Dear Me,

Right now, you are 4 nights, 2 hours, 2 mins and 2 seconds away from losing your temper and causing unimaginable destruction. Of course you wouldn't see it coming, you couldn't. I didn't.
He's gonna say it and you're gonna freak out about it. He'll reassure you and you'll calm down but two nights later, he'll say something else that gets to you. At first you'll act calm but the next thing he says seems to provoke you and you're gonna get so infuriated and just blow up and leave him with the words "I probably won't even be here in two hours... Like you'd care." He'll go into a panic which you'll ignore as you don't want to talk.

Little do you know that he took it as a suicide thing and you'll regret not coming back online to text him.

The next night, he'll blow up on you and things will only get worse in the coming weeks. As the silence grows between you two, you'll take it as a sign to wait and give him time as it's what you needed too. However, he expected you to text him and ask him out so that you could talk face to face or something like that. That only causes you to feel worse about yourself and you'll spend the next day crying.

When you meet up, he'll seem to ignore you and spend more time with your brother which causes you to feel uneasy so you'll try to start convos and ask him stuff. It doesn't seem to work so you text him. He replies, saying that he's just "not making any moves."

Everything seems alright afterwards, almost alright. At 5, he'll leave and hastily wave at you, making you feel like he was just waiting to go the entire time. You'll think back to why he finally asked you out and realise he never really wanted to meet up in the first place; your mum told him to meet up with you apparently.

That same day at night, you'll wonder whether he found the note you snuck in. So you text him. He seems to reply coldly. You try some more. He sighs, says your full name and tells you to "stop playing" with him. You're taken aback. You tell him that you're not playing with him.
He responds, "Leave me alone".

At this point you'll feel hopeless and you reluctantly type "ok then" before going offline and crying your eyes out in the bathroom. Hang in there, it gets worse. Your other friend apologises for him when really, he should apologise directly to you.
You and I never and will never accept apologies if they're not from the person who's wronged you. If they're really sorry, they would apologise to you of their own accord.

By now, you've probably broken down emotionally, this letter really is too much to handle. But you see, here's the worse bit; it happened. I'm not just broken emotionally by this point, I'm shattered. I did all that. This is what it came to.

If you could possibly prevent this from happening, even changing it slightly for the better, please do. If not for us then for him. I can't imagine how he'd feel if he knew that we would come to this in just a matter of days. You couldn't either.

As for me, I wonder if it's too late. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. If it isn't, then I hope that in the future, I'll be able to fix things for the better. For now, I'll go my own way and try to find myself again. As for you, that's in your hands, your actions will always have a consequence. You decide what to do.

Best wishes, I.

Edit: Hiya guys, it's all good, I'm back with him now ❤️ sure we've had some ups and downs and broken up a couple times, can't remember the exact number (x), just know it's (x + 1) for all the times we got back together.   :)