warning⚠️self harm

*i was rereading this book to help update and omg it's literally so bad i'm gonna cry

how tf do you read and understand this💀 i'm so sorry

i swear my namkook book will be better😔 (i say this every time lmao)
__

taehyung: hey yoongi, it's tae!

yoongi: hi. thanks for texting me :p

taehyung: it's my pleasure!

anyway.. i have a question

yoongi: what's up?

      taehyung: i'm interested in doing
online classes.. can you tell me abt
it and how you did it nd all?

yoongi: yeah ofc!
can i call you later though?
i'm kinda busy rn
and there's a lot to talk about :,(

taehyung: okay thanks :)
i hope we can meet again soon!
have fun doing whatever :D

yoongi: yes see you tae:]

••
taehyung hid himself behind a smile. he pretended everything was fine so that no one would worry. but even though he has the love from his friends and family, it isn't enough to cover up the damage that's already been done, and is continuing to be done.

although he felt bright in those moments where he was able to feel normal, where he could be himself, when he wasn't there he felt trapped. he couldn't help but to recall the things people had said, which led him to dark places.

the moon was dull this night, but the stars shone brightly. taehyung was sat on the cold-tiled bathroom floor, curled into a ball, as if he were a caterpillar. the sparkling stars and flashing streetlights would help illuminate the dark room, but taehyung liked not being able to see the mess he'd made. soft tears trickled down his cheeks, his whole body shaking in agony and fear.

crimson blood dripped from his wrists and thighs onto the floor. taehyung squeezed the razor tightly into his fist, a metallic taste swarming his mouth. he felt like he was drowning in a puddle of his own blood, and he honestly hoped he was. taehyung's vision started to haze. he looked up to his phone that had fallen off of the toilet seat. the screen was bright as messages started popping up repeatedly. he couldn't read them as tears filled his eyes, blurring his vision even more. all he could see was "yoongi" before he finally calmed his breath, and closed his eyes with a sad smile on his face.

"i'm sorry," taehyung whispered, letting one last tear roll down his fat cheek, before he gave up his consciousness completely.

••

when taehyung woke up, it was still dark. his phone was almost dead from being on the freezing cold floor, but he could see the sun starting to rise from outside the window. his body ached as he pushed himself up to rest his back against the bathtub. he looked down to be met with dried blood stains around him and painting his skin. he would have to clean this up. taehyung didn't want to move, but if his parents were to find him like this, he couldn't imagine what they'd do. so, he crawled over to the medical cabinet, and took some pain relief pill before scrubbing away the maroon splashes.

suddenly his wounds started to burn, he felt the urge to itch and scratch and rub vigorously. taehyung cried out in pain as he plopped himself harshly into the bathtub. he gently sprayed cool water over himself, which reduced the itchiness quite a bit.  he cleaned them with rubbing alcohol before bandaging his wrists and thighs. taehyung didn't care if some of his wounds were deep, the pain made him feel human.

once taehyung made sure the bathroom was back to normal and no one would be able to see what he'd done, he grabbed his phone and went back to his room. it was still quite early, so no one was up. taehyung checked his phone to see a missed call and messages from yoongi, as well as messages from namjoon and jimin. he sent a quick text to yoongi, apologizing and saying he fell asleep early. then he yelled at minjoon for texting on the group chat when he was asleep.

taehyung: i need beauty sleep yknow -_-

jimin: if you become
any more beautiful i might
have to step down from the throne

namjoon: how'd your ugly
ass even get up there, jimi?

taehyung: LMAO I LOVE
YOU JOONIE

jimin: you're supposed
to be on my side, tae ;(

taehyung: maybe if you were
as hot as namjoonie and me

jimin: can't believe i'm friends
with fake ass bitches

namjoon: i'm your brother

taehyung: you're my daddy

jimin: i'm your WHAT?!

taehyung: oh ahah that
was meant for jk

jimin: what's with everyone
calling me daddy... ain't complaining

namjoon: tmi

taehyung: i lit rally just
said that was meant for jk

jimin: stop talking abt bitch face

taehyung: sorry but he's
hotter than you🤷‍♀️

namjoon:

jimin: nj stfu

taehyung: get ready for
school whores

namjoon: i'm skipping

jimin: i'm telling mrs kim!!

taehyung: joon you better
show up ;(

or i'll cry :(((((((

namjoon: but😐

taehyung: for meeeee plssss

we can hang out afterrrr🥺

namjoon: fine

taehyung: also can i add
hyungieee to this chat

jimin: jin? i miss him🥺

namjoon: he was literally over last night

jimin: i like him better than you🤕

namjoon:

taehyung: suddenly joon can gtfo

taehyung added seokjin.

seokjin: why am i here

taehyung: to save this mfing gc

seokjin: ah i see
is namjoon sending memes again?

namjoon: noooo

jimin: yes

taehyung: yes.
does it get worse?

jimin: once it had gotten to
the point where he would
only respond with "🙂"

taehyung: that sounds horrifying

seokjin: oh it was

namjoon:

taehyung: WHAT GHE FUCK
SHDJDJ OKAY BYE

seokjin: namjoonieee:(
look, you scared the child
away

jimin: *both children

byee!!!

namjoon:

••
taehyung groaned, tossing his phone onto his bed before taking a seat. he felt the urge to cry, and it made him feel guilty.

"i shouldn't cry. what would my friends say?" taehyung said to himself. "i'm weaker than they think..."

his body felt like it was on fire, all he wanted to do was lay in bed. he didn't have the patience to deal with life anymore. he could explode any second now.

"if i just ended it here, what could go wrong?" taehyung chuckled to himself.

no one would care.

at least, not forever.

no, he couldn't. what if he made it? that would be even worse than this.

"just... keep fighting a little longer," taehyung sighed, painfully throwing a lazy fist to the air.

••

namjoon didn't show up today. taehyung was glad, but also not surprised. the older had been tired and stressed for too long, he needed to take a mental health day.

taehyung didn't try looking for jimin or jin, purposely trying to avoid the two for today. he'd barely make it to class so he wouldn't have time to talk, and ran away to "study" during lunch. in reality, taehyung went to go hide in the washroom. but what he didn't except to find, washing their hands while humming a soft tune, was a familiar face. taehyung froze in place, letting out a quiet whimper.

"taehyung?" hoseok questioned, looking over to where the noise came from.

"hi hoseok," taehyung quickly blurted, rushing to one of the stalls.

"wait! um, tae? are you okay?" hoseok asked the younger, gripping his wrist to stop him from running.

taehyung flinched visibility, a tear rolling down his cheek.

"i-i'm fine," taehyung sniffed, pulling his hand away. he could feel the blood gushing out, staining the fabric red.

"oh well jimin kept talking about you. i think he's worried. you should talk to him later before i punch his teeth out," hoseok nervously chucked, scratching his head as his eyes disappeared.

"yeah okay." taehyung went to run again, but this time hoseok caught him by the hand.

"also. um... i had a lot of fun playing with you last week. i—."

"look, i'm really sorry hoseok. but i've got to go—," the blonde interrupted, shaking off of hoseok's grip before sprinting and locking the stall door behind him.

hoseok stared blankly for a few moments, a soft pout on his lips, before he left the washroom with a sad sigh.

he noticed blood coating his fingers, but strangely couldn't find a cut. "where is this from?" he thought to himself.

meanwhile, taehyung was hidden in a stall, head against the wall as he put pressure on his open wound. tears streamed down his face, his eyes burning from being filled with salty tears.

for some reason, he only had one person on his mind. he only wanted one hug.

he needed jimin.

he pushed that thought away, though. taehyung hates bothering the older. he can't always rely on him, especially when there's nothing he can do to return the favor.

he felt his chest tighten as he fell to the ground, wishing for darkness to envelop him.

___________

i'm literally like half asleep but i wanted to update for you guys <3

it's shorter than usual but like i feel like my other chapters were too long :,,)

also let's pray that i can talk to my crush tomorrow bcs i miss her 🤪