✤ twelve days before ✤ 

     "Sickle for your thoughts?"

     Sage Clarke tilted her head to the side as she peered inquisitively at her best friend, dimples gracing her features along with her smile.

     Samael Harris, who had been staring rather intensely out at the horizon, turned to look at her with disdain.

     "Please," he scoffed, "my thoughts are worth much more than a sickle."

     "Shut up, you pretentious git," Sage laughed at him, causing a soft smile to paint itself over the boy's normally stoic lips.

     A beat of silence shrouded the pair, who were currently levitating in the air a little beyond the astronomy tower. A force field rippled with an iridescent sheen beneath them, keeping them suspended above the grassy grounds of the castle.

     "I was thinking about power," he admitted.

     "What's new?" Sage muttered caustically.

     "Do you think we're born with a stagnant amount of magical ability, or do you think we can increase it?" Samael asked, trying his best to seem casual about the inquiry.

     Sage stopped to consider his question, chewing on the inside of her cheek.

     "Honestly?" she pondered, "I don't think it matters how much magical ability you have. It's more about how far you're willing to go to unleash it."

     Her counterpart leaned closer, unable to mask the eagerness in his amber irises.

     "Think about it," she implored him, "House elves are far more powerful than wizards can comprehend, but decades of oppression have led us to believe that we're somehow superior."

     She accented her point with a flick of her wand, creating a brilliant orb of white light above them. Another motion manifested an ominous black band that encapsulated the radiant sphere, squeezing it harshly until it dissipated altogether with a harsh pop.

     "Then on the other hand you have dolts like Voldemort who wouldn't be able to accomplish anything if they didn't leech off the power of others and sell it off as a revolution."

     She conjured up a bunch of smaller, glowing spheres that floated above them aimlessly. Then she created a grotesque, blood-red leech that hopped from orb to orb, sucking away at the light of each one until they dimmed down and deflated like balloons.

     The chocolate-eyed girl was well aware of the rumors that followed the concept of speaking the tyrant's name, but she knew that Hogwarts' powerful barriers would not allow any of his followers to break through.

     Secretly, a small part of her wished one of the so-called Dark Lord's minions would respond to her words. The majority of her ideals detailed Sage as a healer rather than a fighter, but the thought of the cowards killing Muggles and Muggle-borns to satisfy some twisted agenda was enough to make her question those convictions.

     "Maybe so, but wouldn't it be incredible to find a way to increase your power?" Samael urged.

     "Is that why you nicked a vial of dragon's blood from Slughorn's private stash?" Sage eyed her friend carefully, "Are you trying to create a potion to enhance your abilities?"

     Samael stiffened almost imperceptibly beside her, not having realized that the girl had caught onto that particular fact.

     "He would have given it to me if I had asked anyways," he defended uncomfortably.

     In all fairness, he had a point. Both of them were considered favorites of the selective Potions professor, constantly being invited to exclusive events by the man and allowed special access to the dungeons for their experiments.

     "But you didn't ask," Sage pointed out, "which leads me to believe you're doing something you don't want him to know about."

     "So?" Samael asked gruffly, "We create potions without his permission all the time."

     "Yes," she agreed, "but you also didn't tell me, Ven."

     "I'm allowed to have secrets from you Sage," the boy snapped, "We don't have to do everything together all the time."

     She blinked at him in surprise, a pang of hurt and insecurity running through her.

     "Right," she said softly, "sure. Sorry for bringing it up."

     Samael's harsh gaze softened at her response. There were not a lot people who could make the boy feel remorse, but Sage was a definitive exception to that rule.

     She was always the exception for him.

     "Look, I'm sorry Via," he enlisted her nickname to soften the blow, "I didn't mean it like that. It was nothing, okay? Just a question I needed answering."

     "Okay," she relented, "just remember I'm always here to help you if you need it. You know that, right?"

     "Yeah, I know," he smiled at the girl, wrapping his arm around her comfortingly.

     In all their time spent together moments like these seemed to blur together, but soon enough Sage would find herself tearing apart each interaction she shared with her best friend in a desperate attempt to figure out where it all went so horribly wrong.

✤ one month after ✤ 

     In the comfort of his own thoughts, Remus Lupin tended to split the saga of Sage Clarke into two definitive parts: Before Samael and After Samael.

     For the most part, change happened gradually. Life was a malleable piece of clay that was eroded and chipped away at over time by people and events, molding itself into a new form defined by thousands of tiny experiences.

     In Sage's case, she was an unyielding rock that had been smashed to pieces over the course of a single night, transformed into rubble with a single blow.

     The boy had always been drawn to her because, in his eyes, she represented everything good about the world that had caused him so much pain over the years.

     His condition had caused the magical world that was a blessing for so many to become a chaotic sea of prejudice and pain. Often times, in the midst of another agonizing transformation or suffering in the aftermath that followed, he would question if it was all worth it just to be a part of a community that would cast him out immediately if they knew who he really was.

     Then there was Sage.

     She was a beacon of light that guided him through the storm, radiant and hopeful and brilliant. She wielded magic so artfully, with such a wholesome purpose, that it made him feel as though he could go through all the secrecy and terror if only he could one day emit half the magic she could.

     So when the girl's world darkened and she stopped giving off her brilliant light, Remus couldn't help but feel utterly lost himself.

     This is why he couldn't help but linger around the dungeons, rummaging through his belongings aimlessly, when Sage was asked by Professor Slughorn to stay after class. He was yearning for some answers of his own.

     "Ms. Clarke, my dear," Slughorn had his usual jovial smile plastered on his face, but Sage could see the pity in his eyes – the kind that had plagued the faces of almost all of her teachers as of late – and kept her posture closed off, "I wanted to talk to you about your Volubilis potion."

     "Did it not work?" she raised a brow at the man challengingly.

     Slughorn blinked at her defensive demeanor, used to the girl with soft smiles and boundless enthusiasm.

     "Well, no, it preformed like it was supposed to," he admitted hesitantly, "but it wasn't up to your usual standards. Usually your potions are immaculate, and this one simply-,"

     "Have I failed the assignment?" she interrupted him, her dark-rimmed eyes looking up at him with a look so dead that it caused even the jolly man in front of her to falter.

     Deep inside, guilt gnawed away at the stomach of the girl who was being utterly disrespectful to a man who had never been anything but kind to her, but she simply couldn't find it within herself to care.

     "No, of course not," he shook his head, "but I'd really love to see you get back up to your usual O's, Ms. Clarke. Perhaps we could discuss some extra credit at the next Slug Club meeting?"

     "I won't be attending anymore meetings," she immediately denied, earning a look of sorrow from her instructor, "With all due respect, professor, if it isn't required of me I'm no longer interested."

     With that, she spun on her heel and exited the dungeons. She didn't even spare a glance in Remus' direction.

     "You'll still be attending the meeting, won't you Mr. Lupin?"

     Remus broke his gaze away from the now empty doorway to face the professor who was now looking at him pleadingly.

     "Of course, sir," he responded immediately, never having been the kind of person to disrespect his teachers.

     "Good, good," Slughorn beamed, before becoming somber once again, "You know, it was bad enough losing one of them. It's such a pity that we seem to be losing them both. Although, I suppose they always were a package deal."

     "Right," Remus responded absentmindedly, "Excuse me, sir, but I need to go."

     Slughorn waved him off, sneaking a sip from the bottle of Firewhisky hidden in his desk.

✤

     Sage hurriedly walked away from the inquisitive professor's classroom, and didn't stop walking until she had made it all the way to the Astronomy tower.

     She felt as though her chest were constricting in on itself as she threw her bag to the ground and ran a hand through her brown hair, breathing jaggedly.

     She slid to the floor, leaning against the stone wall for support as she allowed herself to crumble in her solitude.

     Normally, she would have preformed a complex locking spell on the door to the tower to keep away from prying eyes, but the girl had not used a single drop of magic outside of her classes since the incident.

     The very thing that had given her purpose in life now felt like a heavy burden, a plague that she desperately wished she could rid herself of.

     In this instance, however, she found herself wishing she had blocked the entrance as she locked eyes with a very hesitant looking Remus Lupin.

     Sage froze instantly, her small freak-out steeling over into a rigid, defensive stance.

     Remus opened his mouth to speak and then closed it again, fiddling awkwardly with the frayed sleeves of his sweater.

     "Uh," he fumbled awkwardly, reaching into his bag, "chocolate?"

     The girl looked at him in disbelief for a moment, before her expression changed to one of consideration.

     "Do you have chocolate wands?" she asked cautiously.

     "As a matter of fact, I do," he grinned enthusiastically, silently thanking Merlin that he had recently restocked his stash.

     Her face void of emotion, Sage scooted over slightly and indicated to the floor beside her.

     Remus' heart pounded frantically as he scrambled forward to sit next to the witch, handing her a chocolate wand and retrieving a chocolate frog for himself.

     The two sat in silence for a while, Sage munching on her confection while Remus tried not to make his repeated glances at the girl too obvious.

     "You can ask," she broke the lull, her tone even and dry.

     "What?" he startled, blinking at her.

     "You can ask what you came here to find out," she elaborated, "Everyone else has, and they didn't even bother bringing me chocolate."

     For a chaste moment, Remus could have sworn a tiny smile had pulled at her lips, but it was gone as soon as it came.

     "Alright," he agreed, "Are you okay?"

     She turned to look at him in surprise, not having expected his response.

     For the past month, she had been battered with an endless stream of questions regarding the disappearance of her best friend. Everyone was dying to know exactly what had happened that night.

     Not a single person had stopped to ask how she was doing.

     "I- I'm fine," she responded, surprising even herself by tripping over her words.

     Sage Clarke didn't stutter.

     Then again, Sage Clarke also didn't create mediocre potions, or talk back to teachers. It seemed she had been going through a lot of changes lately.

     "I don't believe you," Remus said softly.

     Their gazes locked and for a moment, the boy could have sworn he could see all the emotions she had been trying so desperately to hide staring back at him.

     Then, the door to the Astronomy tower swung open and Remus' three best friends toppled into the room.

     Sage immediately returned to her phlegmatic expression, and Remus bit back a groan.

     He loved his friends more than anything, but at this particular moment he was daydreaming about lobbing them over the side of the tower.

     "What are you two lovebirds doing all alone up here?" Sirius grinned doggishly, his eyes darting between the two with excitement.

     "How did you find us?" Sage asked, but her caustic tone made it seem as though she already knew.

     "As Moony's official caretakers it's our job to know where he is at all times," James declared, earning a sharp look from Remus.

     Sage looked at him curiously when she heard the nickname.

     "So, your boyfriend disappeared, huh?" James blurted out in an effort to redirect the conversation away from his slip-up.

     The rest of his friends all looked at him in horror, but Sage only shrugged.

     "He's not my boyfriend," she corrected mildly.

     "You two sure spent an awful lot of time together for two people who weren't dating," Sirius pointed out.

     "Are you and James dating?" Sage countered.

     "What?" Sirius paled, "No, we're just friends."

     "Why do you look so horrified?" James asked, slightly offended.

     "You two spend a lot of time together for two people who aren't dating," she quipped.

     "So, Thyme," James cleared his throat, causing Remus to groan at his terrible joke, "What really happened to your sociopathic friend?"

     "I know just as much as everyone else," Sage spoke stiffly, "He was there that night and then gone the next morning."

     "See, I think we both know that's not true," the boy began pacing back and forth in front of her, his finger pointed matter-of-factly, "After all, there's no way he would just leave his best friend, would he?"

     "You'd have to ask him that," she said coolly, but the werewolf beside her could tell she was getting a little agitated.

     "Leave her alone, James," Remus warned.

     He had no idea what his friend was trying to pull, but he could see a spark of anger behind Sage's eyes and it was making him more nervous than he'd care to admit.

     "Why?" James taunted, looking at the girl challengingly, "If I get too annoying, she can just hex me, isn't that right Rosemary?"

     Sage's fists clenched by her sides, and irritation flared through her as she began to realize his tactics.

     "She doesn't do magic outside of the classroom anymore," Peter piped up from the corner, where he had previously been shuffling around awkwardly, "At least, that's what I heard."

     He blushed as everyone turned to look at him.

     "You heard right," Sage agreed, not elaborating any further.

     Normally, the young witch would have been six steps ahead of the carefree boy goading her, but after everything that had happened, she felt more like a cornered animal than anything else. The thought of being so vulnerable brought bile to her throat, and she swallowed heavily.

     "Well, that's a pity," James tutted, sounding as though this were information he was already privy to, "I thought you were supposed to be – what did Slughorn call it – a prodigy. Kind of a shame to throw away all that talent."

     Sirius, who had been squinting in confusion at his friend's tactless behavior, seemed to pick up on his strategy and hopped up casually on a ledge to watch it all go down.

     "I think the wizarding world will survive without me," Sage said bitterly.

     If it were up to her, she'd have removed herself from the equation entirely.

     Unfortunately, as she had recently been learning, most things weren't really up to her.

     "You sure about that, love?" Sirius grinned cockily.

     With that, the grey-eyed boy winked at her before leaning back and letting himself fall of the ledge, plummeting from the Astronomy tower.

     As he was falling, his head slammed against the railing that jutted out below him with a sickening bang.

     His friends began shouting in horror, and Sage immediately leapt from the floor and drew her wand. Racing to the side of the tower, the girl cast a spell that was unfamiliar to the Gryffindor boys.

     A stream of iridescent light shot from her wand, creating a force field that congregated beneath the falling boy and stopped his fall. With another movement she raised him up and set him safely back in the tower.

     "What in the ever-loving fuck is wrong with you?" Sage exclaimed, panting as she calmed down from her surge of adrenaline.

     "I knew I could get you to do magic again," Sirius beamed, obviously very proud of himself and seemingly unphased by his near-death experience.

     She looked at him, her expression one of pure fury. In all honestly, a tiny part of her was almost impressed with him, but rage overtook any admiration she might have felt.

     "Next time I'll let you fall," she hissed out, her tone deadly, before spinning around and storming out of the astronomy tower.

     The four boys stood in silence for a moment, trying to process what had just happened.

     "Are you alright, mate?" James looked at his honorary brother with concern, "You hit your head pretty hard."

     "I'm fine," Sirius blinked, "I just need my glasses."

     "You don't wear glasses," James pointed out.

     "Oh, yeah," Sirius nodded, "Then something is definitely wrong."

     "You really are a fucking moron, you know that?" Remus was the first to break the silence, glaring at his best friend.

     Peter was wheezing in the corner, obviously still panicking.

     "I was just trying to help," Sirius shrugged, rubbing his head, "Plus, it worked didn't it?"

     "Yeah, if breaking any small semblance of trust she had for me was your goal you accomplished it," the werewolf snapped irritably.

     "On the bright side, she left her bag," James pointed out.

     "How on Merlin's green earth is that a bright side?" Remus flailed around in exasperation.

     "Well someone's gotta return it to her, don't they?" James grinned cheekily.

     That seemingly insignificant Tuesday afternoon turned out to be incredibly remarkable for Remus Lupin, because it marked both the first time he had talked to his crush for longer that two minutes, and the day he realized his best friends might be psychopaths.

✤✤✤

totally forgot this story existed and how much fun it is to write honestly. i wrote sage as being a savant when it comes to magic because i wanted the chance to create spells and concepts with very few boundaries, but it means i gotta make her miserable in pretty much every other aspect of her life lol sorry sagey baby!! also sorry for the lack of humor in this chapter, things are gonna be super dark for a while but the marauders can help with a TINY bit of comic relief. 

the chapters are going to be formatted essentially B.S. and A.S. (before samael and after samael) so that's the basic control point if you were confused, its sort of htgawm style!! also hope you guys enjoyed this chapter bc ur girl used her last drops of serotonin to make it eyy

how are you guys doing its been ages omg????

lots of love and stay hydrated,

-belle xx