Is that supposed to make me feel better? Is it supposed to make what happened go away?

"Get out." I shake, still scared. "Please." I beg.

I can almost hear his heart breaking, but I don't care. It doesn't matter. Nothing does.

~

Two weeks earlier...

He kissed me. Bennet kissed me.

Did I kiss him back? Do I like him? Does he like me or is it just a distraction?

He stares at me, his bright green eyes taking my breath away. I'm not an artist by any means, but I've never seen so many shades of green, yellows, and browns together so flawlessly.

I can see a question in his eyes, though I can't tell what because I am too caught up in the fact that he just kissed me.

What the crap?

Why would he kiss me? There are so many girls more beautiful, smart, kind, funny than me. Why plain old me?

I freak out and go to the first person I see, an elderly man struggling to carry some bags.

"Excuse me sir? Can I help you?"

~

He followed me. Bennet followed me, but didn't help. He waited until it was too late. Until I was broken.

~

"You can set those down right there darling." The old man says, pointing to his kitchen table.

I force a smile and set the bags on a banged up wooden table in a dark room.

I don't notice him until he is right behind me. He whispers in my ear, "What's your name, child?"

"Ember." I say quietly.

"Ember... I don't like it. With that body you look like a Lexi or a Jessica."

I shudder. He was checking me out.

So uncomfortable.

"I'm Antonio." He purrs.

Literally purrs.

"I should go." I say, beginning to feel uncomfortable.

"Oh no honey, you just got here." He says and bites my neck.

Oh no. No. No no no.

"Hey, I really need to go. Nice meeting you." I try to walk away, but he grabs my waist, pressing his body to mine.

I struggle trying to get away when he brings his fist to my face and I black out.

~

He played his part well, the kind old man.

He was so sweet until we got to the house, that's what made it even more terrifying. You'd never know what evil lies beneath his gentle facade.

I get goosebumps as I remember what he smelled like, what he looked like, how his golden eyes could trick anyone.

~

I wake up in a cold sweat. My hands are tied up above my head and a gag in my mouth. My feet are stuck together as well. My body is bare and covered in goosebumps.

I see him sitting there, smiling wickedly at me. "Hello darling."

I struggle against my restraints. I try to scream but he cups his hand over my mouth. That combined with the cloth makes my voice to muffled for anyone to hear.

He drags a finger across my collarbone, "We are going to have lots of fun."

~

Antonio leaves the room for a minute, he's thirsty. I use those precious moments to loosen my restraints enough to get my hands out, crying the entire time.

I start to work on my feet when he walks back into the room.

"Oh honey, you thought you could escape?" He croons.

With strength and speed that belie his appearance, he grips and wrist to the point where I can feel bruises forming.

"Please." I beg through my gag, "Let me go!"

He tsks his tongue. And with some burst of adrenaline, I elbow his nose and I feel the crack.

He yells in pain, grasping at his nose which is gushing blood. "You little-"

My elementary school self defense lessons start to come back. I punch him in the throat, and he gasps for air.

I try to untie my feet and end up falling backwards into a table. The glass vase that sat upon it shatters and pierces my back, making me scream in pain.

I run towards the front door, but I don't know where I am. I search for it, running and half falling down a flight of stairs in the process.

Just as I see the front door, a hand grips my shoulder and pushes me to the floor. I land hard on my side, my left arm hitting the fireplace and getting burned.

I yell in pain, again.

"You are going to regret that move little girl."

I grab for anything, and have the fire poker in my hand as he charges me.

Without thinking, I shove the spike into his stomach.

His eyes widen, and his breathing has become ragged.

"What have you done?" He gasps out, his shirt is covered in blood. He grasps the iron poker, but his hand falls limp before he can pull it out.

He's dead.

~

I feel myself begin to cry, but I don't wipe away the tears. I deserve to be miserable for what I've done. There is no redeeming yourself after you've tainted your soul as I have.

-----------------------------------------------------

Whoo, big chapter. I've spent a lot of time contemplating whether or not to include this in Embers life/death/existence but in the end, I decided it's too big a part of her character to delete it.

Also! I am around halfway done with Irkalla!!! Yay!!

I am almost done, I swear, I just wanted to add that I do not think rape is okay and I do not agree with the last paragraph I've written.