One night, Matthew was laid out next to Ivan on his bed while Ivan read aloud from Anna Karenina. It was very relaxing, even if some of the passages (or perhaps most of them) seemed to go on forever.
Suddenly there was a knock on the door, and a panicked voice. "Mr. Russia?"
Ivan sighed, setting the book down. Matthew stood up with him, and when Ivan answered the door, they both saw Latvia standing there, his entire body shaking in fear.
Latvia spoke. "Mr. Russia, please don't hurt me! I tried to stop him, but I couldn't!" His tone was panicked, and he was almost hysterical.
"What has happened?" Ivan asked, concerned, but Matthew also noted that his voice had suddenly grown tight, as though he were about to snap.
"Lithuania has left. He took all his clothes, and he went home. His old home!"
Matthew watched Ivan stiffen, and then run downstairs. Matthew dashed behind him, trying to keep up.
Ukraine sat sobbing, and Belarus simply stared out the window. Estonia sat quivering in a corner. Ivan surveyed the scene for a moment, and then turned to Natalia. "Is it true?"
She nodded.
Ivan turned around, and dashed back up the stairs. Matthew followed, scared and confused, and wondered what he was about to witness.
He watched Ivan reach the door, and he practically kicked it down.
The dresser drawers were empty, the bed bare.
Ivan snarled, and then he flipped the dresser over, tearing the photos down that Lithuania had kept over the years. He screamed into the mattress and then ripped the fabric to shreds. He then punched the glass of the framed map, instantly shattering it.
"Ivan!" Matthew shouted, suddenly panicking as well.
Ivan's hand was bleeding, and he reached in, grabbing the map, and ripping it to shreds, ignoring the shards of glass in his hands.
"Ivan, stop! You're bleeding!" Matthew begged.
Ivan froze at the shout. He turned, and then stared at Matthew. "I... I... he was my friend, Matvey." He spoke, sounding as heartbroken as a child himself.
Matthew shook his head. "No, he was scared of you."
"Are they all scared of me? Are none of them my friends?" Ivan said, and when he looked at Matthew, Matthew wanted to tell him no, to comfort him, but he knew that that would just make the hurt worse later. And besides, Ivan knew the answer. The lie would only justify his anger.
"Yes, except for your sisters. They often get angry at you, but they love you. But if Ukraine decides to go, I think Belarus will go with her."
"Are you scared of me, Matvey?"
Matthew paused, and thought very carefully before replying. "Sometimes you scare me a little, but I know you don't mean to, so I don't hold it against you. But you've scared them much worse than me so many times that they don't know what to do anymore."
Ivan nodded, and then stood and headed upstairs, presumably to his room. Matthew listened, and then he heard the slam of the door.
He walked back downstairs, and then he heard Ukraine talking to the others.
"He's a ticking time bomb now. If you two decide to go, you need to do so now. He won't hurt us like he will you."
The two Baltics looked at the two sisters with fear, and then nodded. "Raivis, go pack. I'll make food for us." Estonia ordered.
"Okay." Latvia replied, and then headed up the stairs to do as asked.
Matthew watched the Baltics prepare to flee, and then he watched them run out the door and disappear into the snow while Belarus and Ukraine watched from the window. They didn't realize it, but Matthew was right next to them, watching the two figures fade into the distance with them. Finally, they headed to bed. But Matthew stayed in the living room, looking out at the distant horizon.
The USSR collapses.
Then he turned and headed to his own room. He couldn't stand here all night. Someone needed him more.

Ivan was laying on his bed when he heard the door creak open.
He turned and saw his older sister.
"Eduard and Raivis left as well." She finally said after a few moments of silence.
"Kolkolkolkolkolkolkolkolkolkolkolkolkol..." Ivan muttered, rolling back over and ignoring her.
She started towards him, and reached out to touch his shoulder. "Vanya..."
"Vy sobirayetes' ostavit', a, starshaya sestra?" Are you going to leave as well, big sister?
"Nyet. Not for a while. You need me right now."
He sighed. "Then you will just leave eventually."
She sighed right back at him. "Goodnight, brother."
The door closed and Ivan wanted to cry. He didn't know what to do.
But soon it opened again. He turned to see Canada.
"I'm sorry, Ivan."
Russia said nothing, and then Canada lay down and came towards him.
"Thank you, Matvey." He heard himself whisper as he wrapped his arms around the young man.
"There's no reason to thank me."
Russia shook his head. "No, there is every reason to thank you. I do not deserve your care."
He buried his face in the blond curls of his fellow Arctic nation, and let sleep take him.

I do not deserve your care.
There were plenty of reasons Matthew might have been able to agree with that statement. He saw the way Ivan nearly destroyed his punching bags. He had seen the marks left on Lithuania. And from what he understood, that was restraint.
But Ivan was the first nation who had ever seen him, and he had cared.
He had treated Matthew strangely at first, but eventually they had grown a soft fondness for each other. Now they were dancing on the edge of a blade.
The question was if he would fall. And if he did, would Matthew let him take him with him?

The next few weeks were spent in long periods of silence followed by short periods of drunken rage. Ivan drank heavy amounts of vodka, either lashing out or simply withdrawing from the company of everyone else, and Matthew watched Belarus and Ukraine begin to get ready to leave. There was nothing they could do for him if he wouldn't listen to them, and even Matthew began to feel some of the strain pulling at him.
Finally, Matthew went into Ivan's room one night, tired of this. He would confront him if he could.
Ivan was drunk as hell, and he whirled. "What do you want, Fredka? Here to torment me with the past?" He shouted in Russian. Matthew had picked up a fair amount of Russian over the past few months, but it was so slurred that he wasn't sure what the Russian was trying to tell him.
"Out, America! Are you deaf?" He finally shouted in plain English.
"I'm not Alfred. I'm Matthew." Canada replied, realizing there was no point in trying to confront him at the moment.
Ivan shook his head, angry and impatient. "Just get out, Fredka. I push, you pull. It never stops. Go away."
Matthew left the room and waited, and once Ivan was asleep, he returned. He crawled under the covers and curled up next to Ivan, sighing as he stroked his hair. He stopped the silent thought that tried to cross his mind.
He only loves you because you remind him of Alfred.
He pressed his face into the broad expanse of the Russian's back, sighing as he allowed himself to drift into a world of sleep.

Ivan woke up to feel someone next to him. Years of living with Belarus had taught him to always worry when you didn't remember inviting someone into your bed the night before. He looked down, and was glad to see a set of dark violet eyes on a head crowned with gold curls looking up at him. He had awoken the smaller nation with his movement,
"Matvey, what are you doing here?" He finally said, groggy. The hangover was not pleasant.
"Because you're here, and you're upset and alone, and no one ought to be alone when they feel like this. I've been alone for far too long, so I know." He whispered.
Ivan sighed, and then started to stroke Matthew's hair. Matthew reached up and did the same.
Then Ivan fell back asleep, but this time it was his head against Matthew's chest.

When Ivan woke up again, Matvey had brought him food. Pancakes absolutely drenched in maple syrup.
"This is my favorite comfort food, so I made it for you."
Ivan sat up, and Matthew set the pancakes down his desk, which he'd cleared the paperwork off of.
Ivan finally walked over to the desk and ate his pancakes. He wanted to enjoy the food, but it was hard with the worrisome settling into the bottom of his stomach.
Matthew took the plates, and then came right back. "I'm going to stay with you for as long as I can, Ivan." He said, reaching over and taking Ivan's hands in his own.
Ivan nodded. "Are Sofia and Natalia still here?" He managed to ask after a few minutes.
"Yes, but they are almost entirely packed and ready to leave."
Ivan nodded, and then leaned back, placing his head on Matthew's chest. "Please stay with me, Matvey. I don't know what I can do without you here."
Matthew lead Ivan to the bed, and then they cuddled, enjoying the intimacy and ignoring the pain they felt. Soon, though, pain was forgotten so they could enjoy a moment of bliss.
Matthew nuzzled Ivan's neck through his scarf, happy that after all these years, there was someone who could see him and care about him.
Then he felt Ivan's hands tilting his head up.
"Ivan..." He started, a little surprised.
Ivan pressed his fingers to Matthew's lips to silence him. Matthew lay there, silent. Ivan's hands reached up and stroked the side of his face, fingers trailing down his neck. When he had first seen Ivan, he never would have guessed that this giant of a man could be so gentle.
Finally Ivan leaned in close, and his eyes asked the question that both had kept silent for months.
Matthew nodded. There was no need for clarification.
Ivan's lips met his. The kiss was soft.
Matthew allow Ivan to guide him, and soon the kisses became deeper and deeper, more passionate. When they finally pulled apart, Matthew realized that they were both quietly panting, their faces flushed in the dim light. It was more than he ever thought he might be able to have. But suddenly a wave of worry swept over him. What if he did something that could ruin this forever?
"Ivan...I don't know... what do I do?" He finally said.
"We don't have to do everything. I don't want to hurt you" Ivan's hands were gentle, and then he carefully pulled Matthew into his arms. "I'm content with this, Matvey."
Matvey shook his head. "I want to go further, but I've just never done anything like this with another nation, and I'm afraid I'm going to ruin it."
Ivan lifted his head up so their gazes would meet. "There is nothing you could get wrong that would make me leave you, Matvey. It's okay to stop at any time or to go no further than this. Just guide my hands when you're ready, if you want to go any further."
After a few more minutes cuddling, Matthew took Ivan's hand and slid it under his shirt.
He felt Ivan's hands pulling at his shirt, and then carefully take it off. Matthew turned so he could finish wriggling out of it, and Ivan began to pull off his own shirt. There was a soft thud as two shirts were tossed to the floor.
They stared at each other, shirtless and silent, admiring and pitying the other.
Matthew reached out, touching the older Nation's scars. There were so many, on his stomach, his chest, his shoulders. All across his body, there were scars.
Ivan touched one of Matthew's scars, which were few in number compared to the Russian. "What happened?" He asked, touching one of the largest by far.
"The War of 1812. Alfred burned my capital down."
The sunburst scar right over his heart was gently touched.
"If I had known you existed, I would have tried to stop him."
"It wouldn't have done anything. Besides, no justice is needed. Al has one exactly like this."
"The burning of Washington DC?"
"I was there with the troops, not that they knew that, but I was there."
Ivan didn't ask about any of Matthew's other scars and Matthew didn't ask Ivan about any of his, afraid that it might upset Ivan. After a while, when he had his head pressed back against Ivan's chest, he felt Ivan move and then heard him set something down.
He looked up and then he realized Ivan had set his scarf down on the nightstand.
He reached out, tracing the scars along Ivan's neck, and Matthew wondered how he had survived whatever caused this. Now he understood why the Russian never took his scarf off. Ivan leaned back, and despite the scars, Matthew could tell he was content, almost purring.
Ivan suddenly reached up and gently ran his hands down Matthew's sides, and up and over his chest, and then down his back.
"Ivan?" Matthew managed to say. It felt so good.
"Yes?"
"Will you... lead?"
"Da, Matvey, but only where you let me."
Matthew nodded.
Ivan rolled him over onto his back, and then straddled him, his hands running all down Matthew's body, but only above the waistband. He leaned down, placing small kisses all over his torso, and then kissing him on the mouth, his hands still moving. His fingers pinched and pulled at Matthew's nipples, and Matthew felt his whole body shake, and he groaned right into Ivan's mouth. He reached up, running his hands down Ivan's back, and from the small noise Ivan made, it felt just as good to him as it had for Matthew.
Then he paused, and took one of Ivan's hands, guiding it down and placing it over the bulge in his pants.
"Matvey..."
"I'm ready."
Ivan slowly unbuttoned Matthew's pants, and then his hand reached in, still over the underwear, and he took a hold of his erection, stroking gently.
Matthew tilted his head back, moaning, unsure what noise exactly had just come out of him. But it made Ivan respond, and soon they were pressed together, their bodies entangled in an ancient dance.
At some point, Matthew's pants had come off completely, and Ivan's were near his knees. Bare skin to bare skin. Electric currents were coursing up both of their bodies.
Matthew finally grew impatient, and slid Ivan's hand under the waistband of his boxers. He needed to feel skin, not fabric
The rest of Ivan's clothes hit the ground, including his boxers as well.
Their bodies were flushed with heat, and Matthew was so scared, but it wasn't a bad fear. It was a good one. He could trust Ivan.
"Matvey, how far do you want to go?" Ivan finally asked, leaning into the younger nations as they slowly rubbed their hips together.
"All the way." He replied
Ivan nodded, and reaching over, pulled something out of his nightstand. "Relax. This is going to help."
Matthew did as he was told, and then he felt the oiled fingertip reaching inside him. He let out a soft noise of mixed pain and pleasure. Ivan continued, slowly, and then he brushed a spot that made Matthew jump, and he let out a small squeak.
"Matvey?!"
"No, keep going, Vanya."
Ivan seemed a little reluctant after that response, but he kept going, and soon he added a second finger
Matthew moved so that his fingers were all the way into him.
"Matvey, be careful. You will hurt yourself." The Russian muttered.
"Then it'll be my fault, not yours." The Canadian replied.
Ivan leaned over and kissed him. "Let me guide you if you're so determined. I don't want you to be in pain your first time."
Matthew sighed, and then Ivan put a third finger in.
Matthew pulled Ivan closer, and put a well placed nip on Ivan's shoulder. The Russian barely twitched, but the sound he made was enough. Matthew sucked on it, Just because he'd never done this before didn't mean he hadn't read about it.
When he leaned back just a little, he saw the small bruise forming on Ivan's shoulder.
Mine. He thought.
Then he could feel Ivan's hand moving, just barely brushing up against that spot. He tried to lean into it, but Ivan was keeping him well pinned. He moaned.
Finally, Ivan took his hand out. "Are you ready?"
Matthew reached up and brushed Ivan's hair out of his eyes.
"Da. Ya lyublyu tebya, Vanya."
Ivan froze for a moment, startled by the Russian, but then his mouth pulled up at the corners into a huge smile. A genuine smile, not scary or terrifying in any way.
"Je t'aime aussi, Matvey." He replied in French.
Then Ivan was entering him, and Matthew grabbed him, holding on tightly, crying out in noises he'd never heard himself make, biting at Ivan's shoulder, kissing Ivan on the mouth, running his hands down Ivan's back. Ivan moved slowly at first, but soon he picked up speed, and Matthew lost himself in the moment.
Finally, he felt Ivan's hands clutching at his back the same way he was.
"Close." Matthew muttered.
"Same." Ivan replied.
Hips rocking, bodies slamming into each other as fast as they could.
Matthew felt his whole body tense, and then a familiar sensation build up in his body. He took a deep breath, and then felt the scream escape him. "IVAN!"
Ivan's body tensed and then he snarled, pulling Matthew as close as he could. "Matvey!"
They came, and then they lay together, not wanting to move. For a few moments, they simply held each other close, and looked into the other's eyes.
"Please say it again." Ivan finally said, breaking the silence.
"Ya lyublyu tebya."
Ivan smiled and then the two of them pulled apart. Matthew turned, and pressed his back against Ivan's chest, but then turned and kissed him. "Hold me?"
"Da, anything for you, Matvey."
Ivan held him close for the entire night. And strangely enough, he wasn't bothered by Matthew having his back to him. It felt...right.
Once Matthew was asleep, Ivan whispered to him.
"I will find a way so that the rest of them can see you, my Matvey. I want you to be able to talk to the others as well, and be known in the world. You deserve everything you want."
Matthew's face smiled a little in his sleep.
"Ya lyublyu tebya." Ivan whispered, brushing his lips against his lover's cheek.
And then Ivan fell asleep as well, and despite the rest of the world around him, for a while, he was able to just focus on the small piece of paradise in front of him.

Matthew and Ivan awoke to an empty house. Russia knew it the instant he awoke, dressing in a thin shirt and pair of pants before wandering out to look around, Canada at his side with his hand tightly clasped in his.
Belarus and Ukraine had emptied their rooms, and the doors were left open as though to show that they weren't planning on coming back. But the statement was enough.
His own sisters had left. It was over.
Ivan didn't destroy their rooms. He sat in silence most of that day, while Matthew cooked for him, and hid all the vodka he found. He didn't want to be the only person in the house if Ivan got drunk.
They didn't do it again that night, they just held each other close. It was what they needed at that moment. Matthew watched Ivan sleep with a sad happiness. He was glad he seemed okay, but he could also tell that the other was in pain, which made him hurt too.
France was right when he said that love can bring pain. I wish I could take it all away from you, my dear one.

A few months later, Ivan put up two new door signs while Matthew went home for the first time in nearly a year to deal with his own business.
His own door now read
Россия (Russia)
Иван (Ivan)
He turned, and then put the new sign on the door across from him.
Canada
Matthew Williams