Lisa opened the door. "I am back. And I brought Lillian with me." She yelled to everyone inside, which is basically everyone besides Michael and Alex because they life on their own and Nick because he is at football practice.
Kath came to the hallway. She had a tray with cookies. "Finished ten minutes ago. Do you want some?" Lisas smile widened if this was even possible as she to a bite out of one of the cookies. "Kath. I love you." She said as she grabbed two more and walked into the living room. I chuckled a little bit before I realized Kath was now staring at me, waiting for me to taste her newest creation. "I actually don't feel so good. I ate pretty much at lunch. I take one or two with me upstairs and eat them while I do my homework okay?" I lied. She nodded but looked suddenly very concerned. "Are you okay? Do you feel sick or dizzy?" "Kath I am fine. I just ate to much it's gonna be okay." I smiled while lying at my older sister. She didn't look fully convinced but nodded. I grabbed the cookies and went upstairs to finish my homework. I started with geometry, because I figured it will take me the longest.
While I was doing geometry I heard mom and dad telling the others that they would take the boys to the doctor.
And my thought of it taking the longest turned out to be true. I had no clue on how to solve any of the problems, frustrated I slammed my head on the table.
Stupid. Talentless. Worthless. Seems to fit you pretty well.
"Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid." I whispered.
I didn't realize that I started to cry until Amy, who had heard me whispering, because i was stupid enough to leave the door open, came in and talked to me. "Hey Lil. What's the matter? Why are you crying?" She turned my desk chair around and hugged me. The physical contact was so unexpected for me that I flinched away. Amy looked at me with shock in her eyes. I started to squeeze my eyes together and to focus on my breathing. "I need to know what's going on. Talk to me Sweety."
It's funny how sometimes one word can change everything, well the word 'sweety' made everything worse for me. The panic attack I really wanted prevent just broke out. I felt the anxiety rising. My heart started to race. I thought I was going to die. My breath started to get faster and faster and still I felt like I had no air. I thought I would collapse every second on the ground and then just be dead. What does death feel like i stated to think. And this made me freak out even more.
And then the flashback came.
"Look who finally has shown up." The boy in front of me said. "The little almost mute Cimorelli."
Damn, how did I get in this situation. I looked around the room. Three other boys and two girls, Victoria and Paris.
"Seems like we can have some fun." Victoria stated. And then it started.
Victoria slapped me across the face and I stumbled backwards. One of the boys pushed me forward where another one was ready to punch me in the stomach. As I was stumbling back I felt someone kicking me in the back. I fell. Not having the emotional strength to stand up and fight I just laid there and waited while they were kicking me. Victoria bended forward and down. "You see you worthless. Nobody loves you. Not even your sisters care about you. Otherwise they would have take you into their band. But I remember something. They wanted to be successful with a failure like you are you can't be successful. I wonder why they didn't kick you out of their house. I would've if I had something like you as a sister." At this point all of them except for this one guy left.
He smirked at me. I was about to pass out. "Well you sure are a pretty girl." With that he started to touch me. He pushed my shirt a little up and looked at me. I whimpered I was in so much pain and just wanted to go home. "Well let's continue this soon Sweetie. Shall we?" He smirked once more before he bended forward to first kiss me on my lips and then to leave some hickeys on my neck and collarbone.
He smiled once more got up and left.
"Lilly. Lil Breathe." I heard someone say. I didn't know who it was though. Someone took my hand and placed it in their stomach. "Try to copy my breathing. In and Out. And In and out." After a while I calmed down enough to see that Kath, Lauren and Amy were sitting in front of me. They all looked at me very concerned. I still focused on my breathing not wanting to panic again. Lauren tried to hug me but I flinched away. All three of them looked shocked, well Amy not so much she had seen my flinch away before when she wanted to hug me. "Lilly. What's going on?" Kath asked. It took me a second to identify the tone in her voice. It was concern. Well I did know they were so good actors. Why did they play to worry about me if it's not true. Is this part of a plan to show how much they care and then let me fall. I can't trust them. They will hurt me like everyone does. "I am fine." I said while looking at my hands. "You're clearly not fine. You had a panic attack." Amy said pretty stern. Her tone made me flinch. I knew it they want to hurt me I have to get I have to go somewhere safe.
My eyes landed on the door. As Lauren and Kath were now both sitting on the bed to my left and farther away from the door then I. Amy could be a problem she was in the way I could make her fall of just ran as fast as I can. She isn't that fast.
And with this thought I jumped into action sprinting out of the room, down the stairs, through the hallway and out of the door. I could hear my sisters shout as I ran down the street. But I kept running. I didn't know who long I was running, but at some point I came into a park. I was out of breath and sat down on one of the benches.
After three minutes I hear someone say "You should do track." As I turned around I see Lisa and Christina. Both of them seemed out of breath and I wondered if they ran the whole time behind me. I jumped up and tried to run away but this time I wasn't fast enough. Lisa managed to grab me by the wrist and pulled me back. "Sit down." Christina said with a pretty stern voice. I flinched and looked scared at her. "Lise I am going to call the others and tell them where we are, so they can come to get us." She said Lisa, took her Cellphone out and walked ten steps away from us. Far enough that you couldn't hear everything but near enough that she could easily catch me. Lisa sat down next to me. "Really hun. You should do track your ran almost three miles in less than 25 minutes." She seemed out of air, but her hand was still wrapped around my wrist. "Why did you even run in first place?" I didn't answered and just stared in the distance, I can't tell her. I can't trust her. She will just hurt me. They always hurt me.
I felt Lisa look at me."Lil I need to know what happened to help you." She tried to get through to me. I just continued staring in the distance. Chrissy came back. "They are on their way. We meet them at the entrance. So let's go." I didn't move. I just sat there. "Stop this attitude right there. As soon as we are home you will start to explain. Lisa and I ran half a marathon and you made Amy have a panic attack." I flinched I didn't want to hurt them. As I still didn't move Christina just put me over her shoulder. Out of a reflex I started to move and to scream. "Let me go. Let me down." Chrissy ignored me until a man walked up to us. "Hey put the girl down." Chrissy just ignored him and walked to the entrance, but Lisa stayed behind and explained him that I am there sister, run away from home that I didn't want to come home to talk about everything in peace. He didn't believe her, so she took out her phone and showed him tons of pictures of me her and some of our other siblings. And he stopped questioning it. When Chrissy and I reached the entrance the others were already there and waited in the car. Lauren opened the door and Chrissy sat me down in the middle then she climbed in next me. One minute later Lisa sat on my other side. That was when I realized that only Lauren and Kath were here. Amy probably had a panic attack and after she calmed down Dani needed to stay with her. I caused so much trouble.
That's all you do. You never do anything right. You're a stupid failure.
We were driving back home and I felt like I was going to have another panic attack. My breathing got faster and I started to panic. Lisa realized what was going on and did the same thing Katherine did before. She took my hand and told me to copy her breathing. After a while I calmed down.
When I was calm again I realised that we had reached our house and everyone except Lisa and me stood outside of the car. I blushed and just wanted to run away and hide. Why am I so much trouble? I shouldn't be such a burden.
Lisa took my hand and almost dragged my into the living room. "Sit down hun. Kath and I will make Tea and get some Cookies and then we talk." I just sat down. Dani sat next to me and Amy sat opposite to us in an armchair. She looked as if she had cried. But why would she cry. I am not important enough. Christina was upstairs getting something and Lauren stood at the wall next to the archway to the hallway just to make sure I won't run again. Dani whispered something under her breath, which I didn't understand the first time but she when she repeated it I realized she what she said. 'It's your fault that I have to stay here I  had plans with my friends and now I have to stay here because once again you didn't function correctly.' She looked me in the eyes and I flinched away, I was afraid, but on the other hand finally she admitted that they hate me. I always knew it.
When I was five Dani was asked to join the band and I was really excited when I turned nine because I really, really wanted to be in the band and sing with all my sisters. But they never asked me. And when I tried to ask they just ignored my question.
Christina came back with a lot of blankets and pillows. She motioned for me to stand up and wrapped me in one of the blankets. Lisa and Katherine came back in and they had a tray with seven mugs full of nice warm tea and cookies with them.
"It's chamomile tea. It's supposed to relax your nerves." Kath explained and handed me one of the mugs.
I took a few sips and cuddled myself deeper in the warmer blanket.
"So honey what is going on?"
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