I woke up when Lisa started to shake me.
"Lil. The movie is over. Wake up honey."
I slowly opened my eyes. "Five more minutes. It's so warm and nice. Can we please stay like this?" I mumbled in Lisa's shoulder.
She laughed. "Well we can stay like this. But I think you should do some homework." "You're right." I said while slowly sitting up and rubbing my eyes.
"Awww you look you adorable Lil." Amy gushed. I got up and pushed the blanket that someone had dropped over me and Lisa aside.
"Ewww it's so cold." I mumbled. Lisa laughed.
I pulled the blanket around me and started to walk away.
"Now you look like a superhero with a cape." Kath laughed, while walking into the room.
"I'll make some hot cocoa. Do you guys want some?" I didn't answer while Lisa, Amy and Lauren nodded.
"Okay. I'll go make some." She walked to the kitchen.
"I'll be upstairs doing my homework." I said.
The other nodded. "If you need help just come down and tell us.
I grabbed my bag and walked back upstairs, where I sat down at my table and started to take out my books. As I had already done almost everything for tomorrow I only had to do my biology project and the things for English Literature.
With a sigh I took out my biology book and started my laptop.
Let's start this I read the pages on the topic and than I opened the program PowerPoint to start designing a presentation.
Okay first a short overview.
The sympatric speciation is the contrast to the allopatric speciation. It's characterised by the development of two kinds in the same territory.
A reproduction border is needed otherwise the process of speciation is not completely done.
It took me one and a half hour to finish it off. My presentation had 9 slides and I included tons of examples.
I put the biology things away and got my English book out.
While reading it and taking notes for the next lesson the door to the room opened and Dani walked in.
"Hey." I said and smiled.
"What are you doing?" "English." "For this stupid play? Why are you even trying to do this? In the end the other students will have better ideas."
I started to tear up.
"Are you crying again? You're such a baby. What can you even do right? You're just a stupid screw up."
"Stop. Please." I covered my ears and tried to block out everything she said.
Tears streamed down my face.
"Stop crying. All you do is cause problems. Everyday this week all of us had to put our wishes behind. Because you couldn't handle anything. You're aren't worth the tears they cried or Amy's panic attack. You're worthless so just stop crying you screw up." While ranting on Dani got louder and my cries grew louder and louder.
"Stop. Please."
"Dani. What are you doing?" Christina walked in Lauren right behind her.
As soon as they saw me crying they got mad."Dani out. You come with me." Christina grabbed her arm and pulled her out of the room.
Lauren rushed towards me and pulled me on her lap.
I was panicking. My heart was racing and I was freaking out. I was breathing fast and than I was there again.
"Hey sweetie. Let's continue what we started last week. For such a stupid screw up your really pretty." He started to unbutton my blouse and his hands roamed my body. "Please stop. Please. I don't want this." I started to wiggle around and tried to hit him.
"Don't move so much kitten. Otherwise I'll have to punish you."
"Lil. Lillian. Listen to my voice. Everything is alright. I am here with you and youre safe. Breathe." Laurens Voice brought me back to reality before I could freak out even more, if this was even more possible, but I knew that if this flashback would have continued I would have a full blown panic attack. This memory was the worst one of all my memories. It was the one memory that I wish could erase.
"Baby girl. You're safe. It's alright. I am here. Come on match my breathing. In and out and in and out. You're doing great baby girl."
I felt myself calming down. My breathing calmed down to a little over normal rate and my heart wasn't beating as fast as before.
I closed my eyes and layed my head on Laurens shoulder. My tears were still streaming down my face and they started to set her shirt.
"It's alright sweet girl. I'll keep you safe. And I love you so much." I cried even harder, while Lauren started to play with my hair and rubbing my back.
I heard the bedroom door open.
"Christina told me what happend." I heard Lisa say and walking into the room.
I felt the mattress next to us subside and Lauren moved me a little bit over. So that now I was in between Lauren and Lisa.
I was still crying and both of them tried to calm me down. Lauren played with my hair while Lisa rubbed my back, than she started to sing You're worth it and Lauren started to sing the harmony. It calmed me down knowing that they were there to hear them sing.
"You're okay now Lillian?" I nodded. "Thank you. I am sorry for bothering you with my problems and being such  a burden." I looked down at my hands and closed my eyes.
"Lil. Lillian look at me." Lisa coaxed as if talking to a really young child. She kneeled down in front of me but didn't say anything. It appeared that she waited till her first order was listened to.
"Lillian. Don't ever think of yourself below us, you're not a burden. You're not bothering us with your problems. I don't know what Dani said to you. But please don't ever think that we could do better of without you. We need you and we love you. We care about you and we want to be there for you. Please let us in." Tears welled up in her eyes, but she didn't even get to see my reaction as my head was soon back in her chest while she hugged me. We stayed in this position for a while until she let go.
"I love you. Lise and you too Lauren." I mumbled quietly.
"Well we love you too." Lauren smiled and kissed my cheek.
I smiled at them and slowly got up form the bed. All the crying had made me tired but I still needed to finish the research for the Hamlet project.
I swayed a little bit and Lisa grabbed my arm. "You're okay baby girl?" She looked at me with concern.
"Yeah I am fine. I am used to it. I just need to sit down a bit."
"I'll go grab you something to drink." Lauren said and got up.
Shortly after she walked out Christina and Dani walked in.
"I am sorry Lil. I shouldn't have said this." Dani said but her voice and her facial expressions made clear that she didn't mean it.
I shrugged "it's okai."
She looked at Chrissy. "I'll be downstairs." and left the room.
"Don't worry about her. I'll talk to mom when she gets home and tell her what Dani did." Chrissy said and kissed me on the forehead.
Lauren walked back in with a plate full of apples and a glass of water. "Here you go." She said and put both down on the table. I took the glass and took a few sips.
"I want you too eat a bit of the apple. I know you probably don't want to but the sugar levels in your blood is probably to low." Lisa said.
Chrissy looked irritated. "Do you feel dizzy? I can get some glucose." She clearly was concerned.
"No it's fine. I'll eat a little bit of apple." I said while looking at her.
She nodded. "I'll be downstairs. Tell me if you need me."
"Yeah. Alright." Lisa and Lauren stayed with me and I took a bit of the apple.
It was juicy and sweet. Something I'm not used to anymore.
"Well I need to finish the project for English. So you don't have to stay with me." I smiled.
"We want to. Maybe we can help you." Lauren smiled at me.
"I need to find suitable music for the sence and get design ideas for the costumes. But I don't know if you can help me with it. I already wrote down everything needed I I just need to work on the designs now."
"Well show us what you got." I turned my laptop around and showed it to them.
My researches for the costumes design were almost done and I only needed to look for two more costumes and music ideas.
"I want to help with the music." They said in unison and with their help I finished my research really fast.
In the end I had a total of 30 tracks together for most of the scenes only for some scenes we couldn't find anything suitable.
The costume design ideas were also finished but some of them were not really good so probably to be replaced by some on else's idea.
"Well we should go downstairs to help with dinner." Lauren said and got up.
I nodded and got up as well. Lisa who had curled up under my blankets looked at us as if she wanted to say seriously. "Nah I'm good. It's really warm and cozy here." She said and just stayed where she was.
When Lauren and I entered the kitchen Kath and Mom were already preparing dinner. "Hey can we help?" Lauren asked for both of us.
"Well you could set up the table. By the way Mike and Alex come over for dinner today."
I smiled at that. Alex and I were incredibly close eventhough we had a huge age difference.
When I was 12 and wanted to go to prom with friends, Lisa, Laur and Chrissy had promised me to take me to the mall and look for dress together. On the planned day they couldn't make it because they had an important appointment with the band.
Alex found me crying in the backyard and when he found out what happend he took me to the mall and went dress shopping with me.
Lauren and I got the plates out and started setting up the table, while mom and Kath finished cooking.
We all, including Lisa, sat down and started to eat. Well actually everyone except me started to eat.
I felt Lisa looking at me. She sat opposite to me at the table.
Amy who was sitting next to me took my left hand and squeezed it.
Slowly I took a bite of my food. I didn't want to eat,but I knew that my sisters would make me. I took another bite.
Stop eating. You'll get fat. And nobody will love you when you're fat.
I started to tear up but Amy squeezed my hand again and I felt those voices fade away. I took another bite and even though I was kind of calm thanks to Amy's presence next to me. I didn't not feel good about myself. I knew that eating would cause me more pain than not eating.
While the others talked about their day I only focused on eating the food without freaking out.
Nobody except my sisters who already knew about my struggle seemed to notice my struggle.
After I ate half of the amount on my plate I started to push around the food on my plate. Just the thought of eating a little more terrified me.
I closed my eyes trying to calm myself down and not freaking out in front of everyone.
When we finished dinner I had are three quarters of the amount that was on my plate.
"Wanna watch as movie? Or play a game?" Kath asked. I knew that she did it to controll me. I wasn't allowed to go to the bathroom right now so of course she would make something up to keep me down her. So I nodded knowing that there was no way I was allowed to do something else.
In the end Lisa, Amy, Kath, Alex, Nick and I agreed to play trivial pursuit.
We set up the game and started playing in the living room. It took an hour for us to come even close to finishing the game.
"Well Lisa this is your last question. Where is Romeo and Juliet set? A). Venice B) Verona C) Barcelona D) Milan."
"Well that's easy it's Answer B)" Of course it was correct and Lisa won the game.
All of us finished soon after her. I was third.
"Well that was fun. But I should go to bed now I guess." I said and got up. Surprisingly I felt calm. The demons didn't scream at me. Spending time with my siblings was calming for the voices in my head.
I went into my room and put on my pyjama. Amy came in and smiled at me.
"Let me tuck you in darling." She smiled and got me to lay down in the bed. "Sleep well baby girl." She whispered and kissed me on the forehead. "I love you so much" She tucked one of the strands of my hair behind my ear.
It only took a short time for me to fall asleep.
"Hey sweetie. Let's continue what we started last week. For such a stupid screw up your really pretty." He started to unbutton my blouse and his hands roamed my body. "Please stop. Please. I don't want this." I started to wiggle around and tried to hit him.
"Don't move so much kitten. Otherwise I'll have to punish you." His hands continued roaming my body. The smell of his aftershave tickeld my nose. The weight of his body held me down.
I could feel the tears stinging in my eyes. "Please let me go. I won't tell anyone." He started to pull my pants down.
"Of course you won't tell anyone." He smiled devishly. Next thing I knew was him pressing his lips on my lips.
This wasn't the way a first kiss should be. It should be full of love not being forced.
He opened my bra and pulled my panties down.
"You're pretty."
I closed my eyes trying to stop the tears from falling. Pain shot through my body.

With a silent scream I was sitting in my bed awake. My breathing was fast and my heart pounding. Eventhough the memory had ended I was still panicking even worse then before.
Tears started to sting in my eyes. My breathing got faster and louder. I tried to get up and walk out of the room so I wouldn't wake anyone up but I didn't get very far.
I managed to close the door behind me before freaking out completely.
My whole body started to shake as I sat down next to the door in the hallway.
The thoughts were racing through my mind and I couldn't find a way to stop them. I need to breath, I need to focus. I repeated in my head over and over again.
By now I felt like passing out. My heart racing, my breathing fast.
Maybe this would be it. I would pass out still panicking and in the end die. It sure felt like I was dying.
"Lil?" I heard a voice. "Why are you awake?" I couldn't look up to see who it was. Whoever it was sounded crazily sleepy. Than suddenly the person was next to me. Wide awake.
"Can I touch you?" I squinted my eyes. Amy was sitting in front of me. I nodded and she pulled me on her lap.
"Listen to my heart. I need you to focus on it." While I was focused on her heart beat she played with my hair and whispered soothing things into my ear.
"I am here lil. I love you. I'll take care of you and protect you. I promise you I won't ever leave you again."
It took a while but my breath started to get steadier and I took a few deep breath. I got calmer while Amy played with my hair.
"Let's get you back to bed." I furiously shook my head. "No. I don't want to go back to bed. I don't want to sleep again. Please don't make me." I cried harder.
"Baby it's alright you can stay with me if you want. I'll just take you to my bed and we'll cuddle until you fall back asleep. Just calm down. Otherwise you'll make yourself sick again." She kissed my forehead and pulled me up with her.
I clung to her arm while she led me to her bedroom. She put me in her bed and climbed in next to me.
"Sleep tight baby." She whispered as she pulled the blankets over us and even though I didn't want to I felt myself getting sleepy in her warm embrace. I felt so safe and protected that I couldn't even fight the sleep anymore.
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2892 words

If you wonder why I am uploading so much.
It's my eighteenth birthday today so I am giving out a present to y'all.