04-23

Reinier Lopez

12:30 a.m.

Indiana:

Nakapag CR na ako

Gising ka pa ba?

Reinier:

How hahahah

I thought takot ka?

Indiana:

Ikaw naman kasi!

Your fault!

Reinier:

Huh hahahaha

Why me?

Indiana:

You made me cry

Nakalimutan ko yung takot ko

I just saw myself going to the CR to wash my face tapos nakabalik na ako sa room nang hindi ko namamalayan

Reinier:

Bakit ka umiyak?

Indiana:

I'm touched

Thank you sa letter

It means a lot to me

I'll keep it for as long as I could

Reinier:

You're always welcome

Indiana:

I really am lucky to found a friend in you

I was wrong for judging you

And also being mean at you

You didn't deserve it

Reinier:

Kahit I'm really annoying you at times?

Indiana:

Well, you deserve yung mga hampas ko

Na hindi naman masakit for you hmp!

Reinier:

Can you tell me now why are you annoyed at me even though bago lang tayo naging blockmates?

I mean I think I get the idea already but ayoko pangunahan ka

Indiana:

Okay

Paano ko ba sisimulan

Hmmm

This will be a bit long story

Reinier:

Sure

Let's stay up all night

Indiana:

I thought you're sleepy na

Reinier:

Guess what?

Not anymore 😆

Indiana:

Sige ah sabi mo yan

Okay, since I came in a very competitive environment of course I hate losing

It's not even an option for me

I needed to be the number 1

The most

The best

I wasn't like that before

Like as a child, I wanted to play around, do some fun games and activities with my family

But it wasn't like that

My siblings are already learning piano, violin or even doing sports

Chess, tennis  or taekwondo ganun

Wala namang masama sa ganun if they really like that kaya lang parang they aren't even doing it because they are happy doing it

Lagi silang seryoso kapag ginagawa nila yon and sometimes frustrated pa laging parang may pinapatunayan

Since bunso ako, everything's new to me, di ko alam na may ganun pala, I thought our family is like what I see on TV shows

So wala akong mga ganung pinagkaabalahan

Parang if I wanted to do something or if I'm interested in something, gagawin ko naman

But it just doesn't feel like that

Bata ako eh, I wanted to enjoy as I'm discovering what I wanted in life

So ayun my parents asked me bakit wala daw akong ginagawang productive sa buhay ko like my siblings

Puro lang daw laro inaatupag ko ganun

As a child ha, I keep on hearing those words from them na parang yung ginagawa ko is bawal

Lagi akong kinocompare sa mga kapatid ko

That's when I started to be confused

I don't even know kung anong gagawin ko

So I just started to act like how my siblings act around

I started doing ballet kahit hindi naman ako masyadong graceful

The first time I felt na my parents care for me talaga yung were the day they went to my ballet performance

Sabi ko sa sarili ko I should keep this up para lagi silang masaya sa ginagawa ko

Para hindi na nila ako icompare

And that's the time na naging parang sobrang competitive ko na

Reinier:

Still okay?

Do you still want to continue?

Indiana:

Oo naman

Di ba you promise naman na you'll listen to my stories

Whatever it is?

Reinier:

Yeah!

As long as you're comfortable

Indiana:

Sabihin mo rin if antok ka na ah

Reinier:

Yup

Indiana:

So from elementary to highschool honor ako, 1st honor.

Consistent

I mean not all the time kunwari 1st quarter 2nd lang ako

But the school year should end with me being 1st

So lahat ng school years nag end na ako ang first sa batch namin

Wala nga akong high school friends eh kasi hindi ako lumalabas like sa mall or ano, kasi kailangan lagi akong nag aaral

Kung hindi man nag aaral, dapat may ginagawa akong productive na extra curriculars

So when I graduated SHS

I was confident in college

Kasi 1st honor ako eh

But all my confidence crumbled down

Sa college, wala yang honors mo kasi sobrang competitive ng environment

Hindi naman yung competitive na kagaya sa aming magkakapatid, kumbaga parang and daming magaling sa college

So after ko marealize yon, I didn't let my guard down. I gauge my blockmates very well

I was doing good until they shuffled the sections on 3rd year

I had to gauge everyone again.

Nakita kita, you look like a lost boy

Sabi ko sayo before diba hahaha

Ang carefree lang parang walang iniisip

So sabi ko ah hindi naman to nakakathreaten

But then you started to ace exams, be better at lab reports than me

I was annoyed

Very much annoyed at you

Why are you so good?????

Ganiyan lang nasa isip ko

Bakit kahit parang hindi ka naman masyado nag eeffort, ang galing galing mo

Samantalang ako todo effort na sa lahat ng ginagawa ko pero kulang pa rin

Hindi mo naman kasalanan na magaling ka

Mas magaling kaysa sa akin to be exact

Nito lang, I realized the real reason  was I'm jealous of you, kasi you're so carefree, nagagawa mo yung mga bagay na gusto mo

You excel in acads yet you still make sure you rest and you make time for self

Nakikita ko sayo yung self love ba

I want that too pero hindi pwede, para akong sinasakal

Na kahit siguro grumaduate ako I will still be on that leash

So yeah that was the story why I'm annoyed everytime na nakikita kita

Pero hindi na ngayon

You're one of my good friends already kahit I'm not worthy because I was never a good person

Reinier:

I don't know what to say exactly

It was shocking for me na may ganiyan ka palang iniisip

It really doesn't show in you and that is really something

Parang you look like brat na nagtatantrums lang I'm sorry for this hahaha

Pero yun pala ang tagal mo na yang kinikeep sa sarili mo

It's tough, Ida

I'm not saying na what you did is right. I mean, being mean not just to me but to anyone na tingin mo is competitor mo

But you're not a bad person Ida

It's just that you grew up in the wrong environment

I believe there's no person who are born to be bad, all bad person are hone by the environment they grew up with.

I'm really sad that you didn't get the chance to do what you really want to do when you were a child and up until today.

I'm sorry you had to go through that

You will always be the best, Ida

If you think you're doing good, then you are really doing good. Kahit hindi ka pa ang 1st kahit wala ka pa sa list as long as you appreciate yourself more than anyone could.

Be your own standard

Don't beg for validations from other people kahit na parents mo pa

It will destroy you

Be proud of who you are and what you can do

Be your own number one fan, Ida. Tapos ako ang number 2 :)