charlotte willard

i slept the whole plane ride, not even waking up to eat or get anything to drink. i usually stay up at least half my flight and watch movies and order random food when i get bored. i knew i was still going to be worn out once we got to la, switching time zones once again. maddy was glad i slept because she already had a night out planned for us.

she said her friends were eager to see her and meet me. i figured since i slept on the plane i could make a dinner party.

as the plane landed i fixed my messy hair, throwing it up into a loose ponytail. i folded up the blanket that was thrown across my lap, sticking it under the seat. i rubbed my swollen eyes, stretching a bit before unbuckling my seat belt once we were safely stopped. maddy got up quickly, immediately grabbing my small suitcase and her small bag.

i was still in a sleep coma apparently because she tugged the hoodie i was wearing. "what?" i mumbled, stepping out into aisle. she was already jetting down to the exit door. "we only have an hour till dinner!" she yelled, pulling my suitcase and carrying her bag. it was slung over her shoulder, hitting the plane seats as she ran.

i quickly picked up my slow pace, trying to catch up to her. i started fast walking as once i go to the exit door my body slammed into hers. "ow sorry!" i said, steadying myself before i took in her weird demeanor. she looked frustrated but anxious, something i didn't see quit often.

"what is it?" i asked, seeing her eye the flight attendant that was about to open the plane door. my eyes flickered between them, my anxiety now spiking. "there's paparazzi out there.." maddy trailed off and my hands froze down by my side.

one thing i haven't had to deal with in Greece was paparazzi. no one has bothered me about my break up with timothée and it was wonderful. i truly don't know what i'd do if i got bombarted with questions about him. i wasn't ready to face that but in order to get to the car that was waiting to take us to maddy's apartment— we had to pass them.

"how did they even know?" i question, now anxious about this whole trip. i know this wouldn't be the first time i'd run in to them during my stay but i didn't think it would be this soon.

"whatever let's just go." i mumbled, looking at the door. the flight attendant quickly began to unlatch it. i pulled my hood up, pulling it as low as it would go to where i could still see. my stomach was in knots as the la sun hit my face. before i step out into the sun, i turn and grab my suitcase so maddy wasn't carrying it.

once i'm turned back around people immediately started yelling random things. i heard the clicks of pictures as i tugged my hood down. i didn't show my face, keeping my head low. i walked down the steps, keeping a moderate pace. i heard maddy behind me while i walked.

security was already down the stairs waiting for us.

"charlotte over here!"

"cherry how are you?"

"hi madelyn!"

i kept a straight face but my stomach was is knots. i always feel so vulnerable around paparazzi. it has never been something i liked but it was either hide on the plane or step outside and get it over with.

i made it to the concert, fast walking to the black SUV.

"cherry how are you doing after your break up?"

"cherry are you and timothée getting back together?"

i think i'd like the earth to split open and swallow me whole. my hands clenched around my suitcase, my feet picking up pace. i really just wanted to get out of here, away from everyone. i shouldn't be surprised they brought up timothée, i'm sure similar things were happening to him too.

someone grabbed my suitcase for me, the car door opening. i quickly climbed in, madelyn following. i slid over to the furthest seat, the door slamming once maddy was in safely. i let out a breath, it was shaky just like my hands. i clenched my hands, hiding my face away from the windows even though they were tinted.

"are you okay?" maddy asked, seeing my stressed state. truthfully no, any mention of timothée made me spiral but i couldn't do anything about that right now. i just nodded, feeling the car move as we left the airport.  she stayed silent, knowing i was dealing with some emotional stress. i controlled my breathing, hoping the car ride to her apartment wasn't far. i felt like i could throw up— my stomach was rolling.

"it's only twenty minutes away." she somehow read my mind as i settled down. i kept my hood up, clenching my stomach and begging myself to not throw up. my heart was beating fast— my cheeks hot. i hated this, why cant i just move on? it's been two months but no matter how many times i tell myself that, i still get like this when someone mentions him.

timothée chalamet

my hand gripped my phone, an urge to throw it across the room. my stomach hurt seeing cherry get attacked by paparazzi. every word they said to her had a mention of me. i knew that was hard for her, hell anytime someone even mentions cherries i freeze. everything reminded me of her.

anytime i close my eyes i pretend she's laying next to me. it's been two months and there hasn't been a day where i don't think about her. she consumed my every thought and when i tell myself to stop— stop thinking about her and imagining she was still here i get sick. i cant just forget about her.

i love her.

i pitty myself as embarrassing as that sounds. sometimes i think about how easily things ended, how could she throw it away so quickly? how could i? emotions clouded both our judgments and i should have just listened to her. she was visibly hurting and i couldn't understand it at that time.

i did heavy reflecting and i came to terms that i didn't deserve her. i couldn't listen fully to her worries that i knew stemmed from her past. she deserved someone who would listen and i didn't do that. i hurt her and walked away from her.

"you okay?" my assistant angela asked, watching me as i packed up my bag. i was off for a couple weeks and wanted to go home to new york. my flight was already booked, the jet should be arriving an minute.

"can you do me a favor?" don't do this timothée, you just said she deserves better than you. you ripped her apart, don't go and chase her. leave her be, she will find someone much better than you will ever be.

fuck that.

"change my flight to la." i tossed my phone in my pocket. the words one of the paparazzi said rang through my head.

"are you and timothée getting back together?"

no probably not, i'm sure she hates me and doesn't want to see me ever again. the least i can do is apologize, she deserves that at the least. "what?" her eyes widened as i grabbed the suitcase by the door. i was ready to leave london, i'd have to call my mom and explain why i won't be home for another week.

"yes i um-" angela knew about cherry before anyone else did so when she cut me off and simply said, "cherry isn't it?" i wasn't surprised that she pieced it together quickly.

"i need to see her.. i need to apologize." angela shook her head, a small laugh coming from her. i furrowed my brows, "what?" i asked and she shrugged, going on her phone.

"you cheated on her timothée, it won't be that easy.." she dialed a number, assuming it was the airline company. i hoped they can switch the flight for me, it was soon. if they couldn't i'd just schedule another flight, i was going to see her.

angela hit me hard with what she said and i knew she was right. i wasn't expecting her to forgive me and get back together. i want her to know that i love her and always will. even though i didn't sleep with ava, kissing her was the worst decision i've ever made in my life.

i just wanted her to know the regret i feel and the remorse that haunted me everyday for letting her walk away.

"great thanks." angela finished up, hanging up her phone. she gave me a thumbs up, grabbing her bag as well. "let's go then." she walked out the door. my feet moved, catching up with her long strides. "you don't have to come." i said, closing the door and quickly locking it.

"i'm here for you tim.. this isn't gonna be a one conversation thing you know that right? you aren't gonna be able to get her back with a 'sorry'." she was already at the elevator, pressing the first floor button. i caught up to her just as the doors opened.

"i'm not trying to get her back." i shook my head, entering the elevator. angela laughed again, "yeah right.. you are in love with her of course you want her back." i groaned.

"that's the thing.. i don't deserve her. i want her to be with someone that can.. listen and be there for her.. we both work and are constantly away from each other especially now i just can't do that to her-" i was rambling now and angela put her hand to my chest to stop me.

"calm down..you do deserve her timothée. you both love each other you can make it work." she assured me but i ignored her. i cant hurt cherry again, i promise myself that. i'm not going into this thinking she will get back together with me because i know she wouldn't. i hurt her so badly, how could she?

we were on the first floor now, angela leading the way to the car out front. i needed to process this and also find a way to find her. we haven't texted simply because she removed my number and she hasn't been active on social media in two months. i assumed she deleted it all together so even if i did message her she wouldn't answer and i get that.

i'm rarely on social media, especially after we took a break. that was the dumbest thing i've ever said to her, telling her that we just needed a break. there's no such thing as a break and she knew that. we broke up nothing simpler than that and every day i regret it.

we got into the car and my palms started sweating. i was consumed in my thoughts as we headed to the airport. i racked my brain and how to find her. a thought came into my brain.

colby.

i'm sure he will see her while she's there.

don't message him that's crazy.

also you really don't like the dude, you'll seem desperate.

how else can i find her?

"angela." i muttered, not really wanting to ask her to do this for me but i didn't have any other options. "help me find her."

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