thank you so much for the birthday wishes omg you guys are the best people on the planet

Okay, I knew this would happen. I've known for the past two months. I actually spent days envisioning what it'd be like. And my predictions actually aren't that different from reality — here we are, slow dancing to what I think is a Coldplay song, watching each other fondly while every other person in the room is watching us.

I suppose my question is, why the hell can't I think of anything to say?!

It might be better this way, though. Yeah, neither of us is talking and yeah, we're both staring at each other, but it's not that awkward of a silence. I just feel like I have a lot of things to tell her, but I can't think of a single one right now.

"So..." As if hearing my thoughts, Freya tilts her head to the side and begins speaking. Bless her. "How've you been?"

"Good," I nod firmly, gulping when she smiles at me. "I've been good. Um... I got a roommate. His name is Louis and he sleeps on the couch. You'd like him, he makes tattoos and listens to The 1975." Telling her about Louis only just made me realize I didn't tell him where I'd be tonight. He's probably waiting for me to come home with pizza, like always. Dammit.

She smiles up at me- Christ, I never want to see her not smiling ever again. "He sounds dreamy."

"He is," I agree, ignoring the small frown that appears on her face right after I say the words. "Uh, also, today's exactly four years since my dad died, but when I told my mum I have exams this week, she told me to postpone my trip to next week."

Freya nods again, the frown returning to her face again. "You're going to Ireland next week?"

"Well, I'm actually going on Wednesday night, because I don't have exams after that until next Thursday," I tell her, cheering internally when I enunciate all of that without stuttering. "And next Thursday is probably when I'm coming back. I'm not only going for my dad, you know, there's the rest of my family. My living family. Speaking of my living family, mum told me I'm starting to sound more American. And then my brother agreed with her. And when his wife heard what they're talking about, she agreed too."

I bet Theo would've agreed with them too.

She grins humorously at that last bit, but quickly composes herself. Which makes me wonder if I should collect myself too and stop talking so damn fast. "So you'll have to go home tonight?" She asks warily- I thought that was implied?

"Well... not exactly," I reply stupidly, "I mean, I don't have any tests tomorrow. I had one today and I'm gonna have two on Wednesday, but that's it. Why?"

"I was... just thinking..." I resist the urge to widen my eyes when she stands up on her toes all of a sudden, now exactly my height with her lips a mere millimeter from mine; I'm nearly embarrassed because I'm pretty sure she can feel my heartbeat even when our bodies aren't against each other. "You could stay with me?"

I'm almost distracted by the way her lips touch mine as she speaks, but I still manage to hear her words. And this time raise my brows at them. "U-uh, with you?"

"Sure. At my mom's house."

I nod, more as a sign that I understand her than an answer to her earlier question. "Um, yeah, that sounds alright. And since Harry drove us, Seth and I wouldn't have a ride, so..."

Freya leans back suddenly, now her eyebrows raised too. "Seth's here too?"

"Yeah, he's at the bar getting shit-faced because his girlfriend might be pregnant, but..." I shrug as I watch Freya, amused by how she widens her eyes at my answer. "I'll make sure to get him a cab or something. Don't worry."

I'm almost afraid she'd ask me to invite Seth too- he is my best friend, but he is absolutely the last person I'd want to sleep over in my home. He has to be the biggest pig I've met in my life. However, I am relieved when Freya nods.

"Okay," She nods again, "Now tell me about you. How've you been?"

I blink; I swear she just asked that? "Uh, I just told you?"

"Well, you told me about your roommate, and your family, and your best friend, but not yourself. Go on. Tell me how've you been."

I breathe out a laugh, looking down at our feet for a few seconds, trying to figure out what to tell her. "I-I've been good," Though I end up repeating my earlier answer. "Life is going good for now. Passing all my tests. The knee hasn't been a little bitch in a while. What about you, what's being 24 like?"

"Good, good, not that different from 23 so far," She nods, giving me a small grin before we fall into another silence. Once again, it's not an uncomfortable silence, but for some reason I just want to talk tonight.

"So, um... I hope you have like a, a guest room or something," I smile nervously, "I don't really like sofas. Or sofas don't like me. Either way, can't sleep on them. Hope I'm not being picky or anything-"

"Niall," She interrupts me, loud and slow so I'd stop talking all together. I press my lips together and gulp again when she lets go of my shoulders and put her arms around my neck, to pull me even closer to her than before. "You don't need a guest room."

I blink, multiple times to collect myself — but nothing is going to help me collect myself when she's standing so close to me, so close I can count the freckles on her cheeks and see all the different shades of blue in her eyes. "Uh, so, do you have a... a bed in your living room?"

Why am I being so damn awkward? Why am I acting like I've never had her face this close to mine before?

"No," She almost whispers, a smile growing on her face as she lifts her hand to my hair, "But I do have one in my bedroom."

I nod quickly, letting go of her waist and clenching my fists in a hopeless attempt to stop my palms from sweating so fucking much. I am nervous. I don't know why and I don't even care to find out, I just am. I'm nervous. I'm five seconds from either pissing myself or evaporating.

"So... we'll be sleeping in the same bed?"

Freya breathes out a laugh at my words, my voice shaky, making them vibrate on their way out of my mouth. I'm not even trying to get my shit together at this point. "You're saying that like we've never slept in the same bed before."

"I know, but..." I trail off, shrugging, hoping she'd understand what I'm trying to say. Even though I have no idea what I'm trying to say myself. "You know, we're... we're starting from scratch. And I feel like we should be doing everything differently."

She tilts her head to the side, and frowns slightly as if thinking about it, "I disagree," She shakes her head, her tone lighthearted. "We didn't do everything wrong. Some bits of our relationship were good."

"Like sleeping together?"

"Sure."

I chuckle at how casually she says the last word, but the sound comes out as more of a giggle. On the other hand though, I'm also relieved — it's been two months, and she hasn't changed her mind about me, or being with me. That sure as hell is a relief. "O-okay. Then we should... continue doing that."

Even if she'd wanted to do something, the sudden burst of laughter would've definitely stopped her. "I don't understand," She says, still laughing for some reason, "Why do you sound so nervous? It's just me. Freya. You were less nervous when your face was between my legs."

I'm more than sure she said that so bluntly just to see how I'd react — and sure enough, she's throwing her head back in laughter while I watch her wide-eyed and probably with a blush on my face. Not only am I nervous, I've apparently become Virgin Mary in a span of a minute. What a night.

"Yeah... yeah." And I don't even have an arrogant comeback. What a night.

"Honestly," She continues, grinning as she takes a few steps away from me, taking my hands in hers and not even flinching at the sweat. "Relax. I know I'm relaxed."

"Yeah, you sound relaxed too," I nearly choke the words out, trying to sound sarcastic but for some reason, my voice is still shaking and my hands are still sweating and I'm still not over the fact that I'm standing in front of her after what feels like decades. "You're... a whole different person."

Freya keeps watching me, with that weird glint in her eyes that I've seen only a couple times but know so well and, based on other things she's said so far, I'm expecting her to say 'you know what? I agree' or something cocky like that. I'm not saying she's a particularly cocky person, but who knows what's changed inside her brain. She might start wearing colors, for all I know.

"I'd ask you what's so different about me, but," She pauses to lick her lips, not at all starting out her sentence the way I'd expected her to, "But I've already asked other people who told me the same thing. And their responses were mostly 'fine', 'free', and 'fearless'."

I blink at her, as she's said all of that so quickly I'm barely wrapping my head around it, but when the words sink into my brain, I decide they make perfect sense. Fine. Because she got out of an unhealthy relationship and reunited with her family, she's fine. Free, because now, there's nothing that can stop her from living life the way she'd always wanted to. Not her age, time, nothing. Fearless, because she knows there's nothing that can stop her from living life the way she wants to. Perfect sense.

"Yeah, they were right," I agree quietly, looking away from her for a second. "Fine, free and fearless. It's like the holy trinity of feelings."

I look at her again, when I notice she's not saying anything, and just then she bursts into another laughing fit, after apparently holding the laughter inside her since the end of my sentence. "Dear God," She mutters with a wide smile, lifting her hand to ruffle my hair, "You're still such a nerd."

"Yeah," I squeeze my eyes shut until she removes her hand from my hair, and then give her an apologizing look. "Sorry about that."

Still grinning, Freya slides her hands from my shoulders to the collar of my shirt to pull me closer, and give me a two second kiss. Of course it's over before I'm even aware of it happening, and she's licking her lips with her face still an inch from mine, her face full of hesitation for some reason. I raise one eyebrow at her, my hands on her waist again and I'm actually surprised that I'm not losing my shit over what's just happened, considering I've been losing my shit over being around her all evening. She soon shakes her head, and I swear I heard her mutter 'oh, what the hell' right before kissing me again. And this time longer. Much longer.

Once I take a deep breath and force myself to not freak out now, I part my lips slightly to kiss her back and I just can't help but become a little nostalgic. Like, I used to have her like this all the time, and I never really appreciated it until now. Liked it, yes, enjoyed it, yes, but never really valued or treasured it. And of course I'm planning to start valuing and treasuring every moment with her, like this one, from now on. And of course I'm planning to have a whole lot of moments like this with her from now on.

Well, okay, maybe not exactly like this, as I currently have my tongue in her mouth in front of one hundred people, but the part where I'm kissing her. That I sure am planning to do as much as possible. Kiss her in public, kiss her in private, kiss her when we're dancing, kiss her when we're lazing around and watching a movie, kiss her while we're lying in bed at night when I'm suffering from insomnia because of my finals and she's had caffeinated green tea at one in the morning to stay up and keep me company.

Man, my plans for kissing her are bigger than my plans for my own damn future.

"Hey, so..." Freya pulls away after a minute, kissing the corner of my mouth and my cheek and basically all of the area around my lips- while I'm slowly starting to go into freak out mode. We're past small talk, everything she says now is crucial. Or maybe I should just calm down. "Are we, you know, does this mean we're back together now?"

I gulp while she continues pecking my face, and tighten my hold around her waist. This is definitely crucial and I'm definitely not freaking out. "Uh... I don't know, do you want to be together?"

"Dunno, do you?"

"Well if you want to-"

"I didn't say I want to."

"Do you?"

"Do you?"

I sigh when she starts giggling against my cheek, leaning her forehead against my shoulder soon after. I'm not even gonna deny that I didn't figure out she was messing with me at first. "Okay, that was fun."

"Mhm," She mumbles with a bright grin as she raises her head from my shoulder, placing a short kiss on my lips before quickly pulling away. "Now for real, are you my boyfriend or not? 'Cause I need to know what to tell my mother."

I initially raise my eyebrows, "Oh- oh. Okay. Okay, uh... okay, for that occasion, I'll be your boyfriend."

At first she glares at me, but fails to keep her annoyed expression when she smiles humorously at my words. "Alright. Come on then."

"Come o- what?" I frown, but widen my eyes a second later when she steps away from me, takes my hand and starts dragging me to the other side of the room. When I notice that most of the people on that side are middle aged- yeah, I've 100% gone into freak out mode.

"What- no!" I hiss, stopping and jerking my hand so she'd stop too. Freya stumbles back, her body colliding with mine as she gives me a startled and confused look. "I can't just- I can't just meet your mother!"

"Why the hell not?" She laughs lightly, turning toward me completely and starting to mess with my shirt. "You look good, you smell good, she knows you're the reason I came back. She'd be dying to meet you even if you came here dressed in a potato sack."

I breathe out a laugh out of nervousness — if I wasn't this anxious all of a sudden again I'd have a response of some sort, but now I can just give her my lost puppy look that's actually a plea to not take me to her damn mother. I don't know how many times I'm gonna say this, but she should seriously start giving me heads ups about these things.

"I can't- I- I-" Instead of finishing my sentence I just sigh; I don't think I had much to say anyway. Just a subtle request to stay where we are now. But I already know that ship has sailed.

"Come on," She tilts her head to the side, to point at the spot where her mum is- I can't even look in that direction. "She already saw us dancing. And I didn't see a look of disapproval on her face, so you're good."

"But it's your mum," I whine, throwing my head back and bouncing in my spot and basically acting like a goddamn five year old. If her mum saw this, then I definitely don't want to meet her now.

"And you're being an idiot," She whines back, the tone of her voice making me laugh reluctantly, "Come on, you're at my birthday party and you're my boyfriend. Those are good excuses at any age."

I sigh again, ready to come up with another argument but when I think about it, there won't be a better time than right now. I'm dressed up and for once I don't smell like pizza and exhaustion, I can't risk postponing it. "O-okay. Fucking hell, okay."

I ignore her sudden wide smile that I can see from the corner of my eye, and keep looking at the part of the room where she'd originally started dragging me to. It looks about twenty degrees hotter over there. Or I've already begun sweating like a pig.

"Yay!" I breathe out a laugh at her high-pitched cheer, and look down at her to see her grinning- what a sight, man. "Alright, let's-"

She's interrupted mid-sentence when someone taps her shoulder, and I recognize the blonde girl that had her arm around her before I asked her to dance. Her face holds a hard and not so pleased expression- but she might look like that because of her eyebrows. They're really thick and long. Such intimidating eyebrows.

"Can I talk to you for a second?" She asks quietly, and I immediately take notice of her British accent. It's funny how I came to the US and met almost more Brits than Americans.

For a moment they watch each other, Freya seeming a little stunned and the girl in front of her smoothing out her short navy blue dress, now legitimately looking angry. So it's not just the eyebrows. "Uh, yeah, sure," Freya says all of a sudden, snapping out of her thoughts apparently, but not sounding particularly happy about interacting with the blonde. She turns to me just before walking off and following her, "You go at the bar and see how Seth's doing, okay? I'll be right back."

She quickly kisses my cheek and is gone before I can even say anything, and after a few seconds of standing still and being beyond confused, I decide to drop it. I don't know what's the deal with the two of them, and I don't need to know. It's a girl, anyway.

A minute into standing in the middle of the room all by myself, I shake my head to clear my thoughts and start walking toward the bar where I'd left Seth earlier. Even if she hadn't told me to check up on him I would have — I simultaneously feel sorry for him and amused by the whole situation.

Sure enough, I spot him practically before even beginning to walk in the direction of the bar — he's not that hard to notice, anyway. A 6'5 tall wasted fraternity guy who has his upper body sprawled across the surface of the bar isn't a common occurrence around here, I suppose.

I shove my hands into my pockets and try to hold my laughter in, at least until I get to him. The only good thing about this is that I'm still not feeling embarrassed about having brought him here. "Enjoying the party?" I ask loudly, taking a seat next to him- all of the seats around him are free and I'm not surprised one bit.

He has his arm stretched out across the hard surface, his head laid on his forearm and he's facing me — although he's staring right through me. "What if-" He suddenly sits up, almost falling over because of his height, but he's unfazed as he places his left hand on his cheek to support his head. "What if she's just... pregnant. What if that's really what's going on. What if I fucked up and didn't keep us safe enough and she calls me in a few days time and just... she just... she just tells me she's carrying my baby."

Those didn't even sound like questions; it sounds like he's just saying everything out loud so it'd sink into his drunk brain. "Well," I shrug, my hands still in my pockets, "That wouldn't be the worst thing, right? I mean she's, she's pretty, and smart, and ambitious-"

"Yeah, ambitious," He cuts me off, nodding to himself and seeming even more devastated than before. "Ambitious. Do you know how ambitious she actually is, Niall? Do you know all the things she's planned out for herself? Get into college, be a Programming major, be a Philosophy minor, learn two foreign languages in the next three years, visit all seven continents before she's 25, start a charity for the homeless in all of US, participate in the Olympics next year, develop on-board flight software for NASA space programs. Oh, and she also wants to own an apartment in Manhattan."

He pauses for a second, while I'm just sitting in my stool, frozen. Completely frozen. He's just sitting there, downing his cherry vodka, and I'm over here thinking — he has a girl that's absolutely out of this world- out of this universe, and he's, he's just- he's sitting and getting wasted because she might be carrying his child. I would be dancing on the goddamn bar if someone like her had my spermatozoon in their egg cell.

"Look, uh..." I begin, hoping I'd come up with something he'd like to hear, but I just can't. I can't even force anything out. I just cannot. "Okay, I don't know what you're complaining about. I mean, she's smart, she's stunning, she's fucking brilliant, man, what's your-"

"I wasn't complaining!" He interrupts me, laughing, although he doesn't sound like he finds anything funny. "I-I'm happy that she's smart and ambitious and has fucking da Vinci's IQ, I... I wasn't complaining. I'm not complaining. As far as I'm concerned, I'd be elated if I had a kid with her."

I blink once, twice, several times and end up looking away from him, accidentally giving the bartender a weird look and having him do a double take at me. I quickly take a deep breath, pretending like nothing just happened and I don't know why he's looking at me, and avert my eyes to Seth again. "Okay," I say again, even slower this time. "Then... now I'm really confused."

To my surprise, Seth starts laughing once again, with no humor in his voice. "Don't you get it?" He gives me a desperate look, looking a little sad when it's accompanied by his humorless smile. "If she wants to do all of those things, being pregnant and having a baby is most likely the last thing she would want now."

He opens his mouth to say something else, but ends up pressing his lips together and playing with the shot glasses in front of him. The sight just got sadder. "I mean, if-if she wanted an abortion, am I supposed to just be fine with it?"

"Well," I look around, shrugging a little uncomfortably. "It... it is her body, after all. She should do whatever she wants."

"But I'm the father! I should have a saying in-"

"You're not the one who would be carrying it around for nine months and pushing it through a two inch hole in the end," I cut him off, loudly. "It wouldn't affect your life as much as it'd affect hers. That's why her decision should be final."

Seth rolls his eyes, resting his head in his hand again. Are you pulling your feminist pro-choice crap on me?"

"I'm just saying," I decide to ignore his question, "Don't get your hopes up. She might not even be pregnant. And if she is pregnant, remember it's because you fucked up. I'm sorry, pal, you fucked up and you gave her the fetus against her will. She didn't want a baby, you know that. It was an accident and she doesn't owe it to you to keep it."

I clench my fists and make a mental note to get an ice cold beer when I'm done talking to this chimp — talking about women's rights just gets me so worked up. "I know you won't like it if she decides to get an abortion, but don't try changing her mind or guilt tripping her into keeping it. It's... not right. One beer, please."

"You know, I get what you're saying," He says, sitting up, "But I just... like, if it was any other woman, I'd be thinking like that too. If this was Freya and you, I'd be telling you the same exact thing."

He stops all of a sudden and bursts into a laughing fit, sounding like he has life in him for the first time, as I choke on my first gulp of the beer. If this was Freya and you- yeah, let's not go too far. "Uh-um, you- you wouldn't have to be telling me." I pause for a second to wipe my chin, making him laugh all over again. "Because I obviously already know it."

"It's just..." I look up at Seth, feeling free to try and drink my beer again, to see him rocking himself from side to side. "You think about it differently when it's you. It's not that easy when it's happening to you. You're talking to me in facts right now, and I'm thinking with my feelings. It's... just not easy."

I raise my brows at him, saddened all over again when he lays his head on his forearm again, pouting as he stares off into the distance. "It's my baby," He mumbles, "My little one. Well, it's not gonna be that little if it's mine, let's be honest."

I snort at his comment at the end, right before feeling a hand on my shoulder — and sure enough, when I look behind, there's Freya. "Hey, I'm done," She kisses my cheek, a little out of breath. "Shall we? Hi Seth."

"Hi Freya," Seth responds to her greeting before I can, and I accidentally notice him looking her up and down a couple times, his eyes lingering on her face at the end. "Happy birthday. You look hot."

"Thank you," She beams, trying to sound modest. What a cutie. "Ready?" I blink at her voice, as she takes my hand and pulls me off my stool, causing my hands to start sweating again. God dammit, how am I supposed to introduce myself to her mother if my hand feels like I've just dunked it into water?

"Yeah, I am," I tell her, ignoring my thoughts as I get off my stool, glancing at Seth one last time before I leave to make sure he's gonna be okay. He doesn't exactly look like it, but I'm sure there would be at least a minor chaos if something happened to a 6'5 tall person.

"Why do you smell like cherry?"

"Long story," I shake my head, a little amused by her question but the feeling vanishes when I notice a group of older people not far from us. "Okay, tell me who she is. Tell me who she is!"

"Will you calm down?!" Freya hisses back, elbowing me in the side. "The red dress."

I start nodding slowly, and then more confidently when I spot the only woman in a red dress. I scan her face from afar, and note that Harry and Freya must have gotten the curly hair from her. And heart-shaped lips. And youthful faces, honestly, she doesn't look a day over 30 and her daughter just turned 24.

"Hey, mo- mom?" Freya calls when we're three feet from the group, and I gulp nervously and let go of her hand, to straighten my shirt and just keep my hands occupied. The woman turns in our direction and, yeah, if I don't die from a heart attack now, I never will. "Uh, this is- this is Niall."

"Hi," I force a smile and extend my hand, thought her smiling face goes a little blank at her daughter's words, and then even more expressionless when she turns to me.

"Niall?" She glances at Freya once more, to make sure she heard her well, before widening her eyes. Okay. If she shook my hand and her face showed any emotion it'd definitely slow down my sweating.

She abruptly turns around to leave her glass of champagne on the bar, nearly breaking it in the process, and a second later her arms are around me, not only shocking me, but also Freya and even the people she was talking to. I place my hands on her mid back as she's got hers tightly around my neck- well, this isn't bad at all. The fact that she's clearly the one Freya got her good looks from is helping too.

"Thank you," She whispers in my ear, placing her hand on the back of my head, "For bringing me my baby back. Thank you."

My lips part at her words, and I barely find it in me to give her a nod as a response. This is almost overwhelming. My hands are still sweating, but in a good way. My mind is still racing, but none of the disastrous thoughts are cluttering my head. Suddenly I don't even know what I was so afraid of.

"You're welcome," I mumble back, rubbing her back up and down a few times before pulling away, hardly containing my smile as I put my arm around Freya — never having felt prouder to do that.

*******

"So, what do you think?"

"I like it," I nod determinedly, my hands in my pocket as I scan the small, but cozy room. White walls, a pull out couch and lots of posters of bands I've never heard about. Cozy. "This is like... your girl cave."

Freya breathes out a laugh as she leaves her jacket on the armchair in the corner of the room, then approaches me in just that crop top and high waisted skirt. "Not quite," She says, sneaking her arms around my waist, "I've had more boys up here than girls."

I raise my brows and let out a small laugh, right before she lifts herself up on her bare toes to reach my lips with her own. I bring my hands to her cheeks, trying not to wonder how many boys she's actually had here. And trying even harder not to be bothered by the possible number. That wouldn't be very feminist of me.

"Mm, I'm gonna go brush my teeth," She pauses to peck my lips, "And take my make up off- and you can get comfortable. Look around, if you like. Or just go to sleep if you're tired."

Still smiling I nod, giving her a quick kiss one last time before she spins around swiftly, and strolls over to the bathroom. I start awkwardly walking around her bedroom, already feeling comfortable and not sleepy at all, which leaves inspecting her room and finding out what she liked at 16 the only thing I can do.

"Uh, so..." I tilt my head to the side as I look over the countless posters on the walls, thankful she left the bathroom door open. "You listen to a lot of indie music," I state awkwardly, recognizing only half of the people in the pictures. There's The Kooks, The Killers, Vampire Weekend, Bon Iver- even Arctic Monkeys. The rest I recognize the names of — only because the names are written in the corners.

"Mhm," She responds and I can't see her, but I can hear that her mouth is full of toothpaste.

"How come you don't have a poster of The 1975?"

"They didn't exist while I still lived here. Well, they did, but they didn't have any music released."

I nod again, dropping my head to look at something else. And almost choke on my own breath when the first thing I lay eyes on, happens to be a picture of her with her best friend. The dead best friend. Allison.

"Hey, what're you doing?" Freya chirps, walking out of the bathroom, and I quickly look away from the picture. I noted her and Allison in it, but there's also a boy, about their age, who looks freakishly familiar to me. I'm not gonna bring her up now, though, no way. No way am I making her sad on her birthday by talking about Allison.

"Nothing, just... looking." I move to the showcase, taking out the first thing within reach. "What's... what's this?" I ask, holding a thin notebook kind of thingy, flipping the pages and only noticing short questions with short answers, along with pictures of shapes on the last few pages. "Seriously, what is this?"

"That's an IQ test I got offered to do at school," Freya replies, standing somewhere behind me. "I mean, not just me, my whole grade did. It was pretty-"

"One hundred and sixty fucking six?" I shout once again, upon noting the number written in a box next to her full name on the first page- I really shouldn't have had that Red Bull at her party. "Your IQ score when you were... fucking seventeen years old was 166?!"

"Yes, and it's probably dropped to 136 now."

"You're kidding me, right?" I continue, flipping the pages again and actually reading the questions along with her answers to them. "Mine is 136 now."

"That's still high-"

"A hundred and sixty-six is way higher."

"If it means anything, Kirsten's score is like three hundred or something."

"Oh, yeah," I smile sarcastically; I'm not saying it's impossible for Kirsten of the exceptional brainiac family to have an IQ of 300, but it's kinda hard to believe. "That makes me feel a lot better."

"It should, Harry's been with her for five years and his is 130," She tells me, actually making me snort at that last part. That in fact does make me feel a little better. "Okay, leave it now."

"I can't, Freya, this is- this is unbelievable."

"Niall."

"I'm not kidding, I've never met-"

"Niall."

"-anyone whose score is above mine, let alone-"

"Niall, look at me."

I blink at the tone of her voice and without giving it much thought, I turn around to see why she wants me to leave it alone so bad — just in time to spot her stepping out of the high waisted skirt she'd been wearing until a minute ago, and pushing it next to the crop top that's also on the floor. Which means she's standing there, just a few feet from me, in nothing but underwear. Matching underwear. Black with lilac lace. Cute.

"Um..." I feel my hands starting to sweat all over again as I hold the few papers in my hand, and suddenly, it doesn't matter. It doesn't fucking matter that she has Einstein's brain. It doesn't matter that she's had it since she was a teenager. Nothing matters. She's standing in front of me in nothing but underwear for the first time after ten weeks and nothing fucking matters.

Not paying much attention to how nervous she's making me, she casually pulls out the few hair pins she's had in her hair, having it fall down in the familiar mess of curls that I actually missed seeing so much. "I told you to leave it," She mumbles, strolling over to me, and returning the paper to its previous place as she takes it from me. She keeps looking me in the eyes, and her originally blank face becomes a little amused when she starts seeing how fidgety she's actually making me. Even though she's trying to hide it.

"Come on," Freya says quietly, "Relax. Touch me."

I raise my eyebrows, completely taken aback as I watch her completely still face. I'm starting to feel the same way I felt while I danced with her at her birthday party. And our positions aren't that different either; we're standing in front of each other, watching each other... only we're all alone in her room and she's two tiny pieces of clothing away from being bare naked.

"T-touch you?" I raise my brows even higher, "For real?"

"Yes," She laughs, taking my hands but before she can put them on any part of herself, I intertwine our fingers — and she goes with it. "Remember when you were the one forcing me to let you touch me?"

"With all due respect," I start instantly but pause to lick my lips, when she freely leans forward to attach her lips to my neck. "I never forced you into doing anything. I always asked first."

"And then nagged me until I let you."

"Well..." I look around and shrug in a couple moments later, "Okay, I'll give you that. I was a boring person. I still am."

"I disagree," She mumbles, and not even at this point does it look like she's going to weed out the shyness that unexpectedly enveloped my whole entire existence. "I'm the boring one now."

"You're not boring, you just-" I cut myself off when she loops her fingers in the front of my pants, pulling me toward her as she starts walking backwards. In the direction of her bed. Okay. "What-what are you doing? What are we doing?"

"The only thing we haven't done."

I gulp loudly and barely fight off the urge to do something stupid. Such as passing out at her response. "Sex?" I mumble, just to make sure, and feel her giggle against my left shoulder.

"Yes."

"While your mum and step-dad and two brothers are just down the hallway?"

"Who cares? They all like you."

"Okay, wait," I unclench my fists that were holding me back from touching her, and finally place my hands on her waist — while she's already unbuckling my belt. Okay. "Freya, listen-"

"If you're gonna talk," She interrupts me, catching me off guard as she spins us around quickly and pushes me down on the her bed- how many more times am I gonna think okay before I realize this is definitely not okay? "At least say the right words."

She climbs on top of me, pulling my pants down to my knees- but I quickly lift my hands to hers to try and stop her, even though I'm becoming hopeless at this point. "I... I need to tell you something-"

"Shh," She leans down to place a kiss on my lips, while I'm being eaten away by guilt. Just now I'm realizing why I've been so nervous and anxious and reserved and sweaty the entire evening — guilt. The more intimate we get, the guiltier I feel. Because of what I did while we were separated. "Everything can wait."

"No, this really can't-"

"You said it yourself," She mutters in my ear, "We're starting from scratch. Nothing from before is important now. And even if it is, it's not more important than what we're doing now, right?"

I hope she still has that same mindset later.

*******

tbh if i didn't care for grammar and spelling and punctuation my chapters would look like tumblr text posts

six and a half thousand words long text posts

that's 10 pages

haha

ha

why do i like making myself cry