"Lise. Can you hold me for a little while longer?"
After that Lisa and I stayed in this position for almost an hour. We finally broke apart when Amy and Lauren walked into my room.
"I want to cuddle to." Amy stated but as soon as she saw the dried tears on both our faces her smile fell. "What's going on?"
"We'll tell you let's get our other sisters so we can talk about everything"
"I'll go get them you sit down with them." Lauren stated and looked at Amy. She nodded and sat down on my other side. Lisa let go of me and I scooted over to her.
She smiled and embraced me in a warm hug. I curled myself up in her lap. "Love you Lil." She mumbled in my hair I smiled in her shoulder and hid my face in her neck.
Downstairs I heard Lauren talking to Christina and Katherine. Lisa got up "I'll be back in a few. I am going to get some blankets."
She walked the stairs down and I could hear her join the talk in the kitchen. Amy played with my hair and pulled me closer to her if that was even possible. We sat in total silence while waiting for our sisters to come back just enjoying the warmth radiating from each other.
"I've got the blankets and Kath and Chris are here. Lauren is getting Dani." Lisa stumbled in the room with a huge pile of blankets.
She dropped most of them down on the floor but put one of them around Amy and I making sure we were both nice and warm tucked in, before sitting herself down on the bed and curling up against Amy. She curled herself up in one of the blankets and smiled at me. I took one of her hands and interlocked our fingers. She brushed her thumb over the back of my hand. Kath and Christina had walked in. They sat down on the floor and curled up in some of the blankets Lisa brought in.
"So guys what's up?" Chris looked at us she expected us to answer. Lisa looked at me. "We should wait for Lauren and Dani. It would be easier to tell it only once." I said while playing with Lisa's and mine locked fingers.
They nodded but looked really concerned.
"Well we're here now let's get over with this. I've got better places to be at." Dani plopped down on the floor while Lauren sat down on Amy's other side.
"Lise can you tell them. I am too scared." I mumbled so quietly that only Lauren, Amy and Lisa understood what I said.
She nodded and took a deep breath in.
"Well after dinner I went upstairs to see if Lil still needed some more help with math. When I went passed the bath room I first thought she took a shower but I could hear her throwing up." She took another deep breath and looked if someone understood what she intended to say. I looked down at my hands by now I had stopped playing with Lisa's and my hand and instead started fiddling with them hem of my shirt. The reaction my sisters could possibly have in a few seconds scared me.
Lisa said she would be there for me and that she loved me, but I didn't feel this way. The last fourteen years everyone told me that they loved me and that they cared for me but they never truly did. All they did was hurting me, leaving me when I needed them. Not caring about me when I needed them, why was I even so stupid to tell Lisa what had been going on. I never should have trusted her. Never should have trusted anyone. They are going to leave me especially after all that had been going with me.
Now that I am broken nobody could love me, could care for me. Why even bother trying?
"She was throwing up on purpose. She did it because she felt the need to lose weight." She was talking calm and precise not showing much emotion. But I knew better. If she had shown emotion she would have been crying again and that was the one thing that she didn't want to do right now. Right now she felt the need to stay strong for our sisters and I.
I felt Amy who still held me close shaking. As I looked up at her I saw the tears in her eyes. She pulled me closer to her.
A sob escaped Laurens lips so I looked over to her. She was fully sobbing now.
Christina and Kath who still sat on the floor looked shocked. Just shocked. While Dani didn't react at all. She just sat there and looked at me. She seemed annoyed.
I knew it. They were annoyed they didn't love me. They didn't care about me. They hated me.
"Lillian." Christina stood in front of me and forced me with her right hand to look at her. "Baby girl. Why? You're so beautiful and so loved. Why would you do this?"
"I'm fat and I keep gaining weight. And compared to all of you I'm just so ugly. Just look at me. I am fat. I look like a whale."
She had tears in her eyes. "Baby your not fat and your not ugly. Your so beautiful. You've got those sparkling eyes and this long hair. And when you smile you've got those cute little dimples." She poked my side making me laugh a bit. "Look there they are."
Lisa had sat down next to Lauren holding her close to her chest and calming her down. Kath had sprung into action to, she walked towards Amy and I. She sat down at the place Lisa had originally sat.
Only Dani still sat on the floor.
"You're not alone. We're all here for you now. It's gonna be okay. I promise." Kath talked quiet but not quiet enough that I could understand it.
I knew that even though they promised to help me they would let me fall in the end. Everyone does. People never keep their promises towards me. I curled up on Amy's lap and played with the hem of her dress. She was still crying but not as bad as before. She pulled me as close as possible. "Honey your so thin. It's scary. I can feel your ribs right now. Your risking your health and your life with this. Please promise me that you will try to get better." She talked in a normal Volume but in this room where only Laurens crying and Lisa's and Kath encouraging whispers could be heard it felt like she was shouting.
Chris stood up and looked at me. "From now on your always eating with one of us. Even if this means that we have to stay at the table with you for hours. We all love you and we all will support you."
I nodded and looked at the floor.
"Look me in the eyes baby. I want you to look at me." She put two fingers under my chin and made me look at her.
"Promise me you will try to get better." She opened her arms and looked at me expectingly. Amy eased her grip and Christina pulled me to her chest.
She got up with me in her arms and carried me over to one of the other beds in the room.
She started to sing and to caress me.
Even though I didn't not want I got sleepy and I felt my eyes flutter. Christina pulled me even closer, played with my hair while her other hand traced shapes on my back and shoulders.

**Christina P.o.V.**
I felt Lillian fall asleep on my lap. I looked down at her. My poor baby sister. What happend to her? Why was she so scared and hurt?
I looked over to my other sisters to see that Lauren had calmed down in Lisa's Arms and both of them looked over to where Lil and I was sitting. Amy and Kath sat on the floor also cuddling.
When I looked over to where Dani was sitting before I saw that she wasn't there anymore. I looked over to her bed in the top bunk of her and Laurens bunk bed. As expected I saw her lying there headphones on and scrolling on her phone.
I didn't understand how she could be so calm and cold after what happend.
"I think we all should go to bed and bring Lil to bed. Make sure she sleeps. One of us should get up to make sure she eats tomorrow morning." Lauren nodded. "I'll get up with her. Don't worry I'll make sure to take care of her." "We know that you will Laur." Kath smiled at her.
Lisa loosened her grip around Lauren. "Now Laur you should get ready for bed." "You know that I am an adult right?" She smiled and rolled her eyes's at us, but got up anyway to walk to the bathroom. Amy and Kath got up, both of them walked towards where Lillian and I were sitting.
Kath smiled at me sadly as kissed Lillian on the forehead. "Sleep tight baby girl."
She walked to the door.
Amy kissed Lillians cheek and caressed her for s small second.
"I love you sweet girl." And than both of them left the room. Lisa stills sat on Lillians bed, but when I looked at her she nodded. "As soon as Lauren is out of the bathroom I am going to get ready for bed and you can tuck her in."
"Sounds good Lise. Do you think we now everything about what's been going on with her? I am scared that she is still keeping secrets from us." Lise nodded. "Me too."
"I don't understand why she would do something like this. She is so loved and perfect. I would probably kill to keep her safe. And why didn't we realize something sooner."
"Chris we both know how hard it is to get help and how easy it is to hide such things from others." She smiled at me sadly.
"Guys I am ready for bed. Lise the bathroom is free." Lauren walked in and even though she was an adult I still found her adorable.
Her hair was open, she had removed all her makeup and wore an pyjama.
"You're so cute Lo." Lisa cooed. Lauren blushed, what made both of us smile. "Ahh stop. You make me blush." She said while covering her face with her hands.
Lisa just laughed at her and got up. "I am going to the bathroom." Lauren and I nodded. I got up with Lillian in my arms and carried her towards her bed. "Lauren can you put the blanket to the side. I want to put her down." She nodded and got the blanket from the bed.
I laid Lillian down on the bed and stepped back. Lauren put the blanket down on her and made sure she was tucked in nice and warm.
"Good night my sweet baby sister." She said and kissed Lillians forehead. I smiled at her. "Lauren." She looked at me. "Yeah?" "I love you so much. You're too cute with Lillian and Dani. And you always take care of them. You're an amazing sister." While saying this I went over and hugged her. She smiled and kissed me on the cheek. "I love you too Chrissy." I let her go and she walked towards her and Dani's bunk bed.
Where she climbed in to her bed. I walked towards her bed. She smiled at me with that sweet smile. I smiled and tucked her in. "Love you Laur. Sleep tight Sweetie." "You know I am s grown up right?" " Yeah but I am gonna baby you forever." I said smiling at her, which made her chuckle.
"Aww you guys are too cute" Lisa said while walking back in.
"Well it's pretty late and we all should go to sleep" she said while climbing in her bed and curling up a little under the blanket. "Night guys." I said and left the room.

**Lillian P.o.V.**
I woke up with gasp. It took me a moment to realize that I was in my bed nicely tucked in.
Probably Christina or Amy. I turned around to take a look on my phone. 3.17 Am. Way to early to be awake and I was way to tired to get up. Is tried to snuggle closer into my blanket, tried to stay warm and cozy.
For the next hour I turned from one side to the other side, not being able to fall asleep again.
At some poing I got up and walked around the room, towards my school stuff. I could learn some stuff for upcoming tests.
With a sigh I turned the light of my table lamp on and got my biology book out.
Photosynthesis. Alright let's start this.
The formula is 6 parts of Carbon dioxide retrieved from the air plus 6 parts of Water from the ground get converted through the Chlorophyll and sunlight to Glucose and 6 parts of Oxygen.
Over the course of thirty minutes I studied the theory of photosynthesis and different plants that are specialised in one way.
"What are you doing? It's too early turn the light off." Dani was up.
"I am sorry Dani I wanted to study a bit I've got some tests coming up and I need to pass."
"As if you'd be able to do that. You're way to stupid to get good grades." She said.
I looked at my hands and started to tear up.
"Are you crying again? You're such a baby. I don't know what the others see in you. You're not as talented as any of us. You are not as pretty as any of us." She looked at me in the eyes and her tone was cold.
She's right. You're ugly. Fat. Talentless. Waste of space. You should just die. Why are you even alive?
"I am sorry I'll turn it of now and take a shower." I said even though it wasn't more than a whisper.
I turned the light of got some clothes out of my dresser and went to the bathroom.
As soon as I reached the bathroom I looked the door and turned around with a sigh.
"Why me?"
I turned to the shower and went inside. As soon as I turned the water on I started to get the blade out of my razor.
I slowly pressed the blade against my thigh. It was a first. I've never did it on my thigh only on my wrists and arms.
But on the arms there was no more space. To many scars to count, to many scars to cut anymore.
I felt the short stinging pain and than the blood prickling out of the wound.
Satisfaction started to kick in and I started to smile.
Another cut right next to the first made me feel better.
After a total of seven cuts I was satisfied with the amount of pain my body hat to endure and blood it had lost.
I started to clean myself up and took a normal shower. When I got out I cleaned my wounds up and put a bandage around them.
I took the blow-dryer, dried my hair and put it back in a braid.
Knocking at the door made me jump.
"Hey Lil. You're in there?" It was Lauren. Apparently she was the one they had decided to controll my eating first.
"Yeah I am getting ready I'll be down in a few." I answered.
My outfit consisted of an long blue jeans, a blouse and some braclets.
After I finished getting ready I walked to my room and got my school stuff for the day.
As I walked downstairs I could hear Lauren in the kitchen. She was humming to the melody of some random song.
"Morning Lo." I walked in the kitchen and sat down on one of the chairs.
"Morning Lil. How did you sleep?" She smiled at me. "Good. What about you?"
"I slept good thanks for asking me baby girl. Let's get something to eat for you." She smiled.
"I made scrambled eggs and toast." I nodded. That was going to be hard.
"I know that's not easy for you. But you have to eat. I am here for you and we'll eat together." She smiled at me and took two plates out. On one of the plates she put a pretty large amount of scrambled egg and two toasts and on the other one toast and half the amount of egg.
She put the second plate in front of me and the other in front of her.
"I hope you like it." She smiled at me and started to eat.
I took a deep breath before I took the first bite of the egg. It was nice.
"It's nice Lo." I said that silently.
"I am glad you like it. So how long do you stay in school today?"
I took three more bites of the egg.
"Ehm one lesson biology, one German, break, English literature, art, break and lastly one lesson PE."
"Okay I'll talk to others so one of us can get you." I nodded smiling while taking a few more bites of the egg. I already ate half of my portion of the egg and I started to feel full.
"I don't think I can eat more. I am full" I said while staring at my plate. The amount of egg seemed to increase while I was looking at it.
"Baby girl. I know you can do it. Just a little more. It at least all of the egg okay?" I nodded. And took another bite.
"What bare you doing today Laur?" I asked while slowly taking another bite.
"Well Dani and I planned on going to the mall this morning. And we'll have another band meeting some time this afternoon."
I nodded and smiled. "Sounds fun."
Slowly I took another bite of the egg. On the table there were about two or three more bites of egg.
Lauren seemed to realize that I was struggling really bad.
"You're doing great so far. I am really proud of you. You can do this and I know can finish this."
I had tears in my eyes and stared at her with tears in my eyes.
"I love you Baby Girl." She smiled at me.
"Thank you for taking care of me Lauren." I mumbled.
"Baby I'll always take care of you. Always. You're my sister and I love you so much." She smiled at me.
I took another bite of the egg. Than I heard mom walking down the stairs.
"Good Morning. Why you're already awake Lauren? You're usually asleep this early."
"I just woke up early and decided to eat breakfast with Lil." Mom nodded. "Okay eat up Lillian we need to go pretty soon, as soon as Nick comes down and grabbed something to eat we'll get going."
I nodded. "Ok Mom."
She left the kitchen to get ready, while I took another bite. Just one more left.
"Morning guys." Nick sat down next to us. "Good Morning Nick. You want some scrambled egg and toast?" Lauren got up and got a plate. "Yeah sure. Thanks Laur."
She put some food on the plate and gave it to him. He immediately started to eat, really fast. He didn't really take time to slowly chew everything, but instead just gulped it down.
I still had the last bit of egg and the toast left. Lauren smiled at me.
"Why are you eating so slowly Lillian? It's really good." He said while looking at me.
"Just not that hungry." He nodded.
"Can I have your toast?" "Yeah sure take it if you want." He took it and I ate the last bit of egg.
Lauren smiled at me and took both our plates towards the sink. Even though I know I made her and my sisters happy I felt sick. Sick because I possibly will gain a lot of weight and also because my stomach was so full that it hurt.
For some reason Lauren seemed to feel my struggle and came over to me. She embraced me in a warm hug, and even though I should have been used to it by now I still flinched.
When I looked up at her I saw that she looked sad.
"Sorry Laur. It's not because of you." I mumbled while curling up in her arms.
She smiled and pulled me a little bit closer. Nick looked at us a little bit irritated. "You sure you are okay?" I nodded.
He smiled satisfied.
"Nick, Lil we've got to go now." Both of us got up and got our schoolbags.
"Have fun in school." Lauren smiled at the both of us.
The car ride to the school was silent. Nick was too tired to talk, I didn't want to and Mom was nice enough to leave it like that.
When we arrived at school and got out Nick immediately walked towards his friends.
I sighed and looked around to find Kayla and Lucy, but I couldn't find them anywhere near, so I decided to walk to the block where the science rooms were.
Only give minutes were left before the lessons started so I figured the teacher might be there already. And I was right. I knocked and she looked up.
"You can come in already of you want to." I nodded and sat down in my place. After all students arrived she got a bunch of papers out of her back.
"I hope you learned for this lesson and did your homework. We are writing a quiz." All of us were annoyed but as soon as she handed out the papers it got silent.
I looked at the questions I knew this. I revised it this morning.
Taking a deep breath I calmed myself down and filled in the answers.
After about 30mins the teacher walked around and we had to hand our tests in.
"We've ten more minutes left. So I am going to tell you about our next projects. I want all of you to work out a presentation about an topic of evolution. Which one I wrote down in this list so please listen while I read this out."
"Martin Adams Your topic is Creationism."
"Carter Brown adaptive radiation"
"Lilian Cimorelli sympatric speciation." I quickly noted the topic and waited for more information on what to include in the presentation.
"It's supposed to be five minutes long and to give the rest of the class an overview over the topic. You can include examples and I want a PowerPoint Presentation and a Handout."
I quickly noted this. "Any questions? If not you can go to your next class now." I got up and walked out of the room. Towards my German class. Halfway there the bell rang and the other students got out in the hallway.
Hopefully I could get into the class without meeting Victoria and her friends.
I sat down in my chair. Jeremy and Paris were already there,but there was no sign from Victoria.
"Well I got the information that Victoria and Marley are sick so it's just the three of you today."
Internally I sighed. Paris on her own wouldn't hurt me so I was safe for the day.
"Let's start the class. Have you done your homework." And over the monotonous voice of my teacher I calmed down and was more than once about to fall asleep.
But after the 45mins of German I was finally able to get out of this room.
The other students were pushing me while running to their friends and when I finally reached the park where Kayla and Lucy waited for me my anxiety levels were thriving.
"Lilly there you are. We were worried the demon may have waited for you."
Lucy hugged me and I sat down next to her.
"She's sick. Paris is alone today. We're safe." I smiled at them. A real smile. Both of them seemed as relieved as I was before.
"So what do you have next? " Kayla smiled at us while taking a bite out of her apple. "We've got English literature with Miss Simmons." "Right you're together there. I've got French Lesson with Madame Ninotta. She'll probably talk in French the whole time and I won't understand a thing." We all laughed at this. As it was commonly known that Mdm. Ninotta only talks in French and leaves her students confused.
"Well afterwards the two of us have art. You've finished your drawing Lil?" Kayla looked at me. I nodded and smiled a bit "Amy and Lauren helped me with it." They both smiled as they both knew how much I craved the attention of my sisters and how small the amount of it I got was.
"So you're spending time with your sisters. That's great Lil. Maybe they can help you." Lucy smiled at me sadly. They knew about my issues. My demons. But as much as they wanted to they weren't really able to help me. They tried to help me by calming me down during panic attacks. By calming my anxiety. By muting my demons with their small talk. And for that I loved them.
The bell rang.
"Well let's get to Shakespeare." Lucy said smiling at me.
We walked in silence to the class the other students in the hall being so loud that we wouldn't hear each other even if we tried to talk.
Miss Simmons was opening the door when we reached the classroom.
"Come on in. We've got great things to do." She smiled this huge Daniel at us and as soon as everyone was there she announced that there would be an play at the end of the year and that our class as being the only English literature course in our year had the creative controll.
Some girls started screaming and crying. I just smiled.
"We will choose between three Shakespeare plays. First Romeo and Juliet, Second Hamlet and last A Midsummer nights dreame."
Everyone started talking loudly. Most girls wanted to play Romeo and Juliet, the boys hamlet.
Miss Simmons got us to calm down and we started voting.
In the end Hamlet was chosen and everyone was satisfied. Well everyone expect some girls.
"We'll divide the class in groups. Some will work on costumes and props. The others on the design of the backdrop eventhough all will help building it. Some do the music and the last group of maybe 4-6 persons will direct everything."
We all nodded. "The music can be done by two persons and those to can also help in other groups."
"First the directors. Who wants to that?" Ten people raised their arms.
"Well we only need 6. So four of you have to do something else." A group of five friends started to whisper and then all put their arms down.
"Okay so I'll give you list put your names on their and than hand it back to me. Now costumes and props who wants to that. Costumes you can buy and sew so you should be handy enough to do that. We need about 6 people doing this." I looked over to Lucy and we both raised our hand. Sewing and being handy was fun so why not.
"Okay seven is also fine. Here is the list enter your names please." I looked over to the group of girls who had raised there arms before they were also going to do props with us.
"So you 5 boys are going to design the backdrop?" The boys nodded eagerly and she handed them list. By now the list for props reached me and I wrote my name down before handing it to Lucy.
"So now only music is left. Two persons for this please." I raised my arm. "Okay Lillian and who else? Ah Jeremy. Great I'll write the two of you down for that."
I turned around in my seat and looked at the Jeremy from German class. He smiled at me and I smiled back.
"Okay you all have the script. Read it really well and take notes what we need. Each group looks for their things. Next lesson we'll work in the group's to get a picture of what's needed in total. Lillian, Jeremy maybe you two can look at some of the performances online for an idea of the sounds."
I wrote the homework done and than we were able to leave the classroom. So I walked towards my Art Lesson. When I reached the room the teacher wasn't there yet, so I had time to think about my day. It was actually a really good day. No bullying so far and I was almost done with school. I probably got a good grade in biology and had a really cool project in English literature.
Art class started and as the teacher didn't want to teach we all had to present our pictures and talk about our family.
After most of the others finished I got up.
"Well that's my family. Here we have my brother's, most of them are really into sports so they play football, here are my sisters they sing in a band. And hear are my parents and I in the middle."
I thought I was done but of course the teacher had to butt in.
"Well why are you in the middle and what are your siblings names?"
"From oldest to youngest we have Michael, Christina, Katherine, Lisa, Amy, Alex, Lauren, Dani, Christian, Nick, than me, and lastly Joey." I said quickly.
And than just walked back to my place and sat down. The rest of the lesson I just ignored the teacher.
The bell rang and Kayla and I quickly walked out of the room.
"Well Lil I am done for today so I'll go home now. Luce is home already right?" I nodded. "Yeah. See you tomorrow Kay." I smiled and hugged her.
After she left I sat down on s bench and started to read in Hamlet and marked some things while I waited for PE to arrive.
I got up a few minutes before the bell rang and walked towards the gym. While on my way there the bell rang so when I arrived the other students already started walking inside. So when I got in some girls already started to get changed.
I quickly changed in a longsleeved shirt, pants and a different pair of shoes.
I wasn't the last one to enter the hall but a lot of the other was already there.
Mr. Stein was already waiting for.
"Well we're going to play basketball today get warm and than well start with techniques."
We all started to run in circles. While he got basketballs.
He started to show us some techniques and we had to repeat the movements again and again. Luckily Nick and Christian showed me some of those techniques so I was doing quite good.
"Class. You'll did good for today next time we'll play a match but put the balls back and get changed."
I put the ball back and quickly got changed.
When I entered the parking lot I saw Lisa in a car, so I quickly walked towards her.
"Hey Lil" she smiled at me and gave me quick hug before sitting down in the car.
We left the car park and started to drive home.
"Nick has Practice?" I asked "No he'll meet up with someone from one of his classes for a project. How was your day?" She answered and than glanced at me before looking back at the road.
"Great. We had a pop quiz in biology and I think I did really well. And we got a really cool project in English but I want to tell all of you together what it is." I said in normal volume, which surprised Lisa and me, as we were both used to me talking rather quite.
"Well you apparently had a really good day if you're so talkative." She smiled at me.
I nodded. It was a great day. A lot of good things happened and noone bullied me.
"Kath, Chrissy and Amy are preparing lunch. Lauren and Dani should be home soon to, so all of us will eat together."
This kind of restrained my happiness because I knew they would make me eat and keep it down.
"It's going to be okay. Laur told us you did good this morning and all of us will be there to help you." I nodded slowly. "I know."
"Well let's go inside." She said while turning the motor off.
I let out a breath I didn't know I held in and got out.
Lisa took my hand and pulled me closer to her. As soon as Lisa opened the door we could smell the food and hear Dani ranting on about something she was mad at.
"Hey guys." Lisa said while pulling me in the kitchen with her. All my other sisters immediately looked up and four of them walked towards me. Dani stayed in her position sitting at the table. Lauren who was the closest to me pulled me into a hug and as soon as she let go Amy, Kath and Christina followed.
"We made lunch. Spaghetti with tomato sauce and salad." Kath smiled at me and started to put plates on the table.
"Christian and Joey are upstairs. Dani can you go get them." Chrissy said to Dani. She got up and went to get the boys.
While Amy and Chris prepared the table and Kath finished the cooking, Lisa got drinks and Lauren smiled at me.
"How was your day sweet girl?" She walked over to me and pulled me into a hug.
"It was really good. I've had a pop quiz in biology and I think I did really well."
"That's great baby girl." She said and smiled at me.
"Guys I am hungry when is the food ready?" Dani walked in followed by Joey and Christian and plopped down on one of the chairs.
"It's almost ready. I just need two more minutes. Just sit down I'll bring it to the table when it's ready." Kath answered.
I walked towards the table. My anxiety levels were rising and I could feel myself getting scared. Apparently Lauren and Amy could feel it, as both of them took a seat besides me.
"You'll do fine baby." Lauren whispered in my ear.
I smiled at hair and Amy who had took my hand in hers.
"Here we go. Lunch is ready guys." Kath placed down the bowls and everyone started taking food. I slowly took myself a few spaghetti, but apparently it wasn't enough for my sisters.
Lauren started to take herself noodles and put more on my plate.
"You don't have to eat all of it but at least try to." I nodded slowly and observed how my siblings took sauce, I'd decided not to take any sauce more fat.
While the others started talking I slowly took a bit from my food. Just this one bite already felt wrong. I had breakfast this morning and now I had to eat lunch.
Why did they want me too eat so much? Maybe they want me too be fat and ugly.
They don't care. They just want you to be the ugly and fat one so that nobody asks about an useless pathetic screw up like you.
I started panicking. Amy took my hand and she slowly rubbed her thumb over my hand.
My breath slowly started to go more regular.
"So Lil how was your day?" Kath looked at me.
I took a deep breath.
"It was great. I had a pop quiz in biology and I think I did really well and we have a really cool project in English Literature." I smiled at her.
"You sure you did well in that test? That'd be something new." Dani mumbled.
"Dani. Stop being so mean." Christina looked at her. But Dani just rolled her eyes.
"What kind of project?"
"Well we are going to play Hamlet in our grade and my class has the direction. I am in the group that designs the costumes and the props and I'll arrange or maybe compose the music. Depending on if Jeremy and I find something suitable or not." I smiled really bright. Ever since I was little I loved theatre and now directing one was so cool.
"That's so amazing. I am happy for you." Kath said.
I smiled and took another bite.
"Who's Jeremy?" Lisa asked her eyebrows raised. "Do you like him?" Immediately everyone looked at me. "He's nice. But I don't really know him." I answered while taking a third bite.
"That doesn't really answer my question but okay. I am glad you had a good day in school." She smiled at me.
I looked down at my plate I had eaten around a quarter of what was on my plate, which was already half the amount my siblings ate, and I started to feel full.
"I think I am done." I mumbled quietly.
Lisa raised an eyebrow and looked at me weirdly.
"You're sure? You didn't really eat much. I think you should at least eat half of it."
I felt the tears starting to form in my eyes, Amy took my hand and started to draw patterns on the back of my hand.
"You're okay. It'll be fine just eat a little more." Lauren whispered in my ear.
I took a deep breath and calmed myself down.
Amy continued to hold my hand while I took another bite of the food.
About four more and than I'd be down with half of the food.
I took another bite and slowly started to chew it. Eventhough I didn't want it to taste nice. I liked the taste. It reminded me of when I was younger.
I had completely completely calmed down by now and Amy started to continue to eat her food.
I took another bite and savoured the taste. If I had to eat the food I could at least try to enjoy it. The voices will be bad if I enjoy it or not. I'll get fat even if I don't enjoy it.
"Well Laur, Dani how was the trip to the Mall?" Kath asked.
"It was great. I bought a really cool shirt and I think I found a new guitar I might wanna buy." Dani explained.
"Yeah it was great." Lauren smiled and got up "One second I want to show you something." She walked to her bag while I took another bite, almost done.
Lauren came back and she had a something in her hand.
"This is for you Lil." I looked at her. "For me?" She nodded, smiled and handed me the small bag.
I unpacked it slowly and gasped.
"It's beautiful. Thank you so much Lauren." I carefully laid it down on the table, got up and hugged her.
"Well what is it?" Lisa asked.
I turned around and slowly took the necklace from the table.
It was a silver necklace with an charm in form of a tear. The tears was made of amber and you could see small insects or flies that were trapped in the resin before it was amber.
"Ohh woah it's really beautiful." I smiled and turned to Lauren once again. "Thank you soo much. Can you help me put it on?" She beamed at me. "Sure thing." I turned around and let Lauren close the necklace for me.
I gave her another hug before we both sat down again.
One more bite I can do this I said to myself. I ate it and while waiting for my sisters to finish lunch I subconsciously ate two more bites.
My stomach ached and the voices in my head screamed at me. I needed to loose those calories otherwise I'll get fat.
We were finished with lunch and I decided to quickly use the bathroom but before I could leave Kath grabbed my wrist.
"We'll watch a movie together come on." "I...I just need to use the bathroom."
"Well you're not going to the bathroom until the movies finished so come on now."
"But noo I'll get fat. Don't make me stay." I tried to get away from her but Lisa was already there. She stood behind me and just picked me up. "let me go. Please. I am already ugly enough. I am way too fat. Why don't you let me loose this stupid weight?" I cried out. Lisa sighed and pulled me closer to her.
She sat down on the couch with me still in her arms. Lauren plopped down next to us.
"Sweetie it's alright. You're beautiful. You're not fat. You're smart and incredibly cute. You don't have to loose weight."
I know she wanted to calm me down but in my stressed state the word sweetie made me panic even more.
"Please don't hurt me. I'll be good now. But don't hurt me." I cried and tried to free myself from my older sisters grip.
"Noone is going to hurt you. You're safe here. We'll take care of you but you need to calm down. Match my breathing." Lisa said while taking my hand and putting it on her stomach. Lauren was calming me down by playing with my hair and humming a tune.
It took them over twenty minutes to get me to fully calm down. By now my other sisters expect Dani were sitting around us and had already chosen a movie for us. I curled up against Lisa who started to play with my hair and even if I didn't want to I fell asleep.
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